C&K: The 'D' Word. Part #17

[Playsinrain]

I get the ethical questioning of the fish tank but... if Cullen is being for real saying this is going to be his new hobby then good for him. he's actually showing interest in something he gets enjoyment from. That's a great step in the right direction. Everyone has to learn new things, and at least this time around Cullen went to a legit fish store and is getting advise from someone who knows what they are doing. He seems to be taking it seriously and of course he's going to make mistakes, but i feel like he's putting positive effort into it. We'll see how it goes....

But they _keep_ making mistakes. If he wants to really do a salt water tank, and have it be a hobby, that's great. I also agree that he should do something that gets him out of the house, but ok--if this is it, that's fine. But if you look back, it just seems like they are throwing things at the wall to see what sticks. The first fish died. So did the second "Pray For Our Fish!"? Really? And instead of getting something easier, they go with a saltwater tank, only let it cycle 24 hours (and if the shop guy said "it only needs a day" I would be looking for another shop) and run out to buy "Nemo", and talk about adding "Dory" which tells me that they did NO real research. So these fish will probably die too. It just all seems so rushed. And you can't rush this. If he really wants to make it a hobby, research it. Learn more about it. And _then_ do it. Maybe they're just fish, but they've killed a bunch already. And instead of taking a step back, they get more difficult fish. Doesn't seem too bright. Or that he's learning from his mistakes.

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I guess i'm wrong then, but it just made me feel good that he is actually showing excitement and pleasure from doing something. That's something we haven't seen in a long time from him. It's just nice to see him doing something that seems to really interest him, after seeming so checked out for so long. No a tank full of fish isn't going to cure him or his marriage, but it seems like a good thing for his mental health. It could have been anything, golf, collecting baseball cards, knitting.. just anything that he showed interest in.. I hope he figures it out and the fish thrive. *shrug*

[3BoysandaLilMiss]

I think he has found a medication that is working as you have seen a glimpse of the old Cullen back
he said he was struggling with finding a medication that worked
Today's Vlog with him and at the park with their kids as well as the JKtoday's and he had a real smile (@ around 8.49) on is face and you haven't seen that in a while

[Playsinrain]

They aren't getting a tang.. fish store guy educated them on that one.. but they are thinking of getting something smaller that is like a "fake" Dory. So that's good. Cullen also said he did a lot of reading about saltwater tanks and such the night before. Good that he's actually doing some research.

[HelloSweetie]

Cullen getting a tank for a hobby is no different to me than Missy getting her horse.

Buying a pet isn’t going to solve the problems that are leaving you unfulfilled in your life.


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[lmmomSD]

I get the ethical questioning of the fish tank but... if Cullen is being for real saying this is going to be his new hobby then good for him. he's actually showing interest in something he gets enjoyment from. That's a great step in the right direction. Everyone has to learn new things, and at least this time around Cullen went to a legit fish store and is getting advise from someone who knows what they are doing. He seems to be taking it seriously and of course he's going to make mistakes, but i feel like he's putting positive effort into it. We'll see how it goes....

But they _keep_ making mistakes. If he wants to really do a salt water tank, and have it be a hobby, that's great. I also agree that he should do something that gets him out of the house, but ok--if this is it, that's fine. But if you look back, it just seems like they are throwing things at the wall to see what sticks. The first fish died. So did the second "Pray For Our Fish!"? Really? And instead of getting something easier, they go with a saltwater tank, only let it cycle 24 hours (and if the shop guy said "it only needs a day" I would be looking for another shop) and run out to buy "Nemo", and talk about adding "Dory" which tells me that they did NO real research. So these fish will probably die too. It just all seems so rushed. And you can't rush this. If he really wants to make it a hobby, research it. Learn more about it. And _then_ do it. Maybe they're just fish, but they've killed a bunch already. And instead of taking a step back, they get more difficult fish. Doesn't seem too bright. Or that he's learning from his mistakes.

