Phil and Alex: Struggling With Maternity After Laboring For Eternity | Part 10

[boredonthekeyboard]

I think it’s unfair to say Alex doesn’t care about Cassidy. It’s well established that parents of chronically ill children face much more stressful And devastating situations than parents of healthy children, and those parents can become depressed, detached, or live in denial. It’s all a natural reaction to devastating news. (There are plenty of scholarly sources accessible through a quick Google search.) That doesn’t mean Alex doesn’t love Cassidy, or that she loved the Idea of the experience more than her baby. I believe Phil and Alex are both having a hard time facing how poorly Cassidy is and they want to focus on all these somewhat trivial “normal baby issues” like tongue tie and breastfeeding so they will feel more normal. Oh, and of course they have set up their entire world to revolve around a cheesy Praise Jesus internet persona. I think they probably also feel guilty for doing IVF because they forced nature’s hand and it created a baby with a heart defect that could have been avoided... which probably has them questioning their religious beliefs at a time when they are no longer rooted in their old church and they are thousands of miles from their support system. I think it is all much deeper than just “Alex is pissed her unicorn isn’t perfect.”

[Haulnarse]

I think it’s unfair to say Alex doesn’t care about Cassidy. It’s well established that parents of chronically ill children face much more stressful And devastating situations than parents of healthy children, and those parents can become depressed, detached, or live in denial. It’s all a natural reaction to devastating news. (There are plenty of scholarly sources accessible through a quick Google search.) That doesn’t mean Alex doesn’t love Cassidy, or that she loved the Idea of the experience more than her baby. I believe Phil and Alex are both having a hard time facing how poorly Cassidy is and they want to focus on all these somewhat trivial “normal baby issues” like tongue tie and breastfeeding so they will feel more normal. Oh, and of course they have set up their entire world to revolve around a cheesy Praise Jesus internet persona. I think they probably also feel guilty for doing IVF because they forced nature’s hand and it created a baby with a heart defect that could have been avoided... which probably has them questioning their religious beliefs at a time when they are no longer rooted in their old church and they are thousands of miles from their support system. I think it is all much deeper than just “Alex is pissed her unicorn isn’t perfect.”

Unfortunately that is what happens when you decide to play god and transfer dodgy embryos. They were told multiple times the quality of the embryos wasn’t ideal - yet they transferred anyway.

And any parent knows to have an honest expectation that things wont and cant go well 100% of the time. We personally have no family history with any medical diagnoses - yet I ended up with two medically complex children. Did i throw a fit and have a pity party - of course, did i yell in my child’s face while filming for my minions on IG - HELLS NO! They are in the public eye, as the old saying goes - be careful what you share online AND be careful what you wish for!

Life ain’t perfect, anyone with kids can attest to that. Parenting kids very rarely goes to plan. If alex removed the stick wedged up her arse perhaps she have an easier time rolling with the punches.

[theshamanisright1]

I think it’s unfair to say Alex doesn’t care about Cassidy. It’s well established that parents of chronically ill children face much more stressful And devastating situations than parents of healthy children, and those parents can become depressed, detached, or live in denial. It’s all a natural reaction to devastating news. (There are plenty of scholarly sources accessible through a quick Google search.) That doesn’t mean Alex doesn’t love Cassidy, or that she loved the Idea of the experience more than her baby. I believe Phil and Alex are both having a hard time facing how poorly Cassidy is and they want to focus on all these somewhat trivial “normal baby issues” like tongue tie and breastfeeding so they will feel more normal. Oh, and of course they have set up their entire world to revolve around a cheesy Praise Jesus internet persona. I think they probably also feel guilty for doing IVF because they forced nature’s hand and it created a baby with a heart defect that could have been avoided... which probably has them questioning their religious beliefs at a time when they are no longer rooted in their old church and they are thousands of miles from their support system. I think it is all much deeper than just “Alex is pissed her unicorn isn’t perfect.”

Sure, A + P care about Cassidy. They're not sociopaths, after all. But despite that they keep ignoring medical advice because they think they know better. Being a parent means you do what's best for your child, especially when they have a disability. Simply caring about, or loving your child isn't enough. They chose to be thousands of miles away from their support system. They chose to not have embryos genetically tested. They chose to try and feed their newborn baby oil instead of formula. They were entrusted to make decisions, and they made the wrong choices.

[IVFwarrior]

You can't test for Cassidy's cardiac defect. It will be some undiagnosed tiny spot mutation. You can't test for something that has never been documented before. No such assay exists where you put some cells in a machine and hit some buttons and it spits out a one in a billion mutation result.

