Bonnie Hoellein: Konnie Kardashoellein Part 21

[HelloSweetie]

To add onto my last post, I feel like they try to give the vibe that Joel is so caring and sweet and someone who doesn't get mad or aggressive but that's obviously not the case.

I’ve got this impression ever since the vlog where Bonnie mentions he got angry and stormed out. That’s emotionally abuse and a very aggressive move to do. Sure he came back with dinner so Bonnie saw it as a nice thing, but the way it serves to control arguments in the future is really manipulative. Imagine being concerned about expressing something upsetting to a spouse and the fear that they will just walk out on you? That was the first bad quality I ever noticed in Joel.

Bonnie may control the channel, but trust me, Joel is every bit as in control of what happens in that house.


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[FakingIt_MakingIt]

To add onto my last post, I feel like they try to give the vibe that Joel is so caring and sweet and someone who doesn't get mad or aggressive but that's obviously not the case.

I’ve got this impression ever since the vlog where Bonnie mentions he got angry and stormed out. That’s emotionally abuse and a very aggressive move to do. Sure he came back with dinner so Bonnie saw it as a nice thing, but the way it serves to control arguments in the future is really manipulative. Imagine being concerned about expressing something upsetting to a spouse and the fear that they will just walk out on you? That was the first bad quality I ever noticed in Joel.

Bonnie may control the channel, but trust me, Joel is every bit as in control of what happens in that house.


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I don't see it like that at all. I think Joel has these outbursts because he gets fed up with how Bonnie controls things. I think Joel bottles up most of his negative feelings towards Bonnie and how she runs their home and business until he explodes. I definitely do not get the impression that these outbursts are a regular thing, however I would bet theyre more frequent then when Joel was working outside the home.
Also, that he grabbed her phone but was careful enough to throw it so it didn't break is telling...Bonnie kicked a hole in a cupboard door in front of her children....

[HelloSweetie]

To add onto my last post, I feel like they try to give the vibe that Joel is so caring and sweet and someone who doesn't get mad or aggressive but that's obviously not the case.

I’ve got this impression ever since the vlog where Bonnie mentions he got angry and stormed out. That’s emotionally abuse and a very aggressive move to do. Sure he came back with dinner so Bonnie saw it as a nice thing, but the way it serves to control arguments in the future is really manipulative. Imagine being concerned about expressing something upsetting to a spouse and the fear that they will just walk out on you? That was the first bad quality I ever noticed in Joel.

Bonnie may control the channel, but trust me, Joel is every bit as in control of what happens in that house.


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I don't see it like that at all. I think Joel has these outbursts because he gets fed up with how Bonnie controls things. I think Joel bottles up most of his negative feelings towards Bonnie and how she runs their home and business until he explodes. I definitely do not get the impression that these outbursts are a regular thing, however I would bet theyre more frequent then when Joel was working outside the home.
Also, that he grabbed her phone but was careful enough to throw it so it didn't break is telling...Bonnie kicked a hole in a cupboard door in front of her children....

It’s still not ok. Bonnie hitting a cupboard is the same frustration based aggression that Joel shows in throwing the phone. Both are emotionally abusive to those that have to be around it, or have it directed at them. Bonnie may do the same thing, and she may be frustrating, but she in no way deserves to have her phone thrown, just as the kids shouldn’t have to be around a mother that slams or punches cupboards.

One isn’t excused because the target is less innocent. Plenty of women who are victims of domestic violence (which includes emotional abuse btw) are nagging and controlling wives who the husband is justified in being angry with. Acting out on an aggressive manner with that anger however, is never productive or justified.


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[FakingIt_MakingIt]

I’ve got this impression ever since the vlog where Bonnie mentions he got angry and stormed out. That’s emotionally abuse and a very aggressive move to do. Sure he came back with dinner so Bonnie saw it as a nice thing, but the way it serves to control arguments in the future is really manipulative. Imagine being concerned about expressing something upsetting to a spouse and the fear that they will just walk out on you? That was the first bad quality I ever noticed in Joel.

Bonnie may control the channel, but trust me, Joel is every bit as in control of what happens in that house.


