My "friend" is abusive?

[Queenie135]

So I've known this girl for almost my entire life.. And she's had a tough life (as have I, and a lot of people I've met) but now her true colors are showing themselves and I cannot believe it!

I felt happy for her when I found out she got married, and she offered to let me stay with her and her husband while my fiancé was gone on the field. But I wasn't expecting such a horrible person to emerge from the friend I thought I knew.

Over the past two weeks, I've seen her beat her husband over and over (he has a huge scar on his back) and beat her animals (a rabbit and a dog) Her dog comes from abusive owners, which makes me more sad for him.. And it's not training him in any way, because I recently heard her hit him with a broom til it broke because he was hungry. She takes every single thing so serious that it has to come down to abuse. Not feeding her animals, or making them sleep in their waste, etc.

I have spoken up about it, and she just brushes it off as though it's nothing serious. But in actuality it is. She's even attempting to conceive. I believe she doesn't deserve her husband or her pets.I certainly don't believe she deserves children. And after seeing all of this, I don't believe she deserves my friendship

[queenofhearts]

Wow, that hurt my heart just to read. First of all, I would go through the necessary channels to protect the innocents-- I would call the spca or offer to "help her" by taking her pets for a bit because that is absolutely unacceptable and those poor creatures need to be removed immediately. Her husband unfortunately needs to make his own choice and leave her. If she isn't listening to what you say and her husband won't report her, then reporting her to the spca and getting those animals out of her care is the best you can do. What an awful person. Having a bad life/childhood is not an excuse for abusing others around you.


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[Raya1]

Wow

Not defending her at all but maybe there is something mental or hormonal going on. We had a friend get hit with a severe Thyroid disorder. Her whole family left her when she started acting weird but it turned out that she just needed thyroid medication.

I think you should do what is right for you. It is not your job to teach her right and wrong but you have to decide what it means to be a friend to someone and where you draw the line and also gague if you are even capable of getting through to her. If she is not receptive to you sometimes you just have to say your peace and move on and hope they see the light!

Good luck

[Queenie135]

Her husband is quiet, and he said since he's military, he should be tougher. He feels ashamed. I see the way he looks at me when I talk to my husband. And I think I speak pretty normally to him. I have told him he doesn't have to stay just because they're married. I fear for her pets and I do all I can when I can. Growing up in a VERY abusive household, I sometimes feel scared to speak up. I feed her dog when she's not paying attention and allow him to sleep in the spare room with me..

But she needs help. Today I had to physically pull her away from choking out her husband.. She was laughing and saying he needs to be a man.. The way she treats him makes me so angry.. But I'm soft spoken and get dizzy thinking about what to say. Noone deserves this. Any way I can help her see she needs help?

[Queenie135]

Also, she abuses her bunny by feeding it everything she eats. Ice Cream, pizza, candy, she even gave him wine :c

[Raya1]

Maybe there are other possibilities? If it is not health related, is it possible she also came from an abusive household or is in one and you don't get to see that side from her husband? Some military men can be very juvenile and messed up. Lots of drinking and drugs for the younger ones.

Try to get them or her into counselling. They are more equipped to handle this type of situation. You don't want to trigger something from your past by trying to help just to have it fall on deaf ears. Understand? Best thing to do is stay level headed, lead by example, and know when and how to remove yourself from a situation. They have health insurance they need to use it and find out what the issue is. Good luck!

[HeavenOnlyKnows]

If you're witnessing abusing her animals, you NEED to step in. http://www.humanesociety.org/issues/abu ... ction.html <----- This link recommends: "Especially when violence is concerned, it's crucial to involve law enforcement, because violence toward animals is often part of a larger pattern of violence that includes people as well as animals. Time is of the essence—don't delay. Call the authorities immediately... If you make a report of alleged animal cruelty, the responding agency is required to investigate. Dialing 911 is the quickest route to get a response, but it is also useful to have the proper animal welfare agency's number on hand.... As with any crime, documenting the details are essential to making the case and stopping the animal abuser. The responding agency will need to know details like date, time, and location of the alleged crime, as well as physical descriptions of all individuals (people and animals) involved.Cell phone photos and videos have proven excellent tools in cementing criminal cases against animal abusers."

Seriously, I strongly advise you to write down everything you can remember RIGHT NOW so you can call your local humane society when they are open and report these incidents in as much detail as possible. Take pictures as well. If she lays a hand on one of those animals before you can get in touch with the humane society, you need to call 911. Don't tell her what you're going to do or give her an ultimatum to stop of you'll report her. That could make her take her anger out on the animals even worse.

