Feeling bad, but not bad enough...

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TaylorKnows

Feeling bad, but not bad enough...

Unread post by TaylorKnows »

I feel like a terrible person. I was babysat by this girl when I was young and she became a part of our family. She's gone on trips with us, has spent holidays with us and even my actual family knows her and often asks about her at events. In return I also, in return, got to know her parents very well, along with her grandma who sadly passed on just shortly after I got the chance to know her. As I got older, we started hanging out on a more personal level and would go out 1x1. But she also began taking me for granted. She knows no boundaries, will constantly come to my house, wake me up and then get mad when I get mad at her for it. She's hurt my feelings several times and has said I'm being a drama queen. Last year I spent money on tickets to take her to a show. I got the flu and couldn't go, but gave her the tickets and said go with someone else. She fell asleep and forgot to go and acted like it was no big deal. Once she even changed our plans, invited another friend of hers I cannot stand and then expected me to pay. She's a lot older than me and acts like my problems are nothing (I went through hard high school years, as do many, and once when I tried to talk to her about it she said "What sob story do you have now?" as if it didn't matter). She still acts like a teenager, isn't responsible. Her relationships are so childish. She blames me if our plans fall through, even though I text her and try to get ahold of her and she ignores it. I've tried cutting her out several times but I just can't because my dad idolizes her and thinks she's great and my mom doesn't know how to cut her out of our lives, so she's in our lives forever. I've just tried to be nice and act friendly, but then she'll do something and make me hate her all over again. She has done nice stuff for me, she's taken me to great shows, concerts, always goes all out for my birthday and holidays, but then expects that to make up for when she's a lousy friend. I'm not one to think that gifts=friendship. I feel like I'm the only one that ever puts effort into our "friendship".

Well as I said, I've gotten to know her parents, including her dad who's watched me grow up. He's older and has a lot of health issues. He's been in and out of the hospital and today they were told that he's only using 10% of his heart, he's so weak and I feel so bad for him, he's such a kind, sweet man. They're transferring him to a bigger hospital, but I think everyone knows the outcome. I feel bad for him and I do feel bad that his family is going to lose him, I wouldn't wish it on anyone to lose a parent. I also will be sad, because he was always so nice to me and my family. But on the other hand, I really don't feel up to being around my "friend" when this happens. I don't feel like consoling her and I don't feel like helping her get through this because honestly, she's treated me like crap. I feel bad that she's losing her dad, but I also feel bad that I don't want to be there for her. I don't think she deserves it. I really don't. I know it's not the same, but when I was suicidal and was trying to tell her how bad things were, she wasn't there for me. When I was fighting with my own dad when he was being a huge jerk, she took up for him, each and every time. She'll do the same to my mom and my dad isn't the nicest guy. And it's wrong, but I'm praying the wake is on a night I have to work and since it's a new job, I wouldn't be asking for the night off...and I'm assuming the funeral will be during the school day. I feel like a terrible person, but I'm sick of being there for her, when she's never there for me. This is such a huge thing and I know she'll want me to swoop in like I've done before, but I don't think I can this time, even though this situation is worse than any other one she's been in. She's almost 28 years old, I'm 18. I know this may change the way she looks at me forever and it may even piss off my own father, but I just don't think I can do it this time. I feel awful about her dad and I'm going to miss him, but not bad enough to where I feel like I'm going to be there. I know this is about him, but going, it will be about her and I just can't do that. I feel like I can privately pray and give my respects to him, but I just don't think I can be around her while she's going through this.

And I feel like a bitch for all of this. I just had to get it off my chest. I've told my mom some of this (outside me not wanting to attend the wake or funeral, I know that that's just something I'll have to bring up when the time comes) and she understands, she even says she sort of feels the same way since this girl treats her similarly. End long rant.
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Re: Feeling bad, but not bad enough...

Unread post by busybuyingbins »

i get what you feel.
i'm really sorry that you have to go through it but honestly you're doing the right thing.

i went through a situation sorta similar. actually a couple times.
one of them was my best friend, she was one of my only friends in middle school because that was a really tough and dark time in my life so i didn't have many friends.
but we always were together and after a while i got really sick of her, she was getting so annoying and was always at my house. i could never be alone and not have her around.
i always treated her nice and bought her things and did things for her. she rarely returned the favor and then when high school came around i made a bunch of new friends and rarely talked to her.
then after a while i started to talk to her and i should have never done that. we became best friends again and then we went to different schools after 2 years and she would only talk to me when she wanted something.
if i invited her somewhere she would flake every single time and it was for important things too. like it was so annoying. then after high school was over i rarely talked to her but yet again she would only call when she wanted to and complain about her shitty life. i had a lot of troubles with my dad and she rarely cared but she always fought with her dad (which it was just her being a straight up bitch) i HAD to be there for her. i mean i had actual problems with my dad and she didn't. i don't want to seem rude but it's the truth.
then after so long of dealing with her only being my friend when she wanted i was tired of it. she started talking to me again around my birthday and then said happy birthday to me.
but then a few months later it was her birthday and i completely ignored her and didn't say anything.
we have not talked since when she texted me on my birthday.
it was honestly one of the best things ever. she was so toxic and i felt awful for not saying happy birthday and i kept going back and forth but i realized i don't need her in my life.
you just need to cut ties with shitty people.

(sorry this turned into a rant of my own! haha)
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TaylorKnows

Re: Feeling bad, but not bad enough...

Unread post by TaylorKnows »

That actually makes me feel a tad better!
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Re: Feeling bad, but not bad enough...

Unread post by busybuyingbins »

i'm serious don't even let it bring you down. i know that at first it's not great but you're going to be much happier and better off if you just cut ties with her.
hope all goes well for you :)
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Re: Feeling bad, but not bad enough...

Unread post by TaylorKnows »

On another note of feeling bad but not bad enough, I just laid into my mom again for being at fault for me not qualifying for financial aid. She knows what she's needed to do and she's known since May. I feel bad because I know she's not doing it to be mean but at the same time, I need the money.
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Re: Feeling bad, but not bad enough...

Unread post by busybuyingbins »

financial aid is one of the biggest pains in my ass. dealing with financial aid will be the death of me oh god.
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Re: Feeling bad, but not bad enough...

Unread post by TaylorKnows »

I can't even get a loan without their help...it's so frustrating. College are so frustrating. So now my mom and I are fighting and she's got an attitude with me for being right. Thank you college. I also guarantee they won't do this to my brother. I am the guenie pig child after all.

I wish a rich millionaire would just drop a mag bag money on me...it'd make my life ten times easier. But no, all I got dropped on me today was a berry that a bird threw at me from a tree I was sitting under.
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Re: Feeling bad, but not bad enough...

Unread post by busybuyingbins »

yeah i got some loans for myself but they wouldn't give me much so i have to depend on my mom which i dont like because i don't want them to be under her name.
i wish i was a millionaire and it wouldn't matter. lol sigh
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