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J Squared

Re: J Squared

Postby lmmomSD » Wed May 24, 2017 8:20 pm

Kryptonite wrote:OMG! How did I miss this? I'm DYING.

I may need to contribute.

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Please do! It's been such a while. I may have to contribute another chapter...

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Re: J Squared

Postby RecklessDisregard » Sun Nov 12, 2017 10:42 am

China, we're finally here, Jared thought to himself with satisfaction. The flight had been long, and he'd been stuck sitting next to Ellie, forced to inhale the scent of unwashed underarms and some pricey perfume favored by his mother-in-law. They couldn't really afford those indulgences anymore; Jared would have preferred she wear Old Spice or English Leather anyway. Or at least take a bath. He wondered how easily Lush bombs could be obtained in China; it was the only surefire way to lure Ellie into the tub.

She was squawking about something in the bedroom area, while he leaned forward against the bathroom mirror and stared at himself. A week in China with Joel. What a dream come true. There were so many things to learn and explore, and it had been ages since he'd had any Cashew Chicken. Even longer since he'd had his own entree, but that wasn't likely to change today.

"JARE!" the beastling shrieked. "My tummy's bubbling! I gotta poop! I've already got some turtle-head action going on!"

How was it possible for one increasingly-tiny woman to poop so much? He'd have to check her bag for stowed-away packs of X-lax. That was the last thing she needed abroad, or he would never get a moment free of bathroom-talk. Ellie shared more details about her bowels more in a month than his mom and sisters had during his entire life. He vacated the bathroom, and already knew to breathe through his mouth to avoid the smell of her inevitable farts.

Microgerms, though... Eww. In the bedroom area, he went about unpacking their things.

"JARE!" Ellie shouted from the bathroom. "Wouldn't it be SO FUN to have a baby in China?! Think about all the fun middle names we could pick from! Unless it's a girl, you know."

Jared knew. A daughter would be named Jennifer Julie, no matter what he thought about it. "I think you mean get pregnant in China," he said dejectedly. He'd thought he had more time before returning to his stud duties. "The doctor said to take it easy for a bit after the -"

"DON'T YOU SAY THE WORD!" she shrieked. "My mom says it's fine to try starting again, and she would know!"

"Fine, Ellie."

Ten minutes later, she came out of the bathroom wearing a filmy floor-length negligee with a matching robe, rattling a pill bottle. Viagra, great. He'd left them behind in the Ice Palace on purpose, hidden them even, but Ellie clearly left no stone unturned in her quest to become pregnant.

"Not right now," he said, as gently as he could manage.

"Jare, I'll do whatever you want me to. I'll even turn over if that's what it takes. You can turn out the lights."

"I'm jet-lagged, sweetheart."

Ellie stomped her foot. "Fine, we can do it like at the clinic. You can look at magazines or websites or whatever." From behind her back, she produced a turkey baster.

What the Hello Kitty was wrong with this woman??! He stared at the floor, conjuring up one very special memory involving his masculine, thoughtful Joel... and a churro.
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Re: J Squared

Postby Scar2016 » Sun Nov 12, 2017 11:07 pm

''Ok, ok. Point taken, Kevin Bacon'' he said to Ellie as he took the turkey baster from her and receded into the rancid stench of the bathroom. This was fast shaping up to be another terrible, no good, dirty rotten, horrible day, he thought to himself. But he carried the thought of Joely with him from bedroom to bathroom along with the thought of all the stolen looks and moments he was going to deftly orchestrate while in China. ''Mmmm,'' the sound quietly left his lips as he got_to_work over the side of the bath.

The next morning Ellie insisted on dressing up in a girls anime costume and posing for an instagram pic because she just knew she was already pregnant annnnd - pregnant with a girl. Jared jadedly obliged and took the photo in front of what Ellie liked to call cute, pretty Chinese drawings (he didn't have the heart to tell her they were actually Chinese words). ''So fun Jare Bear. I can't wait to practice doing these cute Chinese pictures with Jackson when we get home. I wonder if they do a stencil set?''

As they sat down at the restaurant for lunch with their group, Jared flinched in pain again from the massage he'd had last night. But despite the pain, he still found it more enjoyable than any time Ellie had ever touched him and whilst he'd lain on the massage table he imagined the hands upon him to be those of Joel and the recollection of this made him instinctively look up and across the table at Joel. ''Oh my dickens'' he thought, ''Those eyes....and those lips!'' He caught himself licking his lips thinking of him and Joel kis ... ''Jare! The food isn't THAT good'' whined Ellie. He stopped abruptly as he began to share his plate with her.
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Re: J Squared

Postby RecklessDisregard » Mon Nov 13, 2017 7:22 am

Omg =D

I just love this thread. Nice contribution, Scar!
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Re: J Squared

Postby Scar2016 » Fri Nov 17, 2017 10:15 am

Jared - 17th Nov 2017, when referring to sitting crossed legged on the floor: ''Criss cross apple sauce''
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Re: J Squared

Postby HelloSweetie » Fri Nov 17, 2017 11:06 am

Scar2016 wrote:Jared - 17th Nov 2017, when referring to sitting crossed legged on the floor: ''Criss cross apple sauce''


Lol. Total parent speak. I can't judge
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Re: J Squared

Postby Scar2016 » Tue Nov 21, 2017 5:46 am

Don't worry, I'm using this thread to compile a compendium of Jer Bear sayings :D

Just before he said the above little ditty he said 'inhibiting' then corrected himself by pronouncing it 'inlibiting.'
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Re: J Squared

Postby Scar2016 » Tue Nov 21, 2017 6:04 am

Oh and him pronouncing wreath as wreaf in yesterday's vlog.
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