John and Joan (IVF grant recipients)

[marshmallowfluf]

Her attitude has almost completely changed since finding out she is pregnant. Shes like a different person. Dont get me wrong, i think its a good thing. She seems very hopeful.


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[Scar2016]

Good point above, how IS John coping? It'd be good to hear his perspective on how he's finding it emotionally with this pregnancy and how he's coping with it emotionally with Joan, because they are two separate sets of emotions despite being about the same thing, if that makes sense.

[Ophelia11]

Her attitude has almost completely changed since finding out she is pregnant. Shes like a different person. Dont get me wrong, i think its a good thing. She seems very hopeful.


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Though that's what makes it all the more worrying. My heart sank when I heard she was pregnant, I'm happy for them but if Joan loses this baby it will be earth shattering for her. It seems (as others predicted) that this is her way of coping with the loss of Maeve, and I'm genuinely concerned about her. Hopefully all will go well, because the alternative doesn't really bear thinking about.


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[HelloSweetie]

Her attitude has almost completely changed since finding out she is pregnant. Shes like a different person. Dont get me wrong, i think its a good thing. She seems very hopeful.


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Though that's what makes it all the more worrying. My heart sank when I heard she was pregnant, I'm happy for them but if Joan loses this baby it will be earth shattering for her. It seems (as others predicted) that this is her way of coping with the loss of Maeve, and I'm genuinely concerned about her. Hopefully all will go well, because the alternative doesn't really bear thinking about.


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I completely agree. She made that IG post talking about how she's aware things can happen, but that she plans to enjoy every second she has of this pregnancy. Then, at the end of the post, she mentions that she feels Mauve sent her this baby.

Yeah, she's totally guarded in case she has a loss. If she does, it won't just be losing another baby, but losing the baby Mauve sent.

[Scar2016]

I wrote my post above before watching their recent Q & A and now after I feel even more strongly (not less) about wanting to know how John feels about everything because when he started to share his opinions on viewers questions it cut off literally mid word, several times, and went on to the next question. I wonder which one of them edit's their video's. At least 80% was of Joan talking and whilst I fully understand it was her body that carried Maeve etc, he is still the father. He got to say so little in that 22 minute video.

Is he just one of those strong silent type men or is he being emotionally pushed into the background due to Joan's, for want of a better word, 'loud' grieving process?

I also want to touch upon the depression aspect. It's been made clear how different she is since the pregnancy news but the reality of depression for so many people is that it doesn't just up and disappear overnight. I guess if you have situational depression it may be different, the situational being her secondary infertility.

[galifreyancatlady]

What the fuck. Look at her latest post! She's making this baby as a replacement for Maeve and I don't think any baby will ever be more than Maeve is. They will forever be fighting with her for Joan's heart. Every moment is a comparison to Maeve. Every memory.


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[lmmomSD]

What the fuck. Look at her latest post! She's making this baby as a replacement for Maeve and I don't think any baby will ever be more than Maeve is. They will forever be fighting with her for Joan's heart. Every moment is a comparison to Maeve. Every memory.


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Looks like she made her account private. You have to request to follow. I felt weird requesting.

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[actuallydear]

What the fuck. Look at her latest post! She's making this baby as a replacement for Maeve and I don't think any baby will ever be more than Maeve is. They will forever be fighting with her for Joan's heart. Every moment is a comparison to Maeve. Every memory.


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i thought it was fine, because she's bound to have things jog her memory. just like any mom would when they're newly pregnant and they think back to their previous pregnancy. i don't think it's fair to think this needs to change because her baby died. i get what you're saying though... and i really got it once i got to the end of the post and she said "when i'm old and grey, i want to close my eyes and remember: me, john and maeve safe in my belly. so in love. buying bras. and eating lunch in the food court" - no mention of the baby growing her belly right now. and that's what i found weird.

[funckyerdoder]

I wrote my post above before watching their recent Q & A and now after I feel even more strongly (not less) about wanting to know how John feels about everything because when he started to share his opinions on viewers questions it cut off literally mid word, several times, and went on to the next question. I wonder which one of them edit's their video's. At least 80% was of Joan talking and whilst I fully understand it was her body that carried Maeve etc, he is still the father. He got to say so little in that 22 minute video.

Is he just one of those strong silent type men or is he being emotionally pushed into the background due to Joan's, for want of a better word, 'loud' grieving process?

