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Ex has a new gf

Ex has a new gf

Postby EleanorRigby » Wed Oct 26, 2016 7:47 am

So this is something I've talked everyone in my personal life's ear off about. This has not been a fun week for anyone around me I'm sure lol!

So my ex and I were together for around 3.5 years. Around November of 2015 we went on a "break" and then finally called it off in February. The reason being because he was slowly turning into a shitty boyfriend and it wasn't getting better, just worse. Among other things. However we have remained in contact because he sells me weed (tbh lol) and he would periodically make attempts to be "friends" or to get me back. He told me the reason he acted the way he did when we were together was bc he was depressed. We'd hang out sometimes and I'd give him rides, that kinda thing. About a month ago he lashed out at me for seemingly no reason, and soon after I noticed he was seeing this girl. So I'm guessing that was some kind of way to deflect.

Last week I picked him up from work, took him through the drive thru, took him home to get clothes, and then to his friends house. Nowhere in the time we have a perfectly pleasant interaction did he mention this girl. Who days later he went Facebook official with. I'm having a very hard time with this, despite the fact I never expressed interest wanted to take him back all this time. I now have him blocked on everything so he can't message me on any platform. I'm also obviously not going to be buying weed from him. Now that I've done this, I'm realizing that there's a reason that all this time I have still wanted him in my life even if we only talked once a week. I could have cut him off like this month's ago, and I didn't. I didn't move on for a reason. I'm not putting myself out there for a reason. And apparently even tho he's the one who kept expressing interest in working on things, he's the one moving on already??

I know that we "broke up" in February, but I never really mourned the relationship because he was still in my life. As is his family. His friends have been messaging me expressing that they essentially hate this girl and she's the opposite of me. She doesn't seem like his type at all. I want to text him and ask him how he doesn't love me anymore? How the fuck can he be with her and not be thinking of me? I have so many questions that I'm scared to ask and Idk if I even should. It's my fault for not wanting him back I suppose. Maybe I don't. But I do love him.. I just don't see how he doesn't love me anymore.
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Re: Ex has a new gf

Postby Pingupingu2 » Thu Oct 27, 2016 12:47 am

EleanorRigby wrote:So this is something I've talked everyone in my personal life's ear off about. This has not been a fun week for anyone around me I'm sure lol!

So my ex and I were together for around 3.5 years. Around November of 2015 we went on a "break" and then finally called it off in February. The reason being because he was slowly turning into a shitty boyfriend and it wasn't getting better, just worse. Among other things. However we have remained in contact because he sells me weed (tbh lol) and he would periodically make attempts to be "friends" or to get me back. He told me the reason he acted the way he did when we were together was bc he was depressed. We'd hang out sometimes and I'd give him rides, that kinda thing. About a month ago he lashed out at me for seemingly no reason, and soon after I noticed he was seeing this girl. So I'm guessing that was some kind of way to deflect.

Last week I picked him up from work, took him through the drive thru, took him home to get clothes, and then to his friends house. Nowhere in the time we have a perfectly pleasant interaction did he mention this girl. Who days later he went Facebook official with. I'm having a very hard time with this, despite the fact I never expressed interest wanted to take him back all this time. I now have him blocked on everything so he can't message me on any platform. I'm also obviously not going to be buying weed from him. Now that I've done this, I'm realizing that there's a reason that all this time I have still wanted him in my life even if we only talked once a week. I could have cut him off like this month's ago, and I didn't. I didn't move on for a reason. I'm not putting myself out there for a reason. And apparently even tho he's the one who kept expressing interest in working on things, he's the one moving on already??

I know that we "broke up" in February, but I never really mourned the relationship because he was still in my life. As is his family. His friends have been messaging me expressing that they essentially hate this girl and she's the opposite of me. She doesn't seem like his type at all. I want to text him and ask him how he doesn't love me anymore? How the fuck can he be with her and not be thinking of me? I have so many questions that I'm scared to ask and Idk if I even should. It's my fault for not wanting him back I suppose. Maybe I don't. But I do love him.. I just don't see how he doesn't love me anymore.


I don't wanna give you false hopes hun but...sometimes boys are stupid enough to start a relationship with a girl they don't even like to bare with the pain of a breakup. As you didn't express any interest in working on things, he probably though he lost you and he's trying to deal with the pain by having another relationship.
I have seen this on two ocassions, one of them being my best friend the "victim". Let me tell you about it so you can relate to it and it may help you...

