Bonnie Hoellein: Drugs, Plugs & 4 Terrified Mugs | Part #57

[queenc13]

Can someone go into more detail about the end of the video, the movie theatre situation? I was going to ask Bonnie in the comments to further explain but comments are off. I'm Canadian and out of the loop. What movies were released and why is there heightened security?

The Joker. It’s a highly graphic film that dives deep in to the world of mental illness. The last film of its sort, a man dressed up as the joker and shot up a movie theater. It is sad we have to be this cautious, but it’s the current state of affairs.

[HelloSweetie]

What was shown in today's vlog is such a classic display of co-dependent, passive/aggressive behavior on Joel's part that it is definitely an indication of financial stress. They are counting their pennies, for sure. Joel saying, "I don't see YOU buying anything refurbished!" and then giving his little smirk to the camera, which has become his trademark, is his way of expressing his criticism of Bonnie's spending habits. He is throwing out these covert digs at her behavior more and more, lately. If you listen closely, he is discreetly telling all of those who watch these vlogs what she does and he does not like it. "Don't look in the trunk!", he says at one point referring to what Bonnie says. He makes sure to say these things WHILE she is talking, thinking that she won't hear him say it, and she doesn't. If you pay attention to the next time they are having a conversation like this, listen to Joel while SHE is talking. He uses that opportunity to discharge a lot of what he is REALLY feeling.

Poor Joel. I know you guys think he is just as culpable as she is, but he is a victim of emotional manipulation and he does not know it. I hope you read here, Joel. One time, he said, "I need to give Bonnie a reason to love me." NO. NO. NO. People do not love you because of what you DO for them. People love you for who you are. Period.

Passive aggressive communication is an abusive form of communication in a relationship. Joel is no more a victim than Bonnie is. She has said before his way of fighting is to shut her out and not say how he’s feeling. Passive aggressive digs are just another version of this. Trust me, she knows what he’s doing. We can hate Bonnie, but that doesn’t mean we need to excuse Joel’s behaviour. He can be an adult and communicate how he is feeling with clear words instead of passive aggressive actions. Walking out on Bonnie, making digs, giving her the silent treatment or shaming her in the vlogs may be a way to get to her, but that doesn’t make it efficient communication. It’s just another piece of the dynamic where she acts out due to frustration and he “act in” and shuts down. Both have issues and need to work on their communication. Joel isn’t a victim just because Bonnie is more outspoken. Plus Joel isn’t exactly saving money either. The lawn was fine, the first new truck was fine, they didn’t need property, his wardrobe is WAY larger than it used to be (and I’m fairly certain it isn’t sponsorships), he didn’t need hair plugs, they didn’t need the quads or the Bobcat for the property, etc etc. I also wouldn’t be surprised if he got a new iPhone when Bonnie did. I think he’s just smart enough not to show these things.

I don’t think he’s worried about money as much as he’s worried he may actually need to get another job. I’m guessing he has a lot of regret for not starting his own business up. While I’m sure he does a lot to help with Bollie, I think that is mostly Bonnie (and Jared’s) baby.

Literally every board argues that the primary vlogger is somehow an abuser and the spouse is a victim. EVERY BOARD. There seems to be heavy bias just because we dislike the primary vlogger. It’s very unlikely that this is the case in EVERY situation. Both parties always contribute to relationship dysfunction.


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[131618]

Just came across these.... seriously. What the hell happened[IMG]//uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201910 ... 64e046.jpg[/IMG][IMG]//uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/201910 ... 3437a1.jpg[/IMG]

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[angelfire89]

Can someone go into more detail about the end of the video, the movie theatre situation? I was going to ask Bonnie in the comments to further explain but comments are off. I'm Canadian and out of the loop. What movies were released and why is there heightened security?

The Joker. It’s a highly graphic film that dives deep in to the world of mental illness. The last film of its sort, a man dressed up as the joker and shot up a movie theater. It is sad we have to be this cautious, but it’s the current state of affairs.

