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Adhbrh91 wrote:The bed sharing topic has been brought up because regardless of if the baby is in the bed with your, or put to down to sleep on an adult bed, it is a widely know fact that it’s not safe for babies. The biggest speculation is she put down Crew to nap alone on an adult mattress.
Yea I get that. It’s just a stupid argument though because people who do it aren’t going to listen to advice and neither will people who think it’s an instant death sentence. It’s similar to the anti vax debate and the breastfeeding debates. Nobody ever changes their minds
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That's not true. I bedshared with my 2 oldest children and didn't wth the others. My Mom had me convinced it was fine because breastfeeding mothers are more in tune with their babies and their breathing gets in sync with one another. (Completely not true!) So it is possible for someone to change their mind. It's too late for Brittani. If she decides to share what happened to Crew, I would not say a word to her. I'm sure all the safe sleep 7 moms will be out in full force. "Omg, you did it wrong! It's your fault and that will never happen to me." Its fine if you don't want to change your own mind, LexiRae. But you don't get to speak for others and you shouldn't try to stop others from learning about safe sleep.
A few others have mentioned a side car attached to your bed. Those aren't safe either. Same goes for a bed rail. It's basically like a headboard that they could get stuck between the bed and the mattress. Or your pillow and blankets can enter their space. What's so terrible about a bassinet by the side of the bed? Most of them have mesh sides. They are right there beside you but they get their own space. People make it sound like they are in a separate room where its impossible to hear them.
Littlemama, Crew didn't have any bruising from what I could see in pictures. I don't think he rolled off. The brain damage can come from asphyxiation.
If the side car is even with the mattress and tight up against it, they won't get stuck. There's nothing wrong with a bassinet if that's what you want. Not everybody wants that. As a nursing mom, it's quicker for me to just pop a boob in her mouth really fast than it is to wake fully up, sit up, grab her and wake her up fully. We both get better sleep this way.
Yea I get that. It’s just a stupid argument though because people who do it aren’t going to listen to advice and neither will people who think it’s an instant death sentence. It’s similar to the anti vax debate and the breastfeeding debates. Nobody ever changes their minds
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
That's not true. I bedshared with my 2 oldest children and didn't wth the others. My Mom had me convinced it was fine because breastfeeding mothers are more in tune with their babies and their breathing gets in sync with one another. (Completely not true!) So it is possible for someone to change their mind. It's too late for Brittani. If she decides to share what happened to Crew, I would not say a word to her. I'm sure all the safe sleep 7 moms will be out in full force. "Omg, you did it wrong! It's your fault and that will never happen to me." Its fine if you don't want to change your own mind, LexiRae. But you don't get to speak for others and you shouldn't try to stop others from learning about safe sleep.
A few others have mentioned a side car attached to your bed. Those aren't safe either. Same goes for a bed rail. It's basically like a headboard that they could get stuck between the bed and the mattress. Or your pillow and blankets can enter their space. What's so terrible about a bassinet by the side of the bed? Most of them have mesh sides. They are right there beside you but they get their own space. People make it sound like they are in a separate room where its impossible to hear them.
Littlemama, Crew didn't have any bruising from what I could see in pictures. I don't think he rolled off. The brain damage can come from asphyxiation.
If the side car is even with the mattress and tight up against it, they won't get stuck. There's nothing wrong with a bassinet if that's what you want. Not everybody wants that. As a nursing mom, it's quicker for me to just pop a boob in her mouth really fast than it is to wake fully up, sit up, grab her and wake her up fully. We both get better sleep this way.
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I attached a photo of a sidecar and circled the areas where a baby could wiggle down and basically hang themselves. The dip between the mattress and the bed could also cause them to get stuck if they rolled into it. It doesn't matter how tight it is. The warning labels on the side of a crib (which some people use as a side car without the 4th wall) says that modifying it in any way could result in injury or death. Also, who wants to scoot around this monstrosity to get out of bed? It's not even that convenient!
As a nursing mom, my comfort is not as important as my child's safety.
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iheartyt wrote:
That's not true. I bedshared with my 2 oldest children and didn't wth the others. My Mom had me convinced it was fine because breastfeeding mothers are more in tune with their babies and their breathing gets in sync with one another. (Completely not true!) So it is possible for someone to change their mind. It's too late for Brittani. If she decides to share what happened to Crew, I would not say a word to her. I'm sure all the safe sleep 7 moms will be out in full force. "Omg, you did it wrong! It's your fault and that will never happen to me." Its fine if you don't want to change your own mind, LexiRae. But you don't get to speak for others and you shouldn't try to stop others from learning about safe sleep.