My best friend (lets call her L) had been dating his boyfriend (T) for 2 years at the time. They had broken up a few times for stupid reasons but it was never serious, they'd work things out and get together in like 2 days or so. This last time they broke up it was summer, and L went on vacation to another country, T staying home. They had a big fight that time but I think my friend wasn't worried at all because she though T would take her back anytime, he was always the one who gave the first step to get together again. But when L came back from holidays (around two weeks), T had been flirting with a girl who we were CONVINCED he didn't even like . She just wasn't his type, she was the absolute opposite (literally...both fisically and personality-wise) from my friend, and left L very, very confused.
Two weeks and a half went by with L trying to be strong and acting like she didn't care until she finally just broke down, when she asked T "but do you really love this girl more than you love me?" and he replied "No...", we were all like "of course not, dude. You don't even like her.".
They had a long, looooooooong chat and he didn't take her back until almost a month later (this time being L who had to basically beg him), but it was so freaking obvious he was with the other girl to try to fill a gap in this heart.

Hope this helps...if you want to know more about the story, or want to talk to my friend or anything please tell me and I'll try to help <3
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Re: Ex has a new gf

Postby Mazement » Thu Oct 27, 2016 1:33 am

I agree with pingu (something I never thought I'd say? Haha) this screams rebound/let's make her jealous to me.

I would advise that before acting, maybe decide what you want..do you want to get back together with him? If yes, you should tell him how you feel, if no, you need to take time away from him to mourn the relationship and move on. If I'm honest, it kind of sounds like you ARE going through that process at the moment. It's never an easy one, unfortunately.

I honestly don't think he doesn't love you anymore...but eventually he (and you for that matter) had to get out of limbo and this girl seems to be how he decided to do it? I hope all that didn't come across too harsh, it wasn't supposed to!
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Re: Ex has a new gf

Postby sadie » Thu Oct 27, 2016 5:01 am

If you get back together you're gonna have it in the back of your mind all the time that he was fucking another girl in between your relationship finishing and restarting. Maybe that doesn't bother you, but personally it would drive me crazy lol. (Been there)
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Re: Ex has a new gf

Postby Pingupingu2 » Thu Oct 27, 2016 5:10 am

sadie wrote:If you get back together you're gonna have it in the back of your mind all the time that he was fucking another girl in between your relationship finishing and restarting. Maybe that doesn't bother you, but personally it would drive me crazy lol. (Been there)


This is also very true. My friend I talked about before often has this moments where she gets really bad anxiety about what happened, it's just too painful for her to remember (it happened in august 2014). But...thats how it is, I guess...
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Re: Ex has a new gf

Postby EleanorRigby » Thu Oct 27, 2016 7:37 am

You guys are saints!! All advice is so welcome. Sound as harsh as you please I don't mind at all. I mean this is the longest relationship either of us have ever been in, and the only serious relationship for both of us. So all of this is still a new process for me unfortunately. He has a LOT of faults, but so do I. And in a lot of ways we are a lot alike. I tried to move on, kind of. But never really could because I still loved him. Which I assumed was because we still talked fairly regularly. Which neither of us ever really made an attempt to stop either because we want to be in each others lives. And honestly I'd probably be with someone just like him if I did move on. Someone into the same things and with a similar personality. So that makes me wonder why he's with someone who apparently never shuts up and is "super annoying" and a "crazy type" according to his friends.. Who are all just like him tbh.

Thank you so much!! That story actually 100% helps. I've already reached out to him about how I'm feeling.. We are texting now. He did tell me he still loves me and that he always will. And essentially that he tried for a long time to get me back and I didn't want him and so he moved on. I told him I was just trying to make myself lose feelings by acting like I didn't care. Then he had to go to work meh but he claims he will respond later.

I'm so confused. Because on one hand I talked shit on his faults for so long. Partially because it was true and also partially because I wanted to make myself numb go it so I wouldn't care anymore. But on the other hand, I don't want to have that new relationship shit all over again with someone else.. I don't want to learn about someone else or do life things with someone else. And I don't want this girl to take over MY life. Hell I have plans to hang out with his little sister at his damn house next week. She and I have matching tattoos. I work for his mother. She still has our prom pics hanging up at work. Like.. I literally can't cut them out of my life. I mean I won't lie. Obviously seeing him with this girl triggered me wanting him back. I guess I'm just trying to make sure that if he DOES give me another chance, that I won't regret it either. I don't think that I will if he and I had a talk about what we need to work on and what the future looks like. Honestly.

