Parsnips and Parsimony

[DoodleBop2]

Janelle will forever be Miss Trunchbull.

[weed]

Does Art EVER go to work???

I don't know how they survive when he doesn't seem to do any paid work. I thought that summer was his busy time with all the school band instruments, but he doesn't seem to be doing anything.

These people live in a bubble, totally isolated from normal life and all of the issues that holding down a proper job entails.

[dahell]

Does Art EVER go to work???

I don't know how they survive when he doesn't seem to do any paid work. I thought that summer was his busy time with all the school band instruments, but he doesn't seem to be doing anything.

These people live in a bubble, totally isolated from normal life and all of the issues that holding down a proper job entails.

Right! And then he’ll be scrambling at the end of summer again. I get some people probably don’t bring them in right away but, you’d think the schools would have theirs ready already. He’s never there.

[DoodleBop2]

The fact that they hardly ever seem to work is part of the problem with them refusing to get their children help for potential ADHD\autism. Most people cannot stay home and refuse to work or interact with humans. Most of us have to learn coping skills and strategies to deal with feeling peopled out and the anxiety that comes with it. They won't have the money to help each of their children buy their first home like Art's family did for him.

I worry about the oldest boy he's so naive if he isn't taught how to interact with other people I can see him being taken advantage of or beaten up. He could get in trouble with the police because he doesn't respond the way they want or he could step into one of the many unwritten rules we have to deal with in society every day. Growing up autistic and accidentally offending people it's NOT easy.

The bubble might be nice but not teaching your child how to survive in the world they're actually in can be very dangerous for them.

[gibberish]

The fact that they hardly ever seem to work is part of the problem with them refusing to get their children help for potential ADHD\autism. Most people cannot stay home and refuse to work or interact with humans. Most of us have to learn coping skills and strategies to deal with feeling peopled out and the anxiety that comes with it. They won't have the money to help each of their children buy their first home like Art's family did for him.

I worry about the oldest boy he's so naive if he isn't taught how to interact with other people I can see him being taken advantage of or beaten up. He could get in trouble with the police because he doesn't respond the way they want or he could step into one of the many unwritten rules we have to deal with in society every day. Growing up autistic and accidentally offending people it's NOT easy.

The bubble might be nice but not teaching your child how to survive in the world they're actually in can be very dangerous for them.

John is 13. Nowhere near the age to be out in the world on his own.

He's in the CAP Cadet program where he interacts with other youth and with adult leaders. He also regularly attends church and interacts with other kids and adults. I don't see anything wrong with parents who slowly let their kids out of the bubble. Especially if the kid has issues.

[DoodleBop2]

The fact that they hardly ever seem to work is part of the problem with them refusing to get their children help for potential ADHD\autism. Most people cannot stay home and refuse to work or interact with humans. Most of us have to learn coping skills and strategies to deal with feeling peopled out and the anxiety that comes with it. They won't have the money to help each of their children buy their first home like Art's family did for him.

I worry about the oldest boy he's so naive if he isn't taught how to interact with other people I can see him being taken advantage of or beaten up. He could get in trouble with the police because he doesn't respond the way they want or he could step into one of the many unwritten rules we have to deal with in society every day. Growing up autistic and accidentally offending people it's NOT easy.

The bubble might be nice but not teaching your child how to survive in the world they're actually in can be very dangerous for them.

John is 13. Nowhere near the age to be out in the world on his own.

He's in the CAP Cadet program where he interacts with other youth and with adult leaders. He also regularly attends church and interacts with other kids and adults. I don't see anything wrong with parents who slowly let their kids out of the bubble. Especially if the kid has issues.

Those are still all controlled interactions with people who understand he's different. Those interactions are easy. When he goes into a store alone and the cashier assumes he's going to shoplift because he's acting off that's when it's helpful to learn how to interact with humans out of the bubble. Those are the things that need to be practiced. How to advocate for yourself with people who don't know your parents or are from church. He's 13 in less than 5 years according to the law he'll be an adult and people are less understanding when the disabled person isn't a cute little kid anymore.

This is why parents and other adults can benefit from listening to disabled adults\actually autistic people to get a varied perspective.

[weed]

I don't think it is ever too young for kids to get out into the world and have to deal with things by themselves. Have we ever seen any of those older kids going shopping by themselves? Going out with friends by themselves? Even going to the library by themselves? Never. They wouldn't know what to do without their parents and that is wrong. It is not preparing them for real life and it isn't fair to them.

[dahell]

I don't think it is ever too young for kids to get out into the world and have to deal with things by themselves. Have we ever seen any of those older kids going shopping by themselves? Going out with friends by themselves? Even going to the library by themselves? Never. They wouldn't know what to do without their parents and that is wrong. It is not preparing them for real life and it isn't fair to them.

I so agree with you. My kids compared to many are “sheltered”. But they have friends. Neighborhood. Church. Homeschool. Sports. Again, I try to be careful about whose house they may spend time at. I also prepare them that most of their friends have phones or iPods and they need to know how to handle it if people are looking at things they shouldn’t be. My almost 15 yr old....he’s been going to the movies with friends for a year or two. I drop him off at the Y, either alone or to meet up with friends a few times a month, I make him be the one to call places to ask questions, I send him into the store to grab a few things (both for the practice and to not have to drag the rest of my kids in), let him use cash and even my debit card, he deals with neighbors because he cuts grass for some of them, goes away to camp with church, has gone on basketball trips with a very diverse group of people. Point it.....I get it, I “shelter” them when they’re young....I’ve been gradually trying to let go and help him be independent. It probably helps that my husband isnt a “typical” home school dad.....he definitely errs on the side of “more freedom” while I err on the side of “less freedom”...it ends up being a good balance. I hope. But, my gosh, if my kids don’t know how to interact with the world, what’s the point of anything really. I hope to keep doing the same for the rest of my kids. One is more shy but he’s still got the personality that he’ll talk to people if he wants/needs to so, it’s interesting.