My friend went to see the movie when it came out and she said there was actually a very suspicious guy there with a backpack who tried to block an exit and basically everyone rushed out of the theater. She even got stepped on/twisted her ankle. There was a lot of talk leading up to the movie release about this being a thing that might happen which unfortunately may have given some people the idea. Fortunately, they caught the guy who was at the showing my friend went to but I don’t know why anyone risked it. Even if I was interested in seeing that movie, I wouldn’t have gone opening weekend.

[kathpt]

I wonder at what point they'll realize it's just not gonna happen with Lady, she will never be potty trained to Bonnie's liking, and just slap a dog diaper on her. I could accept that much more than her being pinned up for eternity cause it's never gonna change. Mom and dad are too lazy to take the lead and be consistent to get her trained and probably leaving too much up to the kids, and it's failing but instead of adulting to have success, they'll blame it on the kids.

Also, I hope they pay attention for overheating when Lady is stuck in that crate right next to the burning fire, with a fur blanket over her crate, and her own fur to keep her warm. Feel bad for her so confined and probably too warm, with no accessible water in her crate. I sure wish they would re-home cause she's never gonna have the life she deserves.....until Olivia moves out and takes her along, maybe.

Oh no, I never thought about the poor dog overheating!
Also, in my time (lol ), we'd train puppies by taking them out on a lead so that they would understand they had to pee outside, while on a lead. Not by sticking them in a crate for 22h a day and hope they'd understand they can't pee inside the house.

[Catface2]

Can someone go into more detail about the end of the video, the movie theatre situation? I was going to ask Bonnie in the comments to further explain but comments are off. I'm Canadian and out of the loop. What movies were released and why is there heightened security?

The Joker. It’s a highly graphic film that dives deep in to the world of mental illness. The last film of its sort, a man dressed up as the joker and shot up a movie theater. It is sad we have to be this cautious, but it’s the current state of affairs.

Mormons aren’t supposed to watch R rated movies. Hmmm

[Hannah]

What was shown in today's vlog is such a classic display of co-dependent, passive/aggressive behavior on Joel's part that it is definitely an indication of financial stress. They are counting their pennies, for sure. Joel saying, "I don't see YOU buying anything refurbished!" and then giving his little smirk to the camera, which has become his trademark, is his way of expressing his criticism of Bonnie's spending habits. He is throwing out these covert digs at her behavior more and more, lately. If you listen closely, he is discreetly telling all of those who watch these vlogs what she does and he does not like it. "Don't look in the trunk!", he says at one point referring to what Bonnie says. He makes sure to say these things WHILE she is talking, thinking that she won't hear him say it, and she doesn't. If you pay attention to the next time they are having a conversation like this, listen to Joel while SHE is talking. He uses that opportunity to discharge a lot of what he is REALLY feeling.

Poor Joel. I know you guys think he is just as culpable as she is, but he is a victim of emotional manipulation and he does not know it. I hope you read here, Joel. One time, he said, "I need to give Bonnie a reason to love me." NO. NO. NO. People do not love you because of what you DO for them. People love you for who you are. Period.

Passive aggressive communication is an abusive form of communication in a relationship. Joel is no more a victim than Bonnie is. She has said before his way of fighting is to shut her out and not say how he’s feeling. Passive aggressive digs are just another version of this. Trust me, she knows what he’s doing. We can hate Bonnie, but that doesn’t mean we need to excuse Joel’s behaviour. He can be an adult and communicate how he is feeling with clear words instead of passive aggressive actions. Walking out on Bonnie, making digs, giving her the silent treatment or shaming her in the vlogs may be a way to get to her, but that doesn’t make it efficient communication. It’s just another piece of the dynamic where she acts out due to frustration and he “act in” and shuts down. Both have issues and need to work on their communication. Joel isn’t a victim just because Bonnie is more outspoken. Plus Joel isn’t exactly saving money either. The lawn was fine, the first new truck was fine, they didn’t need property, his wardrobe is WAY larger than it used to be (and I’m fairly certain it isn’t sponsorships), he didn’t need hair plugs, they didn’t need the quads or the Bobcat for the property, etc etc. I also wouldn’t be surprised if he got a new iPhone when Bonnie did. I think he’s just smart enough not to show these things.