It wouldn't bother me because TMI I kinda hope she teaches him a thing or two LOL. It makes me sick to think about but if he's gonna be with someone else I want him to learn what a shit bf he was in some ways. And I know I should get out and have more experiences and relationships or whatever. My friends keep saying Oh but it was your only real relationship there's so many fish in the sea etc etc! Which.. I know. But I don't necessarily care about that. I dated in HS and breakups suck. I don't see myself dating or sleeping around, not that there's anything wrong with that. I feel like my next relationship will probably be long term too. I'm such an awkward, closed off person. It takes me a long time to open up. And I'm not interested in being with someone who doesn't like the same things as I do.

Wow sorry that's long. Dx

Edit: I forgot to mention. His one friend was talking to me about this girl and mentioned that he's only nice to her because she can get their band better venues thru her mom. They take their band very seriously.. So. Js.
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Re: Ex has a new gf

Postby Pingupingu2 » Thu Oct 27, 2016 10:18 am

So that makes me wonder why he's with someone who apparently never shuts up and is "super annoying" and a "crazy type" according to his friends.. Who are all just like him tbh.

Girl are you sure you're not my best friend talking about what happened two years ago :lol: :lol: This chick was the most annoying crazy unestable girl I've ever seen. She literally would laugh out loud at anything and the next 5 minutes would start crying. Also, she was super childlish, wasn't the guys type AT ALL. I'm now 99'99% sure your ex is with this girl JUST to make you jealous/to try to move on/not expend his time thinking about you (and his heart aching)

He did tell me he still loves me and that he always will.


There you go. My friends bf told her "You know you're always gonna be my babe" and "I still think you as the mother of my future children". So.

I guess I'm just trying to make sure that if he DOES give me another chance, that I won't regret it either. I don't think that I will if he and I had a talk about what we need to work on and what the future looks like. Honestly.


You'll have to see :) The best way to work things out is to talk about them! Every couple has things to work on, no couple is perfect...talk about what you don't like about each other and try to change it, a relationship has to be worked on and it's normal to have differences.

I don't see myself dating or sleeping around, not that there's anything wrong with that. I feel like my next relationship will probably be long term too. I'm such an awkward, closed off person. It takes me a long time to open up. And I'm not interested in being with someone who doesn't like the same things as I do.


I can completely relate to you...I've only had one relationship. Which is my current partner. And I just can't imagine myself being with other people...Had I not met him I'd be single (and a virgin, sorry if its TMI) for life :lol:
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Re: Ex has a new gf

Postby EleanorRigby » Sat Oct 29, 2016 11:22 am

Pingupingu2 wrote:
So that makes me wonder why he's with someone who apparently never shuts up and is "super annoying" and a "crazy type" according to his friends.. Who are all just like him tbh.

Girl are you sure you're not my best friend talking about what happened two years ago :lol: :lol: This chick was the most annoying crazy unestable girl I've ever seen. She literally would laugh out loud at anything and the next 5 minutes would start crying. Also, she was super childlish, wasn't the guys type AT ALL. I'm now 99'99% sure your ex is with this girl JUST to make you jealous/to try to move on/not expend his time thinking about you (and his heart aching)

He did tell me he still loves me and that he always will.


There you go. My friends bf told her "You know you're always gonna be my babe" and "I still think you as the mother of my future children". So.

I guess I'm just trying to make sure that if he DOES give me another chance, that I won't regret it either. I don't think that I will if he and I had a talk about what we need to work on and what the future looks like. Honestly.


You'll have to see :) The best way to work things out is to talk about them! Every couple has things to work on, no couple is perfect...talk about what you don't like about each other and try to change it, a relationship has to be worked on and it's normal to have differences.

I don't see myself dating or sleeping around, not that there's anything wrong with that. I feel like my next relationship will probably be long term too. I'm such an awkward, closed off person. It takes me a long time to open up. And I'm not interested in being with someone who doesn't like the same things as I do.


I can completely relate to you...I've only had one relationship. Which is my current partner. And I just can't imagine myself being with other people...Had I not met him I'd be single (and a virgin, sorry if its TMI) for life :lol:


Idk.. I'm not hopeful. I told him I couldn't be friends with him when he's with her and he really didn't fight me on it. He did tell me he will always care about me and that "this doesn't have to be a goodbye conversation". But he's not saying much else. So he obviously wants her. He knows it's not fair to beg me. I told him I'm "going to block his number and he said okay, I guess". So I guess I'll just.. Let it go. It's my stupid fault for not taking him back that entire year. Now he moved on.
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Re: Ex has a new gf

Postby CypKitty » Thu Nov 17, 2016 4:05 am

I know this is a few weeks late, But I've just had a messy break up. Horrible and wouldn't wish this guy to be with my worst enemy.

If he wanted you then he would've expressed it and showed it, simple as that
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