John and Joan: 11 Hours of Pushing Lies | Part 3

[GGF1987]

The party was cute. But I don't love the theme to be honest. It still feels like more about them losing Maeve, than about celebrating Vera. I just feel like at least that one day should've been just about Vera. Not about losing Maeve and their grief over that and their journey and all that crap. Just about Vera. I think she's in for a lifetime of birthdays that aren't about her. It's bad enough to be the replacement child but to also have a birthday so close to Maeve is just going to make things that much worse unless Joan gets some real help. She couldn't even write a post today about weaning Vera without talking about what she missed out on with Maeve. She just can't see the baby in front of her and only see her. And they want to put another child through this....just sad.

[lmmomSD]

The one good thing about having another baby is that maybe it will take some of the pressure off Vera. Right now she's the "rainbow baby". And Maeve is the perfect child who didn't get to live. And having a sibling might give her someone to bond with and when Joan does stuff like this, someone to look at and go "Mom is being weird about Maeve again"
Because right now, it's all on Vera to live up to Maeve.

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[FlowersTar 68]

The one good thing about having another baby is that maybe it will take some of the pressure off Vera. Right now she's the "rainbow baby". And Maeve is the perfect child who didn't get to live. And having a sibling might give her someone to bond with and when Joan does stuff like this, someone to look at and go "Mom is being weird about Maeve again"
Because right now, it's all on Vera to live up to Maeve.

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Exactly this. I feel so sorry for Vera. Poor little girl deserves to be herself and not be tagged a rainbow baby.
But, thinking about it, if they do have another baby, will Vera be made out to be more special than the new one because she Is the rainbow baby, if that makes sense. Will it be "oh, this is Vera, my rainbow baby and this is (insert name)"

[fossilfinger]

I really hope if they have another baby it's a boy. I think that might help them shift their focus away from how Maeve-like the new baby is. But I could be wrong.

[actuallydear]

When parents exhibit any sort of harmful behaviour towards a child, it’s not very healthy for people to think adding another child (and another opportunity for more abuse) is a good idea. It’s the opposite, really.

Emotional abuse of this kind can be just as (if not, more) harmful than physical abuse.

If this behaviour towards Vera continues through out her life, the chances of her becoming a well-adjusted person are pretty slim. She’ll likely encounter a lot of people that will defend the way her parents have acted/treated her, and she will grow to think her feelings don’t matter.

This is extremely damaging, especially as she grows and allows all sorts of behaviour from anyone because “it doesn’t matter” when no one cares enough to believe you anyway.

[lmmomSD]

When parents exhibit any sort of harmful behaviour towards a child, it’s not very healthy for people to think adding another child (and another opportunity for more abuse) is a good idea. It’s the opposite, really.

Emotional abuse of this kind can be just as (if not, more) harmful than physical abuse.

If this behaviour towards Vera continues through out her life, the chances of her becoming a well-adjusted person are pretty slim. She’ll likely encounter a lot of people that will defend the way her parents have acted/treated her, and she will grow to think her feelings don’t matter.

This is extremely damaging, especially as she grows and allows all sorts of behaviour from anyone because “it doesn’t matter” when no one cares enough to believe you anyway.

I absolutely get your point. I don't think Joan having another baby is a good idea. I just have this Pollyanna fantasy that if she does have another child, rather than a rival for attention, he or she will turn out to be an ally.

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[GGF1987]

When parents exhibit any sort of harmful behaviour towards a child, it’s not very healthy for people to think adding another child (and another opportunity for more abuse) is a good idea. It’s the opposite, really.

Emotional abuse of this kind can be just as (if not, more) harmful than physical abuse.

If this behaviour towards Vera continues through out her life, the chances of her becoming a well-adjusted person are pretty slim. She’ll likely encounter a lot of people that will defend the way her parents have acted/treated her, and she will grow to think her feelings don’t matter.

This is extremely damaging, especially as she grows and allows all sorts of behaviour from anyone because “it doesn’t matter” when no one cares enough to believe you anyway.

Exactly! Babies don't fix problems and it's unfair to expect them to. Vera doesn't need an ally in dealing with her mother's issues, she needs her mother to get the help she needs to get mentally healthy.

