Just a rant about mommy issues.....

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bns629
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Just a rant about mommy issues.....

Unread post by bns629 »

Now, let me preface by saying this; what happened to my cousin is tragic, and by no means am I saying that I deserve to be given more attention because I'm alive. My cousin who I was basically raised with, considered my sister and one of my best friends, died on October 18th from cancer. She was 22 and one of the strongest people I knew. When she died I was in the hospital, 34 weeks pregnant, with a massive DVT that goes from my groin to my knee. My mother visited me once, on the day my cousin died. She didn't even call me to tell me, my grandma had to tell me because my mom didn't feel like calling me. My mom came to the hospital, didn't speak to me, hugged my grandma, and left. A week later was her funeral (I at this point was released, and had been doing more than I was supposed to but felt like I should be helping with some stuff for her funeral). We get to the church and right before the service started, i had a seizure. When I got to the hospital, the only person who was there to be with me besides my fiance was my grandma. My mom eventually showed up, but basically came to be bitchy to all the doctors and make me feel like a burden. She then decided she needed to go to my aunt's house to finish stuff instead of staying with me (at this point we were ruling out a PE or something else seriously wrong, and also weighing pros and cons of delivering the baby early). I ended up having my baby at 37 weeks, and she was tiny because of IUGR. One day after we were released, my baby was hospitalized for hypothermia. This was after at the doctors office she was bundled and held for 2 hours. My mother blamed me, and told me I almost killed my baby because I forgot to grab a hat when I walked out of my bedroom. (I ended up getting her a hat, I was still getting ready when my mom came to get us). My mother just basically has made me feel inadequate and as if I don't matter and it hurts me. I just needed to let it out. I just have been competing my whole life just to make my mom notice me. It's like I wasn't even a concern when I had my blood clot or my seizure. Yes, my cousin died. Yes, it was tragic. But if my daughter was my age, and was pregnant and came to the hospital with tachycardia and passing in and out of consciousness, I would be there. I nearly died. My heart stopped during my seizure. And yet my mom still didnt care. I'm sorry this is so long. Thank you to anyone read this, I'm not really looking for advice. Im just a big ball of anger and needed to let it out somewhere before I explode.
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Re: Just a rant about mommy issues.....

Unread post by ladybug »

That's horrible. How old are you and do you still live with your mother?
bns629
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Re: Just a rant about mommy issues.....

Unread post by bns629 »

20 and no, I dont. She actually started a fight with me when I moved out to my cousins place because she offered for DF and I to live there. Well she lived somewhere that was government owned so they had to do inspections and I didn't want her to get in trouble so we are currently living with DFs parents, they offered. We are looking to move once we get our ducks in a row. My mother called me a moocher and said I was stupid to not just move into an apartment. We couldn't afford an apartment at the time, and didn't Want to be in over our heads. Well a week later she tells me my family was evicted and they have to move in with her best friend. I was heated. How dare she?
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