Maybe I just don't know what I'm talking about but I like the idea of telling kids this stuff while they're still really young. You don't have to sit them down for a whole talk with photos and shit, but even though they don't really comprehend it, it still builds up the knowledge gradually. I think that's less traumatic than waiting until they're old enough to understand.Sunshineee9 wrote: ↑Sun Sep 20, 2020 9:15 pmI 100% agree with you. I've had 3 losses and plan to tell my hopefully future kids someday but 2 is not age appropriate. Even elementary school isn't really appropriate. I can't believe she shows her the pictures of that. Emma luckily isn't comprehending what it is other than mom and dad are sad but I agree that that is probably too much at that age too.percypatrice22 wrote:I know everyone deals with grief in different ways and I don't mean to offend anyone or be insensitive to loss, but did anyone else find it a little strange that Rachelle showed Emma pictures of Brynn? My parents lost a baby (my brother) at 39 weeks and growing up we heard his name and learned about him casually in conversation or when it was his birthday (we never had a party, but my parents would talk about him on that day). But I was never shown a picture of him as a young child? I don't know, it just seemed odd to me? I mean Emma is so little and can't really comprehend what it's a picture of. Plus (again trying not to be insensitive but) Brynn wasn't a full term baby so she doesn't look like a normal baby, and it could scare Emma? Or at the very least she could tell that "mommy and daddy were sad" and that alone is problematic considering Emma doesn't know why they're sad. I feel like she could've just talked to her about Brynn without the picture. I just hope Emma doesn't feel like she's growing up under Brynn's shadow.
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It's also maybe a trust/respect thing, but mostly because kids have a really basic gut instinct about trust, without the critical thinking skills to get the necessary perspective to understand why their parents didn't tell them sooner.
Just casually informing them with really simple facts about it as they're beginning to talk/listen/figure out their world. Like bringing it up on each birthday of the late sibling etc. And when the kid inevitably have questions, THEN you give more details. Giving more details as they're old enough to understand.
There was a traumatic death in my family before I was born. All I knew was that this person was dead, I'd be reminded of it every now and then, it was really normal. When I was old enough, my mother told me how they died. THAT part was a bit harder to deal with, but I still didn't know much. I was glad to finally know. I got more details as I got older and occasionally asked about it. The knowledge I have now was slowly compiled throughout my life, and it was really the best way to go about it imo. There was never a moment where I thought "why did my parents keep this from me for so long?". I think that could possibly cause kids to feel like... Excluded? Untrustworthy, disrespected, demeaned. Idk.
Anyway, I just think it's better to start off young as casually as possible and go from there. It's a lot to process for a kid, so it seems preferable to me that it should be a slow burn not a bomb drop.