2011Teenagemom Part 18

[Snow White]

I had my son at 17 and didn't have help from any grandparents, still don't. In my eyes Vanessa did pawn her off a lot. I have seen teen parents that still lived at home have no help from the grandparents either. I guess it's just too common to see grandparents always babysitting for young parents for people to realize that it isn't actually normal. But whatever... I didn't know my 'pawning her off' comment would sting so much here.

It is. Its very normal where I live.

Sorry I just never saw Vanessa "pawn" lily off. When she was at home she was with her kid, and she didn't even leave the house often without her. In fact I think the only time she wasn't with Lily was when she went to the movies with David. Did Nonna get up with Lily in the mornings? Yes. & I don't think Vanessa ever asked her to do it. She just was up early for work and wanted to spend some time with her grandchild. I think Nonna is just a very involved grandparent and adores Lily. To some people that comes across as V not taking care of her kid.

Aside from the frequent "date nights" there were other times. I remember a vlog were Vanessa woke up to find Lily and Nona gone (with Vanessa's dad for a ride) Vanessa had NO clue were they were..

I wouldn't say Vanessa pawned Lily off per say, rather Vanessa co-parented lily with Nona for the better half of Lily's life. Nona also finically provided for lily.

ETA - Just because it is common, doesn't mean it is right. I did not have my children for my parents to raise them. I love that grandparents like to be involved, some more than others, but there has to be a be a line. Parents need to parent.

[pitbulllove]

I had my son at 17 and didn't have help from any grandparents, still don't. In my eyes Vanessa did pawn her off a lot. I have seen teen parents that still lived at home have no help from the grandparents either. I guess it's just too common to see grandparents always babysitting for young parents for people to realize that it isn't actually normal. But whatever... I didn't know my 'pawning her off' comment would sting so much here.

It is. Its very normal where I live.

Sorry I just never saw Vanessa "pawn" lily off. When she was at home she was with her kid, and she didn't even leave the house often without her. In fact I think the only time she wasn't with Lily was when she went to the movies with David. Did Nonna get up with Lily in the mornings? Yes. & I don't think Vanessa ever asked her to do it. She just was up early for work and wanted to spend some time with her grandchild. I think Nonna is just a very involved grandparent and adores Lily. To some people that comes across as V not taking care of her kid.

Aside from the frequent "date nights" there were other times. I remember a vlog were Vanessa woke up to find Lily and Nona gone (with Vanessa's dad for a ride) Vanessa had NO clue were they were..

I wouldn't say Vanessa pawned Lily off per say, rather Vanessa co-parented lily with Nona for the better half of Lily's life. Nona also finically provided for lily.

ETA - Just because it is common, doesn't mean it is right. I did not have my children for my parents to raise them. I love that grandparents like to be involved, some more than others, but there has to be a be a line. Parents need to parent.

I agree, it was more of a co-parent relationship. I think Nonna should have stepped back a bit. In a way she hindered V's parenting by just taking her whenever she wanted or V asked. However I don't think Lily suffered in any of this. She seems to have a normal relationship with both of them.

[gypsophila]

Different cultures have different values too. If you want to parent your kids, go for it. But don't criticize other people who grew up with their expanded famiy around them. I had that from both sides of my family. My kids didn't have it at all, and I consider that to be a missed opportunity for them. They are grown, and love their remaining grandparents very much and love being around them, but they totally missed out on a great opportunity.

Vanessa is and was a stay at home mom. Her mom worked full time and only babysat when they went out, AFTER Lily was in bed. It wasn't several times every week. I remember ONCE it was twice a week. David was going to school. They didn't have the time or money to go out all the time.