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I don't see it like that at all. I think Joel has these outbursts because he gets fed up with how Bonnie controls things. I think Joel bottles up most of his negative feelings towards Bonnie and how she runs their home and business until he explodes. I definitely do not get the impression that these outbursts are a regular thing, however I would bet theyre more frequent then when Joel was working outside the home.
Also, that he grabbed her phone but was careful enough to throw it so it didn't break is telling...Bonnie kicked a hole in a cupboard door in front of her children....

It’s still not ok. Bonnie hitting a cupboard is the same frustration based aggression that Joel shows in throwing the phone. Both are emotionally abusive to those that have to be around it, or have it directed at them. Bonnie may do the same thing, and she may be frustrating, but she in no way deserves to have her phone thrown, just as the kids shouldn’t have to be around a mother that slams or punches cupboards.

One isn’t excused because the target is less innocent. Plenty of women who are victims of domestic violence (which includes emotional abuse btw) are nagging and controlling wives who the husband is justified in being angry with. Acting out on an aggressive manner with that anger however, is never productive or justified.


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I never said it was ok. I said I don't see that Joel is in control of what happens in that house, that I don't see Joel using aggression to manipulate the house. I see Joel having an outburst because he has reached his boiling point with the way Bonnie behaves, and the way Bonnie runs things. At no point did I say what Joel did is ok, I just don't think he did it for the same reasons you do, nor do I think that he does it as a way to run the household the way you think he does.
I will never agree that Joel runs the show for their business or in their home. I 100% believe that Bonnie is in charge.

[HelloSweetie]

I never said it was ok. I said I don't see that Joel is in control of what happens in that house, that I don't see Joel using aggression to manipulate the house. I see Joel having an outburst because he has reached his boiling point with the way Bonnie behaves, and the way Bonnie runs things. At no point did I say what Joel did is ok, I just don't think he did it for the same reasons you do, nor do I think that he does it as a way to run the household the way you think he does.
I will never agree that Joel runs the show for their business or in their home. I 100% believe that Bonnie is in charge.

I just think they are more alike than different. Everyone focuses on Bonnie, but I think Joel is a willing participant.

Agree to disagree



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[FakingIt_MakingIt]

I never said it was ok. I said I don't see that Joel is in control of what happens in that house, that I don't see Joel using aggression to manipulate the house. I see Joel having an outburst because he has reached his boiling point with the way Bonnie behaves, and the way Bonnie runs things. At no point did I say what Joel did is ok, I just don't think he did it for the same reasons you do, nor do I think that he does it as a way to run the household the way you think he does.
I will never agree that Joel runs the show for their business or in their home. I 100% believe that Bonnie is in charge.

I just think they are more alike than different. Everyone focuses on Bonnie, but I think Joel is a willing participant.

Agree to disagree



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I think he is willing too. Being willing and being abusive are not the same though.
Joel is absolutely a willing participant in their youtube channel. But does he run it? I don't think so.
I don't think Joel puts his foot down very often with Bonnie (I don't think he ever has), but I would be willing to bet the few times he has she is quick to remind him that the lifestyle they love is only because of her and her youtube channel.

[natalka81]

the boys wore helmets + goggles, Olivia "opted out" according to Joel

Joel maybe next time, tell her to opt in??? I feel uneasy about anyone skiing without a helmet, but especially a little kid who is off on their own

You're totally right. I went back and saw the boys wearing them and just assumed Olivia was too. What kind of parent lets their child opt out of wearing a helmet????

[gopedjane]

I think Bonnie runs things as long as Joel is happy with her decisions and doesn’t care about it because he is happy to not have to do it. He edits the vlogs and does the man jobs. However if it affects him then he makes himself known and is the “man” of the house.


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[ba1006]

Taking Olivia out of school early to see a play. Typical Bonnie. Good thing Boston had a helmet on since he apparently fell on his head while skiing. Of course Olivia almost hit a tree with NO helmet on. Why are these clowns not embarrassed to tell us this stuff? They are just the worst parents ever.

[endof]

My view is Joelyne grabbed the phone because she was probably shopping again , that is why she said not the phone that will be another 1000 OFF THE BUDGET! hmmm
Also all the comments on emotional abuse but these are people that are raised on emotional abuse to them it is the only way!