They did do genetic screening on the embryos - this is broad chromosomal testing only. It would never pick up whatever tiny gene mutation Cassidy has. I don't like Phil and Alex, but the one thing they didn't do wrong was "transfer dodgy embryos". In the IVF space, they transferred an embryo that had the fullest range of testing on it that is possible. Cassidy's heart defect is bad luck - even if it is linked to Phil's genetic history, most people don't not have kids just because there is a family history of cancer or autism or heart disease. People take chances every day and hope for the best.

But I do think that don't care about Cassidy. In the same way they don't really care about Kinsley and Callie. Does she love them? Sure. But they don't fulfil her. Cassidy seems to have been relegated to the same dusty corner as her adopted sisters, because she hasn't been able to provide Alex with what Alex was desperate for - crunchy natural labour, blissful breastfeeding etc.... If it wasn't about Alex's experience, then Kinsley and Callie would have been enough. Cassidy hasn't lived up to Alex's expectations.

[In the middle]

I think it’s unfair to say Alex doesn’t care about Cassidy. It’s well established that parents of chronically ill children face much more stressful And devastating situations than parents of healthy children, and those parents can become depressed, detached, or live in denial. It’s all a natural reaction to devastating news. (There are plenty of scholarly sources accessible through a quick Google search.) That doesn’t mean Alex doesn’t love Cassidy, or that she loved the Idea of the experience more than her baby. I believe Phil and Alex are both having a hard time facing how poorly Cassidy is and they want to focus on all these somewhat trivial “normal baby issues” like tongue tie and breastfeeding so they will feel more normal. Oh, and of course they have set up their entire world to revolve around a cheesy Praise Jesus internet persona. I think they probably also feel guilty for doing IVF because they forced nature’s hand and it created a baby with a heart defect that could have been avoided... which probably has them questioning their religious beliefs at a time when they are no longer rooted in their old church and they are thousands of miles from their support system. I think it is all much deeper than just “Alex is pissed her unicorn isn’t perfect.”

Sorry but I think this is bullshit. I went through the trauma of having a critically ill newborn child. Life flighted to a hospital hours away & immediately into theatre for open heart surgery. 12 hours in theatre. Then a massive heart attack and being reopened and resuscitated directly to her heart IN the ICU.
Breastfeeding? pfft. Did not care. MY plans/hopes/dreams? Pfft. Did not care. Nothing mattered. NOTHING. Except that my baby survived. There was only one goal, one priority, one thing that mattered. Through the shock, the denial, the smack bang in your face reality, only one thing mattered and that was my baby girls life. She is 21 now and I still remember so much with such clarity.
Alex is pure narc, all she thinks about is Alex. Her baby is getting closer and closer to surgery and the number one thing they can do to prepare Cassidy is for her to gain weight. But Alex is fucking around with tongue ties and freaking breast milk and goddamn avocado oil when any one of us would be pumping the highest calorie formula that was safely possible into that NG tube and fattening that baby up to give her the best chance of SURVIVAL. This is life saving open heart surgery, not a freaking tonsillectomy!

[Kataja]

I think it’s unfair to say Alex doesn’t care about Cassidy. It’s well established that parents of chronically ill children face much more stressful And devastating situations than parents of healthy children, and those parents can become depressed, detached, or live in denial. It’s all a natural reaction to devastating news. (There are plenty of scholarly sources accessible through a quick Google search.) That doesn’t mean Alex doesn’t love Cassidy, or that she loved the Idea of the experience more than her baby. I believe Phil and Alex are both having a hard time facing how poorly Cassidy is and they want to focus on all these somewhat trivial “normal baby issues” like tongue tie and breastfeeding so they will feel more normal. Oh, and of course they have set up their entire world to revolve around a cheesy Praise Jesus internet persona. I think they probably also feel guilty for doing IVF because they forced nature’s hand and it created a baby with a heart defect that could have been avoided... which probably has them questioning their religious beliefs at a time when they are no longer rooted in their old church and they are thousands of miles from their support system. I think it is all much deeper than just “Alex is pissed her unicorn isn’t perfect.”

