8 Passengers: Feeding Your Kids Leftovers and Emotions | Part 15

[Emily81]

Ruby has said that her childhood was over at 12 but never explained why! Is Ellie confessing she was sexually abused?

Childhood is over at 12 for everyone.

[Happy+Charlie]

Ruby has said that her childhood was over at 12 but never explained why! Is Ellie confessing she was sexually abused?

Childhood is over at 12 for everyone.

Maybe when she became mom to Ellie.

[ctx2002]

Way to dance around the actual question, Ruby. (see attachment)

Also, she had another thing on her IG stories where she wrote, "When outcomes end, freedom ends." What the heck does that even mean!? I think those 'connexions' books she's been reading are filling her head with this stuff.

I still don't think Ruby is a narcissist, but I do think the Youtube success has gone to her head and inflated her ego. She definitely has deep rooted control issues as well as unresolved issues with low self-esteem and years of struggling with her self identity. I think deep down, some part of her really regrets putting all her identity 'eggs' in the "I'm a powerful mom/wife" basket and not really having a life outside of the home for so long.

I hope she understands that almost no one would be watching her channel if it wasn't for her kids. And that her and Kevin wouldn't have that nice, new house without the cost of their kid's privacy and possible sanity down the road. I can imagine those kids being in their late teens/20's and finally having a blow up shouting match with Ruby at Thanksgiving and airing out all their resentment and grievances.

[Happy+Charlie]

Way to dance around the actual question, Ruby. (see attachment)

Also, she had another thing on her IG stories where she wrote, "When outcomes end, freedom ends." What the heck does that even mean!? I think those 'connexions' books she's been reading are filling her head with this stuff.

I still don't think Ruby is a narcissist, but I do think the Youtube success has gone to her head and inflated her ego. She definitely has deep rooted control issues as well as unresolved issues with low self-esteem and years of struggling with her self identity. I think deep down, some part of her really regrets putting all her identity 'eggs' in the "I'm a powerful mom/wife" basket and not really having a life outside of the home for so long.

I hope she understands that almost no one would be watching her channel if it wasn't for her kids. And that her and Kevin wouldn't have that nice, new house without the cost of their kid's privacy and possible sanity down the road. I can imagine those kids being in their late teens/20's and finally having a blow up shouting match with Ruby at Thanksgiving and airing out all their resentment and grievances.

Ruby, your response is so laughable. You will not be a victim mom, but you will make your children victims of your choices? They did not choose to have the siblings they have, but you put the responsibility on them to be the parent. You have said, you will not be helping the girls get ready in the morning any more, they will have to help each other (including Eve). You do the same for Russell and Chad, Chad is to help Russell. Do you ever listen to what you are saying? You are so selfish!! You chose to have children, you are responsible for them until they turn 18. You have washed your hands of normal parental involvement: Shari drives your children to school each day; they get themselves up and ready in the morning; they each take care of their own food; they wash their own clothes; they clean "YOUR" house; and, I'm guessing you give no guidance with homework (that's the teacher's responsibility too). You have no responsibility to your children, but it seems they have responsibility to each other that should be yours. Your children are NOT parents to their siblings, so stop pushing the responsibility on them. I could understand your comment of not wanting to be driving all over the place after school for activities, it is reasonable, and a parent has the choice to prevent this. But, saying you won't be a victim, but giving your children no say in what level of participation they want to have in helping their younger sibling is wrong. You recognize you've been treated unfairly in the past (my guess, you have never gotten over how Ellie became your problem to raise) and; therefore, you prevent it. If it was wrong being done to you, what makes it right that you do it to your children?

[imoverit]

My jaw is literally dropping at Ruby’s insta stories and replies to comments. It’s gotten to the point where I actually cannot believe this woman is serious. She is going off the deep end here into insanity, and I’m wondering if she ever has any hope of getting out of it. Victim mom? God forbid Ruby make a SINGLE sacrifice for one of her children. No, she needs to ‘protect’ herself from them.
This shit would make a great Netflix documentary some day.