I don’t think he’s worried about money as much as he’s worried he may actually need to get another job. I’m guessing he has a lot of regret for not starting his own business up. While I’m sure he does a lot to help with Bollie, I think that is mostly Bonnie (and Jared’s) baby.

Literally every board argues that the primary vlogger is somehow an abuser and the spouse is a victim. EVERY BOARD. There seems to be heavy bias just because we dislike the primary vlogger. It’s very unlikely that this is the case in EVERY situation. Both parties always contribute to relationship dysfunction.


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You have a point and he definitely likes to spend that money just as much as she does, no doubt about it. However, for someone who has been in this type of relationship to just say "man up" and speak your mind isn't an option in most cases. My father was an abusive person and the thought of confronting him, calling out his b.s., or speaking my mind would have resulted in hell on earth for me. Eventually, I left that relationship and have had no contact with him for years, but for someone who is married with kids, it's not an easy solution. I agree with you - at this point, they are just feeding on each other's behavior. Yes, the abusive person/victim model is being overused a lot lately because there has been a huge uncovering of narcissistic abuse and what it is. That doesn't mean that everyone who acts narcissistically is a bona fide narcissist. We ALL have within us the tendency to act narcissistically. My father is/was abusive. My ex-husband was abusive. I did nothing to contribute to the anti-social personalities that either of them have been diagnosed with. To accept responsibility for their personality disorders would mean that I, in some way, helped to create that. I didn't. In fact, my ex-husband DID try to blame his behavior on me. "If you'd only done what I said, then I wouldn't have to do what I did." I'm doing what I need to, to heal from that abuse, and I'm still working on it. My sister, however, has not and she is now repeating my father's behavior to her own children being completely unaware of the damage she is creating. These people are products of their upbringing. I'm not sure about Joel's upbringing, but the Griffith's family home movies are on YouTube for all of us to see what kind of parents raised these girls. Daddy Griffiths has ISSUES. Bigtime! Those have undoubtedly shaped the emotional health of his children.

I actually don't dislike Bonnie. Of all the girls, I like her the most. She is the most relatable to me, or at least she was. I also think she is the most attractive. I love the way she looks with long hair and she has beautiful eyes - like a doll, almost. It's her treatment of others that is making me cringe. I see her projecting her own wants and needs onto her children and not allowing them to have their own individuality, so to me, I see an emotionally abusive person. It's what happened to my family. Could my mom stand up to my dad? Nope, no way. She was just as abused and afraid as the rest of us, if not more. It's not always easy to say what the solution should be or where the blame should go. There's a problem with the way most people treat each other in relationships, so to single out B &J as some type of exception would be wrong. I hope they can eventually get off of YouTube and create a normal life for their family. I think that they still have a chance if they can stop believing that allowing the world a view into their lives is a priority.

[HelloSweetie]

Joel has the ability to speak up when it matters to him just fine. He isn’t as afraid of Bonnie as people like to think he is....


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[lmmomSD]

Joel has the ability to speak up when it matters to him just fine. He isn’t as afraid of Bonnie as people like to think he is....


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This. He's perfectly capable of speaking up when it matters. To HIM. But apparently, making sure the kids get what they need isn't as important as his naps, or toys. Yes, he seems to be more Bonnie's lap dog than Lady is, but he likes it that way.

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[YTIG60]

I don’t think he’s worried about money as much as he’s worried he may actually need to get another job. I’m guessing he has a lot of regret for not starting his own business up. While I’m sure he does a lot to help with Bollie, I think that is mostly Bonnie (and Jared’s) baby.


