John and Joan,The bold and the pregnant || Part 2 ||

[DreamLead]

I feel so bad for Vera. Every photo Joan uploads, Maeve just has to be mentioned. We all get it Joan, you had a stillbirth. Yes, it's very sad and yes it takes a lot of time to overcome things like that but come on. Vera is your first living child, the only child you have to parent, teach things to, guide etc. You are a first time mom to your first living child. You don't need to mention Maeve every damn 10 seconds. As Vera grows older and someone asks if she has siblings shes not going to say, "well yes 10 years ago my mom lost a baby etc." She will be an only child unless you and John decide to have a second. Enjoy Vera and the sweet baby bliss, stop comparing her to Maeve every chance you get.

[cheesecakes]

Joan has done far more disturbing, unsettling, cringeworthy things than putting that sign on her door (comparing her loss to a mom who lost her 4 year old daughter, eating Maeve’s ashes, creating multiple GoFundMe campaigns, the picture of Maeve in the bead store office that other mom’s had to look at while they pumped, etc...) The nurse who walked into her room excitedly asking if she had a boy or girl after Maeve died obviously could have used a sign since she didn’t read her chart, and that was the primary motivation for her mom to make it. I think we can all agree that Joan has an anxiety problem, and if a sign made her feel more comfortable and less anxious during labor, then great.

There will be bigger fish to fry. We will see how Joan handles postpartum and taking care of a living baby. Will she still take time to “parent” Maeve like she has spoke of before? Will she make sure she posts as frequently about Maeve as she does Vera? (It seems like that’s the trend so far). How is she going to cope with strangers asking questions when she goes out in public with Vera? Are we going to hear about Maeve every time Vera hits a milestone? Will she continue to post about Maeve’s childhood that she has made up in her mind and post pictures of same age, red-headed girls? Is she going to keep trying to drive the point that no one can love their child as much as she loves Vera if they haven’t also gone through both loss and infertility? She is going to be very busy when the reality of life with a newborn at home hits and she will not have the time or mental energy to grieve for Maeve like she is used to. Can she set that aside for Vera? Or is she going to have an anxiety attack about not making as much time for Maeve?

[ICantEven]

2 things.
1) Joan I think you should already know from the last couple years that you won't be able to have a sign made up for every occasion where people are not aware of your loss. Unfortunately it's just a fact of life after loss. It will always sting when someone assumes Vera is the oldest /only child, but it's not always necessary to tell the store clerk or random stranger the whole story.

2)Vera will not know nor understand the depth of loss that Joan and John went through, and she should not be expected to tell others she has a sister of she doesn't want to.

I have 3 sisters and lost my brother when we were young. Whenever people hear I have so many sisters they always say "no brothers?" There was a time when my mom forced us to tell others about my brother when asked that question. She told us we were ashamed if we didn't. That was very damaging. I had experienced my brother's life and death, but Vera won't know and shouldn't be expected to speak of Maeve unless she chooses to.

[RRTgirl]

I’m fairly new to this board and to John and Joan’s story, but I’m confused why it’s such a problem for people to ask about other siblings? Why can’t they just say yes she has an older sister in Heaven? It seems like the sign is a little for attention. I work in healthcare and regularly attend births. I’ve never seen anyone (especially in labor and delivery) NOT be sensitive to their patients. It just seems like a sign like that would open MORE questions other than the standard “do you have any others?” And anyone directly taking care of Joan would see she has had a stillbirth. And if they want Maeve to be remembered (as she should be) then I don’t see a problem with asking about her.


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[Amelia322]

I hope she uses this chance to move forward.

I wonder what John thinks.

He seems like he’s trying to move forward and be positive but Joan brings him down a notch when she compares everything to Maeve.


I just saw she wrote she’s excited to take Vera home to see her new home and sisters garden.. Wat......

So many new things to show her and that’s top on your list like whyyyy...

Also their shirts what does Dad squared and mom squared mean???