[ba1006]

I wouldn't be surprised if Ellie doesn't understand what sexually abused is. Some boy probably touched her hand in high school or something ridiculous. If I'm wrong and I hope I am, I will apologize but this woman is always so dramatic.

[fossilfinger]

I almost felt bad for Ruby when she couldn’t get a word in and her kids were seemingly making fun of her and disrespecting her at dinner. But then she announced that ridiculous “pay to get your homework/backpack/whatever else or else it goes in the trash at the end of the night” rule.

When she tried to give up and send everyone to bed, didn’t Kevin say “it’s 7?” So it was 7pm and these kids have school in the morning. But now they need to clean the entire house before bed to get their school supplies back?

I understand trying to teach responsibility and the van was definitely a disgusting mess, but this just seemed so extreme to me. And it all goes back to ruby not wanting to be a parent. Instead of teaching the younger kids why it’s important to respect their home and their belongings, she’d rather just collect their money or have them do chores as punishment.

I see a lot of memes online pointing out flawed parenting methods by asking people if someone did to an adult what some parents do to their kids, would it still be acceptable?

So if someone were an adult and working an office job and they accidentally left their keys in the lunch room, would it be acceptable for their manager to charge them money to get their own keys back? Would it be acceptable for the manager to throw the keys away, leaving the person stranded and unable to get home for the day and having to figure out some other way to access their car and home?

No. It would be an HR case. It is a consequence that is of a completely inappropriate magnitude to impose on a small mistake. Ruby is imposing major punishments for minor offenses. That is bad, bad parenting. The consequence should be logical, not completely blown out of proportion to her children's actions. What would she do to them if they actually did something that was dangerous to themselves or others? I would hate to think.

[chs6213]

My god, her IG comments are killing me.

She won’t be a victim mom...

She won’t help the kids get ready in the morning anymore. She won’t pack lunches. She never makes sure homework is done. Preparing your children for the day isn’t being a VICTIM MOM. That’s just Basic Mom 101. What you signed up for when you popped out one after another.

And she won’t spend hours per day driving around to activities so she put up a one activity per child boundary so she doesn’t become a victim. Well, maybe don’t have so many kids if you don’t want to drive around so much. And she said they were allowed to choose but Julie chose basketball then was told to do dance? Because Julie’s choices don’t trump Ruby’s.

Ruby is making a huge hubbub over the most basic of parenting responsibilities. These kids are annoyed about it. She’d better watch it or no grandbabies will be coming to visit that new house of theirs.


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[shortstop]

Any clues on finding their new house? I want to see how much they bought it for and how big it is


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I don’t think the listening is available to see anymore but it was 700,000 +. I guess YouTube money was not involved.

[amay17]

My god, her IG comments are killing me.

She won’t be a victim mom...

She won’t help the kids get ready in the morning anymore. She won’t pack lunches. She never makes sure homework is done. Preparing your children for the day isn’t being a VICTIM MOM. That’s just Basic Mom 101. What you signed up for when you popped out one after another.

And she won’t spend hours per day driving around to activities so she put up a one activity per child boundary so she doesn’t become a victim. Well, maybe don’t have so many kids if you don’t want to drive around so much. And she said they were allowed to choose but Julie chose basketball then was told to do dance? Because Julie’s choices don’t trump Ruby’s.

Ruby is making a huge hubbub over the most basic of parenting responsibilities. These kids are annoyed about it. She’d better watch it or no grandbabies will be coming to visit that new house of theirs.


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I am the one who commented asking about the basketball vs dance situation and she blocked me. Did she leave the comments or delete them?

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[Kattiness Everdeen]

Way to dance around the actual question, Ruby. (see attachment)

Also, she had another thing on her IG stories where she wrote, "When outcomes end, freedom ends." What the heck does that even mean!? I think those 'connexions' books she's been reading are filling her head with this stuff.

