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J Squared

J Squared

Postby Vincere » Mon Jan 02, 2017 1:38 pm

This is the tread were we are so desperate we write fanfiction about Jared and Joel: J Squared.
Everyone posts a sentence/paragraph continuing from the previous one and we'll see where the story will lead.
The premise is: Jared loves Joel and he marries Ellie to be closer to him.

___

It was all over faster than he anticipated: Mr and Ms Mecham.


Standing next to it you could feel the mighty glory of the temple.
It's height was casting a shadow on the whole scene, while the cold wind was keeping Jared from sweating.
Finally out of the temple he was able to breath again, thinking if it was the right step and looking to his right thinking that he doesn't know the person who's hand he holds.
But Ellie was smiling, and so was her whole family witnessing the event.
He couldn't look her into the eyes, he was looking for someone else.
And there he was, blue eyed with a childish smile, Joel was holding Bonnie's hand and Jared clinched her hand squeezing Ellie's a little harder.
Jared was only hoping that their eyes would meet but it wasn't the case, and everything was moving faster than he wanted.
He smiled, knowing that this sacrifice was necessary and that he will feel the love at some point.

The day passed by and now he awakes next to his wife...
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Re: J Squared

Postby lmmomSD » Mon Jan 02, 2017 3:43 pm

She turned to him and smiled. "Don't worry, honey. My mom said sex wasn't much fun. We'll get better at it and make lots of babies, and everything will be SO FUN!"
He nodded, not trusting his voice and went into the bathroom of their honeymoon suite. He looked at himself in the mirror and took deep gulping breaths. He could do this. It would be worth it.

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Re: J Squared

Postby Scar2016 » Tue Jan 03, 2017 2:33 am

While looking in the mirror he practiced mouthing the word 'Honey' several times. He tried to smile while doing this but couldn't manage to make the smile look natural. He decided to drop the smile bit and on returning to the boudoir asked Ellie ''Honey, what time are we meeting your sister and Joel (his voice cracked slightly with the mere excitement of saying his loved one's name out loud) for lunch today?'' (He'd somehow managed to persuade Ellie to agree to this lunch date the day after their wedding because, obviously in Jared's heart, Joel was who Jared had said all his vows to. He made a mental note to buy Ellie a $10,000 gift card for Lush Bath Bombs.)
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Re: J Squared

Postby Scar2016 » Tue Jan 03, 2017 4:08 am

Oops, I just realized I skipped over the wedding night, sorry Immom. Maybe one of us can do it as a flashback (because it was too traumatic for Jared lol) hence why we missed it out of the timeline proper? :)
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Re: J Squared

Postby RecklessDisregard » Tue Jan 03, 2017 4:39 am

The lunch date was everything he had hoped for, and more. Seeing Joel just an arm's length away in their booth at Texas Roadhouse was enough to give him butterflies in his stomach and simultaneously convince him that the marriage had been worthwhile after all. The world kept turning - Ellie and Bonnie chatted excitedly about cosmetics, but Jared's eyes were on Joel's hands as he competently cut into his 6 oz sirloin lunch special. It was so easy to forget the previous evening's marital trauma with Joel so close, smelling of Old Spice even through the scent of charred beef. Jared couldn't help but imagine squeezing Joel's bicep gently and staring into the endless blue pools of his eyes. He was certain it would all have gone so differently if his first time had been with his one true love. Joel would never have emasculated him, or asked if it was in yet, or told him to get on with it because The Bachelor started in 5 minutes. Joel also would have let him have his own plate at restaurants, he thought with irritation as Ellie swiped a bite of steak from his plate. Suddenly he realized everyone was staring at him expectantly. He assumed he'd been asked a question, but his mind had been elsewhere. He smiled his biggest smile, grabbed Ellie's hand, and said "wow, this is SO FUN! It's such a blessing that we're all family now!"
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Re: J Squared