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[RootBeerFloatie]

The problem with the sign is that she blows everything out of proportion. I can understand being upset during that instance in the past, it was a terrible mistake on the nurse's part (but I'm sure she felt awful) and I know it must have been a devestating moment for Joan.

However, how long has it been since the stillbirth? When you're holding a living baby in your arms a nurse asking if it's your first child shouldn't reduce you to a quivering mess. A normal woman would just explain that Vera has a sister in Heaven, or that she's a Rainbow Baby. No need for offense or hysterics.

The idea that they need a sign is ludicrous. Joan's just using it to draw attention to how special she is.

[cheesecakes]

I hope she uses this chance to move forward.

I wonder what John thinks.

He seems like he’s trying to move forward and be positive but Joan brings him down a notch when she compares everything to Maeve.


I just saw she wrote she’s excited to take Vera home to see her new home and sisters garden.. Wat......

So many new things to show her and that’s top on your list like whyyyy...

Also their shirts what does Dad squared and mom squared mean???

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The shirts mean that they are a mom and dad to 2.

I have noticed that John’s posts are focused on Vera (as they should be) and he hasn’t mentioned Maeve, whereas Joan has mentioned Maeve every chance she can get. He really wants to move on. I really hope Joan is able to eventually move on, especially as Vera grows out of the newborn stage. Hopefully she is able to use this experience to heal and not use it to dig herself deeper in grief (by watching Vera grow have milestones and only seeing it as everything Maeve didn’t get to do).

[GymChick]

John looks so happy. Before Vera he didn’t show many signs of grief for Maeve or excitement for Vera. I had wondered if he even wanted to try and have another baby. But all his social media posts he looks so happy and excited. I’m glad.


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[lmmomSD]

A friend of mine had a still birth, and her five year old daughter tells strangers she has a baby brother who lives with Jesus. But only if they ask if she has brothers or sisters. And my friend doesn't force her to. She just says it on her own. I think that's ok, but I am concerned that Vera is going to have some rote story she's expected to tell. And the point above about Vera's milestones being simply reminders of what Maeve won't do, is excellent. I really hope that's not what happens. Vera deserves to be celebrated for who she is.
Maybe she'll be a daddy's girl, and it won't hurt so much to have a weird mom.
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[1000Words]

Uhhh How did Maeve hand pick Vera?

Ughhhhhh I feel bad for any visitors they have, basically they can’t say anything because it could possibly hurt or be sensitive to the parents wtf....

How can anyone be their friend?? I’d be scared of talking or she’ll get hurt by what I say!!

I don’t know any loss parents who went into the hospital acting like they’ve had it worse and deserve everyone to bow down to them! Like wat.

Like just be happy she’s here stop involving Maeve. Let mace be her own and let Vera be her own. Stop combining the two!! Poor Vera.

I have a feeling Jon doesn’t feel the same way and he’s just happy the baby is here but his wife makes it about Maeve.


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Remember I grew up with them and honestly I havent Seen a picture of them with a non loss friend or any of our childhood friends in years.... makes me think they got rid of most... I see Some childhood friends comment on their posts but one lines and always positive probably out of fear....

Also I 100% believe John is in a totally different space and has been forever....

[Amelia322]

That’s tough...don’t want to use any titles that are insensitive to Joan


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[Amelia322]

Ugh she already posted a Maeve pic like we’ve seen it a million times. She could have used veras as the main one..


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[MandaPanda74]

I hope Joan NEVER reads this thread. I had a miscarriage at 14 weeks and I thought that was hard. I can't imagine what she went through, I really can't. I have 2 little girls of my own now and can't imagine the devastation that couple went through. How nervous she must have been throughout her entire pregnancy with Vera. I feel for them. I feel like yall are being really harsh. She is seeing a grief specialist and doing what she can. She just gave birth to Vera, give her a chance.

Go hate on Bolly.. their new line is coming soon. That's something I can get behind.