[SassySassenach]

Did anyone watch the Vera is 1 video?? I started to, but fast forwarded because it was just Joan pushing a stroller and talking. I don’t even remember what she was talking about. There were some snippets from the party, but I found the whole thing weird.

The clip of Vera squealing on the bike ride was cute though


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[FlowersTar 68]

The only bit we saw of the party was everyone singing happy birthday to her!
Have you seen what she's selling now on Etsy? Moon pictures, and look at the price! No thanks Joan, I'll pass.

[minmouse]

How she can charge that much for her "paintings" is beyond me. If you recall, when she made them she said she got the canvases cheap on line and used finger paints. Finger paints!!! I didn't look at the listing info, does she have it listed that it's finger paint on canvas?

[FlowersTar 68]

This is her description of the small

[SlibbidyDew]

This is her description of the small

There aren't even any picture hangers on 3 of the 4 finger paintings. So you put a nail right through the "painting." Like everything else, her prices are outrageous. It's no wonder she hasn't sold a single one yet.

[GGF1987]

The only bit we saw of the party was everyone singing happy birthday to her!
Have you seen what she's selling now on Etsy? Moon pictures, and look at the price! No thanks Joan, I'll pass.

I think I have a similar painting from 5th grade art class, I guess I should put it on Etsy for $100 dollars. I can't wait until Vera starts finger painting and she lists that for $500. Every time I think she can't make herself look any more crazy she does...

[Happy+Charlie]

Every time I read through comments regarding the way Joan grieves her loss of Maeve, makes me think of a movie staring Rita Wilson--The Invisible Child. I can't remember why it happened, but the mother has an imagination that she has a 3rd child. The charade that is carried on by the husband and other children is extreme. A place is set for her at meals; the children are expected to "play" with and entertain her; they go to school conferences and play out showing the mom art work done by the invisible child; she has her own fully furnished bedroom too. They even take her to the doctors at a point. The behavior is picked up by a concerned babysitter who ends up bringing social services in to it and they are investigated due to the effects it has on the two children, as it is unhealthy for them. The father and children go along with the mother's fantasy because it is what they think she needs, and I guess they want to prevent a mental breakdown by her. I imagine, Joan's family goes along with how she grieves Maeve, as they feel it's what will keep her "sane." If she is going to grieve in her own way, always making Maeve a part of everything in Vera's life, she should remember there are boundaries when it comes to comparing your living children in the hopes of not creating situations where they are competing with one another for attention, and maintaining good self-esteem. The same should go for a living child who has a deceased sibling.

[minmouse]

My feeling is they don't speak up because they are afraid of being cut out of their lives. Joan has already admitted to ending relationships because people said something she perceived as not supportive. If their family wants to see Vera, they have to keep quiet.

[SassySassenach]

This is her description of the small

There aren't even any picture hangers on 3 of the 4 finger paintings. So you put a nail right through the "painting." Like everything else, her prices are outrageous. It's no wonder she hasn't sold a single one yet.

This! She couldn’t be bothered to tack a hanger on the back?! They are cheap and easy to do.

I can’t believe the prices. She is delusional. And today she’s posting about wanting to continue to stay at home, so she’s hoping people will go visit her Etsy shop.


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[purple_rain_82]

This is her description of the small

There aren't even any picture hangers on 3 of the 4 finger paintings. So you put a nail right through the "painting." Like everything else, her prices are outrageous. It's no wonder she hasn't sold a single one yet.

This! She couldn’t be bothered to tack a hanger on the back?! They are cheap and easy to do.

I can’t believe the prices. She is delusional. And today she’s posting about wanting to continue to stay at home, so she’s hoping people will go visit her Etsy shop.


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Unfortunately, there will always be people around who buy her shi....

[FlowersTar 68]

Now, This I'd have paid to watch.....,

"no, Vee Vee, wouldn't you prefer a fox?"

"are you sure? Isn't the fox cuter?"

"you can share the fox with Maeve, caring is sharing"

[ButterflyB]

I’m surprised she is sharing that there is something wrong with V’s development. Glad they decided to seek out help early on.


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[HelloSweetie]

I’m surprised she is sharing that there is something wrong with V’s development. Glad they decided to seek out help early on.


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Seeking help probably wasn’t even an issue. Joan would probably love to be the mother of a child with “special needs.” I can see all the martyr posts now....


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