Postby Scar2016 » Tue Jan 03, 2017 6:19 am

RecklessDisregard wrote:The lunch date was everything he had hoped for, and more. Seeing Joel just an arm's length away in their booth at Texas Roadhouse was enough to give him butterflies in his stomach and simultaneously convince him that the marriage had been worthwhile after all. The world kept turning - Ellie and Bonnie chatted excitedly about cosmetics, but Jared's eyes were on Joel's hands as he competently cut into his 6 oz sirloin lunch special. It was so easy to forget the previous evening's marital trauma with Joel so close, smelling of Old Spice even through the scent of charred beef. Jared couldn't help but imagine squeezing Joel's bicep gently and staring into the endless blue pools of his eyes. He was certain it would all have gone so differently if his first time had been with his one true love. Joel would never have emasculated him, or asked if it was in yet, or told him to get on with it because The Bachelor started in 5 minutes. Joel also would have let him have his own plate at restaurants, he thought with irritation as Ellie swiped a bite of steak from his plate. Suddenly he realized everyone was staring at him expectantly. He assumed he'd been asked a question, but his mind had been elsewhere. He smiled his biggest smile, grabbed Ellie's hand, and said "wow, this is SO FUN! It's such a blessing that we're all family now!"

Oh my, I laughed out loud! :D :D

Before Jared let go of Ellie's hand he made a mental note to buy some Old Spice for himself. That way, not only would he have a daily reminder of his true love, but when Joel finally realized he felt the same way and they could be together for the first time, Ellie would be void of any suspicion. Jared couldn't resist and so he bravely and slowly inched his booted foot under the table towards Joel's and the tip of his boot grazed Joel's manly shoe. The hand made leather manly shoe Bonnie gave Joel for Xmas. A tingle ran down Jared's spine as he whispered a silent thank you to Bonnie, for both those mighty fine shoes and for finding a man like Joel (for him).
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Re: J Squared

Postby lmmomSD » Tue Jan 03, 2017 8:52 am

Reckless, you rule!

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Re: J Squared

Postby RecklessDisregard » Tue Jan 03, 2017 1:50 pm

:D This is fun!
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Re: J Squared

Postby Cgl33 » Tue Jan 03, 2017 8:01 pm

Just then, Jared's daydreams of his life with Joel cane to an end when the waitress interrupted. "Here's your Dr. Pepper, miss." The waitress handed the drink to Ellie by mistake. Ellie loudly sighed and said, "excuse me, you..." without noticing that the waitress had already left the table. Jared exchanged glances with Bonnie because he knew what was about to happen. He thought, why couldn't I marry an easy going person like Joel? They'd laugh and sip their sodas while exchanging flirtatious glances. Jared felt his wallet to see how many bills he had. He knew he'd be stopping at Lush on the way home. This was not so fun.
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Re: J Squared

Postby Scar2016 » Sun Jan 29, 2017 1:41 am

Fueled with desire from their bromantic trip to Bryan's birthday bash, Jared set about creating the perfect night for him and Joel. How could he ever forget how soft Joely's face felt, after gifting him that barber shop treatment. Just the thought of when he stroked Joel's face in the vlog made him all a quiver. He even made a gif of it and filed it in his secret desktop file: ''Ellie's birthday gift ideas,'' that way Ellie would never open it and find out, because she loved surprises. He smiled smugly to himself, in acknowledgement of how clever he was.

Jared had become quite accustomed to waxing lyrical at the end of the vlog's lately, about how perfect his life was and how lucky he truly felt. But he never imagined things could get even better, and that Ellie would be on a girls trip to Hawaii with none other than Bonnie!!! ''YEEE HAAA!!!'' He squealed with unbridled excitement and anticipation, in the shower on the morning of (Joel's) the Hoellein kidses sleepover.

He'd stocked up on Dr Pepper and that super strength apple cider for Joel, and formed an image in his head of them sipping romantically in the hot tub that night under the Utah stars, once the kidses were all asleep. Heck, he'd even asked to borrow Joel's trailer and did a special trip to the Lush store to get a double load of bath bombs, one load for Ellie when she returned home and one load to put in the hot tub tonight for him and his Joely.
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Re: J Squared

Postby lmmomSD » Sun Jan 29, 2017 2:18 am

That was awesome (and skeevy, lol) but are we starting from the beginning of the marriage, or writing about now? Not trying to be a pain. Your chapter was really great, Scar. Just wondering if we are going on from now, or from the earlier posts.