I also want to touch upon the depression aspect. It's been made clear how different she is since the pregnancy news but the reality of depression for so many people is that it doesn't just up and disappear overnight. I guess if you have situational depression it may be different, the situational being her secondary infertility.

she even said one time "don't listen to john's answer, listen to my answer"

[Scar2016]

I wrote my post above before watching their recent Q & A and now after I feel even more strongly (not less) about wanting to know how John feels about everything because when he started to share his opinions on viewers questions it cut off literally mid word, several times, and went on to the next question. I wonder which one of them edit's their video's. At least 80% was of Joan talking and whilst I fully understand it was her body that carried Maeve etc, he is still the father. He got to say so little in that 22 minute video.

she even said one time "don't listen to john's answer, listen to my answer"

Yes, you're right. It's not very compassionate to do that to the father who also lost his child. She shouldn't assume that she get's to have the monopoly on grief or that only her emotions over this new pregnancy count. Those can be potentially, seriously damaging places to go to in a marriage, discounting your partners emotional state and well being.

[MommaLindsey2]

I wish they wouldn't give ultrasounds before 8 weeks. It causes more stress than necessary.


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[HelloSweetie]

I thought the "therapy dog" was an actual, trained and specialized one. Looking through her IG I see that's just what she calls her?

I actually wouldn't have been surprised to find she had a legit therapy dog.

[actuallydear]

^ it's important while undergoing fertility treatments though, to make sure implantation occurred in the right place. As a fertility patient and a loss mama, I understand why they don't tend to give ultrasounds until after 6 weeks but when those early days go by so slowly and you're sick with worry, it could be helpful for them to have an initial ultrasound at 5-6 weeks to check placement and also have a baseline for growth measurement, then another at 7-8 weeks for the heartbeat.

What they're experiencing is super stressful for them. :/ hope it turns out ok. I have been enjoying her pregnancy updates.

[phie20]

I'm scared for Joan not being able to handle another loss. Watching their vlogs makes me stressed, I hope for their best but fear the worst. Can't really say I'm "enjoying" watching them, it's like a battle.

Can't finish watching the vlog, she puts so much pressure on herself it's unbearable for me. Joan needs professional help to heal from Maeve asap.

[fossilfinger]

Can't finish watching the vlog, she puts so much pressure on herself it's unbearable for me. Joan needs professional help to heal from Maeve asap.

I know she has a therapist, but I'm sure in her mind the only thing that will help her move on from Maeve is having another baby. She won't allow herself to move past this stage of grief until she has given Maeve a sibling.

I can't help noticing how differently John and Joan react to the news. John seems calm and rational, and Joan seems very self-absorbed. I don't mean that has a slight against her; I can completely understand how disappointed and upset she is. But her reaction almost comes off as more "I didn't get my way" than "I am upset about my baby's health." Their marriage must be suffering from this, because it seems like they are both in it for different reasons. Joan is blinded by grief and must have the outcome she wants, and John is trying to support her, but he can't take away her pain or even help her see the situation rationally.

I really think they should look into adopting. I know adopting can be a long, difficult process, but this pregnancy and any future pregnancies are also going to be extremely traumatic for them. At least with adoption they wouldn't be up against such a narrow time limit. Even if they do have a healthy baby this time, I don't know if it would be a good idea to put their child through something like this again if they decide they want to have another baby in the future.

[flowerpuppy]

I thought the "therapy dog" was an actual, trained and specialized one. Looking through her IG I see that's just what she calls her?

I actually wouldn't have been surprised to find she had a legit therapy dog.

i've been wanting to post about this for a while, but yes, it seems like she just calls her regular dog a therapy dog! i'm really glad that the dog (louise) has brought her so much peace and security, and having an actual therapy dog would most likely be amazing for her, but it kind of annoys me seeing her treat louise as an actual therapy dog by bringing her into every store/public building she goes into because that kind of behaviour affects actual therapy/service dogs and their owners negatively. it takes away validity from real service dogs when any old joe blow brings their pet into service dog-only areas.


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[lmmomSD]

I thought the "therapy dog" was an actual, trained and specialized one. Looking through her IG I see that's just what she calls her?

I actually wouldn't have been surprised to find she had a legit therapy dog.

i've been wanting to post about this for a while, but yes, it seems like she just calls her regular dog a therapy dog! i'm really glad that the dog (louise) has brought her so much peace and security, and having an actual therapy dog would most likely be amazing for her, but it kind of annoys me seeing her treat louise as an actual therapy dog by bringing her into every store/public building she goes into because that kind of behaviour affects actual therapy/service dogs and their owners negatively. it takes away validity from real service dogs when any old joe blow brings their pet into service dog-only areas.


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Yep-- because of HIPAA laws, if you say your dog is a therapy dog, the establishment has to accept that. So everyone who wants to bring their dog into a place where dogs aren't allowed, can just say "It's my therapy dog". I'm glad she gets relief from having her dog too, but you're right, it's not _really_ a therapy dog.
I really, really feel for John. Is he even getting a chance to grieve too? It seems that he's trying to support Joan, but he can't fix it, and he's not getting a chance to fall apart himself. Of course, I could be totally wrong. Maybe helping her helps him. Obviously, only he knows. I just hope he gets lots of support and love too.

