Phil and Alex: Struggling With Maternity After Laboring For Eternity | Part 10

[mamale]

Almost every time Phil is in a video where they talk about feeding he mentions that Cassidy is not breastfeeding. Alex always instantly argues and insists that she IS breastfeeding. So which is it?? This has happened more times than I can even count.

Alex is not gonna let this breastfeeding dream go. She doesn’t care about Cassidy’s weight gain, pain, well being, or development. Failure to thrive is 100% on Alex at this point.


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[mamale]

Also her comment after the “procedure” where Alex is instantly convinced that the release made such a drastic difference that Cassidy no longer knew how to suck her pacifier...

Then Phil chimes in with some actual logic to remind Alex that the baby’s mouth is numb.

I really can’t decide if she’s truly that stupid or if she just thinks her audience is stupid enough to believe her delusions.


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[Oma66]

I’ve come to the conclusion that Alex’s goal for the Unicorn Is NOT to Thrive, but to merely Survive!


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[isthisnormal]

in order of priorities to Alex
1. Alex
2. Sleep
3. Avocados
4. Praise for being an "earth" mama
5. Phil
6. Cassidy
7. # instagram likes
8. the girls

[yoyo16]

Also her comment after the “procedure” where Alex is instantly convinced that the release made such a drastic difference that Cassidy no longer knew how to suck her pacifier...

Then Phil chimes in with some actual logic to remind Alex that the baby’s mouth is numb.

I really can’t decide if she’s truly that stupid or if she just thinks her audience is stupid enough to believe her delusions.


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You would also think that a severe tongue, lip and cheek tie that she claims the baby has would prevent her from being able to keep the pacifier in the mouth and suck it properly. But she doesn’t have any issues with that as far as I can see from insta and vlogs. In fact, she seems to love that pacifier.

So Alex, did she really have as a severe tie as you claimed? If she did, why would she all of the sudden have trouble sucking a pacifier. The surgery would help, not hinder her sucking ability.


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[saltybitters]

I’ve commented on several of the Instagram posts and stories about how they don’t hold her when they feed her. It makes me want to cry to see this little baby dumped on a chair or bed with a feeding tube while Alex sleeps. Come on, this is your baby that you were desperate for. Why are you not holding her? I just can’t understand it at all. I have a 3 year old, a nearly 2 year old and a 3 month old. I know it’s hard to juggle children and a baby, but you find a way. Poor Cassidy.


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Because Cassidy isn't the baby she was desperate for. Alex was desperate for crunchy, earth-mama, no-interventions-necessary pregnancy, labor, delivery, and motherhood, the actual child(ren) that came from that was just a bonus.

The moment Alex was told that Cassidy would be special needs was the moment Alex stopped valuing Cassidy's existence. Alex is probably already planning her trip back to Cali to shoot for magical unicorn baby boy who will be truly effortless and perfect just like she wants. At least, until he has problems too or fails to take, then it's on to the next egg retrieval and IVF round.

[theshamanisright1]

I’ve commented on several of the Instagram posts and stories about how they don’t hold her when they feed her. It makes me want to cry to see this little baby dumped on a chair or bed with a feeding tube while Alex sleeps. Come on, this is your baby that you were desperate for. Why are you not holding her? I just can’t understand it at all. I have a 3 year old, a nearly 2 year old and a 3 month old. I know it’s hard to juggle children and a baby, but you find a way. Poor Cassidy.


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Because Cassidy isn't the baby she was desperate for. Alex was desperate for crunchy, earth-mama, no-interventions-necessary pregnancy, labor, delivery, and motherhood, the actual child(ren) that came from that was just a bonus.

The moment Alex was told that Cassidy would be special needs was the moment Alex stopped valuing Cassidy's existence. Alex is probably already planning her trip back to Cali to shoot for magical unicorn baby boy who will be truly effortless and perfect just like she wants. At least, until he has problems too or fails to take, then it's on to the next egg retrieval and IVF round.

and because P+A are kind of dumb, they never considered that Phil might pass his heart condition onto their biological children. I don't recall them ever talking about that possibility before Cassidy was diagnosed in utero. They didn't want a child with special needs, and they won't acknowledge that there's a strong chance of any future bio babies having the same thing. I'm certain the doctors would have bought that possibility up, except of course we never saw it.

[sondraK]

I’ve commented on several of the Instagram posts and stories about how they don’t hold her when they feed her. It makes me want to cry to see this little baby dumped on a chair or bed with a feeding tube while Alex sleeps. Come on, this is your baby that you were desperate for. Why are you not holding her? I just can’t understand it at all. I have a 3 year old, a nearly 2 year old and a 3 month old. I know it’s hard to juggle children and a baby, but you find a way. Poor Cassidy.


