Working vs. Staying At Home - The Great Debate

[gypsophila]

It's kind of mean to tell a woman she's missing out and she'll regret it, when she might have to go back to work to help support her family. If a women is working towards a career, she shouldn't be made to feel guilty either, that she can't or chooses not to take years off to raise children. Also irresponsible to say there will always be a way to get on your feet. Jobs are hard to come by nowadays, and if you've taken time off to raise kids, whether it's 18 years or 5 years, you may not find a job easily at all. As I said, we get a full year off in Canada, but in the US some women have to return to work within 2 months. To me that's horrible. But that's the reality, and some women in the US also have to work to have medical benefits, which is foreign to me too. It would be great if every woman had a choice, but for many, it's a luxury. If you just have to cut back expenses to be a SAHM, no problem.

[Chevbowlyn]

Well that's how you see it and I see it how I see it. A working mom will say the daycare provider doesn't raise their child while a SAHM will say they do which is why we choose to stay at home.

[AutumnLane]

Having a child is about making sacrifices if you have two children close in age you maybe only have to take six years off . You could also divide that time between both spouses. I understand if you absolutely have to work the most important thing is that your children are provided for with a roof over their head & food on the table. That being said it's so costly to send a child to day care most of the time it just seems like you're almost breaking even by staying home. Having two children in day care 40 hours a week at a nice establishment can cost nearly a thousand dollars a week. The worst part is most the time they're feeding her child canned crap.

[thegooseiscooked]

I'm a proud stay at home mum. Have been for 14 years. It's the longest job I've ever held down, the most challenging, the best, the most frustrating, the most rewarding....you get the idea. I am proud that my kids never spent one minute of their lives in child care. Not that there is anything wrong with child care but my personal opinion is that I had kids because I wanted to raise them. I wanted to be the one who wiped their tears or put a bandaid on a grazed knee. I wanted to see their first steps and hear their first words.

I'm in the fortunate position to be able to do that. I know not all mothers are so lucky and some absolutely must go back to work. I do feel for those mothers, it can't be easy.

The mothers I do have a problem with are the ones who say they need the adult interaction, they couldn't stand to be at home all day, ask what on earth I do with my time? I really do question why those women have children at all if they are champing at the bit to get away from them the moment they are born.

My job, and yes it is a job (one which I love doing) is to raise strong, independent, caring members of society. Not fob it off to someone else.

[gypsophila]

It would be nice if all women had the same choices, but they just don't. I was a SAHM. My grown daughters, with University and College degrees, will not be able to afford to stay at home when they have kids. That's just our reality where we choose to live, which is near excellent schools of all levels including universities and colleges, and having all other amenities nearby as well. In a place with plenty of job opportunities, but very expensive real estate and a high cost of living. We also have high income taxes. I don't think our daughters will even be able to afford to live in the same city as us, but they can find something half an hour away, maybe. Daycare is very expensive, yes, but it's also highly regulated and you can pick and choose how you want that to go. I'm a big proponent of having extended family help out if possible. I didn't have that advantage when I was raising my kids, but I would definitely help out where I could as grandmother. My daughters will have some flexibility because of the careers they will have, also. I think it's a balancing act for most families.

[Anniekins]

Oh, I hate hearing "I need adult interaction." I do activities with other moms and kids all the time. I don't go crazy staying at home because I'm always doing something, we're out and about a lot.

I've worked and stayed home. I find staying home easier overall. I hated juggling my home and my work. My work just wasn't as important to me anymore. I was lucky in that I was able to afford to quit my job. I understand some moms have to work and some moms choose to. I don't think there's anything wrong with childcare, my son was in it for over 2 years. For our family though, my staying home works better for all of us. It's really what works best for you.

[gypsophila]

I guess I can understand needing the adult interaction. When I needed that, I volunteered at the kid's school, as soon as my oldest hit kindergarten. We didn't have a PTA, but we had a parent council that got together and did all kinds of events/activities for and at the school. By being part of the council, you got to know the principal(s) and teachers on a more personal level too. Schools always need volunteers. It actually took up a lot of time and energy, but it was worth it, and did provide for some networking as well.

