Katie:Learning to Say No to Everything Except Gaines|Part 21

[Playsinrain]

I saw someone else post about it, and i agree... it's bc they have been drinking and partying together since day one of the relationship. Neither of them know how to have a good time with each other without having drinks involved. One big thing that they are going to have to learn in this new chapter of this relationship is how to have fun together sober.

It seems like Cullen needs to learn that, but Katie doesn’t.

I got the impression that as long as SHE doesn’t have a problem she can keep drinking no problem.




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Which will TOTALLY help his recovery and their relationship so much!!! They need to lose all the booze in their life period. Katie getting sloshed around him is not her being supportive.

[Playsinrain]

The body language between the both of them in that little sit down before the vlog was so so telling. ESPECIALLY when Katie flat out said don't ask any questions and Cullen basically rolled his eyes and protested. Then she was all "well they can ask YOU questions.." and pursed up that lip and was clearly pissed the fuck off that Cullen wanted people to be able to ask things if they wanted too. You can tell Katie would rather have ZERO to do with any of this, and Cullen is willing and ready to at least try and be honest with people. I wonder what else katie covers up about her life? What i don't get is that to the normal watcher (not us here on the boards who catch everything and knew their were issues way before they talked about them) Katie was the one who opened up this can of worms with her whole "read these books about codependency and living with addicts! they have helped me so much and changed my life.." talk. She brought up living with an addict, but yet now she's pissed bc people know she's living with an addict and is in denial about her own drinking???? She has no reason to be so defensive. She was fine talking about HER struggles with living with an addict (who i'm pretty sure she denied at the time and said she wasn't reading them for that reason) but as soon as Cullen opened up and confessed, she hit the damn roof. She should have skipped the addiction book club and went straight to KonMari if she didn't want people to assume things... Maybe THATS why they needed to take a break and she kicked him out? Bc she didn't want him opening up and he split the beans on DTM and that was what broke her.

[rdt1004]

I can totally see her hanging out at the country club looking for a second husband...

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Katie’s attitude towards Cullen now and his addiction and now that everyone they know now knows about it, she’s definitely checked out of the marriage and probably making plans to meet someone who better fits her “rich perfect southern family” narrative.


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[HashtagBlessed]

I agree with Katie in the sense that you can’t control or take responsibility for someone else’s decisions. You can’t make an addict get sober, and similarly Cullen’s mother could not control the actions of her two children who have their own agency and make their own life choices. We’ll never know the extent of what went on and what people were saying and doing behind the scenes. But it does sound from Cullen and Britany’s podcast that their mother did try to model good behavior for them, warmed them repeatedly that they were pre-disposed to addiction, and talked to them openly about this. What could she do beyond that? Lock them in their bedrooms?

However, I am still baffled that Katie claims that Cullen’s addictions only began to deeply affect their marriage a year and half ago, when Cullen is very clear that he has had these issues his entire adult life. She’s known him for 15 years and had two children with him. How does someone with a PhD in psychology not recognize mental illness and addiction in her own I spouse? Their answer to dealing with marital problems was to have more "date nights" with drinking. Either she had some major blinders on, or she was complicit in her own way. I think they were both in denial about their problem drinking. I don’t think it’s her responsibility to control or “fix” her husband, but she does need to take a look at herself and figure out why she participated in this behavior and/or tolerated it for so long. She plays a role in this dysfunction, but the only thing she seems to be taking away from this is that she is blameless, and this is his problem to sort out. You can still be a problem drinker without being a full-blown alcoholic. Their lifestyle decisions and financial situation may be contributing factors to his triggers, and that may require major changes for BOTH of them.

I do agree that they need to get their life back and get off YouTube. It sounds like things started going downhill when Cullen lost his job and he decided to stay at home to do YouTube full-time when their daughter was born. I bet he did lose a lot of accountability, structure, and stability with that life change. I thought it was very telling in their last video when they were sharing “fun family footage” and then admitted that they only looked that way from the outside. The implication being that on the inside, things are very different. If they live their life on the internet, I think they will continue the “performance” rather than building a life that feels good on the inside too.