Sorry but I think this is bullshit. I went through the trauma of having a critically ill newborn child. Life flighted to a hospital hours away & immediately into theatre for open heart surgery. 12 hours in theatre. Then a massive heart attack and being reopened and resuscitated directly to her heart IN the ICU.
Breastfeeding? pfft. Did not care. MY plans/hopes/dreams? Pfft. Did not care. Nothing mattered. NOTHING. Except that my baby survived. There was only one goal, one priority, one thing that mattered. Through the shock, the denial, the smack bang in your face reality, only one thing mattered and that was my baby girls life. She is 21 now and I still remember so much with such clarity.
Alex is pure narc, all she thinks about is Alex. Her baby is getting closer and closer to surgery and the number one thing they can do to prepare Cassidy is for her to gain weight. But Alex is fucking around with tongue ties and freaking breast milk and goddamn avocado oil when any one of us would be pumping the highest calorie formula that was safely possible into that NG tube and fattening that baby up to give her the best chance of SURVIVAL. This is life saving open heart surgery, not a freaking tonsillectomy!

100% This! I could not agree more. I feel so sad because Cassidy deserves so much more than these 2 dim-wits that have admitted (Alex) that they like to play ''trial and error''! DAMN, you don't play trial and error in circumstances like this!! You should try to aim for the most error-free solution. They literally have a deadline when Cassidy has to have the surgery, no matter how much she has been able to fatten up.

Cassidy's tongue ties might be real and it might be beneficial to fix them in a long run BUT as we know, her tongue tie didn't have anything to do with her weight gain during the NG-tube! She's not gaining enough even having the tube and that is totally the parent's fault! Alex wanted to breastfeed and tried to breastfeed even when the NG tube was supposed to be the main source of food. Her milk is not high-calorie enough and she refuses to accept that fact.

[HashtagBlessed]

I think it’s unfair to say Alex doesn’t care about Cassidy. It’s well established that parents of chronically ill children face much more stressful And devastating situations than parents of healthy children, and those parents can become depressed, detached, or live in denial. It’s all a natural reaction to devastating news. (There are plenty of scholarly sources accessible through a quick Google search.) That doesn’t mean Alex doesn’t love Cassidy, or that she loved the Idea of the experience more than her baby. I believe Phil and Alex are both having a hard time facing how poorly Cassidy is and they want to focus on all these somewhat trivial “normal baby issues” like tongue tie and breastfeeding so they will feel more normal. Oh, and of course they have set up their entire world to revolve around a cheesy Praise Jesus internet persona. I think they probably also feel guilty for doing IVF because they forced nature’s hand and it created a baby with a heart defect that could have been avoided... which probably has them questioning their religious beliefs at a time when they are no longer rooted in their old church and they are thousands of miles from their support system. I think it is all much deeper than just “Alex is pissed her unicorn isn’t perfect.”

I have a different take. For one, I think they've gotten incredibly lucky. Besides having two adoptions placed in their laps, they had the resources and the luck to have a live birth result from their IVF. They didn't do genetic testing with their first three or so transfers (did they do more than three? I can't remember anymore), but this time they transferred a genetically normal embryo that resulted in a pregnancy and a birth. Cassidy didn't need surgery right away and they had a relatively short stay in the NICU, despite what they had anticipated. The issues they're dealing with now seem to be mostly of their own making. They can't help the fact that they have a cardiac baby who struggles to stay awake, but they could be giving her a high calorie formula and weighing her with a scale at home. For someone who claims to be all about trial and error, I wonder if it's occurred to Alex to give Cassidy formula exclusively through her NG tube and see if she gains weight. I don't see it as simply focusing on ties or breastfeeding to distract themselves, they're jeopardizing their daughter's surgery by interfering with her weight gain.

[Goodgirl]

Why won’t they buy a freaking scale?!?!? You can get one for $50 on amazon or I’m sure even less on FB Marketplace. It makes no sense. They could be tracking how much weight she takes after each feed just like so many other parents do. But they don’t. Why?! It makes no sense to me. They are not doing the best that they can.


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[girlmom1821]

What's with her newest ig post about Callie and Cassidy looking alike? Other than the blue eyes, there's no resemblance. It's not even biologically possible. And of course in her story, Cassidy is laying on the floor. Again.


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[christinajustbored]

It annoys me so much to see people being so surprised about Callie and Cassidy looking alike, as if they shouldn't look alike because one is biological and the other is adopted. The truth is many babies look alike, biological or not.

[christinajustbored]

It annoys me so much to see people all surprised at how much Callie and Cassidy look alike, like it's a sign from god or something.

[Kataja]

It annoys me so much to see people all surprised at how much Callie and Cassidy look alike, like it's a sign from god or something.

And I don't think they even look alike. They just have similar ''racial'' features . IMO It is same than when people say that all Asian look same etc.
They are both blonde and blue eyed. That's it.

[Kataja]

What's with her newest ig post about Callie and Cassidy looking alike? Other than the blue eyes, there's no resemblance. It's not even biologically possible. And of course in her story, Cassidy is laying on the floor. Again.

