Women "Serving" Men

[mocalyn]

My husband works a lot, and supports our family financially, I stay home with the kids, take care of the house and make sure he has a nice meal waiting for him when he gets home.
But I do not "serve" my family. I enjoy taking care of them, it's a job I'm good at, it's what we've agreed is the best for us!
But I would never say he is superior to me... and he would never either. We both have very different skills and appreciate each other for what we can bring to the family.

Saying your bf is superior to you, is not a healthy dynamic! No one is saying it's bad to do things for him, if that works for the two of you awesome, I get it. But don't use words like serve , superior and duty. :/

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[missy-1010]

In MY relationship, my boyfriend is superior to me. End of story. He works harder, works more, works longer.
No not all men are superior to women, but in my case, yes he is.
I am not abused, I am happy, he is happy. He respects and appreciates me.
When it comes to cleaning and cooking, I'm superior to him. It's about different aspects.
I wonder if you ladies are pigs like Jess, and you're mad I'm clean, and take care of an appreciate my man? Is that it? I want to know why you're all so mad.


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This is my take on it-

He's superior in a workforce/moneymaking sense, your superior in the homemaking/family(?) sense. That seems like an okay balance to me- maybe don't use the word superior to describe your relationship/partner in the future though.

I get where your coming from, he does work a lot to keep you both happy and comfortable, so you take care of the house and him. But I will add I do hope he chips in to help you with the house work. And with kids ( you did say this in a post so gold star for you) you do teach them that this is how your relationship works and you're happy in it and to follow what they are happy with.

I'm just hating the terms she uses.
Serve.
Superior.
My duty.



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Maybe I didn't use the correct terms? I guess if you want to word it like this, we are equal? I don't know what to tell you ladies.
I love to serve my man, and I do believe it is MY duty. That doesn't mean it's anyone else's. I'm fine with other people doing whatever they want. It's their life, not mine. Just as this is my life, no one else's.
And when I do have children, I sure as hell will teach them both sides. My mom taught me to be lazy, and never do anything for a man, and look how I turned out? Hmm....


Would if be different if I was gay and thought this way? If it was two girls or two men instead of a man and a woman?


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[whattheactual]

[/quote]

This is my take on it-

He's superior in a workforce/moneymaking sense, your superior in the homemaking/family(?) sense. That seems like an okay balance to me- maybe don't use the word superior to describe your relationship/partner in the future though.

I get where your coming from, he does work a lot to keep you both happy and comfortable, so you take care of the house and him. But I will add I do hope he chips in to help you with the house work. And with kids ( you did say this in a post so gold star for you) you do teach them that this is how your relationship works and you're happy in it and to follow what they are happy with.[/quote]

I'm just hating the terms she uses.
Serve.
Superior.
My duty.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk[/quote]



Maybe I didn't use the correct terms? I guess if you want to word it like this, we are equal? I don't know what to tell you ladies.
I love to serve my man, and I do believe it is MY duty. That doesn't mean it's anyone else's. I'm fine with other people doing whatever they want. It's their life, not mine. Just as this is my life, no one else's.
And when I do have children, I sure as hell will teach them both sides. My mom taught me to be lazy, and never do anything for a man, and look how I turned out? Hmm....


Would if be different if I was gay and thought this way? If it was two girls or two men instead of a man and a woman?


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In a relationship no man or women should feel as though their partner is superior to them and that it is their duty to serve them. It doesn't matter if its heterosexual or homosexual. It's just wrong.

[HelloSweetie]

Maybe I didn't use the correct terms? I guess if you want to word it like this, we are equal? I don't know what to tell you ladies.
I love to serve my man, and I do believe it is MY duty. That doesn't mean it's anyone else's. I'm fine with other people doing whatever they want. It's their life, not mine. Just as this is my life, no one else's.
And when I do have children, I sure as hell will teach them both sides. My mom taught me to be lazy, and never do anything for a man, and look how I turned out? Hmm....


Would if be different if I was gay and thought this way? If it was two girls or two men instead of a man and a woman?


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No it wouldn't be different if you were gay. Is English your first language? I mean no disrespect, but I'm asking because I don't think you understand what it is that people are disagreeing with. A relationship should be an equal partnership. One person, regardless of gender, shouldn't have more value or power than the other one.

I get what you're trying to say, and I really think you'll see what everyone else is saying once you have children. When my husband and I were first married, I used to get up with him in the morning, make his lunch and send him off to work. I was such a good wife. Know what changed that? Kids happened. My job is now the kids. Husband would much rather go to work and earn that money, than stay home and chase our critters. We are equal. Both of us have strengths and weaknesses, but my husband is not superior, just as I wouldn't say I was the superior parent should we split.