I still don't think Ruby is a narcissist, but I do think the Youtube success has gone to her head and inflated her ego. She definitely has deep rooted control issues as well as unresolved issues with low self-esteem and years of struggling with her self identity. I think deep down, some part of her really regrets putting all her identity 'eggs' in the "I'm a powerful mom/wife" basket and not really having a life outside of the home for so long.

I hope she understands that almost no one would be watching her channel if it wasn't for her kids. And that her and Kevin wouldn't have that nice, new house without the cost of their kid's privacy and possible sanity down the road. I can imagine those kids being in their late teens/20's and finally having a blow up shouting match with Ruby at Thanksgiving and airing out all their resentment and grievances.

I don't know if you realized it, but you described the core traits of a narcissist: unstable identity, low self-esteem and deep rooted control issues! This is a perfect example of how one might manipulate both her child and those she wants to be admired by (her viewers).

Ruby can't even remember her own script. She let Julie sign up for as many activities as she wanted because Chad was sent away and Shari was given a car. Once Julie needed a phone to coordinate pick-ups, Ruby decided it was negatively affecting her me-time. In the vlog she told Julie that it was 100% her choice to pick basketball or dance (I guess piano was never a choice). She picked basketball so Ruby admitted the coach said she could do both and manipulated her into sticking with dance.....because Ruby never cared to ever see her dance before, but REALLY wanted to!

Then she eventually manipulated her into quitting basketball. Ruby wasn't driving Julie anywhere. Her basketball coach picked her up for practice, she didn't even take her to dance the day she forced her to go (even though she always wanted to see her dance!), and we later saw her friend's parents take her to piano recitals. You know what Ruby did while Julie was at dance? She made the math tutor stay late to entertain Eve & Russell so she could stuff her face with oreos, then relax in bed. Russell and Eve put themselves to bed. Now she says it was never Julie's choice at all? Shocker. She is a manipulative lying imbecile.

It looks like she might have even manipulated Kevin by not telling him the coach knew Julie could only attend one practice a week, so he would support making Julie quit. The more old vlogs I watch, the more I realize Kevin is the only example of integrity or empathy in that family which is really sad. Notice Kevin said nothing about being a "victim" of his children's needs or not wanting to be a "slave" to his children by giving up his own time taking her to the activities pre-approved by Ruby.

[Happy+Charlie]

Way to dance around the actual question, Ruby. (see attachment)

Also, she had another thing on her IG stories where she wrote, "When outcomes end, freedom ends." What the heck does that even mean!? I think those 'connexions' books she's been reading are filling her head with this stuff.

I still don't think Ruby is a narcissist, but I do think the Youtube success has gone to her head and inflated her ego. She definitely has deep rooted control issues as well as unresolved issues with low self-esteem and years of struggling with her self identity. I think deep down, some part of her really regrets putting all her identity 'eggs' in the "I'm a powerful mom/wife" basket and not really having a life outside of the home for so long.

I hope she understands that almost no one would be watching her channel if it wasn't for her kids. And that her and Kevin wouldn't have that nice, new house without the cost of their kid's privacy and possible sanity down the road. I can imagine those kids being in their late teens/20's and finally having a blow up shouting match with Ruby at Thanksgiving and airing out all their resentment and grievances.

I don't know if you realized it, but you described the core traits of a narcissist: unstable identity, low self-esteem and deep rooted control issues! This is a perfect example of how one might manipulate both her child and those she wants to be admired by (her viewers).

Ruby can't even remember her own script. She let Julie sign up for as many activities as she wanted because Chad was sent away and Shari was given a car. Once Julie needed a phone to coordinate pick-ups, Ruby decided it was negatively affecting her me-time. In the vlog she told Julie that it was 100% her choice to pick basketball or dance (I guess piano was never a choice). She picked basketball so Ruby admitted the coach said she could do both and manipulated her into sticking with dance.....because Ruby never cared to ever see her dance before, but REALLY wanted to!

