RECAP: THE NON-BOUNCE BACK
Opening shot of Elle nursing with her underarm fat on proud display. I got it too, girl, so no shame. But definite shame for photoshopping it in your photos.
Elle doesn’t want to deal with the boys, so she sends them to the park with Bumpa so she can go home and sleep with “MY DAUGHTER” because screw you other male children, you don’t matter anymore!
Baby dressed all in pink is put into a pink car seat. Overkill for a woman who said she isn’t pink crazy and prefers neutrals. WHAT ABOUT THE FAMILY AESTHETIC ELLE?!? You’re losing it, get a grip woman.
Elle talks to Blankette with more love and kindness in her voice than she’s ever shared with the boys or dan. Kinda gross, kinda sad. Apparently she is capable of love just not to the boys.
Blankette, like all newborns, looks like a 100-year old smushed frog.
Elle in bed. Elle relaxing. Elle laying down. Elle taking it easy. Did she get a full body epidural that lasts 48 hours? I get it, she had a baby. But you have other kids too! After Cohen I’m pretty sure she was already working out within the first 48 hours (joking. Kinda)
Poor dan has to weirdly record his father in law meeting the newborn. I feel like a creeper for even watching this part, what a totally private moment that has been made uncomfortably public.
Timeline: Elle had baby. Came home early enough that the boys were still awake and able to go to the park. 10 AM the NEXT DAY she’s vlogging but hasn’t introduced them yet. Weird. Not shown but surely a convo that occurred: “Where is Mom?” “Oh sorry she’s in the bedroom with the new baby she can’t come out and you can’t go in yet”. SO LOW EVEN FOR ELLE. She goes on to say that the boys will meet her after school/daycare. Oh yeah, I forgot Elle is a SAHM MOM OF THREE*
*who sends all her kids to daycare
Dan talks to the camera for a moment and it’s refreshing to hear him say that Blankette came early, which he wasn’t planning for, but he thinks it’s “fantastic” - unlike Elle who constantly complains that Blankie isn’t following ELLES plans.
Elle casually drops her healthy breakfast of oatmeal and blueberries. I hope they were organic, Elle, or you’re trash.
BODY UPDATE because “people are so interested in that”
um ok. There are marks BUT DONT WORRY PEOPLE it isn’t stretch marks, those are for losers. It’s just where Blankette was laying on her. Also she’s huge BUT DONT WORRY it’s firm not jiggly. Yes, Elle is giving us visual and textural updates on her bOdY tRaNsFoRmAtiOn. Also she thinks she looks 16 weeks pregnant which is funny because she was still tiny then and she definitely isn’t now. GUYS. Ellie the rescue dog meets the baby before the boys. I’m not joking. What in the actual hell. Oh also Veronica.
ANOTHER BODY UPDATE. Elle is still huge, which is normal, but somehow doesn’t think she is. Also SHE MIGHT HAVE ONE TINY STRETCH MARK! But probably not and even if it is don’t worry it’s “teeny tiny” as she repeats to us/herself MANY times. She spends quite a while admiring her stomach in the mirror, idk maybe spend that time with your sons? But what do I know. “Bounce back is not the goal” she actually says as she brags about being so much smaller. Also she likes possibly having a stretch mark because then she can copy TheBirdsPapaya and leech some fame from her body positivity.
LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE so you don’t miss any of the “fun new content” since the baby is here! After all that’s the only reason this child was conceived, so LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