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It is possible for people to look alike without being biologically related. However I agree with your point. Cassidy and Callie do not look alike

[GGF1987]

I think it’s unfair to say Alex doesn’t care about Cassidy. It’s well established that parents of chronically ill children face much more stressful And devastating situations than parents of healthy children, and those parents can become depressed, detached, or live in denial. It’s all a natural reaction to devastating news. (There are plenty of scholarly sources accessible through a quick Google search.) That doesn’t mean Alex doesn’t love Cassidy, or that she loved the Idea of the experience more than her baby. I believe Phil and Alex are both having a hard time facing how poorly Cassidy is and they want to focus on all these somewhat trivial “normal baby issues” like tongue tie and breastfeeding so they will feel more normal. Oh, and of course they have set up their entire world to revolve around a cheesy Praise Jesus internet persona. I think they probably also feel guilty for doing IVF because they forced nature’s hand and it created a baby with a heart defect that could have been avoided... which probably has them questioning their religious beliefs at a time when they are no longer rooted in their old church and they are thousands of miles from their support system. I think it is all much deeper than just “Alex is pissed her unicorn isn’t perfect.”

She cares for Cassidy but not more than she cares about her experience. She has not at any point shown any kind of fear or concern for what Cassidy will have to go through in a few months. It's all about everything Alex is missing out on and not going to get to do. it's been months of listening to her moan and groan about everything that isn't going her way. Worse than that, she has a real issue following doctors orders. Even when she talks about her surgery, it's not so her heart can be fixed and she can be healthy. No the only thing she says is "Maybe then she'll be able to go back to exclusively breastfeeding!". The only thing she had shed tears about through this whole thing was her not getting what she wanted. Not getting her birth center, birth she cried. Not getting her natural birth because she kept running to the hospital for every twinge of a paint, she cried. Not getting her skin to skin right after birth, she cried. Being told that she and Phil couldn't both be in the NICU at the same time, she cried and her and Philip both had a fit! She's told Cassidy isn't gaining weight and probably needs a feeding tube. Does she cry and worry about Cassidy? No, she cries about not getting to breastfeed exclusively anymore(which by the way she wasn't supposed to be doing for weeks before Cassidy got so weak because she almost starved her...). After months of listening to her moan and groan over everything but what she should worrying about, I'm over it. As far as them being away from their support system, they chose to leave California on their fake living in an RV trip. No one forced them to leave. I think if they had a brain in their head they wouldn't have left. Also they are the ones who have done a thousand rounds of IVF, no one forced them to do that either.

I'm not gonna lie when I first started watching their videos, I really liked them. But after awhile, I started to see how incredibly selfish and entitled and rude they both are and it's only gotten worse!

[FlowersTar 68]

I think it’s unfair to say Alex doesn’t care about Cassidy. It’s well established that parents of chronically ill children face much more stressful And devastating situations than parents of healthy children, and those parents can become depressed, detached, or live in denial. It’s all a natural reaction to devastating news. (There are plenty of scholarly sources accessible through a quick Google search.) That doesn’t mean Alex doesn’t love Cassidy, or that she loved the Idea of the experience more than her baby. I believe Phil and Alex are both having a hard time facing how poorly Cassidy is and they want to focus on all these somewhat trivial “normal baby issues” like tongue tie and breastfeeding so they will feel more normal. Oh, and of course they have set up their entire world to revolve around a cheesy Praise Jesus internet persona. I think they probably also feel guilty for doing IVF because they forced nature’s hand and it created a baby with a heart defect that could have been avoided... which probably has them questioning their religious beliefs at a time when they are no longer rooted in their old church and they are thousands of miles from their support system. I think it is all much deeper than just “Alex is pissed her unicorn isn’t perfect.”

She cares for Cassidy but not more than she cares about her experience. She has not at any point shown any kind of fear or concern for what Cassidy will have to go through in a few months. It's all about everything Alex is missing out on and not going to get to do. it's been months of listening to her moan and groan about everything that isn't going her way. Worse than that, she has a real issue following doctors orders. Even when she talks about her surgery, it's not so her heart can be fixed and she can be healthy. No the only thing she says is "Maybe then she'll be able to go back to exclusively breastfeeding!". The only thing she had shed tears about through this whole thing was her not getting what she wanted. Not getting her birth center, birth she cried. Not getting her natural birth because she kept running to the hospital for every twinge of a paint, she cried. Not getting her skin to skin right after birth, she cried. Being told that she and Phil couldn't both be in the NICU at the same time, she cried and her and Philip both had a fit! She's told Cassidy isn't gaining weight and probably needs a feeding tube. Does she cry and worry about Cassidy? No, she cries about not getting to breastfeed exclusively anymore(which by the way she wasn't supposed to be doing for weeks before Cassidy got so weak because she almost starved her...). After months of listening to her moan and groan over everything but what she should worrying about, I'm over it. As far as them being away from their support system, they chose to leave California on their fake living in an RV trip. No one forced them to leave. I think if they had a brain in their head they wouldn't have left. Also they are the ones who have done a thousand rounds of IVF, no one forced them to do that either.