[lmmomSD]

Cullen said Grandberry noticed the drinking was excessive. She obviously made a comment that he took to heart since he mentioned it. I’d call that “calling him out.”

Yes, I think his mom might have called HIM out, but Katie made it clear that it's Cullen's problem, not hers—and she doesn't have a problem. Some people can have a few cocktails and not be alcoholics. I did get the feeling she's also hinting at drugs.

You've never heard of an alcoholic saying that they don't have a problem?
I don't know if she does or not. But addiction is a disease of denial and lying. You know how you can tell if an addict is lying? Their lips are moving. So saying she doesn't have a problem just because _she_ says she doesn't is pretty naive.
This he said she said is really bad. They've done this before, arguing over Twitter with vague posts. Neither one of them should be discussing the other. AA and Al- Anon both are all about taking responsibility for yourself and focusing on your own issues. They both need to stop talking about each other.

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[Playsinrain]

I really hope this vlog from today was actually older footage bc Cullen had a margarita at the restaurant. Going to AA meetings and talking about getting sober while uploading content showing you drinking is pretty ridiculous. Really hoping they are just using older footage that they placed on the back burner while uploading more current "real time" footage of the addiction stuff.

[woahnow]

I really hope this vlog from today was actually older footage bc Cullen had a margarita at the restaurant. Going to AA meetings and talking about getting sober while uploading content showing you drinking is pretty ridiculous. Really hoping they are just using older footage that they placed on the back burner while uploading more current "real time" footage of the addiction stuff.

I really think it was old footage it was at least 3 days of footage and it seemed to me like at the end cullen wasnt home

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[Lovethesnark]

Even if it’s old footage, why include it if it shows you drinking? I don’t think he intends to give up drinking.


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[Playsinrain]

I really hope this vlog from today was actually older footage bc Cullen had a margarita at the restaurant. Going to AA meetings and talking about getting sober while uploading content showing you drinking is pretty ridiculous. Really hoping they are just using older footage that they placed on the back burner while uploading more current "real time" footage of the addiction stuff.

I really think it was old footage it was at least 3 days of footage and it seemed to me like at the end cullen wasnt home

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Now that i have watched the same thing, i agree. this was old footage.

[Playsinrain]

Even if it’s old footage, why include it if it shows you drinking? I don’t think he intends to give up drinking.


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I agree he should have left that out of the footage, at least when he edited knowing he has admitted to a problem. I do hope and think that hes serious about not drinking anymore. If he wants to save his marriage and be around his kids he better. Bc Katie is ready to leave him in the dust.

[Lovethesnark]

His father never gave up drinking. Brittany didn’t give it up. I don’t think he feels like he needs to. It seems that he thinks cutting back is enough and maybe eventually he’ll be in a space where he can drink responsibly. I find it funny that he wants to use the vlogs to hold himself accountable when they’ve been hiding shit in the vlogs for years. I think it’s good that he’s admitted to having a problem, but I don’t have much faith that he’ll be able to kick the habits with this first attempt. I don’t think he’s ready and I’m not sure he has the support he’s gonna need.


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[lmmomSD]

His father never gave up drinking. Brittany didn’t give it up. I don’t think he feels like he needs to. It seems that he thinks cutting back is enough and maybe eventually he’ll be in a space where he can drink responsibly. I find it funny that he wants to use the vlogs to hold himself accountable when they’ve been hiding shit in the vlogs for years. I think it’s good that he’s admitted to having a problem, but I don’t have much faith that he’ll be able to kick the habits with this first attempt. I don’t think he’s ready and I’m not sure he has the support he’s gonna need.


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I don't think he has hit bottom for real yet. When you really hit bottom, you become ready to do whatever it takes to stop, including stopping drinking completely. He's still in denial if he thinks he can drink on weekends and it's going to be ok. He hasn't lost enough yet. I can't get over Britany saying she was in AA and NA for "years". She was doing drugs in prison and drank up until she got pregnant.
I hope this works out for him, just because I don't wish that struggle on anyone. But I don't think he's done.

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[Theirmom]

I get the feeling he doesn’t think he’s an alcoholic.