[Doopher]

Gypso, I was just going to say something similar. I don't think its the worst thing in the world that her mother helped her out back then. I lived in Ecuador for two years and a lot of girls had kids at a very young age. The whole family would pitch in. It's the whole family's child, not just the girl. It wasn't the way it is here where we think that if a teen mom isn't with her kid 100% of the time, she's a bad mother. I think it's actually healthier to involve a whole family in raising a child. Other cultures are more family oriented. And really, her mother is from Peru, Ecuador's neighbor to the south, so maybe she was just trying to help out the same way she's seen others do in Peru.
I think it would have been bad if she was just doing it to go out partying or whatever but she seems to have stepped up in her parenting responsibilities so at the end of the day, I think it's fine.

[gypsophila]

I agree Doopher. I live in Canada, which has always had a large multi-cultural population. My kids grew up with other kids who sometimes had 3-4 generations living in the same house. It wasn't due to teen pregnancy though, but it was just the way that family did things. A lot of other cultures do the same thing. Sometimes the girls and men stay home until they are married even after they're done college and have jobs, etc. In many families I know, the grandparents look after the grandchildren while the mother works. Again, not exactly the same, but these are the norms for a lot of the world. Not everyone is white anglo-saxon living in a single family dwelling with a traditional famiy.

Edit: I do agree that Vanessa has definitely grown up more after she moved out, and that her mother tended to take over all the parenting decisions while Vanessa was with her. I think it's done her good to be on her own.

[Snow White]

Different cultures have different values too. If you want to parent your kids, go for it. But don't criticize other people who grew up with their expanded famiy around them. I had that from both sides of my family. My kids didn't have it at all, and I consider that to be a missed opportunity for them. They are grown, and love their remaining grandparents very much and love being around them, but they totally missed out on a great opportunity.

Vanessa is and was a stay at home mom. Her mom worked full time and only babysat when they went out, AFTER Lily was in bed. It wasn't several times every week. I remember ONCE it was twice a week. David was going to school. They didn't have the time or money to go out all the time.

I haven't criticized anyone, so if that was a comment directed at me you need to re-read my post.

I think extended family can be involved, even heavily involved and influence a child. I think your implications that unless the grandparents are raising the child they cannot have those bonds is way off base. JMHO.

[Dumbledore]

As far as I know college does not start mid march...so good job getting praised for VISITING college. Maaaaaybe enrolling? If so, wait to collect your praise until you graduate please

[gypsophila]

Different cultures have different values too. If you want to parent your kids, go for it. But don't criticize other people who grew up with their expanded famiy around them. I had that from both sides of my family. My kids didn't have it at all, and I consider that to be a missed opportunity for them. They are grown, and love their remaining grandparents very much and love being around them, but they totally missed out on a great opportunity.

Vanessa is and was a stay at home mom. Her mom worked full time and only babysat when they went out, AFTER Lily was in bed. It wasn't several times every week. I remember ONCE it was twice a week. David was going to school. They didn't have the time or money to go out all the time.

I haven't criticized anyone, so if that was a comment directed at me you need to re-read my post.

I think extended family can be involved, even heavily involved and influence a child. I think your implications that unless the grandparents are raising the child they cannot have those bonds is way off base. JMHO.

I'm sorry but it sounded to me like you were talking boundaries and lines regarding grandparents being involved in children's lives. I was explaining my POV which is that's it's valuable to have extended family involved. If you exclude grandparents they won't have a certain experience in life, nothing to do with normal bonds, more to do with having a more enriching environment.

[Freaksngeeks]

As far as I know college does not start mid march...so good job getting praised for VISITING college. Maaaaaybe enrolling? If so, wait to collect your praise until you graduate please

Hahaha right!?

Anyone laugh in her newest vlog when she was saying she could really relate to the song she was listening to about having lots of bills & working all the time.
That made me laugh cause she doesn't work!!

[Doopher]

Yeah, that was funny. I also think it's funny that she says she's going to college tomorrow. Just the way she said it. She makes it seem like it's just something you go to. Like just drive up, park the car, walk inside, and wa la! You're in college!

Personally, I'm really looking forward to the videos she will inevitably post about school. I'm super curious to see what her plan will be, what she'll major in, and how she will handle it when she starts.

