Rargh, other mothers!

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old_soul_here
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Rargh, other mothers!

Unread post by old_soul_here »

Bit of a back story to this, I had a very small group of other mum friends whose husbands won't let me see them, or who chose not to see me anymore because I left my abusive ex (he had fidelity issues as well). One husband went as far to report ME to CPS, it was horrifying and the case was immediately dismissed, my record wiped clean etc. This caused me to stop doing all our mum-bub activities for six months while I had a mental break down. So today I attempted to take my son to a mum-bub event we'd been invited too, he's 26months and needs to socialization now, so I gritted my teeth and went. Previous attempts to go to Mum-Bub activities again had resulted in panic attacks.
So we go to this swimming socializing lesson, and all the mother's know each other. I know none of them, and they all go out of their way not to include me in their discussions. Charles starts to play cars with another boy about his age, and the little boys mum comes over and scoops him up away from my son, so I end up sitting their for two hours with myself and my son playing cars in the water. I am raging at the thought that my son is being excluded because of me, and I haven't even done anything. I don't know why these mother's didn't like me. I certainly haven't done anything to them. Yes I am young, but there were definitely girls there younger than me (I'm 22), and they were just as clique-y to me.
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TaylorKnows

Re: Rargh, other mothers!

Unread post by TaylorKnows »

Wow, I'm really sorry all that happened! From what I see mothers can be so catty and cliquey, they're worse than the kids. I don't see why that mom did that though...isn't the point of those things to get them to socialize? Weird.
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Re: Rargh, other mothers!

Unread post by blackbetty »

Some are just cunts! It sucks though. Where do you live if you don't mind asking. General area works.
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Re: Rargh, other mothers!

Unread post by old_soul_here »

New Zealand, in Auckland
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Re: Rargh, other mothers!

Unread post by subject99 »

old_soul_here wrote:New Zealand, in Auckland
I adore New Zealand. I want to go there. Soooo bad.

Mums are bitches. Especially the older ones who look down upon us young mums. I'm pretty lucky to not have to deal with that shit. I never go to scheduled stuff in my area. I always just brought my son to the park and if other kids were there he played if not we played. I find the outside setting is easier to deal with other parents. Plus i always stand my ground and give off a vibe of "don't fuck with me".
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Re: Rargh, other mothers!

Unread post by gypsophila »

Why don't you ask them what is the problem? You're all adults. If they want to exclude you, they should feel comfortable enough to tell you why. It may shame them, but so what. If you're calm about it, and do not show temper, they can't say you're overly emotional, combative, or abusive. Give them the benefit of the doubt and take the high road.
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Re: Rargh, other mothers!

Unread post by strawberries »

gypsophila wrote:Why don't you ask them what is the problem? You're all adults. If they want to exclude you, they should feel comfortable enough to tell you why. It may shame them, but so what. If you're calm about it, and do not show temper, they can't say you're overly emotional, combative, or abusive. Give them the benefit of the doubt and take the high road.
Honestly that is so disgustingly childish I can't believe I just read that. If they're like that though who's to say they don't act like that with each other. I was in a "clique-y group" but left once I found out a couple people were talking mess because I didn't have LO wrapped in blankets, mind that she has her onesie, pants, & socks along with a light blanket. At the time it was reaching 80 F. Wtf does she need to be wrapped in a heavy blanket for? It's a cultural thing for them but don't try to push that on me & get mad when I don't think it's right for my child. Good I left though, they all talk about themselves to each other & nothing valuable will come of it. Funny the ones who said it try to say hi. Call me a snob but I brush right past them. I say you do the same. You can find interaction for your child somewhere else.
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Re: Rargh, other mothers!

Unread post by gypsophila »

strawberries wrote:
gypsophila wrote:Why don't you ask them what is the problem? You're all adults. If they want to exclude you, they should feel comfortable enough to tell you why. It may shame them, but so what. If you're calm about it, and do not show temper, they can't say you're overly emotional, combative, or abusive. Give them the benefit of the doubt and take the high road.
Honestly that is so disgustingly childish I can't believe I just read that. If they're like that though who's to say they don't act like that with each other. I was in a "clique-y group" but left once I found out a couple people were talking mess because I didn't have LO wrapped in blankets, mind that she has her onesie, pants, & socks along with a light blanket. At the time it was reaching 80 F. Wtf does she need to be wrapped in a heavy blanket for? It's a cultural thing for them but don't try to push that on me & get mad when I don't think it's right for my child. Good I left though, they all talk about themselves to each other & nothing valuable will come of it. Funny the ones who said it try to say hi. Call me a snob but I brush right past them. I say you do the same. You can find interaction for your child somewhere else.
I don't get why you quoted me?
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Re: Rargh, other mothers!