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I guess i'm wrong then, but it just made me feel good that he is actually showing excitement and pleasure from doing something. That's something we haven't seen in a long time from him. It's just nice to see him doing something that seems to really interest him, after seeming so checked out for so long. No a tank full of fish isn't going to cure him or his marriage, but it seems like a good thing for his mental health. It could have been anything, golf, collecting baseball cards, knitting.. just anything that he showed interest in.. I hope he figures it out and the fish thrive. *shrug*

I don't think it's that you're "wrong". It's all just our opinions. But maybe he could take an interest in the pets they already have? Take the dogs for actual walks? That would get him out of the house and exercising! The whole desperate drive to have fish doesn't really seem like someone developing a hobby. If he really turns it into a hobby, I will be happy for him.

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[Baconsgirl]

Brooks is so flipping cute. I thought he was a little to close to the pond today’s vlog.


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[Playsinrain]

Brooks is so flipping cute. I thought he was a little to close to the pond today’s vlog.


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I love his little run. He's adorable.

[Playsinrain]

I think the point of my fish tank comments got lost... its not about the fish specifically, its about Cullen showing interest and being excited about something. Could that interest and excitement be better channeled somewhere else? Possibly... but my point was that i'm just glad to see him coming out of the fog and being happy about little things.

[HelloSweetie]

I think the point of my fish tank comments got lost... its not about the fish specifically, its about Cullen showing interest and being excited about something. Could that interest and excitement be better channeled somewhere else? Possibly... but my point was that i'm just glad to see him coming out of the fog and being happy about little things.

It’s still just a purchase though. YTers are always happy about the purchases they make. Trouble is, that happiness doesn’t last long. Remember how he attributed part of his depression to the car and new house? How is a new expensive hobby going to make him feel better long term? We need to see him showing true happiness about his life. His wife and children! His eyes still look “off” to me when he’s around Katie. They aren’t better. The issues have 100% been swept under the rug again leaving a hole Cullen is trying to fill with stuff just as he always has. The purchases always make him happy for a day or two, but it never lasts. We see this with so many other YTers as well. Just as I criticize E&J for thinking that a new purchase will make them happy, I’m going to criticize Cullen. Trying to act like all his problems were just from a chemical imbalance is just denial. A pill isn’t going to fix the state of their marriage, or the pressure he felt about their vehicle and home purchase. Those feelings have just been pushed down, and they will come up again with the next conflict.

My point is, he’s still a full time YTer that isn’t doing much with his days, trapped in a home 24/7 with a failing marriage. I have no doubt part of his depression was clinical, but I do also think a lot of it was situational, and that situation is still there. They are just in a honeymoon phase right now and have repressed their feelings for awhile. The next fight they have is going to bring them back to that anger and despair and the tank isn’t going to fix that. I also agree about the earbuds being a way to disconnect. Cullen wasn’t ready to be back in the house yet, and he’s using that to partially retreat. I know, I’ve been there. People leave you alone more when you’re using ear buds. It blocks out the world, and you can escape to a certain point extent even with others around you.

I guess others think he’s magically gotten better because he’s faking, and others want to believe the mess are working and he’s finally happy again. I just don’t think he’s happy at all yet. I think he’s trying to make himself be happy, and it’s causing him to retreat in other ways.


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[Playsinrain]

I think the point of my fish tank comments got lost... its not about the fish specifically, its about Cullen showing interest and being excited about something. Could that interest and excitement be better channeled somewhere else? Possibly... but my point was that i'm just glad to see him coming out of the fog and being happy about little things.

It’s still just a purchase though. YTers are always happy about the purchases they make. Trouble is, that happiness doesn’t last long. Remember how he attributed part of his depression to the car and new house? How is a new expensive hobby going to make him feel better long term? We need to see him showing true happiness about his life. His wife and children! His eyes still look “off” to me when he’s around Katie. They aren’t better. The issues have 100% been swept under the rug again leaving a hole Cullen is trying to fill with stuff just as he always has. The purchases always make him happy for a day or two, but it never lasts. We see this with so many other YTers as well. Just as I criticize E&J for thinking that a new purchase will make them happy, I’m going to criticize Cullen. Trying to act like all his problems were just from a chemical imbalance is just denial. A pill isn’t going to fix the state of their marriage, or the pressure he felt about their vehicle and home purchase. Those feelings have just been pushed down, and they will come up again with the next conflict.