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[MommaLindsey2]

I thought the "therapy dog" was an actual, trained and specialized one. Looking through her IG I see that's just what she calls her?

I actually wouldn't have been surprised to find she had a legit therapy dog.

i've been wanting to post about this for a while, but yes, it seems like she just calls her regular dog a therapy dog! i'm really glad that the dog (louise) has brought her so much peace and security, and having an actual therapy dog would most likely be amazing for her, but it kind of annoys me seeing her treat louise as an actual therapy dog by bringing her into every store/public building she goes into because that kind of behaviour affects actual therapy/service dogs and their owners negatively. it takes away validity from real service dogs when any old joe blow brings their pet into service dog-only areas.


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Maybe her dog is really registered as a therapy dog. There are therapy dogs for all kinds of conditions and they don't have to be purchased from a company or specially trained. I've heard of therapy dogs for anxiety and ptsd. Why would they need to be specially trained other than to be there for you to cuddle.


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[flowerpuppy]

I thought the "therapy dog" was an actual, trained and specialized one. Looking through her IG I see that's just what she calls her?

I actually wouldn't have been surprised to find she had a legit therapy dog.

i've been wanting to post about this for a while, but yes, it seems like she just calls her regular dog a therapy dog! i'm really glad that the dog (louise) has brought her so much peace and security, and having an actual therapy dog would most likely be amazing for her, but it kind of annoys me seeing her treat louise as an actual therapy dog by bringing her into every store/public building she goes into because that kind of behaviour affects actual therapy/service dogs and their owners negatively. it takes away validity from real service dogs when any old joe blow brings their pet into service dog-only areas.


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Maybe her dog is really registered as a therapy dog. There are therapy dogs for all kinds of conditions and they don't have to be purchased from a company or specially trained. I've heard of therapy dogs for anxiety and ptsd. Why would they need to be specially trained other than to be there for you to cuddle.


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as far as i know (which i won't pretend is tons!), therapy dogs for anxiety/ptsd/etc are registered as well. when i was in college we had a presentation from somebody who owned an organization that trained and registered therapy dogs for people with issues like autism, ptsd, anxiety, and it was a very involved process! the dogs are trained for years until they are able to pick up on their owner's mannerisms that imply anxiety or discomfort with any given situation, and quickly and correctly respond to their owner in a way that comforts them. it's so much more than just cuddling!

those dogs were all VERY expensive because they were purebred and because of how much time and effort was put into them. they were also only given to people who had applied for a dog and went to multiple meetings with the organization workers to prove they needed the dog and to ensure the dog was being trained in a way that worked with the person who would need it. joan has said that john just surprised her with mixed-breed puppy louise one day, so i find it really hard to believe she's a registered therapy dog.

plus, i'm pretty sure therapy dogs are required to wear vests that show they are service dogs, and joan has posted multiple photos of louise out in public wearing nothing but a cutesy harness.


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[HelloSweetie]

I thought the "therapy dog" was an actual, trained and specialized one. Looking through her IG I see that's just what she calls her?

I actually wouldn't have been surprised to find she had a legit therapy dog.

i've been wanting to post about this for a while, but yes, it seems like she just calls her regular dog a therapy dog! i'm really glad that the dog (louise) has brought her so much peace and security, and having an actual therapy dog would most likely be amazing for her, but it kind of annoys me seeing her treat louise as an actual therapy dog by bringing her into every store/public building she goes into because that kind of behaviour affects actual therapy/service dogs and their owners negatively. it takes away validity from real service dogs when any old joe blow brings their pet into service dog-only areas.


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Maybe her dog is really registered as a therapy dog. There are therapy dogs for all kinds of conditions and they don't have to be purchased from a company or specially trained. I've heard of therapy dogs for anxiety and ptsd. Why would they need to be specially trained other than to be there for you to cuddle.


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After her loss she started referring to her old chihuahua as a therapy dog. When he passed away she got Louise as a puppy she started calling her the same right away. There was no documentation at either time.

There is no certification process for an emotional service dog, but there is. I requirement for business to accept then either. Technically all dogs can be considered "emotional support dogs."

If Joan brings her dog into a business only service dogs are allowed on, then she is committing fraud. The only service that Joan would qualify for in this regard (being neither sight/hearing/mobility impaired or having a health concern) is possibly a Psychiatric Service Dog, which are specially trained dogs. Louise wouldn't count. She can provide emotional support, but is no more accepted in stores than any other dog.

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