Feeling left behind and having trouble dealing.

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Yue195
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Feeling left behind and having trouble dealing.

Unread post by Yue195 »

I usually don't do these things and usually there are somethings I keep to myself so I don't go on a " me me me" show. But lately I have been bottling a lot of things for a while and I know if I hold it in, it's just going to end in a crying episode.

If some people remember me from when I first started posting, I had a miscarriage in November 2012 not long before I joined. I was dealing with very very VERY bad depression at the time. So days blurred together. It was how I found YT teen moms since I was 17 and a half at the time. I managed to make peace with it. In the end I said it was probably for the best, me and my child's father were no longer together when I found out, and we had a bad falling out when I lost our child. We haven't spoken in almost 3 years. Basically I took the miscarriage as a blessing in disguise.

I through myself into my studies and my work and making a new chapter in my life with new friends and reconnecting with old ones. So I put in the back of my mind and tried to keep that box under lock and key until recently.

A few people I know are pregnant. My best friends younger sister did a Tayler and planned a baby with a dimwit she only knew for two months and is expecting a boy in June. My first cousin who's a year older then I and her Fiancé are expecting a little girl in April. Recently my sisters best friends older sister ( who also happens to be best friends with my best friends younger sister ) just found out she's pregnant due in November. And now I found out an old middle school friend is pregnant with a girl due in June.

And now it feels like everything in caving in on me. It's a constant reminder that I don't have my own child with me. And lately it's been making me wish I did. And it's making me bitter towards two of those four people who are pregnant.

And another issue I've been having is I feel left behind. My relationship with Army Man didn't work out in the end, I'm not sad about it since we are two very different people with different ideas of the future. But recently with all my friends being in long term commited relationships, planning their futures, saving money for buying a house, planning trips and my best friend may be getting engaged at the end of the year. I'm feeling, well, left behind. Army Man was the first relationship I have had in two years. And I didn't expect much at all, but the fact it barely lasted, it makes me feel like I'm inadequate to be in a long term commitment.

And I try to see the brighter side of things, I have a great job, great boss, great friends, great savings. Soon I'll have my own car. Hopefully i have enough saving to move out only my parent home. But I just don't feel happy with that being it.

I don't know what I'm after here, if it's just I needed to vent or need advice. But I'm just feeling so lost now.
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HeavenOnlyKnows

Re: Feeling left behind and having trouble dealing.

Unread post by HeavenOnlyKnows »

Oh Yue :(

First, I am so incredibly sorry for your miscarriage. I know from experience how hard it is to cope and I honestly don't think it ever goes away. One thing that really, really helped me was finding a support group, I would talk with these women online and also had a real life friend who miscarried twice and it was amazing to just talk to and be acknowledged by people who get it. I think people get a lot of sympathy if they have a child who dies or a full term baby who is stillborn, but most people forget that miscarried children are just as loved and missed and important to us. Actually a lot of people will say to just get over it (especially if you miscarried early in the pregnancy) or give these platitudes without realizing how insensitive they are being. When you come together with women who have gone through it too, you'll start to understand accept that your feelings are valid, whatever those feelings are, and it can help you find a bit of peace. If you feel jealous or resentful of pregnant women in your life, it's okay. It really is. You cannot control how you feel, you can only control how you react, and a support group might help you find healthy ways of acting and reacting with the constant reminders you're facing now. It sounds like you didn't have an opportunity to mourn your loss when it occurred. Maybe doing so now will help you in your healing process.

As for the relationship stuff I'm the last person who should be giving advice on that matter. But, I'm here to listen if you want to talk. <3
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Re: Feeling left behind and having trouble dealing.

Unread post by QueenBooBoo1216 »

Yue195 wrote:I usually don't do these things and usually there are somethings I keep to myself so I don't go on a " me me me" show. But lately I have been bottling a lot of things for a while and I know if I hold it in, it's just going to end in a crying episode.

If some people remember me from when I first started posting, I had a miscarriage in November 2012 not long before I joined. I was dealing with very very VERY bad depression at the time. So days blurred together. It was how I found YT teen moms since I was 17 and a half at the time. I managed to make peace with it. In the end I said it was probably for the best, me and my child's father were no longer together when I found out, and we had a bad falling out when I lost our child. We haven't spoken in almost 3 years. Basically I took the miscarriage as a blessing in disguise.

I through myself into my studies and my work and making a new chapter in my life with new friends and reconnecting with old ones. So I put in the back of my mind and tried to keep that box under lock and key until recently.

A few people I know are pregnant. My best friends younger sister did a Tayler and planned a baby with a dimwit she only knew for two months and is expecting a boy in June. My first cousin who's a year older then I and her Fiancé are expecting a little girl in April. Recently my sisters best friends older sister ( who also happens to be best friends with my best friends younger sister ) just found out she's pregnant due in November. And now I found out an old middle school friend is pregnant with a girl due in June.