My point is, he’s still a full time YTer that isn’t doing much with his days, trapped in a home 24/7 with a failing marriage. I have no doubt part of his depression was clinical, but I do also think a lot of it was situational, and that situation is still there. They are just in a honeymoon phase right now and have repressed their feelings for awhile. The next fight they have is going to bring them back to that anger and despair and the tank isn’t going to fix that. I also agree about the earbuds being a way to disconnect. Cullen wasn’t ready to be back in the house yet, and he’s using that to partially retreat. I know, I’ve been there. People leave you alone more when you’re using ear buds. It blocks out the world, and you can escape to a certain point extent even with others around you.

I guess others think he’s magically gotten better because he’s faking, and others want to believe the mess are working and he’s finally happy again. I just don’t think he’s happy at all yet. I think he’s trying to make himself be happy, and it’s causing him to retreat in other ways.


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Again, my comment has NOTHING to do with the actual fish or anything that he has purchased. My comment was just saying it was nice to see him showing interest in something. I do not think he's magically cured and their marriage is saved bc they bought a fish tank. I was just saying it's nice to see him excited about something again. It's been a long time since we have seen that with him. He could be showing interest in clipping his damn toenails for all I care, the point is that he seems to be more tuned in, and less checked out. (earbud thing aside... its weird, but he always used to wear those Bluetooth headphones around his neck 24/7. I don't like the ear buds replacing those bc he does look like he's trying to avoid people.) Like he's enjoying at least a part of his day and not just going through the motions.

[lmmomSD]

I guess it's a matter of agree to disagree. I'm not sure how much of his interest in the fish is real. He got clown fish. Nemo. What _Gaines_ wanted. I would buy the "enthusiasm" if he had done the research _before_ getting the tank and fish, not after, and if he had gotten something other than the go-to Disney fish.
I'm just not sure how real the interest is. And if it was anything else besides fish, I would probably wonder the same thing. It's not about the fish. It's like the comments on the date night vlog with everyone saying "Oh, you're back! You fixed your marriage!" I don't think one drunken date night has "fixed" things. And I think it's sad that so many people seem to want so badly to believe that.
I got your point. I just don't buy it.

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[HashtagBlessed]

The new fish venture feels somewhat manic. They didn’t do their research ahead of time, it doesn’t come off as particularly well-planned. It seems like a fleeting fixation, or a desperate attempt at vlog content that does not revolve around their marital issues.

The thumbnails and the titles tell me they are trying hard to sweep everything under the rug and turn the narrative around. I know Cullen said they were looking for a new therapist, so I question how much work they’ve actually done in therapy. They are still talking about the love language book, something they’ve been bringing up on the vlogs for years at this point. The issue might not be that they don’t understand each other’s “love language,” obviously they’ve had this tool for some time and their problems persisted. I just don’t think re-reading the same book and going more date nights is on the same level as the severity of their issues, if that makes sense. But it does give them up-beat vlog content. I think they’ll probably continue to be miserable behind the scenes, but they’ll give the impression that everything is fixed just in time to announce their next pregnancy.

[captainoflife]

[img]//uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201802 ... 694e00.jpg[/img]


Lolololol they are really forcing the lovey posts lately

[Baconsgirl]

^ Because it’s such an accomplishment to pick your kids up from school


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[lmmomSD]

The new fish venture feels somewhat manic. They didn’t do their research ahead of time, it doesn’t come off as particularly well-planned. It seems like a fleeting fixation, or a desperate attempt at vlog content that does not revolve around their marital issues.

The thumbnails and the titles tell me they are trying hard to sweep everything under the rug and turn the narrative around. I know Cullen said they were looking for a new therapist, so I question how much work they’ve actually done in therapy. They are still talking about the love language book, something they’ve been bringing up on the vlogs for years at this point. The issue might not be that they don’t understand each other’s “love language,” obviously they’ve had this tool for some time and their problems persisted. I just don’t think re-reading the same book and going more date nights is on the same level as the severity of their issues, if that makes sense. But it does give them up-beat vlog content. I think they’ll probably continue to be miserable behind the scenes, but they’ll give the impression that everything is fixed just in time to announce their next pregnancy.

