John and Joan (IVF grant recipients)

[chs6213]

Oh wow. They swallowed some of Maeve's ashes. That makes me SO sad and concerned for them. Those ashes are Maeve's body, not Maeve. Maeve will be with them in spirit always. Swallowing her ashes didn't make her any more present with them. And they buried some of her ashes under the tree. What will happen if they ever move? If their house gets foreclosed on, if they have no choice? I don't think Joan would be able to deal with leaving Maeve's ashes and this baby's remains buried in that garden. I don't know if that's been touched on by anyone here. I feel like she'd lose it even if they've had another child at that point.

My husband and I had a house built. We signed the contracts almost two months after our daughter was stillborn. They broke ground on her due date. I mentioned having her ashes in the cement or something to my husband and he immediately said he'd rather not because what if we moved? How would we ever leave her ashes behind? So we didn't and I'm so, so glad. Even though it's just her body and not HER... I couldn't leave them behind.


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[fossilfinger]

Oh wow. They swallowed some of Maeve's ashes. That makes me SO sad and concerned for them. Those ashes are Maeve's body, not Maeve. Maeve will be with them in spirit always. Swallowing her ashes didn't make her any more present with them. And they buried some of her ashes under the tree. What will happen if they ever move? If their house gets foreclosed on, if they have no choice? I don't think Joan would be able to deal with leaving Maeve's ashes and this baby's remains buried in that garden. I don't know if that's been touched on by anyone here.

In one of Joan's posts about their house, she stated that she and John bought the house to grow old together in. She also stated that their agent and inspector both advised them not to buy it (which seems like a huge red flag to me). Putting two and two together, it sounds like they bought this house with the savings they had, for VERY little money. That would explain how they could afford the house, and the fact that the two of them probably bring in a combined income of like $30k per year suggests that they won't be able to move even if they want to.

[RootBeerFloatie]

I didn't even think about them leaving the house. Joan would have a colossal meltdown and try to sneak back on to the property, for sure.

Haven't they only been married for a few years? Trying to split up stuff in the event of a divorce would be a nightmare

[Boredomatitsfinest]

I don't mean to sound insensitive... so I hope that nobody takes offense to this... but, has anyone else questioned if they're being completely honest about their jobs/income? Between the multiple GFM accounts, their odd jobs, and their strange life choices (I.e. Remodeling a house/John leaving his job/etc., isn't typically something people do when they're "tight" on money per say), I can't help but question if they're some type of scam artists or something? I know that sounds kind of far fetched...but I don't know. EVERYTHING is beginning to feel so off/odd about these two. My gut instinct just doesn't feel right about them.

[blahblahblahhh]

I don't mean to sound insensitive... so I hope that nobody takes offense to this... but, has anyone else questioned if they're being completely honest about their jobs/income? Between the multiple GFM accounts, their odd jobs, and their strange life choices (I.e. Remodeling a house/John leaving his job/etc., isn't typically something people do when they're "tight" on money per say), I can't help but question if they're some type of scam artists or something? I know that sounds kind of far fetched...but I don't know. EVERYTHING is beginning to feel so off/odd about these two. My gut instinct just doesn't feel right about them.

I don't get it either. If they needed help to afford IVF, then it seems like they obviously don't have a significant amount in savings. So with that in mind, I don't understand how they can afford to not have jobs AND remodel their house in the meantime? Remodeling, even if it's not extravagant, is expensive. Along with regular living expenses and monthly bills, I don't understand how they're affording it.


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[phie20]

Nearly too late to that party, what the actual fuck - Joan's batshit crazy, simple as that. I can only imagine her telling John to push that spoon of ashes down his throat. What the fuck. Wtf.

[sataninwonderland]

Eating their daughter's ashes is disturbing. If they want her inside of them forever, have they thought about tattoos with the ashes mixed into the ink? Even that would be better than eating her. It's borderline cannibalism.

[skiingmama1]

Also wanted to add I was thinking about her grief/sadness. I think what makes Joan's situation so hard to grieve is the fact that if her midwives had listened to her concerns and investigate the issues she could have been induced at 37 weeks with a live baby. She went into the clinic 6 unscheduled times because of lack of fetal movement and they kept brushing her off. I would be so fucking angry, they would have to put me in a mental hospital.


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I agree with this. I wonder if she tried to sue.


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They addressed this in a video. They said they tried to sue and their case was dismissed, I'm guessing because most offices have medical malpractice insurance making it much harder for them to be sued. The midwife responsible for Joan's care was fired and the practice dismissed Joan's medical bills but that was as far as it went.

[flowerpuppy]

i assume this is somebody from here... i don't think we really need to be commenting stuff like that directly on her posts.


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[skiingmama1]

I'm curious how they have health insurance if Jon doesn't work and Joan only works part time.

[RootBeerFloatie]

Also wanted to add I was thinking about her grief/sadness. I think what makes Joan's situation so hard to grieve is the fact that if her midwives had listened to her concerns and investigate the issues she could have been induced at 37 weeks with a live baby. She went into the clinic 6 unscheduled times because of lack of fetal movement and they kept brushing her off. I would be so fucking angry, they would have to put me in a mental hospital.