He was using something else. He probably thinks that the substance he was abusing was the problem, and that overconsumption of alcohol was a result of his addiction to the other thing. He likely thinks that quitting the other substance means that he can responsibly consume alcohol again.

Which, in a few years, might be true. But not right now.

When I was trying to recover from sleeping pill addiction, I couldn’t consume ANYTHING with sedative qualities, because I would abuse it. Melatonin, valerian, alcohol, even sleepy time teas were all off the table because I would take way too much.

It took me four years to be able to take non-drowsy anti-nausea meds for motion sickness, and I still have my husband keep those locked up and give them to me as needed, because I don’t, and will never, trust myself with diphenhydramine.

I can drink alcohol now, and even consume recreational marijuana. They provide a “high” that I was never seeking with the drug I was abusing. But it took me years to get to the point of being okay with those. I had to get to a place where I wasn’t constantly seeking to alter my state of consciousness by any means necessary before I could drink/use pot recreationally or socially again.

[lmmomSD]

I get the feeling he doesn’t think he’s an alcoholic.

He was using something else. He probably thinks that the substance he was abusing was the problem, and that overconsumption of alcohol was a result of his addiction to the other thing. He likely thinks that quitting the other substance means that he can responsibly consume alcohol again.

Which, in a few years, might be true. But not right now.

When I was trying to recover from sleeping pill addiction, I couldn’t consume ANYTHING with sedative qualities, because I would abuse it. Melatonin, valerian, alcohol, even sleepy time teas were all off the table because I would take way too much.

It took me four years to be able to take non-drowsy anti-nausea meds for motion sickness, and I still have my husband keep those locked up and give them to me as needed, because I don’t, and will never, trust myself with diphenhydramine.

I can drink alcohol now, and even consume recreational marijuana. They provide a “high” that I was never seeking with the drug I was abusing. But it took me years to get to the point of being okay with those. I had to get to a place where I wasn’t constantly seeking to alter my state of consciousness by any means necessary before I could drink/use pot recreationally or socially again.

Exactly. My drug of choice was pain pills. I could drink a glass of wine or have a cocktail, but get me around opiates and I lost all control.
I had to do the work so that I wasn't trying to go through life comfortably numb, and I could deal with what life threw at me. I still identify as an addict, but I can take meds for my Crohn's and not abuse them. And I could drink, I think. But it's not a good idea with Crohn's, and the whole idea of me drinking freaks out my daughter. I also have a complication of Crohn's where my immune system attacks my liver, and I would rather not drink than go through liver failure and trying to get a transplant. It's just not worth it to me. There are some people who can never ever drink again, and there are some who can, once they develop coping skills so that they don't have to be escaping life.
To start off, you have to stay away from all mind altering substances. And do the work.

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[Catface2]

Today’s vlog..getting rid of baby clothes..wowsers! How’s someone else supposed to use all that monogrammed shit? I just don’t understand the concept of monogramming SO much stuff. I can see a few fave things, but why SO much?

[Playsinrain]

Today’s vlog..getting rid of baby clothes..wowsers! How’s someone else supposed to use all that monogrammed shit? I just don’t understand the concept of monogramming SO much stuff. I can see a few fave things, but why SO much?

It's a southern thing.. i don't even get the whole need myself and I'm as southern as you can be, but even if i'm not a huge fan of it, i have several things myself that are monogrammed (couple shirts, a hat, a few mugs/cups) and even though i didn't personally buy my kids anything monogrammed (when they were babies, i have purchased my daughter a few things now that she has requested), both my kids have TONS of stuff that were gifted to them as infants that are that way. Katie said she was going to gather up the monogrammed things and save them for both kids and them have them made into quilts when they are older. I think thats a good way to upcycle the things that they cant donate bc of the monogram. I also know that Letter market sends them HUGE boxes of stuff for free to wear on the vlogs, so I really think that Katie has purchased less of those things than we realize. They used to have (i havent looked on their site recently) a ton of clothing with Gaines and Brooks monogram on them as their listing photos, so i assume they just pack that stuff up and send it to Katie when they are done with the photos.
I don't get the hype over that stuff but i have seen my daughters friends with head to toe monoed stuff, even down to shoes and bathing suits. I've seen people have them on their damn nails... its a huge thing here.