[applebutter_dreams]

Anyone laugh in her newest vlog when she was saying she could really relate to the song she was listening to about having lots of bills & working all the time.
That made me laugh cause she doesn't work!!

Seriously. "I've got bills I've gotta pay, and I work, work, work every day..."

No. No you don't, Vanessa. That song shouldn't be called "Vanessa's life", it should be called "David's life".

Vanessa's life the song would go more like...
"I go to Target every day, and my boyfriend has my bills to pay..." lol.

In all seriousness, please V. Please stop singing. My poor ears.

[applebutter_dreams]

Anyone laugh in her newest vlog when she was saying she could really relate to the song she was listening to about having lots of bills & working all the time.
That made me laugh cause she doesn't work!!

Seriously. "I've got bills I've gotta pay, and I work, work, work every day..."

No. No you don't, Vanessa. That song shouldn't be called "Vanessa's life", it should be called "David's life".

Vanessa's life the song would go more like...
"I go to Target every day, and my boyfriend has my bills to pay..." lol.

In all seriousness, please V. Please stop singing. My poor ears.

[mariahjim]

As far as I know college does not start mid march...so good job getting praised for VISITING college. Maaaaaybe enrolling? If so, wait to collect your praise until you graduate please

I was thinking the same.

[NutraSteve]

Anyone laugh in her newest vlog when she was saying she could really relate to the song she was listening to about having lots of bills & working all the time.
That made me laugh cause she doesn't work!!

Seriously. "I've got bills I've gotta pay, and I work, work, work every day..."

No. No you don't, Vanessa. That song shouldn't be called "Vanessa's life", it should be called "David's life".

Vanessa's life the song would go more like...
"I go to Target every day, and my boyfriend has my bills to pay..." lol.

In all seriousness, please V. Please stop singing. My poor ears.

This post is absolute Gold. 100% truth.

[NutraSteve]

This is the first thing I thought of when I saw her post about going to college.

[twomommies]

This is the first thing I thought of when I saw her post about going to college.

"Curious Nessa Goes To School"....next thread name?

[Fairplay]

I have a feeling she's going to say how she will enrol herself in September..then move it to January..then say she's ACTUALLY going in May. And when it actually happens, she's going to go to classes for a month and then drop out and complain that it's too hard and that she'll go in two years once Lily goes to grade 1... Then a month later after that update, she will have BIG news and say she's going to Peru

Vanessa's logic. Seriously. Don't applaud this girl. There's moms that have exactly what she's having but spends their time in school working a part time job while she stays home and makes videos pretending that she enjoys her time with her daughter for the camera

[Freaksngeeks]

I have a feeling she's going to say how she will enrol herself in September..then move it to January..then say she's ACTUALLY going in May. And when it actually happens, she's going to go to classes for a month and then drop out and complain that it's too hard and that she'll go in two years once Lily goes to grade 1... Then a month later after that update, she will have BIG news and say she's going to Peru

Vanessa's logic. Seriously. Don't applaud this girl. There's moms that have exactly what she's having but spends their time in school working a part time job while she stays home and makes videos pretending that she enjoys her time with her daughter for the camera

Yup! Exactly. She's all talk. If she says she's going to do something, it takes a year to two years.

[vintagelover]

Really, Vanessa does not know how fortunate she is. I have been trying to go back to college to get a nursing degree, but the dilemma is I have no family support to help with the children and child care is too expensive. She seems to have several people able to help, as the past has shown, and she is doing nothing to improve herself.

[Curtain06]

I wouldn't subject someone to get up with my child every single morning but if you're living with them & it's once a week, why not? Also even if it was before Lily went to bed & Nonna was seeing to her once a week for an evening, that's a good thing! If she wasn't a teen mom, no one would bat an eyelid at that. As they say 'it takes a whole village to raise a child', it's a better thing for a child to be spending time with family members etc. not solely with their mother 24/7.


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