John and Joan (IVF grant recipients)

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John and Joan (IVF grant recipients)

Unread post by kittypurry »

Instagram: http://instagram.com/joancalzone

YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCR2zpU ... 1ke2NzTNQA


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Re: John and Joan (IVF grant recipients)

Unread post by flowerpuppy »

yay! thank you for making this thread.

i started following them after the ivf grant and so far i like them. joan is a beautiful writer and her instagram posts about struggle/hope/healing make me feel better about what i'm going through in my life (even though it's not that similar to her life). i don't have that much of an opinion of john but he seems nice and good to joan + their dog louise. i'm excited to see what they do with their house they're renovating!

i feel pretty emotionally invested in her ivf journey and i check her ig all the time to see how she's doing. i really hope this works out for them.


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Re: John and Joan (IVF grant recipients)

Unread post by RootBeerFloatie »

I don't follow them and the instagram is private, but I reading the summary of the "cat story" and I'm confused. If her cat was actually sick then her vet would know that. Are you telling me that this bitch hasn't been taking her sick cat to the vet at all? It certainly sounds like it, especially if she refuses to pay the vet bill for blood work and diagnosis.

Pets are family. If you can't scrounge up the money to take your cat to the vet then you have no business owning one, let alone having a child.
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Re: John and Joan (IVF grant recipients)

Unread post by flowerpuppy »

^ i went back through her ig posts about her cat and she didn't say anything about either taking or not taking the cat to the vet previously so it's hard to know. i don't know if she had taken her cat before and gotten a cancer diagnosis or just assumed it was cancer (cuz she did say the cat has cancer). it's also hard to tell if it was just additional bloodwork the vet wanted for the euthanasia or if she hadn't done bloodwork there at all, so i guess it's all up to how you interpret what little info she's given.


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Re: John and Joan (IVF grant recipients)

Unread post by flowerpuppy »

too late to edit: it's definitely possible that she hadn't taken her cat to the vet at all and didn't try to fight the sickness because it's already very old/treatment would've been expensive, and if that's the case it's a really bad way to treat her pet :( but idk if we can say that's definitely what happened


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Re: John and Joan (IVF grant recipients)

Unread post by actuallydear »

After reading the cat story on here, I went to their channel and watched some of the video about her period getting the most likes.

The way they came across... fake and forced. Not at all like they did in the video in which I voted for.

I am sorry that they lost their daughter but I am judging the hell out of them now because the way you treat your pets says a lot about you as a person.

Yucky vibes.
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Re: John and Joan (IVF grant recipients)

Unread post by HelloSweetie »

actuallydear wrote:After reading the cat story on here, I went to their channel and watched some of the video about her period getting the most likes.

The way they came across... fake and forced. Not at all like they did in the video in which I voted for.

I am sorry that they lost their daughter but I am judging the hell out of them now because the way you treat your pets says a lot about you as a person.

Yucky vibes.
I really liked them in the video as well. There was one part that stood out to me as odd though. When she mentions only having a specific number of photos (I can't remember the number), he looks at her and says he thinks they have more. She disagrees, and says the number again. I figured they would be careful to edit that part out if she had been exaggerating for effect, so I assumed it must be true. Anyone else notice this?
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Re: John and Joan (IVF grant recipients)

Unread post by RootBeerFloatie »

It's sad and tragic that they lost a child, but it sounds like they have let their entire life revolve around their loss, to the point that it's all they think about, and it's how they define themselves. That's unhealthy, and reminds me a bit of how Bryan and Missy started out. Genuine, but hungry for the attention it brought them.
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Re: John and Joan (IVF grant recipients)

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Re: John and Joan (IVF grant recipients)

Unread post by flowerpuppy »

HelloSweetie wrote:
actuallydear wrote:After reading the cat story on here, I went to their channel and watched some of the video about her period getting the most likes.

The way they came across... fake and forced. Not at all like they did in the video in which I voted for.

I am sorry that they lost their daughter but I am judging the hell out of them now because the way you treat your pets says a lot about you as a person.

Yucky vibes.
I really liked them in the video as well. There was one part that stood out to me as odd though. When she mentions only having a specific number of photos (I can't remember the number), he looks at her and says he thinks they have more. She disagrees, and says the number again. I figured they would be careful to edit that part out if she had been exaggerating for effect, so I assumed it must be true. Anyone else notice this?
yeah i thought that was kinda weird when i had watched their entry video. i also got a bad vibe because her crying seemed forced to me, but she has shown herself crying like that in multiple of their other vlogs so that's either how she actually cries or she's just faking each time lol


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Re: John and Joan (IVF grant recipients)

Unread post by HelloSweetie »

mrogaan wrote:
HelloSweetie wrote:
actuallydear wrote:After reading the cat story on here, I went to their channel and watched some of the video about her period getting the most likes.