[YouTubeIdiots101]

Oversleeps and goes to school late...then gets taken out of school early the next day for a play. come on.
Also she was so giddy about sitting next to Joel in the truck and I was like ??? calm down lol

[queenc13]

To add onto my last post, I feel like they try to give the vibe that Joel is so caring and sweet and someone who doesn't get mad or aggressive but that's obviously not the case.

I’ve got this impression ever since the vlog where Bonnie mentions he got angry and stormed out. That’s emotionally abuse and a very aggressive move to do. Sure he came back with dinner so Bonnie saw it as a nice thing, but the way it serves to control arguments in the future is really manipulative. Imagine being concerned about expressing something upsetting to a spouse and the fear that they will just walk out on you? That was the first bad quality I ever noticed in Joel.

Bonnie may control the channel, but trust me, Joel is every bit as in control of what happens in that house.


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Ehhhhh. I have a really hard time with the term 'abuse' being thrown around. Fighting, arguing, disagreeing, taking a phone and tossing it on the bed, those are all things that are relatively normal and happen between couples often. As someone who was actually in an emotionally/verbally/physically abusive relationship, I do not see any of those qualities in Joel.
I think it was stupid to record about their disagreement and vlog it for the world and their children to see later on, but lets not the situation abusive...

[endof]

Oversleeps and goes to school late...then gets taken out of school early the next day for a play. come on.
Also she was so giddy about sitting next to Joel in the truck and I was like ??? calm down lol

She wants to show she is young and hip all she shows is she is desperate to hold on to her youth a very immature individual!

[endof]

To add onto my last post, I feel like they try to give the vibe that Joel is so caring and sweet and someone who doesn't get mad or aggressive but that's obviously not the case.

I’ve got this impression ever since the vlog where Bonnie mentions he got angry and stormed out. That’s emotionally abuse and a very aggressive move to do. Sure he came back with dinner so Bonnie saw it as a nice thing, but the way it serves to control arguments in the future is really manipulative. Imagine being concerned about expressing something upsetting to a spouse and the fear that they will just walk out on you? That was the first bad quality I ever noticed in Joel.

Bonnie may control the channel, but trust me, Joel is every bit as in control of what happens in that house.


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Ehhhhh. I have a really hard time with the term 'abuse' being thrown around. Fighting, arguing, disagreeing, taking a phone and tossing it on the bed, those are all things that are relatively normal and happen between couples often. As someone who was actually in an emotionally/verbally/physically abusive relationship, I do not see any of those qualities in Joel.
I think it was stupid to record about their disagreement and vlog it for the world and their children to see later on, but lets not the situation abusive...

I am truly sorry you had to experience that abuse is no joke and I hope you are in a better place now! Actually however, there are woman who have lost their lives from having just an item thrown at them, even one who got slapped and broke an artery. Yes,couples do argue but if there is some normalcy, no throwing about items where accidents can occur and verbal abuse or silent treatment can sometimes be more devastating than arguing it out! Bonnie has herself admitted Joelyne does both the first two in vlogs! But if I lived with Bonnie I would feel like taking a large sledgehammer to the whole house!
She is literally unbearable! All the griffiths control their hubbies minus Ruby Heavenly Father knows she tries but Kevin due to brain cells will have none of it! Bonnie once treated Joelyne like dirt when all the youtubers had gotten together for that statue challenge. She was sitting by the fireplace with him in Ellie’s house and they were all making fun of him because of his phone and she felt so embarrassed being his wife and acting like she was so much more advanced than him! On that vlog I really felt for him, all those men vloggers making fun of him Brian included HIS WIFE included meantime he was the only man in the room that could single handedly build a house from scratch the rest would whine if a faucet burst,cry probably too, but they all had iphones to use! Joel sold out sadly he used to respect himself!

[xx+YTfan+xx]

Shouldn't someone have wiped Lincoln's butt after he pooped on the potty? If he's just learning to potty train, there's no way he can properly wipe yet.. But then again, the Griffiths don't exactly value cleanliness.

