Retired parents spending all their money

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Kayliecoburn
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Retired parents spending all their money

Unread post by Kayliecoburn »

Okay I normally don't vent on here but I have no where else confidential that I can post this at. I am so frustrated. My mother is on disability and my dad retired a few years back. They are only 58 and 68. My dad is in pretty poor health (his own doing) and my mother is in ok health. My parents, however, seem to think they are going to die soon and have been spending like crazy this past year. My mother informed me that they were opening up their last retirement savings account and they already have plans to spend it ALL! Now my mother just told me they bought a brand new car (for no reason both of theirs are low mileage and in good shape) and she said she might as well "spend all her money before her health spends it".

I don't care about inheritance or anything...honestly. My mom and I have a pretty rocky relationship and there is a strong chance that I won't see a dime of the money anyway. What worries me is that they will blow away all their money and I will have to pick up the slack in a few years. What happens when they can't afford to pay bills in 10 years? Or if a huge unexpected expense comes up? I am an only child so I'm extremely nervous. :?
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thegooseiscooked

Re: Retired parents spending all their money

Unread post by thegooseiscooked »

Oh I hear ya!

My parents are in their 70s and, up until a few years ago, were living in the house that they built when I was born. It was a strong, solid, good house but they wanted to downsize. The garden was getting too much for them and the house needed some expensive repairs - new tiles on the roof and the gas need to be completely refitted.

I completely sympathised and thought that downsizing would be a good thing for them. However, they then went on to make a string of the most expensive bloody mistakes I have ever seen.

Once my parents decide to do something, they just do it without thinking. They put the house on the market, a lowball offer came in and they frigging accepted it prior to auction. They sold a 3 bedroom family home in a great area for $600k. Houses in that area are selling for over a million.**eye roll**

So then they had to find somewhere to live quick because the buyers wanted fast settlement. They bought an apartment off the plan, sight unseen, for $650K. No negotiations. They just paid the asking price.So basically, they sold a whole block of land and a good house for a concrete box. Didn't check the contract (my hubby is a lawyer and they didn't even ask him to look it over), didn't get a car park included, didn't have any choice over colours or kitchen or anything. It's right on an extremely busy intersection, the noise and pollution are horrible.

Not only that but the apartment was still in the process of being built so they had to rent for a year before moving in. More money down the drain.

My mum decided she wanted all new furniture so they went out and spent around $80K. New fridge and everything. It was ridiculous. Oh, and they both got new cars.

It has been a huge disaster from the get go and has cost A LOT of money. They have 6 grandchildren, when we go around there, there is nowhere for the kids to play, nothing for them to do....

Like you, I am not really concerned about inheritance. But I hope they have planned for the future because I can assure you, if they find themselves needing to go into aged care, I'll be choosing the no frills public facility over the comfortable private hospice. I'm not funding their ridiculous choices.

They are currently on a cruise.
subject99
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Re: Retired parents spending all their money

Unread post by subject99 »

My mum went on that binge in 2008 after her mother passed. She has stage 2 progressive MS so she thought she was going to die soon so she was still working as a lawyer but she would spend all her money and my dads. It soon turned her into debt. Putting my dad into debt. House on second mortgage and so on.

My dad is soon to retire and have a full pay and excellent retirement package (still full benefits for my parents and niece). They recently just sold there house for 338,500 which they should have got well over 450,000. But with selling it for 338,500 they paid off all the debt and the income tax and the property tax they never paid.

They bought a new house that was appraised between 500,000 and 600,000 I can't remember the number. But the couple was only selling it for less than 300,000. I know it's shocking. The reasoning they were selling it for so low was because they only bought the house for 218,000ish 10 years ago. They were an elderly couple moving into a retirement community. Anyways, now that they are completely debt free I'm just worried my mum will just rack up more debt because they only have my dad's income plus my mums pension. She is already spending money like crazy. I know they need to fix the place up a bit because it's a wee but out dated. So far all brand new light fixtures, brand new kitchen sink plus the plumber, cost 5,000 to move there, new flooring for both the bathroom (was pink carpet in the bathrooms), new furniture for my nieces bedroom, new king size bed (box spring, mattress and the bed frame), my dad bought a new wheel barrel, and so much more. Oh yeah since my mum can't handle the Dog my dad had to board him for 400 bucks for 8 weeks. This is all since they moved in too October 28th! The last purchases were last Friday.