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Because Cassidy isn't the baby she was desperate for. Alex was desperate for crunchy, earth-mama, no-interventions-necessary pregnancy, labor, delivery, and motherhood, the actual child(ren) that came from that was just a bonus.

The moment Alex was told that Cassidy would be special needs was the moment Alex stopped valuing Cassidy's existence. Alex is probably already planning her trip back to Cali to shoot for magical unicorn baby boy who will be truly effortless and perfect just like she wants. At least, until he has problems too or fails to take, then it's on to the next egg retrieval and IVF round.

and because P+A are kind of dumb, they never considered that Phil might pass his heart condition onto their biological children. I don't recall them ever talking about that possibility before Cassidy was diagnosed in utero. They didn't want a child with special needs, and they won't acknowledge that there's a strong chance of any future bio babies having the same thing. I'm certain the doctors would have bought that possibility up, except of course we never saw it.

Since C has it,I'm guessing there may have been a 50/50 chance any of their bio kids would have it (?).If so,then I can't imagine they weren't informed about that

[sondraK]

Google says

Family history and CHDs

About 1% of all children are born with a congenital heart defect. There is an overall 3 times increased risk for CHD when a first-degree relative has a CHD. Some heart defects have autosomal-dominant inheritance.

[EnoughAlready]

On her stories, even her pump is tucked away from harm in its own little bag so why can’t the same be applied to her “much wanted” baby girl?! I’m sick of seeing this baby on a floor or on a sofa, anywhere but a comfy little bed of her own. Speaks volumes that she treats a breast pump better than her kid. Maybe the Dr’s were thinking of Cassidy, that she has enough to contend with, & trying to get her nutrition was the number one priority. If some in the medical field think it’s not worth doing, putting an already poorly child through it then why would they focus on a tie. But yet again Alex needs something to blame for her child not being a regular breastfeeding baby & her unicorn milk not miraculously curing the chosen one. She infuriates me as it’s never about this little baby, it’s always about her experience as a mother. Newsflash Alex..Motherhood very rarely goes “to plan” you just suck it up and get on with it for the best for your child, not for your fantasies.

[GGF1987]

I’ve commented on several of the Instagram posts and stories about how they don’t hold her when they feed her. It makes me want to cry to see this little baby dumped on a chair or bed with a feeding tube while Alex sleeps. Come on, this is your baby that you were desperate for. Why are you not holding her? I just can’t understand it at all. I have a 3 year old, a nearly 2 year old and a 3 month old. I know it’s hard to juggle children and a baby, but you find a way. Poor Cassidy.


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She wasn't desperate for a baby. For a long time, I thought she was desperate for a biological baby, which was bad enough. But with everything that happened while she was pregnant and since Cassidy's birth, it's become crystal flipping clear to me that this was about the experience and not the baby. She wanted the experience of a beautiful pregnancy and a big baby shower and people fawning all over her. She wanted a completely natural birth in a birth center, so people would tell her how amazing and strong she is. She wanted to breastfeed for as long as she could so people would tell her how great a mother she is. She has been completely detached from that baby from the moment she found out about her heart defect and the older she gets and the less attention Alex gets and the less she looks like a perfect natural mommy the more detached she gets. She isn't just not holding her, she's putting her in dangerous places. The bed, the floor, sitting up in a high chair when she doesn't have the strength to really set up yet. She's told that she's gained almost nothing and needs to be admitted and she shows zero concern for her baby's safety. The only thing she gets emotional about is not being able to breastfeed any more. She didn't want the feeding tube at first but she realized very quickly that the feeding tube allowed her to do even less with Cassidy. She can hook up her feeding tube and lay her in the floor and go about her life as she wanted and sleep as much as she wants. She's supposed to fortify her breastmilk with formula and is giving her just enough to be able say she's doing it. She won't get a scale so she can watch her weight. They allowed another couple and their two dozen kids stay in their home and hold their medically fragile baby in the middle of a flipping pandemic! She was already completely detached from Kinsely and Callie. She(and Phil too) had already failed Callie because they've done nothing about the fact that her hips and legs are still not right. Now she's playing around with Cassidy already fragile health. I don't know if she wants Cassidy to be sick for the attention or if she's just so detached from her that she really doesn't care what happens to her(and hey a dead baby would be get her lots of attention...). It's very clear to me this wasn't the experience she wanted and she's over it and she's over Cassidy. The really sick thing is, I have no doubt that she'll be back in California for another transfer as soon as they'll do one. She won't stop until she gets her perfect experience. She'll have a house full of kids she doesn't get a crap about trying to have the perfect experience and make herself look like the perfect mother... It's a sick sick game and Phil is no better because he's just as bad. He'd just as detached from all 3 girls as she is.