[DoodleBop2]

There is a popular YouTuber who made a video about his first week at University. He'd never had to boil pasta before so he didn't know how. He'd never gone to the grocery store and paid for his own food. He'd never done his own laundry let alone been taught how to use a coin machine and he was an overwhelmed mess and he's like why didn't I learn these things in school and I'm like where were your parents? There comes a point when you can actually "protect" your children to the point of hindering them. Within the disabled community, it's called learned helplessness people assume we're not capable so they don't teach us and then we don't know.

Parenting teenagers is about slowly having more responsibility and freedom so they can learn to be a grown up by the time they get there.

It has to be odd for John and Charity to be considered so incapable in some areas and then the responsibility of the little kids put upon them Charity more so than John. You'd think it would be the other way around but charity was left with a lot of responsibility at such a young age several small kids, cooking, homeschooling herself...yet they have to go shopping as a collective.

[dahell]

There is a popular YouTuber who made a video about his first week at University. He'd never had to boil pasta before so he didn't know how. He'd never gone to the grocery store and paid for his own food. He'd never done his own laundry let alone been taught how to use a coin machine and he was an overwhelmed mess and he's like why didn't I learn these things in school and I'm like where were your parents? There comes a point when you can actually "protect" your children to the point of hindering them. Within the disabled community, it's called learned helplessness people assume we're not capable so they don't teach us and then we don't know.

Parenting teenagers is about slowly having more responsibility and freedom so they can learn to be a grown up by the time they get there.

It has to be odd for John and Charity to be considered so incapable in some areas and then the responsibility of the little kids put upon them Charity more so than John. You'd think it would be the other way around but charity was left with a lot of responsibility at such a young age several small kids, cooking, homeschooling herself...yet they have to go shopping as a collective.

Yikes, poor guy. I would NEVER be able to live with myself if I sheltered them and then sent them out into the world. Be it college or some other path. It really makes me thankful for a husband that would NEVER let things head in that direction. I probably would shelter them more if I didn’t have him keeping me sensible. It IS really weird to think of older kids as having so many responsibilities within the home but not a lot of interaction with the general population. You’d think Charity must have SOME experience though? The rescue squad, the nursing home stuff?

[DoodleBop2]

So they still have a few years before they're grown but I wonder if maybe this desire to "shelter" them comes from a place of keeping them from being capable of leaving or choosing a path their parents might not agree with. The other thing I worry about is this unrealistic expectation that they will be able to support large families when neither parent really seems to do that much paid-work. While it's great for them to teach their kids to think outside the box than a typical nine to five but IDK if they'll be able or willing to help all the kids as much as Art was helped by his mom.

Charity probably gets way more than John but even in those interactions most of those people know her mom.

[weed]

Any interactions they have seem to be with church friends or friends of their parents or grandparents. On one hand it is quite nice that they do cooking classes and speeches for the old people at the nursing hoe, but on the other hand it is sad that they are the only audience they can find for such things. Charity goes to art classes and does cooking demonstrations, but who is it with? Her grandmother. She goes to the ambulance training, but who does she associated with there? Her mother and HER colleagues. I think she has devoted a lovely bond with both her grandmother and her other, but she definitely needs to bond with people of her OWN age as well. At least John gets that chance at CAP to be with other boys his own age.

All their activism are ones that their parents did as youngsters. Janelle was involved in the ambulance training, so Charity is involved too. Janelle and her mother love to cook and knit, so Charity does too. Art was involved with CAP as a young man, so John is involved too. They go to church and shop as a unit.

Where is their independence? It simply doesn't exist.

[dahell]

Oh true, I agree with you both. I think it’s healthy and appropriate for kids to start branching off on their own. Forming friendships, relationships. Their own identity.

[weed]

These people are STILL picking up freebies by the side of the road!!!

[gibberish]

These people are STILL picking up freebies by the side of the road!!!

Lol! I know. When I saw that pile, at first I thought it was them purging their junk! Then, I groaned when I realized they were picking up freebies outta someone else's pile of junk!

[DoodleBop2]

Just wait until there is an entire video about needing to purge and have a big multi-day yard sale again.

[weed]

Yes, and the cycle will simply continue over and over and over again.

[dahell]

Just wait until there is an entire video about needing to purge and have a big multi-day yard sale again.

And despite what they SAY to the camera, they seem to love the circus that their rummages sales are. It’s so haphazard. If they truly wanted to fully purge, they would stop messing around with eBay and rummaging. I guess the free pile if they leave it for a day and immediately run it to the donation place. They live for those thrown together rummage sales.

[DoodleBop2]

I swear they brought so much stuff from the rummage sale last time back in and swore it would be going to be thrown out or donated within a few days. I bet that's how the 3rd floor once again got packed.

[dahell]

I swear they brought so much stuff from the rummage sale last time back in and swore it would be going to be thrown out or donated within a few days. I bet that's how the 3rd floor once again got packed.

That’s so true. I think that’s why it’s not going to truly get better for them. They admit they have an issue but I think THEY think it’s under control now. I don’t think they’ll ever get to the point of actually understanding “one in, one out”. You have to be organized and living within your confines to be able to do that. They simply don’t seem to be able to help themselves.