And now it feels like everything in caving in on me. It's a constant reminder that I don't have my own child with me. And lately it's been making me wish I did. And it's making me bitter towards two of those four people who are pregnant.

And another issue I've been having is I feel left behind. My relationship with Army Man didn't work out in the end, I'm not sad about it since we are two very different people with different ideas of the future. But recently with all my friends being in long term commited relationships, planning their futures, saving money for buying a house, planning trips and my best friend may be getting engaged at the end of the year. I'm feeling, well, left behind. Army Man was the first relationship I have had in two years. And I didn't expect much at all, but the fact it barely lasted, it makes me feel like I'm inadequate to be in a long term commitment.

And I try to see the brighter side of things, I have a great job, great boss, great friends, great savings. Soon I'll have my own car. Hopefully i have enough saving to move out only my parent home. But I just don't feel happy with that being it.

I don't know what I'm after here, if it's just I needed to vent or need advice. But I'm just feeling so lost now.
I hope you're feeling better now! I can remember feeling very down but for the opposite reason. I was the only one with a baby. At the time his dad decided to join the Army and I was left with full responsibility for our son. All my friends were either away at college or partying every weekend and I was at home with a baby. It's very overwhelming sometimes when everyone around you is in a different place than you. Your brain is telling you to be logical but your heart isn't ready. I can't imagine the pain of losing a child. I'm truly sorry that you do!! As someone old and having gone through some of those feelings just know that by you working hard and doing what you need to do to be happy and successful will make all the things you want that much better!! I can honestly tell you how much more I enjoyed being a parent and experiencing achieving the things I wanted when I had my husband around to share it with. You are already at a good place working and saving for the bigger things you are way ahead of most of the YT moms. You also aren't settling for a relationship with someone not deserving of you. I hoped I helped a little or at the very least know I think you are doing a great job overcoming all the things that bring a lot of people down.
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Re: Feeling left behind and having trouble dealing.

Unread post by QueenBooBoo1216 »

Yue195 wrote:I usually don't do these things and usually there are somethings I keep to myself so I don't go on a " me me me" show. But lately I have been bottling a lot of things for a while and I know if I hold it in, it's just going to end in a crying episode.

If some people remember me from when I first started posting, I had a miscarriage in November 2012 not long before I joined. I was dealing with very very VERY bad depression at the time. So days blurred together. It was how I found YT teen moms since I was 17 and a half at the time. I managed to make peace with it. In the end I said it was probably for the best, me and my child's father were no longer together when I found out, and we had a bad falling out when I lost our child. We haven't spoken in almost 3 years. Basically I took the miscarriage as a blessing in disguise.

I through myself into my studies and my work and making a new chapter in my life with new friends and reconnecting with old ones. So I put in the back of my mind and tried to keep that box under lock and key until recently.

A few people I know are pregnant. My best friends younger sister did a Tayler and planned a baby with a dimwit she only knew for two months and is expecting a boy in June. My first cousin who's a year older then I and her Fiancé are expecting a little girl in April. Recently my sisters best friends older sister ( who also happens to be best friends with my best friends younger sister ) just found out she's pregnant due in November. And now I found out an old middle school friend is pregnant with a girl due in June.

And now it feels like everything in caving in on me. It's a constant reminder that I don't have my own child with me. And lately it's been making me wish I did. And it's making me bitter towards two of those four people who are pregnant.

And another issue I've been having is I feel left behind. My relationship with Army Man didn't work out in the end, I'm not sad about it since we are two very different people with different ideas of the future. But recently with all my friends being in long term commited relationships, planning their futures, saving money for buying a house, planning trips and my best friend may be getting engaged at the end of the year. I'm feeling, well, left behind. Army Man was the first relationship I have had in two years. And I didn't expect much at all, but the fact it barely lasted, it makes me feel like I'm inadequate to be in a long term commitment.

And I try to see the brighter side of things, I have a great job, great boss, great friends, great savings. Soon I'll have my own car. Hopefully i have enough saving to move out only my parent home. But I just don't feel happy with that being it.

I don't know what I'm after here, if it's just I needed to vent or need advice. But I'm just feeling so lost now.
I hope you're feeling better now! I can remember feeling very down but for the opposite reason. I was the only one with a baby. At the time his dad decided to join the Army and I was left with full responsibility for our son. All my friends were either away at college or partying every weekend and I was at home with a baby. It's very overwhelming sometimes when everyone around you is in a different place than you. Your brain is telling you to be logical but your heart isn't ready. I can't imagine the pain of losing a child. I'm truly sorry that you do!! As someone old and having gone through some of those feelings just know that by you working hard and doing what you need to do to be happy and successful will make all the things you want that much better!! I can honestly tell you how much more I enjoyed being a parent and experiencing achieving the things I wanted when I had my husband around to share it with. You are already at a good place working and saving for the bigger things you are way ahead of most of the YT moms. You also aren't settling for a relationship with someone not deserving of you. I hoped I helped a little or at the very least know I think you are doing a great job overcoming all the things that bring a lot of people down.
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