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Re: J Squared

Postby Scar2016 » Sun Jan 29, 2017 3:52 am

lmmomSD wrote:That was awesome (and skeevy, lol) but are we starting from the beginning of the marriage, or writing about now? Not trying to be a pain. Your chapter was really great, Scar. Just wondering if we are going on from now, or from the earlier posts.

Thanks. :) I've no idea what we're doing tbh lol. I just thought it amusing to do a parallel storyline alongside the real *faux* life vlogs but I'm open to whatever. :tchin: <--- Apple cider!
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Re: J Squared

Postby lmmomSD » Sun Jan 29, 2017 4:36 pm

Scar2016 wrote:
lmmomSD wrote:That was awesome (and skeevy, lol) but are we starting from the beginning of the marriage, or writing about now? Not trying to be a pain. Your chapter was really great, Scar. Just wondering if we are going on from now, or from the earlier posts.

Thanks. :) I've no idea what we're doing tbh lol. I just thought it amusing to do a parallel storyline alongside the real *faux* life vlogs but I'm open to whatever. :tchin: <--- Apple cider!


I don't know what we're doing either. Just to be clear, I meant no snark, because I definitely lol'd!

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Re: J Squared

Postby Vincere » Sun Jan 29, 2017 5:03 pm

I think doing a continuous story line is too difficult.
So maybe as Scar did, doing parallel stories on vlogs, or "behind the camera" stories would be easier, funner and more relevant.
Or your just make whatever you want, don't wanna be the one that imposes rules.

Maybe we should have Chapter titles to the stories/posts and whenever we contribute we know which story we advance.

Any suggestions always welcome.
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Re: J Squared

Postby lmmomSD » Sun Jan 29, 2017 5:06 pm

That's a good idea! And will probably be easier and more relevant, like you said.

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Re: J Squared

Postby Scar2016 » Mon Jan 30, 2017 2:13 am

lmmomSD wrote:I don't know what we're doing either. Just to be clear, I meant no snark, because I definitely lol'd!

No snark taken at all. It's all good. :tu:
PS: A behind the camera story line could be the one you saw on Jared's livestream, about the dog being wild and escaping from the house etc. The real not_so_perfect life, lol. ;)
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Re: J Squared

Postby RecklessDisregard » Mon Jan 30, 2017 11:34 pm

It was perfect. Jackson was asleep downstairs along with the Hoellein kids. Calvin was crying in his crib, but there was nothing unusual about that, and nothing Jared could say or do would shut the kid up. "Maybe his real dad could help," he muttered under his breath, knowing Ellie hadn't allowed him to touch her within weeks of the estimated conception date. But Jared had played the part of the dutiful husband and never asked who the real father was. Truth be told, he hadn't cared then and didn't care now either.

Jared had sent Joel out ahead of him to the hot tub with a variety of Lush bombs and sparkling cider, mostly so he could peek through the window as his nearly-naked brother in-law first dipped a toe in the warm water, then his foot, then a shapely calf --

"Jared, WAKE UP!" Ellie said through gritted teeth. "You wake up right this minute!"

Jared sat up quickly, adjusting the blanket to hide his erection. "What the Hello Kitty do you want?" he whispered in response. He knew what it -wasn't- which was just fine with him. He was pretty sure she hadn't bathed in three days. Then he heard Penny's muted whimper through the closed door.

"You said you would put her outside for the night! Are you a toddler, that I have to check up on your work? I swear, neither of the kidses are as much of a pain in the bum as you! Not even that little hellion Jackson."

"Ellie, I'm sorry!" he exclaimed, feeling around for his slippers. At least he didn't have to hide the erection anymore; it had deflated like a popped balloon when Ellie's reprimand began. "It's just so cold outside, and Penny is only a puppy, a baby dog."