A few others have mentioned a side car attached to your bed. Those aren't safe either. Same goes for a bed rail. It's basically like a headboard that they could get stuck between the bed and the mattress. Or your pillow and blankets can enter their space. What's so terrible about a bassinet by the side of the bed? Most of them have mesh sides. They are right there beside you but they get their own space. People make it sound like they are in a separate room where its impossible to hear them.
Littlemama, Crew didn't have any bruising from what I could see in pictures. I don't think he rolled off. The brain damage can come from asphyxiation.
If the side car is even with the mattress and tight up against it, they won't get stuck. There's nothing wrong with a bassinet if that's what you want. Not everybody wants that. As a nursing mom, it's quicker for me to just pop a boob in her mouth really fast than it is to wake fully up, sit up, grab her and wake her up fully. We both get better sleep this way.
Sent from my SM-N960U using Tapatalk
I attached a photo of a sidecar and circled the areas where a baby could wiggle down and basically hang themselves. The dip between the mattress and the bed could also cause them to get stuck if they rolled into it. It doesn't matter how tight it is. The warning labels on the side of a crib (which some people use as a side car without the 4th wall) says that modifying it in any way could result in injury or death. Also, who wants to scoot around this monstrosity to get out of bed? It's not even that convenient!
As a nursing mom, my comfort is not as important as my child's safety.
My baby is safe and gets adequate sleep as well, which allows me adequate sleep. There is no dip between my bed her crib. It's an equal surface. There is no possible way my baby could get hurt with our current set up.
I recommend all parents join safe sleeping evidence based Facebook group. There’s so much I didn’t know when my baby was born (I knew the basics.. Alone on their Back in a Crib). Anyway I’m a nursing mom and my baby sleeps in her crib 100% of the time. It can be done.
I think Crew rolled and suffocated in an unsafe sleep area. Probably an adult bed as she showed in videos. I find it very odd she isn’t sharing the cause of death or any details surrounding it. I could be wrong but if a baby just suddenly dies and there’s no known cause I would think they wouldn’t be a candidate for organ donation (possible heart defect etc)?
kabuki wrote:I recommend all parents join safe sleeping evidence based Facebook group. There’s so much I didn’t know when my baby was born (I knew the basics.. Alone on their Back in a Crib). Anyway I’m a nursing mom and my baby sleeps in her crib 100% of the time. It can be done.
I think Crew rolled and suffocated in an unsafe sleep area. Probably an adult bed as she showed in videos. I find it very odd she isn’t sharing the cause of death or any details surrounding it. I could be wrong but if a baby just suddenly dies and there’s no known cause I would think they wouldn’t be a candidate for organ donation (possible heart defect etc)?
I agree. If they didn’t already know what killed him, there would have been an autopsy, if for no other reason than to make sure it wasn’t a case of child abuse.
4littlemonkeys wrote: ↑Wed Jan 15, 2020 5:16 am
If the side car is even with the mattress and tight up against it, they won't get stuck. There's nothing wrong with a bassinet if that's what you want. Not everybody wants that. As a nursing mom, it's quicker for me to just pop a boob in her mouth really fast than it is to wake fully up, sit up, grab her and wake her up fully. We both get better sleep this way.
Sent from my SM-N960U using Tapatalk
I attached a photo of a sidecar and circled the areas where a baby could wiggle down and basically hang themselves. The dip between the mattress and the bed could also cause them to get stuck if they rolled into it. It doesn't matter how tight it is. The warning labels on the side of a crib (which some people use as a side car without the 4th wall) says that modifying it in any way could result in injury or death. Also, who wants to scoot around this monstrosity to get out of bed? It's not even that convenient!
As a nursing mom, my comfort is not as important as my child's safety.
My baby is safe and gets adequate sleep as well, which allows me adequate sleep. There is no dip between my bed her crib. It's an equal surface. There is no possible way my baby could get hurt with our current set up.
