I just wish they were SOMEWHAT real during the vlogs. The high pitched voice that Ellie uses when she's "Excited" about something lame, saying "totes" to everything, the over the top compliments and I love yous, the fake positivity that seeps out of their pores. UGH i just can't even anymore. THEN they randomly "Can't handle" their current schedule so they need to change it one day before the weekend. WOW, talk about fake. It's hard to respect their decision when they're constantly putting on a happy "fake" face for their 12 year old viewers. It's freaking weird. It's almost like watching a bad Disney channel show. I love Bonnie's realness and I wish Ellie and Jared took some notes. I hope they surpass them in views someday. Ok that's my rant for the day
I wrote this in the fiction thread 'J Squared' for some light relief:
Jared rolled (the rolling bit courtesy of the consumption of the entire Dr Pepper throne made up of boxes of cans of Dr Pepper gifted to him by - Dr Pepper) out of bed as he wistfully thought about calling his third son Joel. He rolled his tongue over the name as he continued to roll his belly off the bed. ''JER BERRRRR! Where are you??? I need you to drag my underwear outta my butt!''
''Gosh darn it and fiddle sticks'' he murmured under his breath, ''I sure do like to paint your nails Ellie and only because I'm pretending they're mine, but freeing your butt crack is a whole nother cotton picken terrible dog gawn thingamajig.'' ''JARED!! Where ARE you?!?!''
He sighed as he dragged himself into the living room. ''Now Jer, I've been thinking and I've decided I'm gonna call my baby boy Mason.'' ''Err, I thought we'd agreed to talk about . . '' ''No Jer, you agreed to talk about it. You know I already decided on the name.'' ''But, but I like the name Joe . . . ?!'' ''Jared! Stop being such a whiny bitch and go get me some candy.'' ''Ok ok, point taken Kevin Bacon'' he said burying his frustration, before reminding her, ''But don't forget we need to film a scene of us pretending to discuss names.''
''Ugh. I hate those stupid viewers so much. All their nasty comments and moan moan moan. Why do they hate me so much, I just don't get it?'' Ellie retorted. He forced himself to say, with as much faux affection as he could muster ''Aww, but I love you Ellie.'' ''Yeah, whatever!'' she quipped back.
He quietly got up off the sofa and walked heavily, shoulders hunched forward, towards the kitchen pantry to get Ellie's personal stash of all thing's sugar. He proceeded to walked through the pantry door downtrodden and came out of it a mere few seconds later, vlogging camera in hand, with a forced and plastered smile on his face: ''Well good morning good morning and welcome to the vlog! I hope everyone's having a great day just like we are. And guess what guys? Today's the day Ellie and I get to discuss names for our third little baby boy. Isn't that fun? Hope you guys enjoy!'' followed by big smile to camera. ''Isn't that right Ellie?'' He calls over to her, lounging on the sofa behind the camera. She flips him the bird out of camera shot and rolls her eyes in a sarcastic and bitchy fashion. Jared looks back at the camera and does a nervous, over exaggerated laugh saying ''Aww she's so cute, she just blew me a kiss'' while thinking to himself ''Please be nice Ellie, just for these few minutes on camera. I have a hard enough time already trying to piece together a full vlog.'' And he rejoined her on the sofa to chat 'lovingly' about baby names whilst imaging what his and Joely's love child would look like.