"She will stay OUTSIDE!" Ellie screeched. Calvin began to wail. "The next time I catch her inside after bedtime, you are going to sleep outside with her! I don't want to see you again tonight, you sleep on the couch!"

Jared was halfway out the door, and paused only to check the time. 9:37 pm. Good, at least he had plenty of time to finish that dream...
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Re: J Squared

Postby GetYouTubesTied » Mon Jan 30, 2017 11:57 pm

"What the hello kitty?"

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Re: J Squared

Postby Ceirsten8676 » Tue Jan 31, 2017 12:21 am

I'm living for this thread!!


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Re: J Squared

Postby Scar2016 » Tue Jan 31, 2017 1:28 am

''Come on Pen Pen'' Jared sighed with pent up frustration at being woken from his reverie as he went through the bedroom door and led Penny to the patio door and let her out into the freezing cold night air to go potty. He decided he may as well do some editing now, seeing as his brain was up and his willy was down. He recalled leaving the camera in the basement and on retrieving it realized it was still switched on. ''Hmmm, that's strange'' he thought.

He made his way back upstairs to let Penny back in and they both went and settled in his office, where Jared took out a secret stash of doggy treats for Penny and a family sized packet of cookies and milk from his office fridge for himself. He checked through the days footage on the camera and suddenly, pressed the pause button and exclaimed ''Gosh darn it! What the Jiminy Cricket is THAT?!''

It seemed the camera was still rolling when Ellie had snuck downstairs earlier that evening to Jackson's under_the_stairs kitchen. She was sitting hunched over like a Leprechaun in all her demented and unfettered madness, scoffing away on plastic cupcakes and pizza slices. Jared wanted to stop watching but couldn't. His wife looked like a rabid wild banshee, her teeth chomping away ferociously on everything in sight. ''Fiddle sticks and color me Lady Gaga'' he thought, ''Those teeth are bigger than the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood.''
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Re: J Squared

Postby Scar2016 » Wed Feb 01, 2017 9:27 am

Jared: ''Point Taken, Kevin Bacon.'' :SS:
Jared gem no. 2: ''Terrible no good dirty rotten horrible day.''
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Re: J Squared

Postby lmmomSD » Wed Feb 01, 2017 9:30 pm

Jared gunned the four wheeler again. It rolled across the snow like a knife through butter. "Gosh darn it! If I don't get it stuck, I don't have an excuse to call Joel" Jared muttered to himself. Bonnie just came home from Hawaii, with the Ice Princess. He'd had to redo the welcome scene for the vlog three times because Jackson ran to greet Bonnie instead of Ellie, and he'd had to stand there and watch "Joely" and Bonnie kiss. He felt his gorge rise. "Joely". How could Bonnie call him that? It didn't suit his easy masculinity.
With a grunt, Jared used all his strength to heave the four wheeler into a snow drift. He smiled in satisfaction. It was good and stuck. He would have to call Joel to bring the Suburban over and tow it out.
Ellie broke through his reverie. "Jared! What are you doing out here in the dark?" she screeched. He was surprised there was any glass left for miles with the pitch of her screams. It had been so quiet with her gone. Just he, and Joel, and the kids. Heaven.
"I may or may not have gotten the four wheeler stuck" he shrugged. "May or may not? What does that even mean? Did you?" Quit messing around out here with your stupid dog, and get in here and put the kidses to bed. I have a bath bomb waiting!"
(My battery is dying-- feel free to add)

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Re: J Squared

Postby RecklessDisregard » Thu Feb 09, 2017 2:38 pm

Jared had dreamt of this day for weeks... Now Super Bowl 51 had finally come - and so would he! Jared knew he'd be unable to contain his... Joy... Unless he relieved his masculine tension before the guests began to show up, so he took his seat on the Dr. Pepper throne, pulled up the footage from his and Joel's trip to the man-spa on his iPhone, and let nature take its course. Afterward, he felt a wave of guilt, but reminded himself that he had done his duty to Heavenly Father by marrying that odious, harping woman and procreating with her. "It's only a sin if I act on it," he whispered under his breath, closing the video file. Instead of cleaning up in the dog-wash, he permitted himself a few moments to gain his composure in Ellie's laundry room, which conveniently boasted bathroom facilities. He washed and dried his hands, adjusted his poofy hair to perfection, and studied his reflection intently in the laundry-room mirror. Did he look any different than he had 3 minutes ago? Would Ellie notice?