[Cali15]

As someone who currently has a feeding tube down my nose, it pains me to see how sweet Cassidy is treated when it comes to her feeding tube. During a feeding, you have to either be upright or at least laying down with the head of the bed angled up, should never lay flat as that increases the risk for reflux/vomiting and for a young baby you’d be worried about aspiration if anything came back up.

At night it is possible to set things up to pump all night and not have to wake up to disconnect, but it depends on the feeding schedule set forth by your doctor/nutritionist. In my case, it’s continuous all night, but it’s possible Cassidy has scheduled times throughout the day/night instead of one long continuous feed. If that’s the case they’d have to wake up during the night to connect and disconnect as well as flush the tube between feeds.

And lastly there are very few reasons why Cassidy wouldn’t be gaining weight with a feeding tube if they are truly following doctor’s orders feed wise. There are so many high calorie formulas out there, yes of course any mom would want their baby to breast feed or at least exclusively get breast milk via bottle or tube, but in this case it’s very clear Cassidy requires extra calories to offset her medical condition and adding formula/fortifier is not the end of the world. You’d hope any parent would have the common sense to know it’s in the best interest of their children . Except for Alex, she’s looking out for herself, what’s convenient for her, and the desire for the “perfect” newborn/breastfeed experience


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[IVFwarrior]

I’ve commented on several of the Instagram posts and stories about how they don’t hold her when they feed her. It makes me want to cry to see this little baby dumped on a chair or bed with a feeding tube while Alex sleeps. Come on, this is your baby that you were desperate for. Why are you not holding her? I just can’t understand it at all. I have a 3 year old, a nearly 2 year old and a 3 month old. I know it’s hard to juggle children and a baby, but you find a way. Poor Cassidy.


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She wasn't desperate for a baby. For a long time, I thought she was desperate for a biological baby, which was bad enough. But with everything that happened while she was pregnant and since Cassidy's birth, it's become crystal flipping clear to me that this was about the experience and not the baby. She wanted the experience of a beautiful pregnancy and a big baby shower and people fawning all over her. She wanted a completely natural birth in a birth center, so people would tell her how amazing and strong she is. She wanted to breastfeed for as long as she could so people would tell her how great a mother she is. She has been completely detached from that baby from the moment she found out about her heart defect and the older she gets and the less attention Alex gets and the less she looks like a perfect natural mommy the more detached she gets. She isn't just not holding her, she's putting her in dangerous places. The bed, the floor, sitting up in a high chair when she doesn't have the strength to really set up yet. She's told that she's gained almost nothing and needs to be admitted and she shows zero concern for her baby's safety. The only thing she gets emotional about is not being able to breastfeed any more. She didn't want the feeding tube at first but she realized very quickly that the feeding tube allowed her to do even less with Cassidy. She can hook up her feeding tube and lay her in the floor and go about her life as she wanted and sleep as much as she wants. She's supposed to fortify her breastmilk with formula and is giving her just enough to be able say she's doing it. She won't get a scale so she can watch her weight. They allowed another couple and their two dozen kids stay in their home and hold their medically fragile baby in the middle of a flipping pandemic! She was already completely detached from Kinsely and Callie. She(and Phil too) had already failed Callie because they've done nothing about the fact that her hips and legs are still not right. Now she's playing around with Cassidy already fragile health. I don't know if she wants Cassidy to be sick for the attention or if she's just so detached from her that she really doesn't care what happens to her(and hey a dead baby would be get her lots of attention...). It's very clear to me this wasn't the experience she wanted and she's over it and she's over Cassidy. The really sick thing is, I have no doubt that she'll be back in California for another transfer as soon as they'll do one. She won't stop until she gets her perfect experience. She'll have a house full of kids she doesn't get a crap about trying to have the perfect experience and make herself look like the perfect mother... It's a sick sick game and Phil is no better because he's just as bad. He'd just as detached from all 3 girls as she is.

100% spot on.

Do you remember all that sexualized dancing that Alex kept performing in the first half of pregnancy? Those gyrating hips in front of the camera, her pelvis pushed right up in Kinsley and Callie's faces, with Phil's constant videoing of her butt? Her absolute revolting display of god's grace or whatever she thought had been given to her with her magical unicorn pregnancy.