Then she eventually manipulated her into quitting basketball. Ruby wasn't driving Julie anywhere. Her basketball coach picked her up for practice, she didn't even take her to dance the day she forced her to go (even though she always wanted to see her dance!), and we later saw her friend's parents take her to piano recitals. You know what Ruby did while Julie was at dance? She made the math tutor stay late to entertain Eve & Russell so she could stuff her face with oreos, then relax in bed. Russell and Eve put themselves to bed. Now she says it was never Julie's choice at all? Shocker. She is a manipulative lying imbecile.

It looks like she might have even manipulated Kevin by not telling him the coach knew Julie could only attend one practice a week, so he would support making Julie quit. The more old vlogs I watch, the more I realize Kevin is the only example of integrity or empathy in that family which is really sad. Notice Kevin said nothing about being a "victim" of his children's needs or not wanting to be a "slave" to his children by giving up his own time taking her to the activities pre-approved by Ruby.

Wow. Good finding the vlog, I remember this now! I wish there was a way to call her out on it. The most we can hope for is kids will find this some day and if they haven't already, they will confront Ruby for all of her BS.

I also wish she would learn to not pronounce and drag out her S's. Some vlogs, it's constant and it especially hurts with head phones on.

[Happy+Charlie]

Way to dance around the actual question, Ruby. (see attachment)

Also, she had another thing on her IG stories where she wrote, "When outcomes end, freedom ends." What the heck does that even mean!? I think those 'connexions' books she's been reading are filling her head with this stuff.

I still don't think Ruby is a narcissist, but I do think the Youtube success has gone to her head and inflated her ego. She definitely has deep rooted control issues as well as unresolved issues with low self-esteem and years of struggling with her self identity. I think deep down, some part of her really regrets putting all her identity 'eggs' in the "I'm a powerful mom/wife" basket and not really having a life outside of the home for so long.

I hope she understands that almost no one would be watching her channel if it wasn't for her kids. And that her and Kevin wouldn't have that nice, new house without the cost of their kid's privacy and possible sanity down the road. I can imagine those kids being in their late teens/20's and finally having a blow up shouting match with Ruby at Thanksgiving and airing out all their resentment and grievances.

I don't know if you realized it, but you described the core traits of a narcissist: unstable identity, low self-esteem and deep rooted control issues! This is a perfect example of how one might manipulate both her child and those she wants to be admired by (her viewers).

Ruby can't even remember her own script. She let Julie sign up for as many activities as she wanted because Chad was sent away and Shari was given a car. Once Julie needed a phone to coordinate pick-ups, Ruby decided it was negatively affecting her me-time. In the vlog she told Julie that it was 100% her choice to pick basketball or dance (I guess piano was never a choice). She picked basketball so Ruby admitted the coach said she could do both and manipulated her into sticking with dance.....because Ruby never cared to ever see her dance before, but REALLY wanted to!

Then she eventually manipulated her into quitting basketball. Ruby wasn't driving Julie anywhere. Her basketball coach picked her up for practice, she didn't even take her to dance the day she forced her to go (even though she always wanted to see her dance!), and we later saw her friend's parents take her to piano recitals. You know what Ruby did while Julie was at dance? She made the math tutor stay late to entertain Eve & Russell so she could stuff her face with oreos, then relax in bed. Russell and Eve put themselves to bed. Now she says it was never Julie's choice at all? Shocker. She is a manipulative lying imbecile.

It looks like she might have even manipulated Kevin by not telling him the coach knew Julie could only attend one practice a week, so he would support making Julie quit. The more old vlogs I watch, the more I realize Kevin is the only example of integrity or empathy in that family which is really sad. Notice Kevin said nothing about being a "victim" of his children's needs or not wanting to be a "slave" to his children by giving up his own time taking her to the activities pre-approved by Ruby.

Wow. Good finding the vlog, I remember this now! I wish there was a way to call her out on it. The most we can hope for is kids will find this some day and if they haven't already, they will confront Ruby for all of her BS.

I also wish she would learn to not pronounce and drag out her S's. Some vlogs, it's constant and it especially hurts with head phones on.

