Forgiveness

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Chevbowlyn
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Re: Forgiveness

Unread post by Chevbowlyn »

cakewalked wrote:I'm trying to find a way to forgive my ex, an abuser.
We've been broken up since June. We're both dating other people and are not on talking terms, never will be. He never admitted or even acknowledged what he did to me, which has been the hardest part. I can't stand that. He denies everything and doesn't take responsibility.
In my heart I know I have to forgive him or I will never move on. I still get nightmares and anxiety attacks about it. I'm told it is PTSD. I have a lot of support around me but it is really hard sometimes. I just can't find a way to forgive him. Even if I don't tell him, I need to make peace with myself. I need to forgive myself for letting it happen and forgive him for doing it to me. But I just can't.
If you truly want to forgive him, then you will. It doesn't have to be now, in the next few months, or even in the next few years... Eventually you will forgive if that is truly what you want. Forgiveness also doesn't automatically mean you have to forget.
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gypsophila
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Re: Forgiveness

Unread post by gypsophila »

You don't have to forgive him to move on with your life. Whatever he did was wrong, and was not your fault, it was something deeply wrong inside him. You're not responsible for his actions, he is. You're only responsible for your own life and thoughts. It may take a very long time to stop feeling the fear, or the anger. Work on you, and moving forward. Seek help if you need it. There are ways of helping to reach "letting go". If you're suffering from PTSD, then you should talk to a doctor and a therapist.
“Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.”- Buddha
gypsophila
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Re: Forgiveness

Unread post by gypsophila »

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I think whatever works for you is what's best. Using prayer is fine if it helps you. Same with meds and therapy.

Take up yoga. Try art therapy. Try many different things. There's no one right way to find healing. Everyone is different in what works for them. Some things help bridge the gap, and eventually time goes by and you notice things are getting better. Just the fact that you are trying to help yourself is a major step. It's the most important thing. Don't give up. You deserve to be happy, and have the life you want.
“Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.”- Buddha
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Re: Forgiveness

Unread post by Guest »

My mum gave me some advice for a situation somewhat like yours that worked well for me...

Write a letter. Write down literally everything you wish you'd said to him in the past, everything you'd say to him if you saw him again now and even what you'd like to be able to say to future people who come into his life. When you've finished the letter and have nothing else left in your mind to say, burn it.

When she told me this advice, I thought it was silly and wouldn't work, but when I'd put everything out there on paper, a massive weight was lifted off of me. Give it a go! It can't hurt! Whatever you decide to do, I hope that you'll feel ok with it all soon :love2:
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Re: Forgiveness

Unread post by gypsophila »

I think doing the letter thing might bring you some closure. That might also make the nightmares go away. <3
“Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.”- Buddha
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