You are absolutely the kindest person and deserve the very best. I’m sorry life can be so cruel for some peopleDownTheRabbitHole wrote:It’s been a long sleepless night as I process everything and work out what and how I’m going to tell family and friends. I’ve struggled on how and even if to write this post. On one hand, whilst nobody has said anything, I’m mindful that there may be some people who believe a snark site should remain strictly so and is not a place for posters to share their personal lives. On the other hand, since this first started to unfold last week you incredible SISsies have supported me through an anxious time when not even my family and friends knew what I was dealing with. That will always mean more to me than you’ll ever know and I could never thank you all enough for your kind and caring words, thoughts, warmth, well wishes, prayers and love. It has been completely humbling. For that reason I don’t feel right leaving you hanging wondering about my results. But I’m also torn because many of our SISsies, both those who’ve shared and those who’ve opted to deal with things privately, are also dealing with issues surrounding the health of themselves, that of their children or other stressful life events so I’m not comfortable with this being all about me. So I’m going to try and find a balance by sharing just some of the basic facts.
I got a call late yesterday from my GP’s receptionist to say that my GP was just seeing her last patient of the day after which she would like to call in to my place on her way home. My incredible GP is always going above and beyond for me. She has visited me in hospital in her personal time. She regularly calls me of an evening or a weekend to check on me when she’s particularly concerned about the state of my lungs, heart, how I’m coping and/or to see if any changes she made to my medication regime has made a difference. But I immediately knew this was different. It was the receptionist that rang rather than my GP. She was coming to me rather than having me come to her practice. And the biggest tip off of all was I hadn’t yet heard anything from the specialist regarding my results.
Basically the pathology of my mole came back as a malignant melanoma containing cells from two different types of melanoma - superficial spreading melanoma and nodular melanoma. Given it’s a very rare occurrence for a mole to contain two forms of melanoma it’s likely it was actually two separate moles and the superficial spreading melanoma spread so that the two moles appeared to be one. Having excised the mole(s), the roots and some surrounding tissue most of it was removed. However the margins aren’t all clear. If my health was different they would operate to remove more tissue until the margins were clear, remove my lymph nodes and I’d undergo chemotherapy and/or radiation. However my GP, the specialist that removed the melanoma, my respiratory specialist, my cardiologist and my palliative care specialist all had a conference call at some point yesterday prior to my GP coming to see me. On the proviso that I was comfortable with their recommendation they were all in agreement that going ahead with any treatment is not in my best interests. Firstly, my lung and heart conditions make all of the treatment options extremely risky. Secondly, my health is at a point where, as harsh as it sounds, the reality is that my lung and/or heart condition will likely be fatal before the remaining malignant cells would reach the point of becoming life threatening. So the plan is to continue my current medication and treatment regimes and treat any other symptoms if/when they arise.
Lastly a message from my heart for all of my dear fellow SISsies especially Tulip, ImmomSD, Abbiedownunder, MervelllaB, SnarkySophie, those of you that recently shared your challenges around the likes of OCD, anxiety and depression (and to anyone I’ve missed who’ve shared your struggles my apologies) and to any SISsies dealing with issues who’ve chosen to do so privately. Whilst the challenges we’re dealing with are slightly different there’s enough similarity to enable me to have a small idea of what you’re going through and to not just sympathise but to empathise with you. Yet I find myself at a loss to find words to adequately express what I want to say to you all. Just know that my hopes are for nothing but the very best outcome for each and every one of you and that the pathway to get there is not too great a struggle. And if any of you ever need somebody to chat to who somewhat understands and gets that sometimes life just plain sucks then please don’t hesitate to PM me.
Now back to our usual snarking cause I need an outlet for some of my less positive emotions and need the belly laughs that you SISsies provide. Oh and Byson, don’t worry your big ugly head cause I’m not going anywhere until I see somebody that I dearly love get the justice she deserves.
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He will profess his undying love for her and the girls blah blah blah and how they will be together for all eternity. 
. So without a doubt your messages that have been coming in consistently throughout the day have kept me calm, grounded and my focus positive. My GP was worried about the pressure the stress of the news would place on my already vulnerable heart so earlier tonight she had me send her the last 24 hours of my heart rate data that is monitored and recorded around the clock. She was pleasantly surprised that my heart rate has been better than she anticipated and agreed with me that the continual flow of messages of support and compassion from you all has played a big part in that. So know that you have truly made a concrete difference. 
.......see i told you i was crap at it 