It all stopped the moment she found out her her bio baby wasn't perfect and had ruined her dreams. Literally overnight. Not that I was upset about that at all, but I did find that interesting. She completely checked out from that moment. The bio baby could no longer deliver her with her dreams and wishes, so she stopped caring about it.

[HashtagBlessed]

I don't once remember congratulating myself for giving birth, breastfeeding, etc Once in awhile I remind myself of when it was more challenging and how far I've come, but more often I'm overwhelmed by how proud I am of my child for everything she's doing and learning, or in Alex's case everything baby is dealing with. I can't even count the number of times a day I tell my husband how much I love my child and how proud I am of her.

Meanwhile, Alex can't stop posting photos of her pumped milk...to prove that she can? To convince herself that she isn't the problem? I think the crux of their infertility vlogging was Alex's need to show people that she's better than. Everything is a competition. And you know that it caused a lot of deep-seated anger and resentment that she couldn't compete, and she has been dreaming of the day she can throw her superiority in everyone's face. Classic narcissism. Except then she had her 20 week anatomy scan...

Alex treats Cassidy more like a specimen in a science experiment that she's desperately trying to get to conform to her ideal motherhood experience. Using the bare minimum amount of fortification and sometimes not even using the feeding tube in hopes of proving that her breast milk is enough. The incredibly painful and unnecessary lip cheek tongue tie surgery in hopes of reseatablishing breastfeeding.

I agree that there's a big shift in her perspective when they found out about the heart defect. Suddenly it was all about losing the birthing center, the natural birth experience, the breastfeeding experience, etc. I don't think she was grieving for what her daughter was going to go through, she was grieving for the experience that Phil and Alex lost. The experience she was so eager to throw in everyone's face. The ironic thing is she's absolutely ruining her own experience with this unhealthy fixation on what is "natural" or superior. Think of how much more relaxed things could be if Alex followed doctor's advice and fortified her milk properly with a feeding tube.

[Goodgirl]

I’ve commented on several of the Instagram posts and stories about how they don’t hold her when they feed her. It makes me want to cry to see this little baby dumped on a chair or bed with a feeding tube while Alex sleeps. Come on, this is your baby that you were desperate for. Why are you not holding her? I just can’t understand it at all. I have a 3 year old, a nearly 2 year old and a 3 month old. I know it’s hard to juggle children and a baby, but you find a way. Poor Cassidy.


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She wasn't desperate for a baby. For a long time, I thought she was desperate for a biological baby, which was bad enough. But with everything that happened while she was pregnant and since Cassidy's birth, it's become crystal flipping clear to me that this was about the experience and not the baby. She wanted the experience of a beautiful pregnancy and a big baby shower and people fawning all over her. She wanted a completely natural birth in a birth center, so people would tell her how amazing and strong she is. She wanted to breastfeed for as long as she could so people would tell her how great a mother she is. She has been completely detached from that baby from the moment she found out about her heart defect and the older she gets and the less attention Alex gets and the less she looks like a perfect natural mommy the more detached she gets. She isn't just not holding her, she's putting her in dangerous places. The bed, the floor, sitting up in a high chair when she doesn't have the strength to really set up yet. She's told that she's gained almost nothing and needs to be admitted and she shows zero concern for her baby's safety. The only thing she gets emotional about is not being able to breastfeed any more. She didn't want the feeding tube at first but she realized very quickly that the feeding tube allowed her to do even less with Cassidy. She can hook up her feeding tube and lay her in the floor and go about her life as she wanted and sleep as much as she wants. She's supposed to fortify her breastmilk with formula and is giving her just enough to be able say she's doing it. She won't get a scale so she can watch her weight. They allowed another couple and their two dozen kids stay in their home and hold their medically fragile baby in the middle of a flipping pandemic! She was already completely detached from Kinsely and Callie. She(and Phil too) had already failed Callie because they've done nothing about the fact that her hips and legs are still not right. Now she's playing around with Cassidy already fragile health. I don't know if she wants Cassidy to be sick for the attention or if she's just so detached from her that she really doesn't care what happens to her(and hey a dead baby would be get her lots of attention...). It's very clear to me this wasn't the experience she wanted and she's over it and she's over Cassidy. The really sick thing is, I have no doubt that she'll be back in California for another transfer as soon as they'll do one. She won't stop until she gets her perfect experience. She'll have a house full of kids she doesn't get a crap about trying to have the perfect experience and make herself look like the perfect mother... It's a sick sick game and Phil is no better because he's just as bad. He'd just as detached from all 3 girls as she is.