Unread post by strawberries »

The part about asking them what their issue was. I felt in a way it pertained to what I posted.
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Re: Rargh, other mothers!

Unread post by gypsophila »

strawberries wrote:The part about asking them what their issue was. I felt in a way it pertained to what I posted.
Ah, okay. I wasn't sure if you were calling me childish. :)
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Re: Rargh, other mothers!

Unread post by strawberries »

gypsophila wrote:
strawberries wrote:The part about asking them what their issue was. I felt in a way it pertained to what I posted.
Ah, okay. I wasn't sure if you were calling me childish. :)
Oh no, never that! I sort of figured that's what you believed my intention was by how you replied lol.
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Re: Rargh, other mothers!

Unread post by thegooseiscooked »

Fight! Fight! Fight! Take it to the boxing ring ladies, it's desperately lonesome over there!

Old soul here.....what a pack of bitches. I'd kick them to the curb and find a new play group where nobody knows you and you can make a fresh start. I don't know how things work in NZ but here in Australia, I remember that we had Young Mums Groups for younger mums (ironically enough) run out of our maternal health centres. Do you have a maternal health nurse? She would be able to come up with some suggestions.

Join a whole range of different activities, swimming lessons, play gym, music classes....and just be pleasant without being needy. It is very important for your son to socialise and it is absolutely cowardly and immature of these women to take out their fear of "catching" whatever went wrong with your relationship on your poor little fella. He doesn't understand. **insert frown**

Otherwise, I'd suggest you find a play group that is connected to a church. They might be a bit kinder and less judgemental.
gypsophila
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Re: Rargh, other mothers!

Unread post by gypsophila »

Haha. No, I was actually following my own advice. My response was short and had a smilie. :)

Yes, I agree. There have to be more programs out there. The church group idea sounds like a good option too.
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Re: Rargh, other mothers!

Unread post by old_soul_here »

thegooseiscooked wrote:Fight! Fight! Fight! Take it to the boxing ring ladies, it's desperately lonesome over there!

Old soul here.....what a pack of bitches. I'd kick them to the curb and find a new play group where nobody knows you and you can make a fresh start. I don't know how things work in NZ but here in Australia, I remember that we had Young Mums Groups for younger mums (ironically enough) run out of our maternal health centres. Do you have a maternal health nurse? She would be able to come up with some suggestions.

Join a whole range of different activities, swimming lessons, play gym, music classes....and just be pleasant without being needy. It is very important for your son to socialise and it is absolutely cowardly and immature of these women to take out their fear of "catching" whatever went wrong with your relationship on your poor little fella. He doesn't understand. **insert frown**

Otherwise, I'd suggest you find a play group that is connected to a church. They might be a bit kinder and less judgemental.
Yeah we had a young mum group, it had Tayler wannabe's in it, needless to say as a 19 year old ho was married, well-educated and could afford the pregnancy I had planned, I didn't fit in =P.
We did swimming, soccer, music, and gymbaree. We go to music every tuesday, we do swimming wednesday's, Gym Friday's, we don't anymore, all those activites cost 100 plus a term. Its not a lack of trying to get out there, it was really hard to get in the cliques in those group, and once I couldn't afford to do swimming,gym, music etc, all those "friends" disappeared. I'm too young to fit in with them properly, I'm too old, too well educated and too poor to fit in with the little rich girl teen mum's you find in this area =( I've spent two years trying to fit in here, trying different groups but I just can't get to another area to try now, like TayTay I don't drive, and the public system here is great but hard with a two year old, often he's too tried by the time we get there to make a good impression. My partner has offered to take Saturdays off and try a playgroup, mainly cause he doesn't give a rats arse about mummy politics.
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Re: Rargh, other mothers!

Unread post by Kayliecoburn »

Yep some moms are catty bitches who like to think no one parents better than them. I'm in two playgroups...both of which I barely bother with anymore because I always feel unwelcome. I don't know if it is my age or what but some of these moms have their noses stuck so high in the air and think they are better than everyone. And it is so ridiculous how even in my playgroups there are "cliques". I have a few people who are nice and have become friends but the rest are douchey and I feel scared that they are raising kids.

I wouldn't let it bother you. Maybe just go to a park and let your son socialize there. I find it more relaxing to go to places by myself and not have to sit around listening to someone gossip.
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