Well, I have to say I can't agree with that way of teaching, even if you don't publish it. I get wanting to know what your kid is up to and teaching them about online safety and predators (finally), but going through stuff like that, only works and seems normal, because it's "online", imo. Imagine having had your parents demand to walk with you to the park, or hide behind a tree until you were 15, because strange people could be there, that could lure them in, or try to befriend them. Imagine having to show them every letter you ever wrote to your friend and their answers. Yes, usually kids told their parents where they were going and who they were seeing/writing to, but parents had to trust that their kid will not do something stupid, because they taught them what kinds of people are out there.NarcoelpsyMom wrote: ↑Wed Oct 23, 2019 9:07 amI will say that most parents now do go through kids messages, phones, and social media with good reason. I had an agreement with all 3 of my kids that we were allowed their passwords on social media sites, and that if they changed the password or had different accounts, they lost access to the internet. Our kids are now 17, 20, and 23, and grew up fine with that, as do many kids.Captain Smooth wrote: ↑Wed Oct 23, 2019 6:03 am
What outrages me so much about her snooping and publishing every little detail is, that she would do at least half of the things, even if Youtube suddenly stopped existing. She still would have cameras in her kids rooms, she would still go through her kids phones, including the messages. Growing up like this is terrible for personality development. Most phones have a safety feature for children, so they can't access certain websites, or functions. Nope, Jess needs to make sure Lilia is EXTRA safe.
Also, she looks through her daughters messages for safety? Why? What could a nine year old possibly say in there, that warrents Jess reading it? Is she afraid Lilia will curse? If so, maybe Jess should lead by example, after all children do as you do. What if Lilia talks about a crush to her friend? I wouldn't want my parents to read this.
Jess likely reads our criticism and just scoffs, because she's probably thinking her behaviour is normal. I wonder if Mimi ever did similar things, otherwise I don't understand where Jess got this from.
The reason isn't so much what our kids could have said or done, but what other people could have said or done in accessing them. Sexual predators often portray themselves as younger to befriend kids, and talk to them via social media, etc. Our kids had strong rules about what information they were allowed to talk about- they were not allowed to talk about what city they live in, what age they were, what grade they were in, they were not allowed to give out their phone numbers, home address, last names, etc. It's pretty common place for parents to put rules like this in effect in a digital world. Kids wind up missing fairly often due to circumstances like these.
That said, we never shared what we found, or posted it to the internet for other people. That would have been a violation of their privacy.
If Jess is so concerned with what her kid is writing to friends, why did she get her a smart phone that early? A smaller one, without access to the internet is more than enough at that age. That leaves her and her friends writing back and forth and only when she's old enough to understand what online presence can mean, can she have a smartphone. Problem solved. But nope, Lilia is the princess and needs to be cool, so a smartphone it is.