The way they came across... fake and forced. Not at all like they did in the video in which I voted for.

I am sorry that they lost their daughter but I am judging the hell out of them now because the way you treat your pets says a lot about you as a person.

Yucky vibes.
I really liked them in the video as well. There was one part that stood out to me as odd though. When she mentions only having a specific number of photos (I can't remember the number), he looks at her and says he thinks they have more. She disagrees, and says the number again. I figured they would be careful to edit that part out if she had been exaggerating for effect, so I assumed it must be true. Anyone else notice this?
yeah i thought that was kinda weird when i had watched their entry video. i also got a bad vibe because her crying seemed forced to me, but she has shown herself crying like that in multiple of their other vlogs so that's either how she actually cries or she's just faking each time lol


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I think I really liked them because they had lost the most to all the other candidates and their pain felt the most raw. I hated the whole "pain Olympics" contest for this reason though, so it's hypocritical of me to even say I preferred them because they seemed to have hurt the most. This was my reaction though, and why I voted for them. I also expected them to be different and more relatable since they were clearly not Mormons like E&J. Watching their videos however, I can see a lot of Ellie in Joan. John seems nice but then again, so have many other YT dads I now dislike Image
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Re: John and Joan (IVF grant recipients)

Unread post by flowerpuppy »

HelloSweetie wrote:
mrogaan wrote:
HelloSweetie wrote: I really liked them in the video as well. There was one part that stood out to me as odd though. When she mentions only having a specific number of photos (I can't remember the number), he looks at her and says he thinks they have more. She disagrees, and says the number again. I figured they would be careful to edit that part out if she had been exaggerating for effect, so I assumed it must be true. Anyone else notice this?
yeah i thought that was kinda weird when i had watched their entry video. i also got a bad vibe because her crying seemed forced to me, but she has shown herself crying like that in multiple of their other vlogs so that's either how she actually cries or she's just faking each time lol


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I think I really liked them because they had lost the most to all the other candidates and their pain felt the most raw. I hated the whole "pain Olympics" contest for this reason though, so it's hypocritical of me to even say I preferred them because they seemed to have hurt the most. This was my reaction though, and why I voted for them. I also expected them to be different and more relatable since they were clearly not Mormons like E&J. Watching their videos however, I can see a lot of Ellie in Joan. John seems nice but then again, so have many other YT dads I now dislike Image
what ellie qualities do you see in joan? just wondering because i have been watching their videos without really noticing anything awry and i'm curious about what's making people have bad feelings about them (aside from the cat thing). i like them but it's kind of a tentative thing because i've read enough youtube gossip threads to know that youtubers almost always start off being likeable before revealing their true selves


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Re: John and Joan (IVF grant recipients)

Unread post by HelloSweetie »

mrogaan wrote:
HelloSweetie wrote:
mrogaan wrote: yeah i thought that was kinda weird when i had watched their entry video. i also got a bad vibe because her crying seemed forced to me, but she has shown herself crying like that in multiple of their other vlogs so that's either how she actually cries or she's just faking each time lol


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I think I really liked them because they had lost the most to all the other candidates and their pain felt the most raw. I hated the whole "pain Olympics" contest for this reason though, so it's hypocritical of me to even say I preferred them because they seemed to have hurt the most. This was my reaction though, and why I voted for them. I also expected them to be different and more relatable since they were clearly not Mormons like E&J. Watching their videos however, I can see a lot of Ellie in Joan. John seems nice but then again, so have many other YT dads I now dislike Image
what ellie qualities do you see in joan? just wondering because i have been watching their videos without really noticing anything awry and i'm curious about what's making people have bad feelings about them (aside from the cat thing). i like them but it's kind of a tentative thing because i've read enough youtube gossip threads to know that youtubers almost always start off being likeable before revealing their true selves


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I haven't watched all the vlogs so perhaps I've just seen her on bad days, but she seems to have a very narrow focus. There's a lot of "me" all the time. I get it, I do. I've been through IF and losses myself, but the more I watch the less I feel sorry for her like I did back in the beginning and the more I worry she isn't ready to handle another pregnancy. There's no guarantee all will go well, and I don't know if she can handle that at the moment.
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Re: John and Joan (IVF grant recipients)

Unread post by Pency »

The cat thing is bugging the hell out of me. That cat doesn't look that sick to me at all. I'm kind of an animal person and yes, it's a very fluffy cat so that could hide some symptoms but his eyes are bright and wide. Something stinks about the cat situation and it's really irritating the hell out of me. I really like Joan and John and I'm so glad they are getting another shot at having a kid, so I'm really not trying to say anything bad about them, but.... I tend to side with the vet in the cat situation.

