This is exactly what I was trying to say but couldn't express properly. Thank you xlagenialester wrote:I mostly agree with this. I also think that she was super uneducated about people with special needs and never really took the time to learn. (Possibly because of her age.) Don’t forget, the doctors were telling her that Lily would likely not survive, so I’m sure there were some attachment issues there as well!mamawombat wrote:I never got the feeling she was embarrassed, just more didn't know how to deal with people staring and asking questions all the time. Your kid looks different, so people are gonna stare. Maybe being so young and so unprepared mentally for it, maybe no one in her family knew how to help her cope with the public side of it all (as in not the social media stuff which is a step away, but the day to day interactions with strangers).anr92 wrote:when lily was smaller Vanessa would wrap big ass head bands to cover her forehead or put scarfs on her all the time to cover her neck, I’ve always gotten the vibe that she’s embarrassed of her daughter
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I also think a similar thing maybe happened when lily was born and she didn't go home immediately. That's a hard time to bond with a baby, especially as a young parent. Abd again, maybe with minimal emotional support from fanily.
It's easier with Charlie. He looks normal and has no medical issues. Labor and delivery were fine. He came home at the same time as mum. People don't stare with the same questioning eyes in public as to "what's wrong with that child? Is it contagious?" etc etc that uneducated people can do. Their starting is relayed to normal behaviours from a child, not their "different" appearance.
But we'll never know. And I can only hope vanessa gets the mental help she needs to work on their bond because lily is portrayed as one of the sweetest little girls with genuine enthusiasm for life.
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Personal, but I can relate to her on some level. I had an unplanned pregnancy (i was engaged and in my early 20s with a Masters degree though), and it was a lot harder for me to connect pre-baby because I felt ashamed. Nobody was actively shaming me, but I just felt like I couldn’t celebrate the way you usually celebrate a pregnancy. Even after my daughter was born, I loved her, but it took awhile for me to fall into that motherly routine. She had some medical issues and I went into caregiver mode in some ways. Now obviously I am very much in love with her and show her affection every minute of every day (ok, she’s five so maybe not every minute! ). I look back and think of how amazing it is that she has made it through everything and is here, but when she was younger I was in the thick of children’s hospitals, surgeries, and therapies. It was hard to let my guard down. Her life was also never in as much danger as Lily’s (aside from one scary moment during surgery) and I was more educated on finding a community of parents going through the same thing.
When I got pregnant with my second it was much easier to celebrate him right away because we had planned the pregnancy, we were married and financially more stable. Love both kids the same, but it was easier to let my guard down and show it with the planned pregnancy. I’m also somebody who has always loved kids, vs Vanessa who doesn’t seem super maternal in general.
tldr; I think Vanessa loves Lily, but doesn’t know how to let her guard down. I had a hard time outwardly expressing love for my first child because my pregnancy was unplanned and she had intense medical issues for the first couple of years of life. Still she means the world to me, but it was harder to let my guard down.
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