I know were their kids and shouldn't worry but where do we draw the line? They tell us not to worry but c 'mon we worry about them as much as they worry about us.
thegooseiscooked

Re: Retired parents spending all their money

Unread post by thegooseiscooked »

Oh, sorry, I just realised that I gave you my own sob story without offering advice. I do have some, although it may sound a little cold.

They're not your problem. If they want to go spending all their money now in their senior years, let them be the governments's problem. I assume America has some system for taking care of the elderly who can't afford private care? No way should you compromise your own situation to help them out when they have been so callous as to not set aside money for their future.

I am very much a believer in take an eye for an eye. They have not been at all concerned with the problems you may face in the future, treat them with the same kindness.
thegooseiscooked

Re: Retired parents spending all their money

Unread post by thegooseiscooked »

And as an only child, it doesn't matter in Australia whether they leave you money in their will or not, you will get it. You're entitled to it.

Check out your legal rights. At the very least, you'll get the new car.

I would start googling and researching this now. Call a Legal Aid lawyer to find out what aid is available to you and to them. Do it now before they do become unwell and emotions start to take over.

(Sorry, hubby is a lawyer and I worked in Family Law for ages so it's kind of instinctive to urge people to know their rights. However, I'm quoting Australian law and wouldn't have a clue about American law).

Good luck xx
TaylorKnows

Re: Retired parents spending all their money

Unread post by TaylorKnows »

I can't be too much help other than to do what my mom chose to do with her mom. My grandparents are in their late 70s, early 80s, fine financially (Papa worked 2 jobs for years and stopped doing odd jobs for people when I was young) but my grandma has health problems and its her own fault for smoking all her life and never taking care of herself. For awhile, we tried getting her into getting assisted living but she'd send the nurse home. She's never go into a nursing home unless her doctor made her for a few weeks to get medical help. She bullies by grandfather into lying for her. Eventually my uncle gave up and told my mom, just let her be and let her ruin herself, as my grandfather has medical issues too and he actually wants to help himself. Finally my mom agreed and has told her, she's on her own. My uncle and her go to her appointments when she wants to go and she's actually doing better now because her kids aren't on her about it. I guess that's all it took.

My point? I agree with goose, let it be and let them put themselves into this mess. It sounds harsh, but when they want your help, they will ask for it.
Kayliecoburn
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Re: Retired parents spending all their money

Unread post by Kayliecoburn »

I'm terrible as far as feeling bad for people and I'm just worried she will come to me in a few years with a sob story and I don't want to end up cracking. I always thought in the us you can inherit debt but I just did research and I cannot so that makes me feel better. If she goes into debt and then dies, the bank will just sell her assets to pay off the debt. As far as if she ends up homeless, I have no clue how this works in the us. Nursing homes are pretty expensive. They both have Medicaid so does that pay for nursing homes? There is no way in hell I would have her live with me because she is a pretty toxic person. The government doesn't help older people much at all.
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fossilfinger
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Re: Retired parents spending all their money

Unread post by fossilfinger »

It sounds like they're scared and they could be susceptible to predatory lending and financial schemes targeted at the elderly. Have they seen a retirement planner? Are they willing to get financial counseling? If they are both afraid of dying soon they also probably need emotional support.
subject99
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Re: Retired parents spending all their money

Unread post by subject99 »

fossilfinger wrote:It sounds like they're scared and they could be susceptible to predatory lending and financial schemes targeted at the elderly. Have they seen a retirement planner? Are they willing to get financial counseling? If they are both afraid of dying soon they also probably need emotional support.
How do you go about that. Like suggesting it?
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