[Playsinrain]

I get the feeling he doesn’t think he’s an alcoholic.

He was using something else. He probably thinks that the substance he was abusing was the problem, and that overconsumption of alcohol was a result of his addiction to the other thing. He likely thinks that quitting the other substance means that he can responsibly consume alcohol again.

Which, in a few years, might be true. But not right now.

When I was trying to recover from sleeping pill addiction, I couldn’t consume ANYTHING with sedative qualities, because I would abuse it. Melatonin, valerian, alcohol, even sleepy time teas were all off the table because I would take way too much.

It took me four years to be able to take non-drowsy anti-nausea meds for motion sickness, and I still have my husband keep those locked up and give them to me as needed, because I don’t, and will never, trust myself with diphenhydramine.

I can drink alcohol now, and even consume recreational marijuana. They provide a “high” that I was never seeking with the drug I was abusing. But it took me years to get to the point of being okay with those. I had to get to a place where I wasn’t constantly seeking to alter my state of consciousness by any means necessary before I could drink/use pot recreationally or socially again.

First off congrats on your recovery!

What makes me disagree with this is that he called himself an alcoholic, a "functioning alcoholic". If he didn't think he was one, why would he say he was? Maybe so he didn't have to admit what other drug he was abusing? Idk, it's all really confusing when you try and make heads or tails of it.

It's hard to tell if he's taking this seriously or not bc of the time frame difference and the delay. I thought that they had caught up and were just a day or two delayed, but with today's vlog it was 3-4 days put into one, that seemed to be from some time ago, well pre addiction confession time. So he was showing himself with drinks, then was alone with the kids, then Katie was alone with the kids... I get that they had cute footage of the kids to show, but why keep the clips of his drink in this vlog?

Brooks was so cute "hey guys... Hey guys!!!" lol

[beautynoob]

I guess they included to make vlogs longer? Maybe that makes them more money because right now people are watching every video for clues. Ultimately they will ride the view and growth train because nowhere are they saying they’ll consider another source of income


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[100midas]

Today’s vlog..getting rid of baby clothes..wowsers! How’s someone else supposed to use all that monogrammed shit? I just don’t understand the concept of monogramming SO much stuff. I can see a few fave things, but why SO much?

It's a southern thing.. i don't even get the whole need myself and I'm as southern as you can be, but even if i'm not a huge fan of it, i have several things myself that are monogrammed (couple shirts, a hat, a few mugs/cups) and even though i didn't personally buy my kids anything monogrammed (when they were babies, i have purchased my daughter a few things now that she has requested), both my kids have TONS of stuff that were gifted to them as infants that are that way. Katie said she was going to gather up the monogrammed things and save them for both kids and them have them made into quilts when they are older. I think thats a good way to upcycle the things that they cant donate bc of the monogram. I also know that Letter market sends them HUGE boxes of stuff for free to wear on the vlogs, so I really think that Katie has purchased less of those things than we realize. They used to have (i havent looked on their site recently) a ton of clothing with Gaines and Brooks monogram on them as their listing photos, so i assume they just pack that stuff up and send it to Katie when they are done with the photos.
I don't get the hype over that stuff but i have seen my daughters friends with head to toe monoed stuff, even down to shoes and bathing suits. I've seen people have them on their damn nails... its a huge thing here.

Yes, definitely a southern thing. Hats, pillows, backpacks, jackets, robes, reusable grocery bags....everything. It's one thing if you're an adult or it's a non clothing item, but for little kids who outgrow them in less than a year it just seems wasteful. The quilt is a cute idea though.

[Playsinrain]

I guess they included to make vlogs longer? Maybe that makes them more money because right now people are watching every video for clues. Ultimately they will ride the view and growth train because nowhere are they saying they’ll consider another source of income


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Question.. does length of vlog matter when it comes to producing income? I get that longer vlogs = more time to get ads in, but in general do longer vlogs make more money than shorter ones?