John and Joan (IVF grant recipients)

[Cgl33]

I'm trying to be empathetic. I don't think she's a bad person necessarily, I think she needs help really, really, really bad. She's completely absorbed in her own grief and probably has ptsd. Someone else said this, but Maeve wouldn't want her to act like this. No child would want their parent to be in pain every day and not enjoy life. It's not honoring her to say what she said to the mom who lost her child. I'm afraid she's going to hurt herself on a bad day and I wouldn't want that for anyone. I'm nervous for her. What happens if this next cycle doesn't work.

Hopefully that retreat that she's going to will help. I do think they will call her on how she talks to others, if it's the type of retreat I'm thinking of. It has to be a safe place for everyone. Hopefully their group discussions are led by a therapist and it's not just a group of women going away by themselves.

[chs6213]

Man, I hope she knows that recovery from getting your tonsils removed as an adult can be hell. That's why its most commonly done on little kids because the recovery is a lot easier on them for some reason. I feel like she isn't going to handle being in that much discomfort over Maeve's birthday. Hopefully John is smart enough to monitor how much of the pain meds she is taking so she doesn't do something stupid/accidental.

John...smart enough with pain meds? They'll probably shut the blinds and hunker down in bed for days whilst they share her pain meds like she admitted they did last time she was prescribed them.

Joan and John can't mold this baby into a living Maeve doll.

I honestly wouldn't be surprised if they gave it a darn good try. Their whole vibe is like some creepy Victorian novel of the crazy relative living in the attic of a country mansion, vis a vis Charlotte Brontë's novel: Jane Eyre. In this 21st century version, Joan is being enabled to live a life of delusion which takes her away from reality rather than facing it. <--It just hit me as I wrote that...they are both addicts and an addict uses/abuses their addiction of choice in order to escape reality. Isn't that exactly what Joan is doing here? Creating an alternative reality where Maeve is 'still alive' - in order to escape the reality that she is not? I wonder if her therapist has seen it from that perspective because Joan certainly appears to be obsessed/addicted with keeping this alternative reality narrative alive.

She said they shared her pain medication? Was this recent?


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[jess595]

I thought she was beginning to get better, I really did. I feel sorry for her to be honest, it seemed like for a period she was starting to 'move on' (not that you ever move on from this, but she was beginning to heal), and now the time has come for the anniversary and she's lost it again

[galifreyancatlady]

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I can't deal with this right now. A monopoly on grief.


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[MommaLindsey2]

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I can't deal with this right now. A monopoly on grief.


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How long was Maeve not moving when she went into the midwife for the ultrasound? Maybe some of this is guilt from not taking herself to the hospital when the baby stopped moving.


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[actuallydear]

I definitely think a huge part of this is guilt. What else could it be?

Has anyone ever come across someone whose universe revolves around their loss that happened 2 years ago? I haven't, and I follow a lot of Loss Mamas.

Anniversaries are always hard but she needs to stop whatever path she is on that she thinks is helping and divert herself to one that is going to actually help her move forward. It's not about forgetting, or moving on, but life continues and she isn't being fair on herself, her husband, their families, their friends, their colleges and every fucking one she comes into contact with.

Every time I see a kid with red hair, or foxes. I think of Joan and Maeve how they're alone in the space she has put them in. Nothing will ever ever ever come to close to the ideals she has for Maeve. No one loves anyone more than she loves Maeve, no one is more pained than she is for Maeve.

At this point it's insulting and nothing but selfish. Her grief is a black hole.

[RootBeerFloatie]

Can we talk about how she "vomited on the midwife's leg" though? I'm sure that's an exaggeration but still, damn nasty bitch

[kittypurry]

Saw this on one of the recent pics. I get wanting a bio child, but with her low ovarian reserve, and with how anxious she would be the entire pregnancy, maybe "other options" would be a better idea than more IVF. Also, who will be funding that round?




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[Scar2016]

She said they shared her pain medication? Was this recent?

Yes. If you scroll back it was discussed.

Can we talk about how she "vomited on the midwife's leg" though? I'm sure that's an exaggeration but still, damn nasty bitch

How sweet of her, calling them stupid as well.

[boredmamaneedsdrama]

I find it odd that she has had multiple posts everyday lately about the most random things, yet none of it involves her not feeling Maeve and going to get checked 5 times.

[lmmomSD]

She said they shared her pain medication? Was this recent?

Yes. If you scroll back it was discussed.

Can we talk about how she "vomited on the midwife's leg" though? I'm sure that's an exaggeration but still, damn nasty bitch

How sweet of her, calling them stupid as well.

After she had her miscarriage from the IVF. She said she and John stayed in bed numbed out on her pain meds.

Maybe the retreat will help, because she will be with other loss moms and hopefully won't have the worst story and the most pain. However, realistically, I think she'll probably try to top any story that the other women have. And that's not the point of the retreat.
I don't wish her evil, or think she's a bad person. I just think she really really needs help that she isn't getting, and the Instagram following hanging on her every word and validating her monopoly on pain isn't helping.