Bonnie saying we can't smell her through the camera.. uhh yeah, we can smell your stank breath through the camera constantly.

So the kids are late for school one day, stay up late skiing that night, and then Olivia gets pulled out of school the following day to go to a play. No wonder she can't spell.

[HelloSweetie]

Ehhhhh. I have a really hard time with the term 'abuse' being thrown around. Fighting, arguing, disagreeing, taking a phone and tossing it on the bed, those are all things that are relatively normal and happen between couples often. As someone who was actually in an emotionally/verbally/physically abusive relationship, I do not see any of those qualities in Joel.
I think it was stupid to record about their disagreement and vlog it for the world and their children to see later on, but lets not the situation abusive...

I’m not throwing it around. I’m a former victim of domestic violence. One that actually went to court after I was assaulted and thrown out of my own car. Trust me, walking out on someone without saying anything is an act of emotional abuse. Abuse doesn’t need to be intentional... and it doesn’t always involve violence. Sometimes emotional abuse is far worse because it is invisible. It controls and modifies your behaviour without you even recognizing it.

A partner storming out during an argument is upsetting. It is emotionally damaging, and it works to control a fight. Argument over right? It’s manipulation. So was throwing the phone. Just another hand way to end a fight and be dramatic, and it seems like it worked. Plus let’s say B&J were fighting over his never doing laundry or something.... having a gross overreaction like that (which clearly upset Bonnie, and would have scared the kids), would be enough to make Bonnie hesitant to even broach the subject the next time. Make no mistake, this is aggressive, and it’s emotionally abusive to not only Bonnie, but the kids as well. Plus let’s not forget that Bonnie has said many times that Joel uses the silent treatment to punish her, and how much it drives her crazy. It’s not ok to withhold communication like that. It’s emotionally damaging.... unless my therapist was wrong and too was throwing around the word abuse?

I know people love Joel, and tend to give him more of a pass and demonize Bonnie, and I used to as well, but that was some old school patriarchal crap when he did that and I side-eyed it HARD. If anger triggers him to act out in frustration like that, how do we know he won’t do the same with the kids? Throw a toy when he’s frustrated the kids are fighting over it? Walk out on his child without words if they reveal they might be gay? As someone formerly in an abusive relationship, I find it startling you think things like this are “throwing around” the abuse term. They are literally emotional abuse. It isn’t just name calling. That’s actually part of the reason women (and men) don’t realize when they are in a bad situation.

I know people on this board will probably agree more with your comment because they want to perceive it as Joel’s treatment of Bonnie is justified, but let’s be real.... the way he communicates when frustrated is being learned by the boys. The way Bonnie does so (and the way she reacts to Joel) is being learned by Olivia. This has to lead to a feeling of insecurity and hesitancy to be free to express yourself within the home. We look at the Griffiths every day and wonder how they all die to be carbon copies of the generation prior. Or why the kids are so hesitant to ask for what they need? The parents reaction and lack of ability to process difficult information in an accepting, mature and empathetic manner is why. It manipulates without you even knowing it.


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[FakingIt_MakingIt]

Ehhhhh. I have a really hard time with the term 'abuse' being thrown around. Fighting, arguing, disagreeing, taking a phone and tossing it on the bed, those are all things that are relatively normal and happen between couples often. As someone who was actually in an emotionally/verbally/physically abusive relationship, I do not see any of those qualities in Joel.
I think it was stupid to record about their disagreement and vlog it for the world and their children to see later on, but lets not the situation abusive...

I’m not throwing it around. I’m a former victim of domestic violence. One that actually went to court after I was assaulted and thrown out of my own car. Trust me, walking out on someone without saying anything is an act of emotional abuse. Abuse doesn’t need to be intentional... and it doesn’t always involve violence. Sometimes emotional abuse is far worse because it is invisible. It controls and modifies your behaviour without you even recognizing it.