I think if you had subbed "responsibility" for "duty" and "take care of" for "serve" then a lot of this debate would have never started.

[SweetAsANutMate]

Maybe I didn't use the correct terms? I guess if you want to word it like this, we are equal? I don't know what to tell you ladies.
I love to serve my man, and I do believe it is MY duty. That doesn't mean it's anyone else's. I'm fine with other people doing whatever they want. It's their life, not mine. Just as this is my life, no one else's.
And when I do have children, I sure as hell will teach them both sides. My mom taught me to be lazy, and never do anything for a man, and look how I turned out? Hmm....


Would if be different if I was gay and thought this way? If it was two girls or two men instead of a man and a woman?


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So your mother 'taught you to be lazy' and 'taught you to never do anything for a man'? Could you enlighten us in her exact teachings?

And you BS about it being equal. This is not a relationship based on equality.

[missy-1010]

My mother never taught me how to clean, most of what I learned I learned from the internet to be honest. She used to tell me things like, "never do this for a man, make him do it himself." Ect ect.
I don't see why you guys give a shit what words I use. What's the difference? I'm happy, so fuck off.


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[AutumnLane]

I understand the point Missy10 is trying to make I think maybe she just used the wrong wording.


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[smom12]

She DEFINITELY used the wrong wording.


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[missy-1010]

So since when does using the wrong wording mean I have to be attacked? Lol.
If you don't agree with my lifestyle, don't live it.
I support women who do housework, I support men who do. I support stay at home moms or dads. I support working moms or dads.
But that's not my relationship. I mean yes we both work, but he works more. He's in the oilfield. Sometimes he's only home for one day a month. Is it fair for him to have to do laundry, and things around the house I can't do (heavy lifting, fixing things ect)
Why shouldn't I do his laundry for him? Or cook for him for that ONE day? Why is that so bad?


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[missy-1010]

I should also add I am a very strong woman.
If my boyfriend said to me, "do my laundry." Or, "make me this." I would come unglued on him. Manners go a long way, and so does appreciation. That's why this works for us. I do things to keep him happy, he appreciates me for doing it, and it makes me happy. Does this make sense?


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[mocalyn]

So since when does using the wrong wording mean I have to be attacked? Lol.
If you don't agree with my lifestyle, don't live it.
I support women who do housework, I support men who do. I support stay at home moms or dads. I support working moms or dads.
But that's not my relationship. I mean yes we both work, but he works more. He's in the oilfield. Sometimes he's only home for one day a month. Is it fair for him to have to do laundry, and things around the house I can't do (heavy lifting, fixing things ect)
Why shouldn't I do his laundry for him? Or cook for him for that ONE day? Why is that so bad?


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It's not bad to do nice things for your bf or take care of him.
It's just concerning that you say he is superior...

Hopefully you just used the wrong word, I sincerely hope you don't really feel inferior to him or anyone else.

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[smom12]

^^^^ 100%


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[missy-1010]

I do not feel inferior to him at all. We are very happy. I have tons of confidence. I think that's what some of you don't understand.
Before I started "taking care of him" we fought all the time. Granted, I was also on medication for bipolar disorder.
Now that I've worked on my mental health issues, and start treating him with immense respect, and stopped fighting with him, I feel better with MYSELF. Our relationship has improved, but I've also improved as well. I've been making positive changes in my life, and this was one of them. And it has made me so happy, and at peace.


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[Midia]

I do not feel inferior to him at all. We are very happy. I have tons of confidence. I think that's what some of you don't understand.
Before I started "taking care of him" we fought all the time. Granted, I was also on medication for bipolar disorder.
Now that I've worked on my mental health issues, and start treating him with immense respect, and stopped fighting with him, I feel better with MYSELF. Our relationship has improved, but I've also improved as well. I've been making positive changes in my life, and this was one of them. And it has made me so happy, and at peace.


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We talked about it in PM but as you said in this post, if you don't feel inferior to him, it was just a misunderstanding due to the vocabulary used. (Because when is used the term "superior" to describe one side, that means that the other is inferior). But if you don't feel inferior then you have equal relationship where your boyfriend works more but you take care of house chores. I would say it's quite balanced and if you're both happy and you respect each other then it's ok, there's nothing to be chocked about your couple ^^
Happy to know you health is better, take care.