As for her husband, unlike those poor helpless animals you're watching her beat, he's capable of making his own decision to stay or leave. Even if he doesn't feel like he can leave her right now, it would greatly benefit him to talk to professionals. This link http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse ... ed-men.htm has some resources specifically geared towards men who are the victims of domestic violence. You can encourage him to call and talk to someone about it, but aside from that I don't think there's much you can do.

If confronting your friend makes you feel uncomfortable, you don't have to. It is not your responsibility to make her see that she has a problem or get her to get help. If I were you I'd probably try to move out asap.

Sorry if my reply is really harsh. I'm sure calling the police on her for animal abuse and possibly writing her off completely is a lot to consider for someone you've known for so long, but I have ZERO sympathy for people who abuse animals.

[Queenie135]

If you're witnessing abusing her animals, you NEED to step in. http://www.humanesociety.org/issues/abu ... ction.html <----- This link recommends: "Especially when violence is concerned, it's crucial to involve law enforcement, because violence toward animals is often part of a larger pattern of violence that includes people as well as animals. Time is of the essence—don't delay. Call the authorities immediately... If you make a report of alleged animal cruelty, the responding agency is required to investigate. Dialing 911 is the quickest route to get a response, but it is also useful to have the proper animal welfare agency's number on hand.... As with any crime, documenting the details are essential to making the case and stopping the animal abuser. The responding agency will need to know details like date, time, and location of the alleged crime, as well as physical descriptions of all individuals (people and animals) involved.Cell phone photos and videos have proven excellent tools in cementing criminal cases against animal abusers."

Seriously, I strongly advise you to write down everything you can remember RIGHT NOW so you can call your local humane society when they are open and report these incidents in as much detail as possible. Take pictures as well. If she lays a hand on one of those animals before you can get in touch with the humane society, you need to call 911. Don't tell her what you're going to do or give her an ultimatum to stop of you'll report her. That could make her take her anger out on the animals even worse.

As for her husband, unlike those poor helpless animals you're watching her beat, he's capable of making his own decision to stay or leave. Even if he doesn't feel like he can leave her right now, it would greatly benefit him to talk to professionals. This link http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse ... ed-men.htm has some resources specifically geared towards men who are the victims of domestic violence. You can encourage him to call and talk to someone about it, but aside from that I don't think there's much you can do.

If confronting your friend makes you feel uncomfortable, you don't have to. It is not your responsibility to make her see that she has a problem or get her to get help. If I were you I'd probably try to move out asap.

Sorry if my reply is really harsh. I'm sure calling the police on her for animal abuse and possibly writing her off completely is a lot to consider for someone you've known for so long, but I have ZERO sympathy for people who abuse animals.

Your reply is not harsh at all! Seriously, thank you. I have taken "custody" of her animals while our H.S. looks through her home. I don't live with her permanently, and I am currently with my mom. Both puppy Riley and bunny George are safe here. I hope they can find good homes, even though I'd love to keep them, I don't have a steady home atm

[HeavenOnlyKnows]

What's an H.S.? The only thing I can think of is "high school" but I know that can't be right!

Good for you for taking those animals in! Seriously, I'd still report your "friend" even though the animals aren't in immediate danger. I'm not sure if you have physical evidence but perhaps her husband can corroborate the abuse? If the authorities get involved because of the pets that might hopefully give her the wakeup call she needs to want to change her ways. I think because her husband is tolerating her attacking him she thinks she can just get away with it- because so far she has. Hopefully, even if she can't learn to respect other people and creatures, she may learn that there are serious consequences for those types of actions :/

[blackbetty]

Human services?

[blackbetty]

Humane society?

[Queenie135]

Humane society?

Humane society.. Sorry, I'm used to calling it H.S

[Queenie135]

What's an H.S.? The only thing I can think of is "high school" but I know that can't be right!

Good for you for taking those animals in! Seriously, I'd still report your "friend" even though the animals aren't in immediate danger. I'm not sure if you have physical evidence but perhaps her husband can corroborate the abuse? If the authorities get involved because of the pets that might hopefully give her the wakeup call she needs to want to change her ways. I think because her husband is tolerating her attacking him she thinks she can just get away with it- because so far she has. Hopefully, even if she can't learn to respect other people and creatures, she may learn that there are serious consequences for those types of actions :/

She kept the broken broom in her closet. Maybe they will find it.. I told them about Riley shaking and hiding from her.. And I have video of her yelling at him and him running to me