Katie:Learning to Say No to Everything Except Gaines|Part 21

[Playsinrain]

He should be going every day. Not once a week.
I hope he's serious, but it takes more than vlogging about it and a weekly meeting to overcome addiction. He needs to just shut up and do it.
Maybe part of his addiction is the attention. I think a lot of these vloggers develop something like an addiction to the attention and adulation.

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By the way he talked he is going more than just once a week. I took it as daily meetings. During this vlog he had to end it bc he was leaving for another meeting at that time. He did say he had gone to a couple different places for meetings, i assume to find one he feel most comfortable at. He also mentioned starting the 90 in 90 program (something along that name, i can't remember the actual name of that)

[Playsinrain]

I'm proud of Cullen for stepping up and seeking out help for his demons. This is a hard thing to deal with and i really hope that he continues to document at least some of this, bc you never know who's life he might save by sharing and being honest with his viewers.

He keeps alluding to other substances and attending NA meetings (question, is NA for narcotics only or can it be both narcs and alcohol? Just wondered if they were slightly interchangeable) and i think he might be talking about weed.. maybe something more hardcore as well (i suspect pills) but he did say in the part of the vlog where he was in the car after a meeting something to the effect of "going and smoking something illegal, or legal depending on where you live" which is obviously weed, but i'm not convinced its only weed and booze that he is abusing.

Katie needs to be in Al- anon, at the very least. If what he was saying about her drinking is true, then she also needs to be in the AA meetings with him. It's kinda harsh if she has kicked him out of the house to detox and she is also drinking just as much as he is. Granted she has made changes to her diet and has probably cut out the booze (mostly, he did say they were still drinking on the weekends) but by the way he talked she has a problem too. Katie has shown her "pot calling kettle black" tendencies before, so i don't think that's too far fetched. No excuses for her not to be in Al- anon though, none...

I don't think Katie is the one that is out of the house. I think Cullen is staying with Brit and Cory. Don't Tell Mom was filmed there this week and he was at the gym with Cory per his IG stories earlier this week. All the vlogs here recently (except for a few mins at the end of the one where MG was practicing her backrolls) have been at the house with Katie and the kids and Cullen has been absent. I don't think Katie would leave the house and take the kids with her if she thought Cullen was the issue, he would be the one leaving, just like before (the depression vlogs) when we suspected he was at his mom's or B&C's for a few days. I do hope that Katie lets him see the kids soon. He's seeking help, has admitted his faults and seems really serious about getting clean. Unless he has made himself a threat to the kids or Katie (which i can't see, but who knows what they are hiding.. alcohol and drugs can make people do things they would never think of doing sober, but i don't get a violent vibe from him.) she should let him at least spend some time with them.. His kids could be the one thing that keeps him on the path to his sobriety.

[lmmomSD]

This was one thing I was hoping you guys weren’t right about. The whole thing is so sad, and I feel for all of them honestly. I hope Cullen really does get the help he needs, and I hope he and Katie go to therapy and work out their issues if they want to stay together.

I’ve never dealt with addiction, but from what I do know, I don’t think its something you can just get through without some form of professional help. He needs to stop drinking too, even if he doesn’t think he has an issue with alcohol, I’m pretty sure it all goes hand in hand.

He and his sister both seem to think that alcohol and recovery are compatible. They're not, really. NA says in their preamble to every meeting that "Alcohol is a drug. Period". People said when Britany was drinking that maybe she was doing a non-NA program. Doesn't sound like it. Sounds like she was just doing it her own way, which doesn't bode well for long term sobriety.

I am glad he's doing the 90 in 90. That will help him. But he really needs to stop drinking completely.

I know I sound judgy. And that isn't what I mean. I have lost so many friends to addiction who couldn't get it right and couldn't find hope, that when I see people trying to do it their way and pick and choose what they want from AA or NA, it upsets me. I have been to way too many funerals. And Katie and the kids can't save him. He has to want to be clean and sober more than anything else.

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[HashtagBlessed]

I wonder if Katie’s good mood is genuine and she’s realizing that she can make lifestyle changes on her own and potentially do this without him (with the support of her family). I get the impression he’s not supposed to see the kids again until he’s sober and working a program. It almost seems like she’s accepted the fact that they could be headed for divorce if he doesn’t get sober and she’s at peace with it? It is odd that they were living together and seemingly a couple so recently and now he’s saying he hasn’t seen them in three days. And as recently as four days ago she was posting videos saying she can’t bring herself to throw out her larger clothes (even though they’re “99.9% sure” that they are done having kids) because it sounds like she’s still caught on this idea of a third child, which sounds super unlikely and also like a terrible idea?