Personal post warning!
The way they keep bringing up the "love language" book reminds me of my ex and his fixation on "Men are From Mars, Women Are From Venus". He was sure that was going to fix us. But instead of really learning anything useful from it, he used it as an excuse for his behavior. He would do something and if it bothered me, would say "well, it's just how I'm wired because I am a guy". But he didn't learn anything from the book's part about women and how to relate to me. Except for the part about how when women have a problem, they don't always want their man to fix it-- we just want to be heard. He liked that because it freed him of responsibility. It was like he only read the part about men, but didn't read the parts about how to apply the theory.
Anyway, they read the book before, and like Hashtag Blessed said, they had the tools. They _know_ what their love languages are. They have talked about it a bunch of times. But do they know how to use that knowledge to relate to each other, or are they just using buzzwords to sound like they're working on things? "Manic" is a really good term. The date night seemed manic too. And they have been doing date night. That whole scene about "finding a babysitter you trust" was weird to me, because they have babysitters galore. Unless their family has said "no more free babysitting", which I doubt. It just all seems so forced.

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[HelloSweetie]

The new fish venture feels somewhat manic. They didn’t do their research ahead of time, it doesn’t come off as particularly well-planned. It seems like a fleeting fixation, or a desperate attempt at vlog content that does not revolve around their marital issues.

The thumbnails and the titles tell me they are trying hard to sweep everything under the rug and turn the narrative around. I know Cullen said they were looking for a new therapist, so I question how much work they’ve actually done in therapy. They are still talking about the love language book, something they’ve been bringing up on the vlogs for years at this point. The issue might not be that they don’t understand each other’s “love language,” obviously they’ve had this tool for some time and their problems persisted. I just don’t think re-reading the same book and going more date nights is on the same level as the severity of their issues, if that makes sense. But it does give them up-beat vlog content. I think they’ll probably continue to be miserable behind the scenes, but they’ll give the impression that everything is fixed just in time to announce their next pregnancy.

Personal post warning!
The way they keep bringing up the "love language" book reminds me of my ex and his fixation on "Men are From Mars, Women Are From Venus". He was sure that was going to fix us. But instead of really learning anything useful from it, he used it as an excuse for his behavior. He would do something and if it bothered me, would say "well, it's just how I'm wired because I am a guy". But he didn't learn anything from the book's part about women and how to relate to me. Except for the part about how when women have a problem, they don't always want their man to fix it-- we just want to be heard. He liked that because it freed him of responsibility. It was like he only read the part about men, but didn't read the parts about how to apply the theory.
Anyway, they read the book before, and like Hashtag Blessed said, they had the tools. They _know_ what their love languages are. They have talked about it a bunch of times. But do they know how to use that knowledge to relate to each other, or are they just using buzzwords to sound like they're working on things? "Manic" is a really good term. The date night seemed manic too. And they have been doing date night. That whole scene about "finding a babysitter you trust" was weird to me, because they have babysitters galore. Unless their family has said "no more free babysitting", which I doubt. It just all seems so forced.

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I really think the fight they had was somehow about Brittany. Maybe Katie wa scrutinizing her to Cullen and he took offence since she was being so great as to watch the kids for them? It was definitely weird that he felt the need to shout out how great they are in his depression vlog. That sounded like guilt to me, and the babysitter search makes me think that they are avoiding having a repeat of that situation.


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[Playsinrain]

It is weird that Britney hasn't been around since when.. the national championship game?

Edit: haven't they been out of town too though.. i don't watch her vlogs on the regular so i have no idea really lol

[Playsinrain]

Brooks was the star of the show today. His dance moves and when he and grandberry were talking was adorable.

[lmmomSD]

It is weird that Britney hasn't been around since when.. the national championship game?

I think you're right... Was the hockey game after the championship? Maybe Katie isn't as cool with things as she seemed. Or who knows? I could speculate all kinds of things. But it's interesting.

On another note, Gaines' eyes in that "Sending Secret Mail" thumbnail don't look good. She looks like she's got allergic shiners.

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[lmmomSD]

See what I mean? Her eyes look like she's sick, or having allergies, or something. I enlarged it.[img]//uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201802 ... e10ec6.jpg[/img]

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