John and Joan (IVF grant recipients)

[fossilfinger]

Just watched Joan's newest YT video and I found her comments that they were given lots of drugs and both she and John took them and proceeded to "lay around and feel numb" terrifying. I hope someone in their circle sees the danger in that comment.

Maybe the doctor prescribed John a Xanax because they knew he was going through a hard time too? I don't think this is necessarily alarming in itself. I don't see Joan wanting to take drugs unnecessarily when she wants to get pregnant in a few months, and hopefully John will get the job he interviewed for and have something outside the house to keep him going.

[menehune]

It would be very atypical for Joan's doctor to prescribe John medication given that he was not the patient.

Do they not both have a history of addiction? The had a "dry wedding" for a reason.

I'm sorry, but I see red flags all around.

[MommaLindsey2]

What I took from that is Joan shared her medication with john. This whole situation is heartbreaking. I hope everything turns out next time. All this stress she is feeling can't be good for a pregnancy.


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[flowerpuppy]

god, that is so worrying. just the way she said it, "we just wanted to be numb and not have to feel the pain". definite huge red flags!!! i hope this does not push them over the edge

[flowerpuppy]

update: they reached the gofundme goal in less than a day!

[IceCreamCone]

update: they reached the gofundme goal in less than a day!

While I'm glad they already have the funds for another treatment, I'm not sure how to feel about this. They will undoubtedly keep the GFM going to raise additional funds just as they did before, which just doesn't seem ethical. They have had some awful, horrible, devastating things happen to them, but they shouldn't be profiting from it (past the treatments that is). If vlogging starts to bring in enough money for them to complete their home and for Jon to stay home and not work, then so be it. Extra GFM donations shouldn't allow them both to stay home and wallow though. I don't think it's healthy for them. What they need is to move on. To establish a healthy life and routine before starting the next transfer process. They don't need more quiet days of solitude and grief.

As their GFM has now afforded them the opportunity to have another shot, the remaining couples are all still struggling to save up for their first try. This whole contest has just become one giant mess. Lucky for E&J, they are too wrapped up in their own TTC process to have to worry about all of that.

[flowerpuppy]

update: they reached the gofundme goal in less than a day!

While I'm glad they already have the funds for another treatment, I'm not sure how to feel about this. They will undoubtedly keep the GFM going to raise additional funds just as they did before, which just doesn't seem ethical. They have had some awful, horrible, devastating things happen to them, but they shouldn't be profiting from it (past the treatments that is). If vlogging starts to bring in enough money for them to complete their home and for Jon to stay home and not work, then so be it. Extra GFM donations shouldn't allow them both to stay home and wallow though. I don't think it's healthy for them. What they need is to move on. To establish a healthy life and routine before starting the next transfer process. They don't need more quiet days of solitude and grief.

As their GFM has now afforded them the opportunity to have another shot, the remaining couples are all still struggling to save up for their first try. This whole contest has just become one giant mess. Lucky for E&J, they are too wrapped up in their own TTC process to have to worry about all of that.

have they said anything about wanting to take a break from everything to stay home though? in joan's most recent youtube video she said john was out at a job interview so i don't really get the impression that they're trying to stay home (at least not john). i don't know what joan's plans are, but i know in the past she's said that being at work helps her feel better sometimes.

i don't think they'll make enough extra money from the gofundme or vlogging to be taking extended breaks from working, and i imagine the extra money from the gofundme would be put towards finishing their house since she said that's what they'll be doing until the next embryo transfer, although i really hope they address what extra money will be used for in this donation fund as opposed to the last one!

[calliepaige]

Yikes.... I don't even know what more to say.


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[PostyMcPosterston]

She's definitely going to try again asap...
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oh, fuck.

I feel awful that they've experienced another loss, but damn... that's kind of tacky, is it not? I don't know though. Maybe if I couldn't afford the transfer in any way, and was desperate to have a child, maybe I'd act the same way? Who knows in such an awful position.


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[flowerpuppy]

posting her update so that my assumptions don't misinform anyone

[HelloSweetie]

I'll be that bitch.