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From what I can see on vlogs, I don't think Joel does much at all with Bollie. At minimum, he should offer to run to the warehouse and keep track of Bollie's inventory.
At times, I feel Bonnie is the one under pressure for earning the family income and the businesses. I never understood why she didn't insist Joel find a job or start a business....but perhaps she has?.
Joel has spent plenty on himself with stuff he doesn't need. If he was such a great spouse, he would never have uploaded last weeks vlog (Kiss me now - Dang it). I'm sure Bonnie was the talk of the town and their church community. Joel is not a victim.

[YTIG60]

What was shown in today's vlog is such a classic display of co-dependent, passive/aggressive behavior on Joel's part that it is definitely an indication of financial stress. They are counting their pennies, for sure. Joel saying, "I don't see YOU buying anything refurbished!" and then giving his little smirk to the camera, which has become his trademark, is his way of expressing his criticism of Bonnie's spending habits.

Joel is editing a vlog an hour or two a day and has a delay vlog schedule that equals a pretty easy job. It is actually surprising some don't see how good he has it. He worked hard in their early vlogs at P&G.

Bonnie's channel has enabled Joel to go off road ATV riding during the week or anytime he wants, multiple trips with the guys, buy expensive trucks, trailers, lawnmowers, ATV's, trips to New York, Hawaii, Florida, California, Las Vegas to name a few, has the time to go to the gym during the day, went to Canada to have a hair transplant, skis with his kids during the week, nap in the afternoons and he has way too much time to work on his new hobby - the lawn. He also purchased a large parcel of land during a time I don't think Bonnie was able to give her input since it was just after her first surgery. So poor Joel isn't something I equate with his life.

[YouTubeIdiots101]

Had to stop watching after that lawnmower discussion scene. Those voices that Bonnie does...so freaking annoying! It's not funny whatsoever. What is up with her.

[ba1006]

Joel has the ability to speak up when it matters to him just fine. He isn’t as afraid of Bonnie as people like to think he is....


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It's not that he is afraid of Bonnie, it's that he doesn't want to deal with her outbursts so he does what he can to keep the peace. He has actually said many times that he doesn't want to endure the wrath of Bonnie. I think it's just his personality to please her. As far as not getting a job, it was Bonnie that suggested he quit P@G so he can help her out with the house and kids while she did all the videos and edited the vlogs for her channel and before Bri was in the picture. Of course that all changed and Joel is doing quite a bit of the vlogging and doing all the editing so he now has no excuse. He really should get a job outside the house.

[HelloSweetie]

It's not that he is afraid of Bonnie, it's that he doesn't want to deal with her outbursts so he does what he can to keep the peace. He has actually said many times that he doesn't want to endure the wrath of Bonnie. I think it's just his personality to please her. As far as not getting a job, it was Bonnie that suggested he quit P@G so he can help her out with the house and kids while she did all the videos and edited the vlogs for her channel and before Bri was in the picture. Of course that all changed and Joel is doing quite a bit of the vlogging and doing all the editing so he now has no excuse. He really should get a job outside the house.

Bonnie has also said that she doesn’t like enduring Joel’s silent treatment. People are just quick to dismiss this.

The silent treatment can be just as bad as yelling. If someone yells you know how they feel, it can get resolved and then dealt with quickly. He’s given her the silent treatment FOR DAYS. What an awful energy for the kids to have to live with for days. Kids will find a way to blame themselves for their parent’s fighting. This is especially the case when they have no idea why that parent’s are upset (like with the silent treatment). A passive aggressive environment like this is just as bad as having to live in a home where there is yelling.

Bottom line. Both Joel and Bonnie have childish and immature ways of expressing themselves. Neither one is helping to create a healthy and comfortable environment for the kids. Neither one is a victim in their marriage. They both just have opposite ways of expressing hurt and frustration and use this to manipulate their spouse because they know it works.


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[YTIG60]

Joel has the ability to speak up when it matters to him just fine. He isn’t as afraid of Bonnie as people like to think he is....