100% all of this. Alex wanted to be pregnant and praised for it. End of story. The baby itself is a burden because it means the Alex story is over. Phil is just as bad because he feeds into it and does nothing to intervene. He’s obsessed with Alex and Alex loves him because she’s obsessed with herself too.


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[Here_2_talk]

Trouble in paradise
Philandalex’s latest tweet. Who messed up?!
Who is doing the forgiving and who’s getting the bollocking?


“Forgive quickly. Don't hold grudges. Remember, you are not perfect, either. There's always a new day and a new opportunity to rebuild trust.”

I’m betting it’s Alex being mad at Phil. She didn’t even bother to mention their anniversary, Phil made a soppy post yesterday. Oops.

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[ChickyChickyParmParm]

Trouble in paradise
Philandalex’s latest tweet. Who messed up?!
Who is doing the forgiving and who’s getting the bollocking?


“Forgive quickly. Don't hold grudges. Remember, you are not perfect, either. There's always a new day and a new opportunity to rebuild trust.”

I’m betting it’s Alex being mad at Phil. She didn’t even bother to mention their anniversary, Phil made a soppy post yesterday. Oops.

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I think it has more to do with the fact that they just love to preach at people and act superior. They really want everyone to think they are #couplegoals, which is hilarious, given that their marriage is the most platonic, roommate type situation I think I've ever seen.

[RiverRose]

Trouble in paradise
Philandalex’s latest tweet. Who messed up?!
Who is doing the forgiving and who’s getting the bollocking?


“Forgive quickly. Don't hold grudges. Remember, you are not perfect, either. There's always a new day and a new opportunity to rebuild trust.”

I’m betting it’s Alex being mad at Phil. She didn’t even bother to mention their anniversary, Phil made a soppy post yesterday. Oops.

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I think it has more to do with the fact that they just love to preach at people and act superior. They really want everyone to think they are #couplegoals, which is hilarious, given that their marriage is the most platonic, roommate type situation I think I've ever seen.

Lol you ever seen Tara and Adam?

[In the middle]

Because Cassidy isn't the baby she was desperate for. Alex was desperate for crunchy, earth-mama, no-interventions-necessary pregnancy, labor, delivery, and motherhood, the actual child(ren) that came from that was just a bonus.

The moment Alex was told that Cassidy would be special needs was the moment Alex stopped valuing Cassidy's existence. Alex is probably already planning her trip back to Cali to shoot for magical unicorn baby boy who will be truly effortless and perfect just like she wants. At least, until he has problems too or fails to take, then it's on to the next egg retrieval and IVF round.

and because P+A are kind of dumb, they never considered that Phil might pass his heart condition onto their biological children. I don't recall them ever talking about that possibility before Cassidy was diagnosed in utero. They didn't want a child with special needs, and they won't acknowledge that there's a strong chance of any future bio babies having the same thing. I'm certain the doctors would have bought that possibility up, except of course we never saw it.

Since C has it,I'm guessing there may have been a 50/50 chance any of their bio kids would have it (?).If so,then I can't imagine they weren't informed about that

Generally speaking, the risk is about double. Which sound like a lot, but it’s such a small risk in the first place that double is still very small

[IVFwarrior]

and because P+A are kind of dumb, they never considered that Phil might pass his heart condition onto their biological children. I don't recall them ever talking about that possibility before Cassidy was diagnosed in utero. They didn't want a child with special needs, and they won't acknowledge that there's a strong chance of any future bio babies having the same thing. I'm certain the doctors would have bought that possibility up, except of course we never saw it.

Since C has it,I'm guessing there may have been a 50/50 chance any of their bio kids would have it (?).If so,then I can't imagine they weren't informed about that

Generally speaking, the risk is about double. Which sound like a lot, but it’s such a small risk in the first place that double is still very small

Yeah, I remember Alex's dumb interpretation of statistics when she was crying in the doctor's office when they were given Cassidy's diagnosis. She turned to Phil and blamed him and said "they said it was only a few percent chance, but they were wrong, they had to be wrong, she has the exact same defect you have!"

Typical - she was blaming the doctors giving them wrong advice, as opposed to her poor understanding of odds. Even if it is only a 5% chance of a CHD instead of the usual 1-2%, you don't get to take home 5% of an unhealthy baby. It just means 95 women 100% take home a healthy baby, and 5 women 100% take home a baby with a CHD. Someone has to be that couple of %.