A partner storming out during an argument is upsetting. It is emotionally damaging, and it works to control a fight. Argument over right? It’s manipulation. So was throwing the phone. Just another hand way to end a fight and be dramatic, and it seems like it worked. Plus let’s say B&J were fighting over his never doing laundry or something.... having a gross overreaction like that (which clearly upset Bonnie, and would have scared the kids), would be enough to make Bonnie hesitant to even broach the subject the next time. Make no mistake, this is aggressive, and it’s emotionally abusive to not only Bonnie, but the kids as well. Plus let’s not forget that Bonnie has said many times that Joel uses the silent treatment to punish her, and how much it drives her crazy. It’s not ok to withhold communication like that. It’s emotionally damaging.... unless my therapist was wrong and too was throwing around the word abuse?

I know people love Joel, and tend to give him more of a pass and demonize Bonnie, and I used to as well, but that was some old school patriarchal crap when he did that and I side-eyed it HARD. If anger triggers him to act out in frustration like that, how do we know he won’t do the same with the kids? Throw a toy when he’s frustrated the kids are fighting over it? Walk out on his child without words if they reveal they might be gay? As someone formerly in an abusive relationship, I find it startling you think things like this are “throwing around” the abuse term. They are literally emotional abuse. It isn’t just name calling. That’s actually part of the reason women (and men) don’t realize when they are in a bad situation.

I know people on this board will probably agree more with your comment because they want to perceive it as Joel’s treatment of Bonnie is justified, but let’s be real.... the way he communicates when frustrated is being learned by the boys. The way Bonnie does so (and the way she reacts to Joel) is being learned by Olivia. This has to lead to a feeling of insecurity and hesitancy to be free to express yourself within the home. We look at the Griffiths every day and wonder how they all die to be carbon copies of the generation prior. Or why the kids are so hesitant to ask for what they need? The parents reaction and lack of ability to process difficult information in an accepting, mature and empathetic manner is why. It manipulates without you even knowing it.


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You are throwing it around though because you don't live in their home, you don't live with Bonnie or Joel, and youre not their therapist. You have no way of knowing that Joel is abusive. Im sorry you had an experience that sucked but your personal experience isn't going to result in the same reaction as someone else. If my spouse walked out while we were having a fight (and he has) in no way would I feel emotionally abused. I would understand that he needs a moment to breath before he says or does something rash in the moment.

I have been in an emotionally abusive relationship (as has another poster who shared here) and I don't see anything in Joel that is emotionally abusive.

Youre right though, those kids are learning from Bonnie and Joel. And maybe its just me, but I don't think learning to walk away from a heated argument so you can cool down and collect yourself to come back and respond reasonably and appropriately is a bad thing to learn. Learning to take a breather from fights, which is what Bonnie has said Joel does when they fight, does not mean the kids are going to feel insecure or hesitant in expressing themselves.

There are plenty of legitimate harmful things those kids are learning and experiencing from their parents, I don't think we need to jump to emotional abuse from their father.

[HelloSweetie]

I agree that it is not damaging to walk away and take breather, but this is not what Joel did. He walked out in anger and left with no word. Bonnie even described herself as distressed when he did it. The fact that he maybe cooled down while he was gone, and came back (to her relief) with pizza doesn’t make it ok. It is manipulating. Joel did the same thing with the dramatics over the cell phone. It is not ok to grab someone’s property and throw it EVER. Nope, not ok somehow just because you are mad or frustrated. That may make it understandable, but not ok. Joel has a pattern just from the things they have told us of shutting down a conflict simply by disengaging and refusing to resolve it. He sulks, gives the silent treatment, leaves, or goes out and makes a huge purchase. These are all manipulations whether he intends them to be or not. He doesn’t use his words to get his point across, instead he is passive aggressive.

We can’t dismiss this, but then be all over Bonnie for the crazy way she overreacted about the computer thing with Ellie. When you live in an environment with someone that won’t openly express how they feel, but who you need to read and interpret all the time, you can become incredibly sensitive.

I can not believe that women who otherwise claim to be progressive will kid defend and justify Joel throwing anything when angry and argue it isn’t a manipulation tactic. Let’s be honest here, she the direction he was throwing it wasn’t away from them according to Bonnie. It was in a tiny enclosed room, and far too close to where Bonnie herself was sitting. Whether you like her or not, or the fight was justified, this is not ok. I cannot criticize Ellie throwing things in her home, but then dismiss Joel doing it.