Lastly, if Julie has been dancing so long, it's not her fault mom couldn't be bothered to come see her dance. Ruby made the choice not to go, but, again, someone else has to deal with the outcome. It should be, oh well, mom, you missed out. Not, keep dancing so I have another opportunity to see you dance.

[MiloandMax1]

I completly understand the 1 activity, especially with 6 kids. I don't think anyone would disagree about that. But its the "its your choice" then manipulate them into what she wants that people have an issue with. Julie seemed to like basketball more than dance. Chad was given the choice to go public school or private and when he chose public he had to buy his own clothes and backpack. I understand if your child wants the newest thing making them pay for it, but as a parent you clothe your child.

[ICantEven]

Kevin commented in that thread and said Julie is still in basketball...

[Catface2]

I have to just say...I’m heartbroken for the kids. They literally have no Mother. She is insane and they all know it. They don’t want to hug her, they never say I love you, they barely eye contact with her. Ruby most likely never used birth control and just stayed pregnant until Kevin took it upon himself to get sterilized. She doesn’t possess the natural maternal instinct that most mothers have. She’s just a complete control freak with a lot of character/ personality flaws. She got overwhelmed with a million kids back to back...losses included and now seems to take out all her misguided frustrations on the kids. Ruby will be alone some day as soon as the kids move out..Kevin will leave her..the dog will probably run away..she has brought this on all by herself. Her family hates her. I hope the kids find happiness and peace in their lives so they can make sure their own children have a loving stable life.

[Kattiness Everdeen]

I still don't think Ruby is a narcissist, but I do think the Youtube success has gone to her head and inflated her ego. She definitely has deep rooted control issues as well as unresolved issues with low self-esteem and years of struggling with her self identity. I think deep down, some part of her really regrets putting all her identity 'eggs' in the "I'm a powerful mom/wife" basket and not really having a life outside of the home for so long.

I don't know if you realized it, but you described the core traits of a narcissist: unstable identity, low self-esteem and deep rooted control issues! This is a perfect example of how one might manipulate both her child and those she wants to be admired by (her viewers).

Wow. Good finding the vlog, I remember this now! I wish there was a way to call her out on it. The most we can hope for is kids will find this some day and if they haven't already, they will confront Ruby for all of her BS.

That's the thing, people who "show traits of narcism" NEVER think they are wrong (not diagnosing, although the topic is super interesting). Confronting would likely be fruitless, and possibly feed a desire/satisfaction to pull one over on "admirers" who blindly jump to her defense. The response, if addressed at all, would likely be along the lines of "the editing was misleading" or "Julie confided to me off-camera that she hated basketball or was overwhelmed", etc. The lies will get defended even when evidence to the contrary is provided, and she might play the victim, just winning her more admirers/defenders.

We know it had nothing to do with Ruby "driving hours everyday", she told Julie she had to quit because the activities overlapped, which we know was never a problem. I have never even seen Ruby do Julie's activity carpool before. We also know Ruby couldn't care less about dance or basketball since she never supported her in either. So why did she manipulate Julie into making this big decision on camera that was completely inconsequential? And why did she make her agree to quit the activity she enjoyed more?

Could it be the same thing that causes her to normally target Julie in the first place? Often "scapegoats" are either empathetic (Julie) and/or strong (Chad). Maybe Ruby was just after some tears that day to boost views. Good on Julie for being non-reactive. Coincidentally, other people who have to deal with narcissistic behaviors often employ a tool called "grey rocking" where you don't give the person the reaction they are looking for and become as boring as possible so they will move on from targeting them and gaslight someone who gives them the desired outcome instead. I'd be curious to see what happened with Julie in the vlogs immediately after.