Cullen came across as very uncomfortable talking on camera about this for their channel. He didn’t seem to really want to talk about the gravity of the situation, which was painfully obvious when he talked about not seeing his family for three days and he choked up. I do think admitting it publicly is a big step towards taking responsibility and holding yourself accountable, so I hope they continue to move in that direction. I think it’s a huge first step and I wish him the best for his recovery.

I do think it’s problematic for them to continue drinking when they know they have a problem. Telling yourself you can just “cut back” and only drink on the weekends seems to come from a place of denial. And Cullen blaming himself for their excessive drinking seems to ignore Katie’s agency in this. The parts where Cullen is insisting that everyone struggles with an addiction and secrets or “everyone has a thing” also rubbed me the wrong way. Not everyone has a substance abuse addiction, that’s just a fact. I get that he’s trying to make himself feel better and less “alone” but it sounded like he was trying to make everyone out to be as “guilty” as he is because he’s probably done some deplorable things as an addict that he isn’t totally able to take responsibility for yet. He claims it didn’t greatly affect his kids or his ability to be a father, but if, for example, he was high while driving and running errands with the kids, that’s a huge issue.

How could they function as parents if they were drinking that heavily? I bet they thought having kids would magically change something, except it just adds more stress and strife to a situation if you’re not coming from a healthy place to begin with. I agree that they didn’t hide it well, this board has been talking about potential drug abuse and addiction for at least a year or two? He seems very defensive over the fact that he didn’t hide it as well as he thought. He seems to be "liking" the comments that say they never thought in a million years that he had an issue with drugs. Those people haven't been paying attention. Of course it was out of control, it’s an addiction.

I like to consider myself an organized person, but this organization fixation seems to be a distraction. Your life isn’t a mess because your closet is messy. Your life is a mess because of mental health problems and substance abuse. Address those things with a professional.

[lmmomSD]

There were plenty of people even here who swore up and down that there was no way Cullen was using drugs. And when we would say he was wasted, people would say they didn't see it, or it wasn't that bad. So the rose colored glasses aren't just in the vlog comments.
And yes, thinking you can cut back, or just drink on weekends is denial if you are truly an alcoholic. And no, not everyone has "a thing". There are people who can control their drinking. They're not alcoholics. My cousin went to AA for a while, and he drinks socially now and is actually an addiction counselor. But when he was drinking heavily he was far away from his family, had joined the Navy to make his dad happy, and had no coping skills. He asked if I was mad at him for drinking socially, and I said no, because he probably wasn't really an alcoholic. He just didn't have any life skills at the time, and now he does. But he abstained completely while he was developing those coping skills. And the only way to find out is to just stop, and do the work.
I do give him props for actually saying it in the vlog. Shay still won't use the word "alcoholic". And it looks like he's still having issues.

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[KaterTot]

A lot of us called it a long time ago. I hope he truly gets help and gets well. I was amazed at how many people under his latest video where he mentions going to NA about 3-4 times still thinks it is just alcohol. To me he would say, Hi, I am Cullen and I am an alcoholic if that were the case. I guess that opiods and alcohol or some other street drug or all 3. The way Katie referred to him sleeping til 11 or so every day reminded me of shay carl and how he slept the day away every day and we found out he was an alcoholic, among other things.

[Playsinrain]

I’m really hoping that the whole only drinking on the weekends thing was something they were doing in the recent past to try and handle their alcohol dependency on their own. I hope to god they understand that just drinking on weekends does not equal sobrity and that now neither of them are drinking period. I know they both had drinks at the Mexican place several weeks ago, but that was the last I have seen drinking on the vlogs. (I’m saying they and their bc I REALLY feel like this is not just Cullen’s problem and I hope that Katie realizes she has issues too and is dealing with them. I also hope she is willing to be sober along side Cullen, bc if not his chances of recovery are less..)
I hope he is being safe with his detox. I worked for a guy who’s husband was an alcoholic and he tried several times to just quit cold turkey (I do not know the extent of his abuse, so I’m not certain if his drinking was more excessive than Cullens, although a case of beer a day is pretty excessive. That was the amount Cullen claimed to be drinking after Gaines was born, could be more or less now) and wound up having seizures and SERIOUS medical complications. He passed away about 3 years ago at a pretty young age. They were very hush hush with his drinking problem (but as their assistant, I can’t tell you how many times they called and asked me to bring a couple bottles of wine to their house on my way home from the business of theirs I ran.) but with the history and things I saw, I’m assuming his death was a by product of his drinking. Detox is scary and painful and can be dangerous. This worries me in those first few days of his recovery.