When his legs felt steady enough, he walked past Penny in her crate (where she had been for the last 18 hours) and ran straight into Ellie, who was feeding bites of Twizzlers to Calvin straight from her mouth. She eyed her husband with annoyance and gave up the baby-bird routine. "What were you doing in there?" she asked snappily.

"I - uh - bathroom, just needed to use the bathroom." Calvin started shrieking for no reason, and Jared wondered for the thousandth time if the kid was even his. It seemed pretty unlikely.

"I meant what were you doing before in the garage? I told you the basement needs get cleaning some and the floor isn't going to get vacuuming by itself."

Jared tried to control his response. He didn't want her to delve any further into his alone-time in the garage. "I'm so sorry, you're right, I ruin everything. I'll go do it now!"

He stopped briefly in the bedroom to change out of his footie pajamas. He couldn't decide whether to risk Ellie's wrath by wearing his Philip DeFranco "Sports!" tee shirt, which he was certain Joel would find amusing and perhaps even comment on. She didn't like him to defy her by picking his own clothes, or by watching YouTube videos she couldn't follow. He had risked enough already just by purchasing it, because just like his sons, Jared was only allowed to own 5 shirts. Ellie would probably take away his bank card when she realized what he'd done.

The next hour passed in a whirl. He cleaned, prepared snacks, and read the comment section of their latest YouTube video, instinctively "Liking" the comment of a viewer who had requested 112 "Likes" for her grandmother's 112th birthday. What a wonderful, positive community of respectful adults their channel had! YouTube was the second biggest blessing in his life... The first, of course, was being related to Joel by marriage, which gave him plenty of excuses to spend time with his soul mate. And with Jared's own help, his one true love had been freed from the burden of physical labor through the #blessing of YouTube. Now he had plenty of time to relax and catch up on beauty sleep... Not that Joel needed beauty sleep, he was the image of perfection already. Jared imagined him naked, posed like a Roman sculpture, and couldn't help but wonder how smooth his bum-bum was.

When Joel finally arrived at the Ice Palace with Bonnie and the children, Jared felt a rush of excitement. He turned on his camera to film, catching in the frame a variety of soda pop and little snacks. "And we've got the most important thing - Joel!"

Whoa. He hadn't meant to say that out loud, and wondered if this was the day Joel would finally see the depth of his love and obsession. But the moment passed, and Jared kept filming. He'd been hiding these thoughts all his life. He was good at it. Nobody would ever guess the truth in a million years, he played the role of Ellie's husband so convincingly.

His mind was self destructive and traitorous, though. As the football game progressed, he couldn't stop himself from brainstorming ways to flirt or hint covertly at his attraction to Joel. He had tied a cherry stem with his tongue before... But Healthy Grocery Girl's shopping list had not included cherries, so Ellie hadn't purchased any. Perhaps the guests could have a contest in that same vein, maybe unwrapping candy of some sort. The adult guests all agreed without hesitation, and Jared was sure it didn't occur to either his guests or viewers that the contest was anything other than good, clean, God-fearing fun. He filmed it evenly, but the whole time Jared kept one lovesick eye on Joel. He could control his actions, but not his thoughts... And at the moment, his thoughts were stuck on a particularly long-held fantasy in which he filled the hot tub with Dr. Pepper instead of water and spent a blissful evening watching This Old House under the stars with the man of his dreams.
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Re: J Squared

Postby nutbagmcgee » Fri Feb 10, 2017 7:22 am

Um, you win the interwebz. That was so freaking spot on. I am dying!
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Re: J Squared

Postby Kryptonite » Wed May 24, 2017 8:11 pm

OMG! How did I miss this? I'm DYING.

I may need to contribute.

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