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It's not that he is afraid of Bonnie, it's that he doesn't want to deal with her outbursts so he does what he can to keep the peace. He has actually said many times that he doesn't want to endure the wrath of Bonnie. I think it's just his personality to please her. As far as not getting a job, it was Bonnie that suggested he quit P@G so he can help her out with the house and kids while she did all the videos and edited the vlogs for her channel and before Bri was in the picture. Of course that all changed and Joel is doing quite a bit of the vlogging and doing all the editing so he now has no excuse. He really should get a job outside the house.

If you go back and look at the vlog when Joel announced he quit, they both acknowledge YouTube income was not certain and Joel would do something outside YouTube. So much for the wrath of Bonnie making him starting a business or work more than a few hours in a day.
Joel is more passive aggressive with remarks or you see little zingers that can be worse than outburst. I don't see him taking back his thousand dollar purchase either.

[ba1006]

It's not that he is afraid of Bonnie, it's that he doesn't want to deal with her outbursts so he does what he can to keep the peace. He has actually said many times that he doesn't want to endure the wrath of Bonnie. I think it's just his personality to please her. As far as not getting a job, it was Bonnie that suggested he quit P@G so he can help her out with the house and kids while she did all the videos and edited the vlogs for her channel and before Bri was in the picture. Of course that all changed and Joel is doing quite a bit of the vlogging and doing all the editing so he now has no excuse. He really should get a job outside the house.

If you go back and look at the vlog when Joel announced he quit, they both acknowledge YouTube income was not certain and Joel would do something outside YouTube. So much for the wrath of Bonnie making him starting a business or work more than a few hours in a day.
Joel is more passive aggressive with remarks or you see little zingers that can be worse than outburst. I don't see him taking back his thousand dollar purchase either.

I agree she likes him around so she doesn't have to do anything. She's much lazier than he is. That thousand dollar purchase was a used lawnmower so it wasn't like a new 4-wheeler or something. Let's just agree that they both suck, okay?

[YTIG60]

If you go back and look at the vlog when Joel announced he quit, they both acknowledge YouTube income was not certain and Joel would do something outside YouTube. So much for the wrath of Bonnie making him starting a business or work more than a few hours in a day.
Joel is more passive aggressive with remarks or you see little zingers that can be worse than an outburst. I don't see him taking back his thousand dollar purchase either.

I agree she likes him around so she doesn't have to do anything. She's much lazier than he is. That thousand dollar purchase was a used lawnmower so it wasn't like a new 4-wheeler or something. Let's just agree that they both suck, okay?

Generally, I don't respond to the agree to disagree comment, but I'm going to put in a last word. There are issues with Bonnie (surgeries, Lady, spending, kids) and her stubbornness does not serve her well. However, I don't see her as lazy. She did take the initiative to start a business, she is posting on IG constantly, is the point person for the family cookbook, brand deals are due to her working out the deals and essentially she is their income. As seen with low views on vlogs when Joel cuts the lawn, he couldn't carry their YouTube channel now or in the future. Joel's job editing could be hired out like Ruby has done with her channel.
There seems to be a tit for tat going on between Bonnie and Joel with spending. Not working together when buying expensive items will not serve them well in the end especially if they are saving to build a new home or YouTube changes really hits Family Channels hard in January.

[Kataja]

Everytime I see them vlogging at home and the lady isn't around, I know that she is caged into that small prison. She must spent hours and hours there. My heart aches for her.

[Gladys Kravitz I]

Omg u people have restraint! Someone says last word and no one responds??? You all must have been the only child in your family

[YTIG60]

Omg u people have restraint! Someone says last word and no one responds??? You all must have been the only child in your family

My goodness, it is possible there will be responses when some are not sleeping in this part of the world. I don't believe I will have the last word, it was my last word. I try to restrain myself from an endless discussion, but I didn't do it this time. Darn, my mistake.