I'm not gonna lie when I first started watching their videos, I really liked them. But after awhile, I started to see how incredibly selfish and entitled and rude they both are and it's only gotten worse!

I wish I could like this a million times

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[In the middle]

There’s a young Australian couple I’ve recently started following on YT (til&josh). They’ve just found out mid pregnancy that their baby has a congenital heart defect (one of the major ones) and will need open heart surgery. Their video about this showed an amazing amount of positivity, maturity, concern for their baby etc.
They were then sent to the cardiac specialist to find out all the info, and as they live in the ONE city in Australia that’s struggling with Covid only Til could go in and Josh had to wait in the car. The video about this showed the same maturity, positivity and concern for their Bub.
Even though they’re so young and it’s their first baby, Alex and Phil could learn a shitload from them! Very similar stories re pregnancy, diagnosis, surgeries, covid issues etc but completely different reactions and actions.
Basically, Phil & Alex suck

[HashtagBlessed]

I wonder what the cardiologist thought, after everyone on their team and affiliated with the hospital told Alex that baby did not need surgery to correct her tongue, Alex waltzes in and she's all, "We had some trouble feeding this week because she had four ties released by a pediatric dentist."

And there goes another week of no weight gain. Why would the procedures on her mouth affect her feeding if she has a tube? Oh wait, because Alex isn't using it all the time. How convenient that the lactation consultant's scale "failed" so Alex still has no information to communicate about whether baby is actually nursing or not. Wasn't this the appointment Alex claimed she was looking forward to so that they could use the scale? Between not buying the sale, and not sharing any numbers, it's pretty clear she's lying to obscure the truth.

Why is she obsessed with button-downs if she isn't breastfeeding? When I pumped, I was more comfortable putting on a special hands-free pumping bra to hold the flanges in place. So I had to take my shirt off anyways. Buttons make sense when you're just unbuttoning and pulling your boob out to nurse (though now I just wear t-shirts I can easily pull up). She's really obsessed with living out this breastfeeding fantasy, even down to wearing the right "uniform."

[GetYouTubesTied]

I exclusively pumped and liked button downs because I didn't want to be topless while pumping. (I had a hands free pumping bra but was too lazy to use it lol.)

[LucyLucyAppleJuicy]

I wonder what the cardiologist thought, after everyone on their team and affiliated with the hospital told Alex that baby did not need surgery to correct her tongue, Alex waltzes in and she's all, "We had some trouble feeding this week because she had four ties released by a pediatric dentist."

And there goes another week of no weight gain. Why would the procedures on her mouth affect her feeding if she has a tube? Oh wait, because Alex isn't using it all the time. How convenient that the lactation consultant's scale "failed" so Alex still has no information to communicate about whether baby is actually nursing or not. Wasn't this the appointment Alex claimed she was looking forward to so that they could use the scale? Between not buying the sale, and not sharing any numbers, it's pretty clear she's lying to obscure the truth.

Why is she obsessed with button-downs if she isn't breastfeeding? When I pumped, I was more comfortable putting on a special hands-free pumping bra to hold the flanges in place. So I had to take my shirt off anyways. Buttons make sense when you're just unbuttoning and pulling your boob out to nurse (though now I just wear t-shirts I can easily pull up). She's really obsessed with living out this breastfeeding fantasy, even down to wearing the right "uniform."

I’m not sure how things ‘link up’ in America, but in England this family would already be under observation by the team, and possibly have been referred to social services. Her behaviour is not ‘normal’. Over here, the law states that a patient has the right to make unwise choices, but I’m not sure how that applies to babies.

I’m also convinced we are being lied to by Alex, and I believe she’s also lying to Phil. There are already a huge amount of discrepancies in what she says, both on YT and on IG, and the whole ‘lactation consultant’s scale was broken’ is utter bull.

That poor child is looking frailer in every video. Show off about your ‘solid marriage’ (denial much?) as much as you like.

[IVFwarrior]

So NICU nurse Alex who thinks she knows everything is talking about how Cassidy had been on a cardiac "Holster" monitor.