[lmmomSD]

Alcohol withdrawal can kill you. Opiate withdrawal just makes you feel awful, but it won't kill you. I hope he's being monitored.
And that he's having his liver checked out

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[Playsinrain]

Alcohol withdrawal can kill you. Opiate withdrawal just makes you feel awful, but it won't kill you. I hope he's being monitored.
And that he's having his liver checked out

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I wonder why they aren’t considering an inpatient rehab program. Especially if Katie has said he’s not coming back to the house until he’s sober.

[angelfire89]

Alcohol withdrawal can kill you. Opiate withdrawal just makes you feel awful, but it won't kill you. I hope he's being monitored.
And that he's having his liver checked out

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I wonder why they aren’t considering an inpatient rehab program. Especially if Katie has said he’s not coming back to the house until he’s sober.

Aren’t those generally pretty expensive? We already know they’re probably struggling financially, I highly doubt they could afford to send him to rehab. As long as he sticks to meetings and truly admits to at least himself the extent of his problem, I think he’ll be okay.

[ApplePie]

I don’t know...I feel like Cullen said a lot of words but didn’t really disclose anything except for the fact that he has an addiction and he hasn’t seen his family in three days. I agree that if it was alcohol, or even drugs, he would say “i’m an alcoholic” or “I’m addicted to drugs.” I mean, drugs can be a lot of things, and not necessarily illegal. I feel like it could be something else on top of the alcohol or weed or whatever...maybe porn? Regardless, he needs to stop drinking completely and be at a meeting every damn day. And I think Katie and the kids should stay away until he gets a handle on it all. Speaking of Katie, I don’t get the impression that she was as deep into it all as Cullen. I think she could control it. I mean all of the videos (the depression one, this addiction one) focus on Cullen. Katie does like to portray the happy family narrative, but I think she would admit if she had a problem too. Cullen doesn’t seem like the kind of person who would take all of the blame for their lives falling apart.

[ApplePie]

I don’t know...I feel like Cullen said a lot of words but didn’t really disclose anything except for the fact that he has an addiction and he hasn’t seen his family in three days. I agree that if it was alcohol, or even drugs, he would say “i’m an alcoholic” or “I’m addicted to drugs.” I mean, drugs can be a lot of things, and not necessarily illegal. I feel like it could be something else on top of the alcohol or weed or whatever...maybe porn? Regardless, he needs to stop drinking completely and be at a meeting every damn day. And I think Katie and the kids should stay away until he gets a handle on it all. Speaking of Katie, I don’t get the impression that she was as deep into it all as Cullen. I think she could control it. I mean all of the videos (the depression one, this addiction one) focus on Cullen. Katie does like to portray the happy family narrative, but I think she would admit if she had a problem too. Cullen doesn’t seem like the kind of person who would take all of the blame for their lives falling apart.

[Playsinrain]

Alcohol withdrawal can kill you. Opiate withdrawal just makes you feel awful, but it won't kill you. I hope he's being monitored.
And that he's having his liver checked out

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I wonder why they aren’t considering an inpatient rehab program. Especially if Katie has said he’s not coming back to the house until he’s sober.

Aren’t those generally pretty expensive? We already know they’re probably struggling financially, I highly doubt they could afford to send him to rehab. As long as he sticks to meetings and truly admits to at least himself the extent of his problem, I think he’ll be okay.

I just worry about his health while detoxing. Especially doing it on his own, and not knowing exactly what combos of drugs he is/was taking.
Don’t some insurance policies help with rehab? I would think that money wouldn’t be an issue if this was something that would put his life or marriage in danger. I’m willing to bet that Katie’s parents would help them with those expenses if they asked. Jay is also a DUI lawyer so I’m assuming he would have some connections with rehab facilities and could help him find one they could afford. (I know court ordered rehab is often a condition of repeat offenders probation. It was in my nephews case. I’m sure Jay would have a great deal of knowledge in that dept..)