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[Amelia322]

Wow she writes love letters to Maeve every day? What the heck could they possibly say that you don't already write on IG for the last two years? I mean shit. Don't you think she'd run out of things to write after a couple weeks or a month?

I liked reading everyone's perspective above. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks she's a little over the top..


I seriously don't get how they can grieve so deeply every single day after two years that's gotta be extremely draining.. I would definitely seek help if I couldn't move forward.

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[ellawski]

The whole story is sad, but I also found Johns reaction to whole thing sad, I wonder if she is saying it that way on purpose, but it makes him sound kinda selfish, your wife who is overdue is going to an important appointment and you ask if you HAVE to go and instead of driving her there you bike and she drives. I've never been pregnant myself but I have 2 friends who went overdue and none of them were in for any driving lol, I actually drove one of them who is a single mom to her last appointment.


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[HelloSweetie]

The whole story is sad, but I also found Johns reaction to whole thing sad, I wonder if she is saying it that way on purpose, but it makes him sound kinda selfish, your wife who is overdue is going to an important appointment and you ask if you HAVE to go and instead of driving her there you bike and she drives. I've never been pregnant myself but I have 2 friends who went overdue and none of them were in for any driving lol, I actually drove one of them who is a single mom to her last appointment.


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I think that was fine. Husbands don't need to go to routine appointments, and this is what that sounded like to me. If she truly worried that something was wrong, I imagine he would have known that and would have felt the need to be at the appointment.

The story doesn't make sense to me tbh.

[lmmomSD]

The whole story is sad, but I also found Johns reaction to whole thing sad, I wonder if she is saying it that way on purpose, but it makes him sound kinda selfish, your wife who is overdue is going to an important appointment and you ask if you HAVE to go and instead of driving her there you bike and she drives. I've never been pregnant myself but I have 2 friends who went overdue and none of them were in for any driving lol, I actually drove one of them who is a single mom to her last appointment.


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She wasn't overdue though. She was 36 weeks, right? But still, since it was an important appointment, he should have gone.

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[ellawski]

The whole story is sad, but I also found Johns reaction to whole thing sad, I wonder if she is saying it that way on purpose, but it makes him sound kinda selfish, your wife who is overdue is going to an important appointment and you ask if you HAVE to go and instead of driving her there you bike and she drives. I've never been pregnant myself but I have 2 friends who went overdue and none of them were in for any driving lol, I actually drove one of them who is a single mom to her last appointment.


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She wasn't overdue though. She was 36 weeks, right? But still, since it was an important appointment, he should have gone.

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Oh, my bad then, I don't know why I thought she was overdue and that's why they were inducing her. Thanks for clarifying!


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[Boredomatitsfinest]

I think that was fine. Husbands don't need to go to routine appointments, and this is what that sounded like to me. If she truly worried that something was wrong, I imagine he would have known that and would have felt the need to be at the appointment.

The story doesn't make sense to me tbh.

It doesn't make sense to me either.

Hasn't she talked about how she had concerns, because she thought the baby wasn't moving, and that was the whole ordeal with the midwife?

If that was the case... I would imagine this appointment wouldn't have been a routine one? Or, if it was, certainly not a casual one. And, I would imagine you wouldn't make a joke about leaking fluid when you had already been concerned that you hadn't felt movement....?

Am I missing something here?

[marshmallowfluf]

It sounded like she wasnt suppose to be there for an ultrasound because she said they started a NST and the machine "wasn't working" so they did the ultrasound instead


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[lmmomSD]

The whole story is sad, but I also found Johns reaction to whole thing sad, I wonder if she is saying it that way on purpose, but it makes him sound kinda selfish, your wife who is overdue is going to an important appointment and you ask if you HAVE to go and instead of driving her there you bike and she drives. I've never been pregnant myself but I have 2 friends who went overdue and none of them were in for any driving lol, I actually drove one of them who is a single mom to her last appointment.


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She wasn't overdue though. She was 36 weeks, right? But still, since it was an important appointment, he should have gone.

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Oh, my bad then, I don't know why I thought she was overdue and that's why they were inducing her. Thanks for clarifying!


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No worries. The deal was that they had realized she had a growth restriction and were inducing her for that.
But it's hard to keep things straight. Her story changes.
At one point, she was saying that she had been bugging them because she didn't feel Maeve moving, and they were ignoring her. But this story doesn't fit that narrative. If there was a problem, John wouldn't have been asking if he had to go, and she wouldn't have been joking.
That's what I wonder about. Maybe her memory is messed up because of the trauma, but sometimes she says one thing, and then she says another.

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[Cgl33]

I had NSTs twice a week for maybe 4 weeks and my husband only went to two. Most of the time, there was another mom to be in the room behind a curtain. They were usually alone too. I could see being mad if he knew something was wrong and asked if he had to go, but not just for an NST.