[sleep84]

There's no right and wrong solution for everyone, what's right for one can be very wrong for another. My mom screwed her life over when she got pregnant young, quit job, school, stayed at home with the kids. Then, bad marriage, not enough money, life happening, that didn't turn out well.
For other people the same situation turned out really well, wealthy, happy, fulfilled, everything.

I'd say that one more element to consider is if it would be possible to get back on track if things go south. Think of Jeni. You need a plan B in case you need one. Even just the possibility of a safety net.
Like, you want to be a stay at home mom (hello labels.. ) if things happen in your marriage, your income goes to pot, do you have enough to get right back up? Or are you completely dependant on your situation always working out like that?
Like, your marriage fails, so your whole life fails as well?

If it's really fully your choice it's great, but if you don't want to quit your job, if you'd give up too much personal safety , or you'll miss it, or regret quitting it , or it's important to you, maybe you studied 15 yrs to do it.. "I should have done...I shouldn't have done..coulda woulda shoulda.."
Those are very bitter things to regret.
Be happy, keep yourself happy, that's the best guarantee for a child.

You are just as allowed to like working and being a mom than a man is allowed to keep wanting to work when he has kids.
How come it's still judged if a woman wants to have her career and job on top of a family..and not for a man?

Then there are practical financial reasons. Sometimes if you keep working and you need to put your baby(ies) in daycare before they are 3 (private and expensive), unless you have a high payed job you end up working just to pay for daycare.

Whichever schedule, organization your family has, - dad works, both work, mom works, mom does the house chores, get help handling the house etc. two people are the parents. It's both of the parents responsibility (if there are two, obviously).

I wholly agree with Shameless and BlackBetty. Also, I think it's great for a child to see their parents active in the world (mind you, this doesn't imply having a job or not, it's about you keeping your individuality as a woman, as a person whether you work or stay at home).

What do I mean? I mean that you don't have to give up something you really want and makes you happy in order to be a good mom.
Mostly, your kids need you to be happy. Of course don't neglect them, be there for them emotionally etc.
Whichever option you choose for your family kids are happy and strong and well balanced as adults when they are raised by strong happy well balanced people.
Taking care of what works best for you, takes care of your kid's future happiness.

[staceymj]

I'm a stay at home mum and I prefer it that way. I work a couple of hours a week in the crèche at my gym for a little extra cash to go into our savings to buy a house but it's only like 9 hours a week and I can take my kids with me. I am studying fitness online so I will be a qualified personal trainer by the end of the year, so when my kids are in school I'll be able to work within school hours and not have to stress about before and after school care and during school holidays they can go into the crèche if I have clients. I can also work early in the morning before they're even awake and at night when their dad is home from work. It's flexible. But I would be perfectly happy to never work again lol.
There is no point in me going to work while my children are young, my entire wage would go to daycare fees. I live in a mining town in Australia and it would cost me around $130 per day for my two kids to go to daycare so it's not even affordable. My 2.5 year old does go to daycare one day a week and he LOVES it and he is completely wrecked at the end of the day and has like a 4 hour nap the day after catching up because he goes the hard at daycare, I don't think he would cope going full time if I was to full time. Most people up here use nannies or au pairs because it's more affordable but I don't think I would feel comfortable with that.

I think daycare is a great option if you don't have a choice but to work, but I don't know why you would choose to, if you can stay home. I think studying is a great option while staying home with your children, it gives you options for if things to go south and you do need to return to work.

[mommyoftwogirlsca]

I work two jobs and we can't afford for me to stay home.i work in a daycare and my youngest goes to a different center. I thank goodness got paid maternity leave and got to be home for a year. Love being a
Canadian lol. I think that it's great to stay home but I personally think moms should have education and job experience. Cause I know a few moms who depend on guys and if anything ever happen they would be screwed. My mom always taught me to not depend on a guy.

[TaylorKnows]

I don't see the issue with being a working mom. Some people do need the adult interaction. This is going to sound snarky, but not everyone is you. Some parents have a better relationship with their kids because they can get out of the hosue and be away from them. Vise versa for SAHMs. Some parents thrive being around their kids all day.

I don't know, my mom was a hell of a lot more tolerable after a day of work vs. when I had breaks and had to go to work with her and we'd get sick of each other. Now she works from home and I look forward to leaving the house for my other job and classes. I love her, but we're not the type that can function together all day long, trapped in the house.