[Playsinrain]

I don’t know...I feel like Cullen said a lot of words but didn’t really disclose anything except for the fact that he has an addiction and he hasn’t seen his family in three days. I agree that if it was alcohol, or even drugs, he would say “i’m an alcoholic” or “I’m addicted to drugs.” I mean, drugs can be a lot of things, and not necessarily illegal. I feel like it could be something else on top of the alcohol or weed or whatever...maybe porn? Regardless, he needs to stop drinking completely and be at a meeting every damn day. And I think Katie and the kids should stay away until he gets a handle on it all. Speaking of Katie, I don’t get the impression that she was as deep into it all as Cullen. I think she could control it. I mean all of the videos (the depression one, this addiction one) focus on Cullen. Katie does like to portray the happy family narrative, but I think she would admit if she had a problem too. Cullen doesn’t seem like the kind of person who would take all of the blame for their lives falling apart.

He did say on the podcast that he was an alcoholic, more than once. Also said there were other “substances” but didn’t go into detail on what they were, other than alluding to be being weed, at the very least.

[HelloSweetie]

I don’t think Katie would admit if she is a problem publicly. I think the vlogs focus on Cullen because he’s the one willing to disclose things. Him being the one with the problem gives her an upper hand custody wise. She isn’t going to admit she has a problem and lose that.


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[Playsinrain]

Katie tried to one up Cullen’s depression confession with her PPD (not saying that one is worse than the other, I just know there was a lot of snark going on after that sit down video bc she was all HEY I WAS DEPRESSED TOO LOOK AT ME!!!!) so I’m pretty interested in hearing her side of this. Especially since Cullen talked like she was drinking just as much as he was on the podcast.

[Playsinrain]

I don’t think Katie would admit if she is a problem publicly. I think the vlogs focus on Cullen because he’s the one willing to disclose things. Him being the one with the problem gives her an upper hand custody wise. She isn’t going to admit she has a problem and lose that.


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This is very true. But it’s also extremely unhealthy for her, Cullen and their relationship for her not to be honest with herself and seek out help as well IF she also has a problem. But Katie seems to have that personality that she’s above others, so admitting she also has a problem would be very VERY hard for her. I also hope that she doesn’t think that Al-anon is above her for those reasons. She has to learn the skills she needs to cope with this and help Cullen as well.

[nutbagmcgee]

I have always said C and K seemed like my people. People we would hang out with, be friends with. This just summed it up so much. My husband is an addict, no one would ever know or guess. We hide it very well. We look good from the outside but behind closed doors we are a mess. I cover up so much, I don't talk about it because we look so perfect from the outside. I understand Katie hiding it and keeping it under wraps. I know a lot of you don't like her (I haven't liked her much lately either) but I understand her so much more. The control, the shopping, etc. It is me. I do things to cover up, keep myself happy (shopping.) That was TMI but I get it now.

[HelloSweetie]

Just watched Katie’s new video. She definitely doesn’t seem to think any of the issues in their marriage are from her. It’s all Cullen. She’s always grandstanding, which I’m sure doesn’t help Cullen with his depression issues. I also go the impression she didn’t know he was going to mention things on the podcast, and she wasn’t happy about it.

It’s worth a watch for sure.


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[Playsinrain]

Just watched Katie’s new video. She definitely doesn’t seem to think any of the issues in their marriage are from her. It’s all Cullen. She’s always grandstanding, which I’m sure doesn’t help Cullen with his depression issues. I also go the impression she didn’t know he was going to mention things on the podcast, and she wasn’t happy about it.

It’s worth a watch for sure.


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Yeah I’m only 10mins in but it’s just a whole lot of Cullen is an addict but don’t ask us any questions about it bc if we don’t talk about it here then it’s something we aren’t discussing. Also lots of how hard it is on her, and that it’s not her fault and that her “personal growth” makes it easier for her to deal with. While all of those are valid points, she doesn’t seem to be willing to even discuss these things and seems rather ticked that Cullen put it out there and now she has to deal with it. She also has yet to mention any of the things Cullen brought up about her in his confessional on DTM. She seems HELLA defensive and put off by the fact that he made their dirty laundry public. I really think it’s more her that has expected Cullen to put on a huge front on the vlogs to look like a picture perfect family. Cullen seems willing and eager to share this journey and be (at least partially) transparent. I think Katie is pissed he came forward. And to a point I understand that. But it’s HIS problem (like she was quick to say) and if he feels the need to be public about it, then she should support him on that. Maybe coming clean publicly is something he needed to do for himself and his own accountability.