I think if you reach you goal in a Go Fund Me, you should stop accepting donations and not just see how much more you can get and put the money towards something else. She's updates, so she knows she's made their goal, and still the GFM is open. That, and the fact that they never disclosed the $3k they raised in the other GFM, just doesn't se right.

I'm sorry they are grieving, and sorry for all their struggles, but I also still feel bad for the others who are still saving. Kateka in particular has been very supportive of Joan, and I would have liked to see her pass the kind words on now that they have reached their goal.

[RootBeerFloatie]

If HS's post is considered being a bitch then wait for this: they are absolutely not responsible enough financially, emotionally, or mentally to take care of a baby. I hope that these things change because obviously they'll be pursuing at least one more round with GFM money, but I don't think they will. Having a baby has become an obsession, and it will not magically fix all of their problems. They've got a history of addiction, depression, ptsd, and quitting jobs for no good reason.

I'm sorry that they lost this baby and are going through this heartbreak, but I'm even more sorry that people keep throwing money at them to try again when they're not ready. And yes, I think it's INCREDIBLY tacky to beg for more money using a picture like that right after your miscarriage.

[calliepaige]

Amen, to all of that. I feel horrible for how things have ended up for them, but the GfM is


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[fossilfinger]

I don't know if I have the same perspective on the GFM. People voluntarily donate, and it's not as if they can feel pressured into donating because so many people donate anonymously that no one would know if specific people for sure did or did not contribute. People can also see if a GFM has hit its goal before they donate, and if it has, they knowingly choose to donate money over the goal amount, still wanting to show support for the cause. So you can call it tacky, but I don't see it as malicious or manipulating people.

[HelloSweetie]

I don't know if I have the same perspective on the GFM. People voluntarily donate, and it's not as if they can feel pressured into donating because so many people donate anonymously that no one would know if specific people for sure did or did not contribute. People can also see if a GFM has hit its goal before they donate, and if it has, they knowingly choose to donate money over the goal amount, still wanting to show support for the cause. So you can call it tacky, but I don't see it as malicious or manipulating people.

The last one they left up and continued to collect donations even after they won the IVF treatment. They never updated it to disclose this information. You don't see where that's unethical?

It doesn't have to be malicious to be in poor taste.

[Bananasplit]

I agree that drug comment is worrisome. I was always told to take otc tylenol or naproxen after my d&cs. I would be very concerned if I was someone close to her. I hope someone helps her.

[meklops]

I'll also be a bitch here.

I feel very strongly about children and their well being. I'm a teacher, and have spent years 'defending' children, looking for opportunities to help them, and am very, very involved in the welfare of my students and children in my life.

I'm scared for any baby that Joan and John have.

Joan is mentally ill. They do not have the emotional or financial capabilities to care for themselves correctly and certainly not for a child. They're not mature enough, and the way they deal with things is not normal. I'm pretty sure if her doctors and IVF centre knew about her posts on social media and vlogs, they would not be proceeding as if they were a normal, healthy couple. They are not.

[nonotme]

I looked through the inst


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[lmmomSD]

It would be very atypical for Joan's doctor to prescribe John medication given that he was not the patient.

Do they not both have a history of addiction? The had a "dry wedding" for a reason.

I'm sorry, but I see red flags all around.

They have discussed being "clean and sober" before. So taking medication not to feel, and to be able to"lie around and be numb" is a huge red flag, coming from simply a standpoint of addictive behavior. Because the whole point of being clean and sober is to deal with things. Yeah, this sucks. It sucks a lot, and I have never been through it. But I have been through grief, and medicating yourself not to feel it is a bad thing, even in the short term. Especially if you have a history of addiction. Because that is basically what addiction is: trying not to feel. That really concerns me. And she shouldn't be sharing her meds with John. The idea of the two of them sitting at home with Maeve's ashes and the container holding "sweet pea", numbing out on meds, is not a healthy picture.

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[Cgl33]

I broke down after watching that video. I remember wanting to feel numb after my miscarriage and I did not have the history that they did. I hope that taking pills does not trigger a past addiction or create new ones. I feel so bad for them and I'm so angry that it was a contest.