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[ICantEven]

New thread title suggestions

John and Joan: The Vera Era
John and Joan: Somewhere Over the Rainbow

[MandaPanda74]

New thread title suggestions

John and Joan: The Vera Era
John and Joan: Somewhere Over the Rainbow

The Vera Era!

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[chs6213]

New thread title suggestions

John and Joan: The Vera Era
John and Joan: Somewhere Over the Rainbow

I love The Vera Era!


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[HelloSweetie]

John and Joan: Go Fund Our Maternity Leave!



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[HelloSweetie]

I hope Joan NEVER reads this thread. I had a miscarriage at 14 weeks and I thought that was hard. I can't imagine what she went through, I really can't. I have 2 little girls of my own now and can't imagine the devastation that couple went through. How nervous she must have been throughout her entire pregnancy with Vera. I feel for them. I feel like yall are being really harsh. She is seeing a grief specialist and doing what she can. She just gave birth to Vera, give her a chance.

Go hate on Bolly.. their new line is coming soon. That's something I can get behind.

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Thanks for deciding who should and should not be talked about . Most of us follow Bollie and have criticized that gong show plenty, but that doesn't mean we haven't seen some seriously terrible and weird shut wort side-eying from John and Joan. The entitlement existed before they were even married, so why am I supposed to overlook that tendency now and excuse it because she's been through tough times? Many of us have, and yet we don't feel superior to others, and entitled to a life we can't afford. Joan and John have shown a pretty poor attitude in the past, but I guess that's OK for some people because at least they are in grief counseling. Sorry, but dismissing someone that has a child pass because "at least you got to know them" is a pretty crappy thing to do. Far worse than selling someone an ugly swim cover up. Joan holds her pain Olympics trophy dearer than I think she does most people. Some of us don't feel shes going to give it up now that Vera is here either. This is a gossip board, and no one is making Joan (or Joan's sympathizers for that matter) read here of they don't want to.

I do think Joan would actually be better off if someone in her life did have the balls to call her out for once. Her entitlement is only going to ruin Vera.




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[1000Words]

2 things.
1) Joan I think you should already know from the last couple years that you won't be able to have a sign made up for every occasion where people are not aware of your loss. Unfortunately it's just a fact of life after loss. It will always sting when someone assumes Vera is the oldest /only child, but it's not always necessary to tell the store clerk or random stranger the whole story.

2)Vera will not know nor understand the depth of loss that Joan and John went through, and she should not be expected to tell others she has a sister of she doesn't want to.

I have 3 sisters and lost my brother when we were young. Whenever people hear I have so many sisters they always say "no brothers?" There was a time when my mom forced us to tell others about my brother when asked that question. She told us we were ashamed if we didn't. That was very damaging. I had experienced my brother's life and death, but Vera won't know and shouldn't be expected to speak of Maeve unless she chooses to.

Right? It’s not Veras loss. It’s John and JoanS... and it will be majorly detrimental to Vera to always be in the shadow of Maeve.
Sure celebrating her birthday once a year is special but to have your child grow up knowing each milestone is pain to her parents??? As Joan said basically....
might as well start the go fund me for Vera in therapy.
Joan has to stop.
She has to focus on Vera. Vera will be able to read and see the internet one day. Every record of her mother wishing for her other child or being in pain when she sees her new child doing things Maeve didn’t get to do.
I really hope someone puts that into perspective for her... it’s worth a block... if I was not already

[Playsinrain]

The one thing that worries me is the statement Joan made way before Vera was born about how she worries how she will balance time parenting Vera and parenting Maeve. As i've said, i'm not a loss mom so no offence to loss moms in general, but i just dont understand the concept of "parenting" a child that has passed. I do not understand how she could be worried about not giving her living child enough attention bc she has to parent her dead child. That is worrisome to me. Joan cannot neglect the needs of her living child bc she was too busy "parenting" her dead child. That whole situation sends up about a million red flags to me..