Sent from my SM-N960U using Tapatalk
That’s your choice and your opinion. But quit spreading false information. It is not safe. Has been shown to not be safe. Regardless if nothing has happened to your baby, bedsharing and side cars are very dangerous. And there is actually a possible way for baby to get hurt. Unless that crib is your mattress, it can shift, gaps can occur. Put please, keep living in your delusional world. I only hope one day you’ll “know better and do better”.
It’s like the damn car seat arguments. Regardless if someone turned their baby at 12 months and they were “okay”, it’s not safe
I just want to add that IF it’s because of unsafe sleep conditions she is missing a great opportunity to save other babies. She has the following now and could spread information about safe sleep practices and save other moms who might not know better or think “it can’t happen to me”.
Don’t eat me alive, but I put my kids down to nap on my firm bed with no pillows/blanket. Since Crew’s death I’ve 100% stopped. It really made me think and research more. I know she’s afraid of the backlash but she could turn this into a teaching moment for other moms. And maybe that’s her plan eventually but I don’t think she’s the type to admit she made a mistake even if it was part of educating others.
I believe they put him down on an unsafe sleep surface such as an adult bed & it led to his death. People who are so steadfast in their insistence they can do something fundamentally unsafe safely is why kids continue to die this way.
DoodleBop2 wrote:I believe they put him down on an unsafe sleep surface such as an adult bed & it led to his death. People who are so steadfast in their insistence they can do something fundamentally unsafe safely is why kids continue to die this way.
THIS!!!! It is always fine until the one time it’s not. When I spent time in the NICU I was talking to one of the nurses and she said those teeny tiny babies in incubators have managed to wedge themselves in the corner and even make it half way out of the arm holes because someone forgot to close them. If those teeny things can do it you best believe a healthy full term baby can move themselves into positions they can’t get out of.
I wonder if someone else laid Crew down for Brittani and Jeff and that’s why they’re not saying it. Brittani did lay him down on beds and covered him with blankets and there was unsafe sleep practiced. So if it was unsafe sleep, there might have been the exact same result. But maybe a relative was holding him and he fell asleep in their arms and the relative offered to lay him down. Imagine how much guilt that relative would feel? And I wouldn’t by any means think it’d be their fault but I do wonder.
Just the wording of her initial post that Crew laid down for a nap and when she went to check on him... I don’t know. Could be totally wrong.
I feel like I’d want to become an advocate for unsafe sleeping if my child died like that. If I thought it was safe, like she seemed to... I’d want people to know hey, it’s so not. It would be hard to admit because the guilt. I know everyone grieves differently and maybe she’ll say in time.
How many YouTubers promoted DockaTots? Do I think all those parents were intentionally negligent? Of course not. Many simply don't know any better. Even more so with just how much misinformation is out about sleep safe. Remember when people put those Bumbo seats on the counter? People were then too all about how they could do it safely. Same with the now recalled FisherPrice sleepers or NapNanny.
It won't happen to me well yeah until it does.
I have no reason to believe this family hurt their baby on purpose. It's sad. Yet every time a baby gets hurt or dies the cosleepers and antivaxxers come out of the woodwork and defend their cause.
DoodleBop2 wrote:How many YouTubers promoted DockaTots? Do I think all those parents were intentionally negligent? Of course not. Many simply don't know any better. Even more so with just how much misinformation is out about sleep safe. Remember when people put those Bumbo seats on the counter? People were then too all about how they could do it safely. Same with the now recalled FisherPrice sleepers or NapNanny.
It won't happen to me well yeah until it does.
I have no reason to believe this family hurt their baby on purpose. It's sad. Yet every time a baby gets hurt or dies the cosleepers and antivaxxers come out of the woodwork and defend their cause.
I won’t touch the antivax argument with a 10 foot pole because no one wins. But I will always advocate for safe sleep and NO there is no way to safely bed share or side car or dockatot or whatever the hell else. Just no.
Adhbrh91 wrote:The bed sharing topic has been brought up because regardless of if the baby is in the bed with your, or put to down to sleep on an adult bed, it is a widely know fact that it’s not safe for babies. The biggest speculation is she put down Crew to nap alone on an adult mattress.
