fossilfinger wrote:Audrey3196 wrote: ↑Fri May 01, 2020 8:39 am
Ruby’s sense that everything that comes into the house is “hers” is incredibly manipulative. Of course my parents paid for all the furniture and my clothes and toys growing up but my mom would have never told me that some toy she bought was actually hers and she’s just giving me access to it. It seems counterintuitive to teaching responsibility and how to care for your things. Having a sense of ownership over the laptop and cell phone I had in high school made me take care of them and acknowledge that it was my fault if I broke them. It’s an incredibly controlling attitude to tell your kids nothing actually belongs to them and Ruby can take it away whenever she sees fit because she was only “letting you use it”. Imagine living in fear that your mom will take away your things or make you share a room with a sibling if you don’t live up to her crazy expectations. She is so manipulative and just wants to control everything her kids say and do.
I think parents should have the ability to take something away from a minor if they're abusing it (i.e. looking up porn on a computer or harassing people on a phone), but that's more to actually protect them than to just have power over them.
My dad still does the "I own all your things" to me sometimes and I'm in my 30's and have my own house. He bought me groceries and then when he was visiting started eating a bunch of my food without asking, and then when I told him to stop because it was my husband's food, he said, "I have a right to eat any of this food because I actually own it since I bought it for you." He also recently asked me how much toilet paper I had left since he knew I ordered some last month (with my own money) and when I told him I still had a lot left, he said, "Oh, we'll just live off yours, then," without even asking me permission to take a few rolls. And he wonders why I don't like him. That's not a great way to relate to your kids. But I guess Ruby doesn't care because she doesn't want her kids to like her, because she doesn't want to be a victim mom.
I don't necessarily think that looking up porn would be considered abusing it unless it started to get in the way if normal life. Trying to keep a teen from looking up porn will probably just make them be sneaky about it and have another phone or something they can use to do it. It might also make them assumed about their sexual urges that are normal. That's the tricky thing. Now I'm not saying let you middle school look that up but if you have a high schooler they were probably already finding a way to look porn up without you knowing.
I do genuinely believe that the rules Ruby (and other Mormon families) set for their kids phones are a bit extreme and restrictive. Like Ruby would've even let the kids have the internet on their flip phone which don't even really have working browsers anyways. I don't know I just don't think your parents should give you the freedom of a cell phone but then put all these rules and stipulations on it. That seems a bit manipulative and teasing them with actual freedom to me.
As for your dad, that's extremely weird and messed up. I mean my mom used to joke about going shopping at the family store at my aunt/grandma's house but they never minded her taking things she needed . What your dad is doing it taking what my mom did up a thousand levels. Like if they ever said my mom couldn't have something she respected that and didn't take it. Even with me at thier house I never really had to ask if I could have anything because they said "my house is your house" or at least hat was the attitude.
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Plus I chuckled when Ruby said her couch was ruined after Dwight jumped up there while wet! No Ruby, do what we do-put something on it till Dwight is dry. Knowing her, Ruby will use that as an excuse to get another one!
Kevin and the kids should say they own everything in her closet, see how she feels then.
