I think THESE stories are what should be called "inspirational stories", before any other.Warped&Twisted.Poet wrote:I have to begin by appreciating the courage you have shown for writing all these items down...placebo wrote:Those tails just look like not enough air's getting in between and being too long in a soiled diaper.. I may be wrong, but that's what it looks like to me. And yes, I think it absolutely disgusting she posts those pictures online for everyone to see. She knows there are perverts, she's (or at least was) part of the mumblr community and last fall there was some pedo reposting pictures of their kids in diapers etc..
Now, I was a willing SAHM for up until my daughter was 3. Our country actually SUPPORTS it and every mother is entitled to receive monetary sum to support staying at home. I mean every mom no matter what your income was before you got your child gets it, so for that I refuse to feel guilty of and I'm very lucky to have been born where I am in that sense.
Also, what comes to GA.. I'm ashamed to be on it. I was so excited to get to studying for a degree few years back, but bam.. Panic disorder (I got bullied throughout high school and ended up finishing the last HS grade in home schooling). Still, I did try for a long while, with multiple daily panic attacks and because of those, severe anxiety. In the end, I had to drop out because my psyche couldn't take it anymore. It was either quit or burn myself completely and be admitted in psychical hospital. I was having panic attacks everywhere. I saw a big dog and I literally HAD to cross the road.
Since then, I was few months off taking my time to get proper medication and getting thorough the worst of it, but ever since, I've applied to every single adult degree I've thought at least slightly interesting. No luck though. It doesn't matter I have excellent grades because those who have worked in the field of those degrees before get those places. Not I. It is extremely humiliating. There is nothing wrong with my ability of learning and just staying at home doing nothing.. Well, it is numbing. Right now I'm considering moving because the underemployment rates are one of the biggest in the county I live in and there aren't many adult degrees to begin with. If I will not be able to get in adult degree before next fall, I will just take the first shit ty job I'm able to get because even that's something for the resume.
Lastly.. My appointed job employment office worker(where I live adult degrees go through there) has told me that because I have very severe case of panic disorder to the point it hinders my ability to perform in social situations I would be qualified for early retirement. I don't want that. I've chose not to take that route. I want to better myself for my daughter.
Because of ALL that, it does piss me to no end that people like Tayler don't even seem to want to better themselves. She has no restraining diagnosis. I have, and I still do fucking try and get nowhere with it.
/endrant.
(I'm actually very ashamed to even write all of above.)
it's different than discussing it with a trusted friend or thinking about it in your head, when you write such things down, they become real, even moreso than they were as thoughts in your mind, you can reread them and reflect on your life experiences.
since were sharing stories here, let me give alittle back.
I was raised in a terrible household, (have an imagination) parents divorced when I was 8, had 4 and 5 year old brothers, consistently encouraged my depressed mother ( I now refer to her as Felicia (supposed to mean happyness) cook for the little ones, we didnt have a vacum so i swept the carpet... I started having panic/anxiety attacks (I know the difference) after her disgusting bf who lived with us put his hand under my shirt at age 12 (I had BOOBS) and BROKE my little brother's arm (right) after some time of pleading, she kicked him out... a male family member molested me when I was 14 while "vacationing) for 2 months in my homeland...again visiting when I was 17 he took it to another level, he taught me to smoke... (I had NEVER been naked before a man, or saw one naked until that point) ...I met my first love when i was nearly 18...we were in LOVE, but after almost 2 years and a half, when I was in Uni, another man captured my heart and I left that first boy, he went to see felicia when I was at Uni and told him our secret (he only found out after over a year, we had plans of marriage and discussed our children's names..i just started weeping) she didnt believe me, called family back home..all shocked..not believing my lies...within a few months I was hospitalized for 48 hrs? (or more)(age late 19) the 1st time (mental breakdown, overdose....) a few months later...I MOVED 5000km away from a town bordering detroit (in Canada) to Alberta, I've been here 6 years and in that time, pursued an education in Early Childhood Education and child and youth Care Counselor...hospitalized a 2nd time for 3 weeks (psychiatric institution) (I was the patient that took notes on other patients to further my "education" I interviewed medical professionals and did research on the medications they put me on....2 years afterwards i was hospitalized the 3rd time for 6 weeks....and got a better look at the inside of that psychiatric hospital (had many of the same nurses...truly angels) was KICKED out of the house I shared with a friend who had faith and came home with my stuff packed to the ceiling...moved out, found an amazing woman who rented a room to me who happened to be a person of faith (i knew the moment I met her) who became my maid of honor...
in the end... I met my husband 3 days after being released from the hospital that last time, (March 23rd, 2010), he accepted me for who i was and learned to love me as I am...
I graduated the Child and Youth Care Counselor program Dec 2011 despite begin hospitalized twice during the time I pursued my studies and obtained my education which allows me to work as a preschool teacher in June 2012.
Married my husband Aug 20th 2011.
Signed papers for our new home Aug 19, 2012, and our possession date March 19, 2013.
I wrote all that history because I WAS a psychiatric patient and taped theories I knew to my wall in my hospital room and continued studying while restrained to the hospital property, I had incredible professors, Director and program advisers, I ;learned to be patient, from being a patient...NEVER doubt yourself and YOUR abilities regardless of the obstacles you face.
MANY people, who learn of my in debt "review" of my experience with mental illness (I learned through interviews with specialists, doctors... I started having symptoms of Psychosis at age 4 (from watching my "dad" attempt to kill my mother the first time)
I HONESTLY say to those people who doubt me, I make an amazing Counselor, BECAUSE I have genuine compassion, empathy and non judgemental attitude. I know what it is to be a patient, to be interviewed, interrogated, misunderstood...
Along the way, I found my voice, my faith and the strength within myself to speak out for others.
I chose NOT to make this a personal message because some people did not believe me as being real...here it is...
feeding your kids and clothing them is NOT enough, parents have to nurture their babies hearts and stimulate their brains...
Placebo, NEVER doubt your abilities, a human, as a mother, your history does not define your future.
There is a well known "internet" famous singer..Jemma pixie hixon who has been housebound for many years, but has earned her fame through her videos.
BE the change YOU wish to see in the WORLD-Gandhi.
the change always must begin within ourselves.
Be Encouraged
Rosie.
Should I be removed for "improperness" or such, my feelings will not be hurt, I make any place I choose a safe place.
as mentioned, rather than a private message, I thought I should leave some encouragement...this was my purpose afterall.
For some things that you mentioned, been there, done that. Psychological pain is difficult to overcome, it's not as simple as showing a bruise, emotional abuse is so much harder to detect, and it's not nearly as talked about as it should be, I think. It's a very important thing to share.