I hope the kids find the breadcrumbs here one day as well. It is so damaging to live in an environment like the one Ruby provides. To them, it is normal though. Unless the kids have a good friend who lives in a functional family with unconditional love, they likely won't realize this isn't normal, or how to address it. Especially because they see a similar dynamic throughout their extended family. Shari is allowed internet access and freedoms, maybe she will figure it out. Hopefully she can overcome her assigned role as the "golden child" and continue to support and defend her vulnerable siblings, like we were so proud of her for doing the other day. Even while facing complex and difficult medical decisions without any support from her Mom, and having to take care for her 5 siblings, clean the house and earn money putting out vlogs several times a week.

Completely unrelated links and excerpts below :

https://narcissistfamilyfiles.com/2017/ ... pegoating/

Excerpt: "Consistent, appropriate caretaking and unconditional love are beyond the narcissist’s scope. Rather than seeing those things as his/her responsibilities (and privileges) as a parent, the narcissist expects such treatment from his/her kids, often turning the adult-child relationship upside down.

In the narcissistic family it is common for adults to parentify their children, expecting them to meet their emotional and even physical needs and fulfill roles beyond their maturity level or rightful responsibility. The parentified child may be placed in the role of therapist, confidante, or even surrogate spouse. That child also may be burdened with excessive chores, caretaking siblings, managing finances, or earning money for the household."

https://narcissistfamilyfiles.com/2018/ ... ic-family/

"Excerpt: Abuse in the narcissistic family is typically understood as a set of overbearing behaviors stemming from the narcissist’s outsized self-importance and impaired empathy. Narcissists dominate family members with their excessive neediness, selfish demands, antagonism, hypersensitivity, and unrealistic expectations. But neglect, both physical and emotional, also is a defining feature of the narcissistic family, with devastating impact.

As opposed to outright abuse, neglect is the absence of support and therefore can be difficult to identify, even and especially for the person neglected, particularly a child. Child Welfare Information Gateway identifies neglect as the most common form of child abuse and sites data showing that chronically neglected children have “more severe cognitive and academic deficits [and] social withdrawal” than children abused in other ways. It defines four primary types of neglect (with some of my own additions here):

1. Physical neglect: failure to meet a child’s basic survival needs for food, clothing, hygiene, and shelter; and failure to provide supervision and safe conditions
2. Medical neglect: failure to meet a child’s health care needs
3. Educational neglect: failure to ensure a child receives an adequate education to think critically and function in society
4. Emotional neglect: failure to provide a child with attention, affection, and other forms of emotional nurturing"

Neglect is hard enough to endure for any child, but in the narcissistic home it is often exacerbated by messages from impaired parents that they are perfect and their children are fortunate to get whatever they offer. Extremely narcissistic parents fundamentally feel they don’t “owe” their children anything, and when they do things for their kids they typically expect something in return, such as profuse appreciation, compliance, or some form of service. For narcissists, relationships are transactional, and they expect to get more than they give."

[imoverit]

It looks like she might have even manipulated Kevin by not telling him the coach knew Julie could only attend one practice a week, so he would support making Julie quit. The more old vlogs I watch, the more I realize Kevin is the only example of integrity or empathy in that family which is really sad. Notice Kevin said nothing about being a "victim" of his children's needs or not wanting to be a "slave" to his children by giving up his own time taking her to the activities pre-approved by Ruby.

Very sad that Kevin is now appearing as even somewhat of a good parent compared to this wretched mother. He is so checked out from his family, would also never make a sacrifice for his kids like Ruby, and isn’t a parent at all until he decides he wants to fulfill his role as the “man of the house” to stand in front of the grill or lead a prayer. The man disgusts me as a father, he’s just not as crazy as Ruby is so he seems normal next to her. The whole family is so messed up.

[emma2948]

I'm not at all surprised that in their "Moving Day" vlog, Ruby barely helps out in packing up and moving stuff, and that she let's her kids and her friends/other family members do all the work for her. She is honestly such a lazy piece of garbage.

[Parktown]

Ruby has said that her childhood was over at 12 but never explained why! Is Ellie confessing she was sexually abused?

Childhood is over at 12 for everyone.

Oops not everyone mine was around 18!