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I agree with this. I wonder if she tried to sue.


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They addressed this in a video. They said they tried to sue and their case was dismissed, I'm guessing because most offices have medical malpractice insurance making it much harder for them to be sued. The midwife responsible for Joan's care was fired and the practice dismissed Joan's medical bills but that was as far as it went.

Actually, that's not true. The midwife left for another practice but has no disciplinary actions on her record, and there's no evidence that any of their bills were paid. The case was dismissed because Maeve died of a growth disorder, and it's true that they didn't catch it, but there's no way to prove that she wouldn't have died even if they had. Joan thinks that's bullshit because she was a "perfect angel," and the story sounds a lot sadder when you think it was preventable.

[skiingmama1]

They addressed this in a video. They said they tried to sue and their case was dismissed, I'm guessing because most offices have medical malpractice insurance making it much harder for them to be sued. The midwife responsible for Joan's care was fired and the practice dismissed Joan's medical bills but that was as far as it went.[/quote]

Actually, that's not true. The midwife left for another practice but has no disciplinary actions on her record, and there's no evidence that any of their bills were paid. The case was dismissed because Maeve died of a growth disorder, and it's true that they didn't catch it, but there's no way to prove that she wouldn't have died even if they had. Joan thinks that's bullshit because she was a "perfect angel," and the story sounds a lot sadder when you think it was preventable.[/quote]


Oh. I was just going off of what they said in a video "she was fired and they dismissed the balance we owed for our midwifery care" I don't feel like finding it right now but I believe it was a Q+A

[RootBeerFloatie]

No I totally believe that she said that, I just wanted to let you know that it was a lie. You can't believe anything these people say.

[Cgl33]

I don't think Joan is batshit crazy. I think something tragic happened to her and she has PTSD. She is consumed with her grief and this loss brought it all back. She may have had issues with mental illness before. I've never heard of someone eating ashes and it doesn't make sense at all, but she is a mom who lost her baby. I don't know. I just hope she gets help and makes progress with her ptsd before she has another child. I'm more sad for her than anything.

[sadie]

I'm not following her on instagram but could someone please check if she has answered the question or if it's still there?

[Sarai]

I'm not following her on instagram but could someone please check if she has answered the question or if it's still there?

Someone posted the link to the post, so you can see it without having to follow her. She commented that she blocked the 2 people and they're "insensitive". Yeah, because eating your child's ashes is so normal? Wtf.

[cruelwinter]

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[flowerpuppy]

I don't think Joan is batshit crazy. I think something tragic happened to her and she has PTSD. She is consumed with her grief and this loss brought it all back. She may have had issues with mental illness before. I've never heard of someone eating ashes and it doesn't make sense at all, but she is a mom who lost her baby. I don't know. I just hope she gets help and makes progress with her ptsd before she has another child. I'm more sad for her than anything.

i agree!! i feel like this is just a glimpse into the kinds of extremely unusual things severely mentally ill people* can do in times of desperation, and although it can be jarring to hear about, i don't think it's a sign that she's crazy. i think it's a sign she is/was so traumatized and lost that she thought swallowing the ashes would provide some sort of relief to her pain from being away from maeve. i guess that's why i'm not that appalled by it- because i think she did it out of suffering and not "craziness" (whatever that means). maybe in a few years if she begins recovering she will see why it was odd to swallow the ashes, i don't know.

*i am also a severely mentally ill person who has done weird shit, so i'm not trying to sound like i'm judging lol

[HelloSweetie]

I get that eating the ashes was from being mentally ill, so I don't judge her for that. I do judge her for the misleading information to get sympathy, and the extra GFMs she wouldn't need if John had a better work ethic.

Each of these GFMs make it sound as though they are drowning in medical bills from Maeve, and if they were covered by the MWs office, then this is a huge mislead. They failed to acknowledge the $3k they already had for IVF, and instead made a new GFM and said any extra money would go towards the medical bills from SP. What about that 3k?

Joan's daily posts aren't her journaling or getting on with her life. They are to remind everyone that she loves the most! She lost the most! She grieves the hardest! Etc. They are keeping things going so that if this IVF doesn't work, they can get another treatment covered. The other couples are working multiple jobs still trying to save for their first shot, and John and Joan are working part-time, and spending exited money to get the house ready before June.

[Boredomatitsfinest]

That's a good point HS, and it made me realize something. Having this newfound platform is probably the worst thing that could be happening to her right now. She has learned that her depressing and unhealthy posts are what grab the most attention, which just encourages her to stay stuck in that mindset. Yes, she's seeing a lot of support, but she's not using it to get better. She's using it to perpetuate the pit she's in. She's thriving off of this "woe is me, have pity on me and give me stuff" mentality. Honestly, I hate to say it, because I have dealt with some pretty gnarly depression myself, but if she continues with this lifestyle, I don't see her ever getting better. She needs to make some serious changes, and stepping away from social media would be a solid first step.