Yea I get that. It’s just a stupid argument though because people who do it aren’t going to listen to advice and neither will people who think it’s an instant death sentence. It’s similar to the anti vax debate and the breastfeeding debates. Nobody ever changes their minds
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
That's not true. I bedshared with my 2 oldest children and didn't wth the others. My Mom had me convinced it was fine because breastfeeding mothers are more in tune with their babies and their breathing gets in sync with one another. (Completely not true!) So it is possible for someone to change their mind. It's too late for Brittani. If she decides to share what happened to Crew, I would not say a word to her. I'm sure all the safe sleep 7 moms will be out in full force. "Omg, you did it wrong! It's your fault and that will never happen to me." Its fine if you don't want to change your own mind, LexiRae. But you don't get to speak for others and you shouldn't try to stop others from learning about safe sleep.
A few others have mentioned a side car attached to your bed. Those aren't safe either. Same goes for a bed rail. It's basically like a headboard that they could get stuck between the bed and the mattress. Or your pillow and blankets can enter their space. What's so terrible about a bassinet by the side of the bed? Most of them have mesh sides. They are right there beside you but they get their own space. People make it sound like they are in a separate room where its impossible to hear them.
Littlemama, Crew didn't have any bruising from what I could see in pictures. I don't think he rolled off. The brain damage can come from asphyxiation.
The issue is that all babies are different. Some babies just will not stay asleep after being put down the first few months. Everything people tell you to try didn't work for us. Warming the bassinet. Rubbing my smell all over their sheets. White noise. Swaddles. Waiting 5 minutes, waiting 20 minutes. I viewed my choices as potentially falling asleep sitting up with my infant while nursing or accepting that I was likely to fall asleep and preparing my bed to eliminate hazard as much as possible so i could do side lying nursing. I think most parents appreciate the safe sleep guidelines but when you have a child that keeps waking, no one has any good solutions for those parents. Throw in the crappy family leave policies in the US and people going back to work in the midst of sleep deprivation and I'm not surprised that more people bedshare and just don't tell their doctors.
The AAP doesn't call bed sharing safe, but in their 2019 update they acknowledge that it happens and outline specific criteria for practicing it to reduce risks as much as they can be.
DoodleBop2 wrote:How many YouTubers promoted DockaTots? Do I think all those parents were intentionally negligent? Of course not. Many simply don't know any better. Even more so with just how much misinformation is out about sleep safe. Remember when people put those Bumbo seats on the counter? People were then too all about how they could do it safely. Same with the now recalled FisherPrice sleepers or NapNanny.
It won't happen to me well yeah until it does.
I have no reason to believe this family hurt their baby on purpose. It's sad. Yet every time a baby gets hurt or dies the cosleepers and antivaxxers come out of the woodwork and defend their cause.
I won’t touch the antivax argument with a 10 foot pole because no one wins. But I will always advocate for safe sleep and NO there is no way to safely bed share or side car or dockatot or whatever the hell else. Just no.
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I bedshared with my second baby and he was fine. Will I do it again? Absolutely not. I got lucky. It’s not worth the risk. Is it easier to pop out my boob in the middle of the night? Yes. I’d rather do all the work of getting up in the middle of the night and nurse my baby. It’s not worth the risk. I really hope that those that are spreading misinformation about safe bed sharing don’t ever have to go through this. Even if your pediatrician isn’t against it. Remember, there are some pediatricians that will support antivaxx too, it still doesn’t mean it’s right.
Littlemama wrote:My theory is she laid him on a bed for a nap and he rolled off and hit his head. When they found him he was in the floor not breathing and thats why he had brain damage.
LexiRae wrote: ↑Tue Jan 14, 2020 6:21 pm
Yea I get that. It’s just a stupid argument though because people who do it aren’t going to listen to advice and neither will people who think it’s an instant death sentence. It’s similar to the anti vax debate and the breastfeeding debates. Nobody ever changes their minds
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
That's not true. I bedshared with my 2 oldest children and didn't wth the others. My Mom had me convinced it was fine because breastfeeding mothers are more in tune with their babies and their breathing gets in sync with one another. (Completely not true!) So it is possible for someone to change their mind. It's too late for Brittani. If she decides to share what happened to Crew, I would not say a word to her. I'm sure all the safe sleep 7 moms will be out in full force. "Omg, you did it wrong! It's your fault and that will never happen to me." Its fine if you don't want to change your own mind, LexiRae. But you don't get to speak for others and you shouldn't try to stop others from learning about safe sleep.
A few others have mentioned a side car attached to your bed. Those aren't safe either. Same goes for a bed rail. It's basically like a headboard that they could get stuck between the bed and the mattress. Or your pillow and blankets can enter their space. What's so terrible about a bassinet by the side of the bed? Most of them have mesh sides. They are right there beside you but they get their own space. People make it sound like they are in a separate room where its impossible to hear them.