There's just....so many questions. If the cat is sick and has Cancer, who diagnosed the cat? Why did they take the cat to a different vet to be euthanized? If the vet wanted some sort of proof that the cat was sick, why not just have the vet who diagnosed the cat send over the diagnosis/blood work results? I'm sorry, but you don't just say "Ok this cat is sick time to kill it", and if you do no reputable vet is going to back you up. I have a cat who goes through bouts of diarrhea and vomiting - she's got IBS. Some cheap probiotic packets sprinkled over her food do the trick. Another question: Why didn't her mom call her after the vet and tell her what happened? Rather, she just walks through the door with the cat like "Surprise, your cat is alive!" Who does that to somebody who lost a child and is on hormonal medication to try for IVF?

Speaking of mental health, I really hope that in addition to all the hard work they are doing to get pregnant again they are getting some counseling. I really hope they know that some professional help sorting through their emotions about everything they have been through could really do nothing but benefit them and their future child(ren).
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Re: John and Joan (IVF grant recipients)

Unread post by lmmomSD »

I think she is going to therapy. It was mentioned in the E&J thread.

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Re: John and Joan (IVF grant recipients)

Unread post by RootBeerFloatie »

Yeah tbh it sounds like they think the cat is sick based on the way it's acting and have decided to just have it put down rather than examined and treated because they've blown all of their money trying for ivf.

I've said it before, but I think it's ridiculous to use all of your money on a potential chance to have a child. There are great kids out there who need homes, but they'd rather spend thousands of dollars on a slim chance of conceiving than raise a child that doesn't share their DNA. I realize that's a super unpopular opinion, especially on a mommy board, but it's just how I feel. I can understand that it must be upsetting for a couple that they can't make a baby together, and for a woman that she won't get to experience pregnancy, but there's much more to parenthood than DNA.
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Re: John and Joan (IVF grant recipients)

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^^ I agree.
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Re: John and Joan (IVF grant recipients)

Unread post by Pency »

RootBeerFloatie wrote:Yeah tbh it sounds like they think the cat is sick based on the way it's acting and have decided to just have it put down rather than examined and treated because they've blown all of their money trying for ivf.

I've said it before, but I think it's ridiculous to use all of your money on a potential chance to have a child. There are great kids out there who need homes, but they'd rather spend thousands of dollars on a slim chance of conceiving than raise a child that doesn't share their DNA. I realize that's a super unpopular opinion, especially on a mommy board, but it's just how I feel. I can understand that it must be upsetting for a couple that they can't make a baby together, and for a woman that she won't get to experience pregnancy, but there's much more to parenthood than DNA.
People always say that there are plenty of great kids out there who need homes, and that's true, but it's really hard to judge somebody for doing it one way or the other. Adoption is just a heartbreaking process as IVF in most cases, and a lot of people aren't cut out for it. Private adoption is usually more expensive than a couple rounds of IVF, and going the foster care/eventually adopt route is not for everybody - it's not fair to the kids who need love to assume every single person who desperately wants to have a child will be able to care for a child who needs foster care, and 90% of the time the kid goes back to their birth parents because that's the court's ultimate goal. It takes a LOT of heart to go through that, so it's hard to assume that anybody can do that.
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Re: John and Joan (IVF grant recipients)

Unread post by actuallydear »

^ she experienced pregnancy, until the very end of it. there was nothing wrong with their baby until she died right at the end, right? i get how hard that is, but i am side eyeing the fuck out of these two now i'm reading more.
mostly because of the cat thing. i'm the biggest animal lover and fjdsbfkhdsbfkdsgf. rage.


if others on here disagree or find some way to justify the situation because they've done it, i'm sorry, but if you love your pet you don't send your mom to have them put to sleep and then say you have work.

you be there, for your pet until the very end.
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Re: John and Joan (IVF grant recipients)

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i feel really bad about this, and i have no idea what's normal in terms of dealing with losing a baby, but i don't really know if she's ready to have another baby. i feel like if she gets pregnant and loses this baby too she will absolutely spiral downwards into crisis mode.

maybe she makes her ig posts sound more raw and emotional than her feelings actually are (i know i tend to do that on my blog sometimes), but i don't think so. i get the impression that she feels the only way to ever be somewhat healed is to finally have a baby. i get that she must feel rushed to begin the ivf process because of her age and low ovarian supply (and just her general desperation for a child), but i am just very worried about this whole situation.

she is in therapy and says she is doing much better now than before, but her life still appears to heavily revolve around her lost baby. what if having a newborn isn't the magical lovely experience i'm sure she dreams about because it brings back a bunch of trauma-related memories and emotions? how will she deal with her grief if she now has a baby to look after? it would be amazing if she could have this baby and suddenly feel like she is finally free from her pain and suffering, but unfortunately life isn't fair and trauma doesn't work like that


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