And I don’t care if they were fighting about the budget. If Joel actually bought that truck and the property without talking to her, then he has a lot of nerve getting so heated about the budget that he wants to throw something.

Others may not see it as abusive, but it would feel that way to someone sensitive. Fine, this is my opinion. Call it manipulation then. Dysfunction! Intent doesn’t matter. People will complain about insignificant things like nails for days on end as through it negatively impacts the kids, but heaven forbid we point out Joel’s major flaws.... and this absolutely is one.


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[Playsinrain]

the boys wore helmets + goggles, Olivia "opted out" according to Joel

Joel maybe next time, tell her to opt in??? I feel uneasy about anyone skiing without a helmet, but especially a little kid who is off on their own

You're totally right. I went back and saw the boys wearing them and just assumed Olivia was too. What kind of parent lets their child opt out of wearing a helmet????

Well Bonnie's mother did tell all the kids at Christmas that she hopes they are "good" more than she hopes they are safe.. so this is completely a product of her raising. Also shows off her stupidity. I mean my mother never made me wear a seat belt when i was a kid, but neither she nor I are that dumb nowadays.

[FakingIt_MakingIt]

I agree that it is not damaging to walk away and take breather, but this is not what Joel did. He walked out in anger and left with no word. Bonnie even described herself as distressed when he did it. The fact that he maybe cooled down while he was gone, and came back (to her relief) with pizza doesn’t make it ok. It is manipulating. Joel did the same thing with the dramatics over the cell phone. It is not ok to grab someone’s property and throw it EVER. Nope, not ok somehow just because you are mad or frustrated. That may make it understandable, but not ok. Joel has a pattern just from the things they have told us of shutting down a conflict simply by disengaging and refusing to resolve it. He sulks, gives the silent treatment, leaves, or goes out and makes a huge purchase. These are all manipulations whether he intends them to be or not. He doesn’t use his words to get his point across, instead he is passive aggressive.

We can’t dismiss this, but then be all over Bonnie for the crazy way she overreacted about the computer thing with Ellie. When you live in an environment with someone that won’t openly express how they feel, but who you need to read and interpret all the time, you can become incredibly sensitive.

I can not believe that women who otherwise claim to be progressive will kid defend and justify Joel throwing anything when angry and argue it isn’t a manipulation tactic. Let’s be honest here, she the direction he was throwing it wasn’t away from them according to Bonnie. It was in a tiny enclosed room, and far too close to where Bonnie herself was sitting. Whether you like her or not, or the fight was justified, this is not ok. I cannot criticize Ellie throwing things in her home, but then dismiss Joel doing it.

And I don’t care if they were fighting about the budget. If Joel actually bought that truck and the property without talking to her, then he has a lot of nerve getting so heated about the budget that he wants to throw something.

Others may not see it as abusive, but it would feel that way to someone sensitive. Fine, this is my opinion. Call it manipulation then. Dysfunction! Intent doesn’t matter. People will complain about insignificant things like nails for days on end as through it negatively impacts the kids, but heaven forbid we point out Joel’s major flaws.... and this absolutely is one.


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There is really no other way to walk away from a heated argument other then in anger? And of course the other person you walk away from is going to be distressed, you were just fighting!

It sounds like youre using your personal experience to sympathize with Bonnie, and to blow this out of proportion a bit. Bonnie wasn't upset or emotional at all when telling the story. If she felt emotionally abused by it and afraid of Joels reactions she wouldn't even be sharing. People who live in a constant state of fear to say how they feel (which is what youre implying when you list all of the damaging effects on Bonnie and the children from Joels emotional abuse) don't go around telling the stories on youtube. Especially not hours after it happened. Theyre afraid to share. That's why emotional (and any) abuse is often left to go on for far, far too long.

In no way do I think Joel is perfect, the longer their youtube channel succeeds the worse he becomes actually. But saying someone emotionally abuses their family is a HUGE deal.

Heck, even in todays video there is a clip of Bonnie teasing Lincoln with an M&M. She tells him he doesn't get one but the other kids do and he cries. THAT is abusive, and its something we've actually seen. There is no speculation or need to inject our own experiences to the situation.