Littlemama, Crew didn't have any bruising from what I could see in pictures. I don't think he rolled off. The brain damage can come from asphyxiation.
The issue is that all babies are different. Some babies just will not stay asleep after being put down the first few months. Everything people tell you to try didn't work for us. Warming the bassinet. Rubbing my smell all over their sheets. White noise. Swaddles. Waiting 5 minutes, waiting 20 minutes. I viewed my choices as potentially falling asleep sitting up with my infant while nursing or accepting that I was likely to fall asleep and preparing my bed to eliminate hazard as much as possible so i could do side lying nursing. I think most parents appreciate the safe sleep guidelines but when you have a child that keeps waking, no one has any good solutions for those parents. Throw in the crappy family leave policies in the US and people going back to work in the midst of sleep deprivation and I'm not surprised that more people bedshare and just don't tell their doctors.
The AAP doesn't call bed sharing safe, but in their 2019 update they acknowledge that it happens and outline specific criteria for practicing it to reduce risks as much as they can be.
I'm going through this with my daughter right now, she's 11 months old. She HAS to be held or near me (within contact) or she wakes up literally every half hour and no one sleeps. To say I'm exhausted is undermining it. My husband absolutely hates what we have to do, but we live in an apartment, so sleep training is not happening
kristieanne87 wrote: ↑Wed Jan 15, 2020 11:00 am
Yeah, but wasn't there bleeding?
Littlemama wrote:My theory is she laid him on a bed for a nap and he rolled off and hit his head. When they found him he was in the floor not breathing and thats why he had brain damage.
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I don't know if Brittani mentioned seeing blood but they can bleed from the nose and mouth when there is a sleep accident.
To the ones that said they've tried everything and their babies won't sleep...I just wanted to add that my kids weren't great sleepers either so I totally understand what you're going through. It's worth it to keep trying to provide a safe space for them. It won't last forever. They'll be sleeping in their beds all night before you know it. Definitely try the Safe Sleep group on facebook if you need help.
kristieanne87 wrote: ↑Wed Jan 15, 2020 11:00 am
Yeah, but wasn't there bleeding?
Littlemama wrote:My theory is she laid him on a bed for a nap and he rolled off and hit his head. When they found him he was in the floor not breathing and thats why he had brain damage.
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I don't know if Brittani mentioned seeing blood but they can bleed from the nose and mouth when there is a sleep accident.
To the ones that said they've tried everything and their babies won't sleep...I just wanted to add that my kids weren't great sleepers either so I totally understand what you're going through. It's worth it to keep trying to provide a safe space for them. It won't last forever. They'll be sleeping in their beds all night before you know it. Definitely try the Safe Sleep group on facebook if you need help.
A Facebook group isn’t going to help sleep deprived parents who have an infant that will not sleep alone for more than a few minutes before waking up... Some babies genuinely do not sleep alone or without nursing. I used to severely judge cosleepers until i hadn’t slept in 2 weeks and knew if i didn’t just hold my baby while he slept i wasn’t going to be able to care for him properly as a single mother especially.
Hmm...
She said he had to receive blood, I thought I remember bleeding of the brain...but I think I am confusing it with someone else.
iheartyt wrote:
kristieanne87 wrote: ↑Wed Jan 15, 2020 11:00 am
Yeah, but wasn't there bleeding?
Littlemama wrote:My theory is she laid him on a bed for a nap and he rolled off and hit his head. When they found him he was in the floor not breathing and thats why he had brain damage.
Sent from my SM-N975U using Tapatalk
I don't know if Brittani mentioned seeing blood but they can bleed from the nose and mouth when there is a sleep accident.
To the ones that said they've tried everything and their babies won't sleep...I just wanted to add that my kids weren't great sleepers either so I totally understand what you're going through. It's worth it to keep trying to provide a safe space for them. It won't last forever. They'll be sleeping in their beds all night before you know it. Definitely try the Safe Sleep group on facebook if you need help.
Its fine if you don't want to change your own mind, LexiRae. But you don't get to speak for others and you shouldn't try to stop others from learning about safe sleep.
Its fine if you don't want to change your own mind, LexiRae. But you don't get to speak for others and you shouldn't try to stop others from learning about safe sleep. 