[dazzled]

I do not feel inferior to him at all. We are very happy. I have tons of confidence. I think that's what some of you don't understand.
Before I started "taking care of him" we fought all the time. Granted, I was also on medication for bipolar disorder.
Now that I've worked on my mental health issues, and start treating him with immense respect, and stopped fighting with him, I feel better with MYSELF. Our relationship has improved, but I've also improved as well. I've been making positive changes in my life, and this was one of them. And it has made me so happy, and at peace.

Ah, so your boyfriend was mad because you didn't clean after him and didn't cook for him, and now that you're "serving" him he's happy because he has an unpaid maid. How very sad.

[missy-1010]

I do not feel inferior to him at all. We are very happy. I have tons of confidence. I think that's what some of you don't understand.
Before I started "taking care of him" we fought all the time. Granted, I was also on medication for bipolar disorder.
Now that I've worked on my mental health issues, and start treating him with immense respect, and stopped fighting with him, I feel better with MYSELF. Our relationship has improved, but I've also improved as well. I've been making positive changes in my life, and this was one of them. And it has made me so happy, and at peace.

Ah, so your boyfriend was mad because you didn't clean after him and didn't cook for him, and now that you're "serving" him he's happy because he has an unpaid maid. How very sad.

Not at all. There was never any complaints from him. Like I said, it was something I chose to do on my own, and it just so happened to improve my relationship. Stop reaching for issues that aren't there. Are you in a relationship? Probably not hey? So zip it. Go be lonely somewhere else.


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[mrsbarnaby]

Oh ffs, WE DON'T DISAGREE WITH YOUR LIFESTYLE. We disagree with you using the words 'superior' and 'serve'. We don't give a shit if you suck cock for a living, we disagree with you saying it's your duty to serve him because he's superior to you. You saying "I'm superior at cleaning" and "He's superior at working" doesn't even make any sense because the two do not go together, that would just mean you're equal to one another and one of you is just better at something than the other person is.
Do you get it yet? Because it's like we are talking to are brick wall. You can choose whatever lifestyle you like but saying it's your duty to serve because he is superior means that you're saying ALL woman should serve their husband because ALL men are superior. Stop with the superior shit and move on.

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[Yue195]

So since when does using the wrong wording mean I have to be attacked? Lol.
If you don't agree with my lifestyle, don't live it.
I support women who do housework, I support men who do. I support stay at home moms or dads. I support working moms or dads.
But that's not my relationship. I mean yes we both work, but he works more. He's in the oilfield. Sometimes he's only home for one day a month. Is it fair for him to have to do laundry, and things around the house I can't do (heavy lifting, fixing things ect)
Why shouldn't I do his laundry for him? Or cook for him for that ONE day? Why is that so bad?


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I think that is really reasonable. And I'm just guessing here but I also assume that with combination of medication and doing tasks ( cooking and cleaning) it keeps your mind busy and your body busy so your bi-polar is under control and it makes your relationship happy.

Living with someone with a mental illness is hard for everyone. Finding the right combo to keep it under control is harder but if this works for you, I really don't see the problem other than the wording.

[missy-1010]

So since when does using the wrong wording mean I have to be attacked? Lol.
If you don't agree with my lifestyle, don't live it.
I support women who do housework, I support men who do. I support stay at home moms or dads. I support working moms or dads.
But that's not my relationship. I mean yes we both work, but he works more. He's in the oilfield. Sometimes he's only home for one day a month. Is it fair for him to have to do laundry, and things around the house I can't do (heavy lifting, fixing things ect)
Why shouldn't I do his laundry for him? Or cook for him for that ONE day? Why is that so bad?


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I think that is really reasonable. And I'm just guessing here but I also assume that with combination of medication and doing tasks ( cooking and cleaning) it keeps your mind busy and your body busy so your bi-polar is under control and it makes your relationship happy.

Living with someone with a mental illness is hard for everyone. Finding the right combo to keep it under control is harder but if this works for you, I really don't see the problem other than the wording.

That's very true. Thank you


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[babyfox]

My biggest issue with this is the idea that your kids will make their own independent decisions about their future relationship dynamics. They will be heavily influenced by the environment they are raised in for 18 years. It doesn't matter if you tell them that they don't have to be in a relationship where the man is superior, but that is what they will have been exposed to for their entire lives and it will be impossible for them to have a completely neutral opinion. It's more likely than not that your daughters will grow up believing they are inferior to men and it is their duty to serve them, and your sons will likely grow up to believe that they are superior to women and that women exist to serve them. I'm not saying that to be a jerk, I'm just saying that's probably what will end up happening. I fully support relationship dynamics where one person works and the other stays home and takes care of the household duties/children, but the one working should never be considered "superior" to the one who stays home (or the other way around, for that matter). It's wrong no matter how you spin it.