Phil and Alex | Part 1

Unread post by **eab424** » Sun Apr 09, 2017 8:45 pm

I didn't see a place for them and I thought I'd start a thread for them. They are a couple I'm guessing in their 30s. They've had some infertile issues (Phil) and have adopted two children. I watch them sparingly because like most YouTube families they can be a little much sometimes. Like when they're doing a "what not to say to adoptive parents" Alex kept making this dramatic face and like the person who asked the offending question or said something slightly off that they didn't like was the worst thing anyone could've ever said to them.

They took down a number of their adoption videos because they said one of their birth moms was feeling uncomfortable or receiving not so nice comments. Alex seems very dramatic and that can be very annoying.

Their last child isn't even 1 year yet and they're doing IVF. They take the girls to all their appointments. As someone who has suffered from IF issues for years and like many in the IF community also loss, I felt this was very inconsiderate because it's very hard to be at those appointments and see babies there. Especially a couple with 2 under 3. Most clinics when you bring babies by (to thank staff) they have you come in when they don't have patients or through a side door.

At one point in the videos she had the youngest one strapped to her in a baby carrier while she had a vaginal exam done.

Unread post by **blackroses** » Mon Apr 10, 2017 6:16 am

I've wanted to make a thread for so long!!! I'm so glad someone watches them too.

Unread post by **blackroses** » Mon Apr 10, 2017 6:18 am

Overall I really like them but they tend to be too much and a little over dramatic, I also think doing the IVF now is a little ridiculous but if they have the money they can do whatever they want. I like them though they seem like genuinely nice people and good parents

Unread post by **eab424** » Mon Apr 10, 2017 11:37 am

blackroses wrote:Overall I really like them but they tend to be too much and a little over dramatic, I also think doing the IVF now is a little ridiculous but if they have the money they can do whatever they want. I like them though they seem like genuinely nice people and good parents

I agree. It's the overly dramatic thing. That's the reason I can only take them a little dose at a time. Did anyone see the video "what not to say to an adoptive parent"? That's the video that got me. Just how she was over the cliff dramatic just made me want to turn the video off. Honestly I could easily take those comments. They honestly have it so easy it doesn't appear they went through IF so long when they got the first baby. Most people wait years. Personally I would've done IVF first and just being the person that I am I feel like there are so many people waiting where adoption is their only gift for a family and their still waiting it just doesn't feel right.

I'm glad there are some clinics who know and have an understanding for their other patients and ask that they not bring their older children.

Unread post by **blackroses** » Mon Apr 10, 2017 12:05 pm

I didn't watch it because I was introduced to them through a friend and she told me not to watch the video because she knows it would've irritated me. I know kinsley was just a random last second surprise and they were contacted by a viewer for Callie so I can't really hold that against them. They're lucky they were at the right place and the right time. Regardless I wish them a healthy pregnancy if they manage to get pregnant but I can totally understand why people would be upset.

Unread post by **eab424** » Tue Apr 11, 2017 12:19 am

I don't fault them for either adoption don't get me wrong. I know they had some go fund me's going on for the adoptions (I could be wrong) I just think if they were able to do IVF I would've tried that first and allowed the ones who have no hope of having biological children adopt them. I guess it's better than the great grandmother in her 70s adopting her newborn great granddaughter. We were in the running but for whatever reason they changed their minds. Something I haven't really spoke about.

Then there's the teenager whom I was her little brother's teacher a few years ago. I had him for three years and we also attend the same church. So you can say we've been close. She's 15 and pregnant. I didn't know this until I reached down and picked up my purse and I noticed her baby bump.

She's always been sweet and compassionate. During the three years I had her brother I had two stillbirths. I've also had a rough time getting pregnant. But then when she's about 25 weeks she asks me "why is it so hard to adopt" I just wanted to run. It hurt I wanted to say something. I just didn't know. So I simply said "I don't know why things happen the way they do". The question just broke my heart.

Unread post by **pirateayy07** » Tue Apr 11, 2017 2:21 pm

I have watched a few of their vids, and in general they do seem like good people and I'm very happy that they had the opportunity to adopt their 2 children. As a long time sufferer of infertility, multiple miscarriages, and many treatment cycles including 2 rounds of IVF, it made my heart smile.

I believe that at one point they did have a gfm to help with the adoption fees and such, but I don't know whether someone else set it up for them or they did it themselves.

I may be confused, but I thought I had seen a vid a long time back where they did IVF and they had frozen embryos...am I remembering this wrong or what happened with this?

Of course, if they choose to do IVF for her to have an opportunity to be pregnant and all that comes with it, more power to them.

I guess the only issue I take is that I see how viewers can become so invested in ppl and want to help them (yet again), when I'd love for that help to be given to a couple who simply cant afford to do IVF or pay for an adoption. I hope this doesn't come to fruition as I think. *partial rant* It just makes me sad thinking of those who want a child and never get the opportunity due to money being the deciding factor, versus those who can conceive naturally and be dead broke yet have resources they automatically can apply for with government assistance, no questions asked.

How did people find out who one of the birth mothers were?

Unread post by **eab424** » Wed Apr 12, 2017 11:50 am

pirateayy07 wrote:I have watched a few of their vids, and in general they do seem like good people and I'm very happy that they had the opportunity to adopt their 2 children. As a long time sufferer of infertility, multiple miscarriages, and many treatment cycles including 2 rounds of IVF, it made my heart smile.

I believe that at one point they did have a gfm to help with the adoption fees and such, but I don't know whether someone else set it up for them or they did it themselves.

I may be confused, but I thought I had seen a vid a long time back where they did IVF and they had frozen embryos...am I remembering this wrong or what happened with this?

Of course, if they choose to do IVF for her to have an opportunity to be pregnant and all that comes with it, more power to them.

I guess the only issue I take is that I see how viewers can become so invested in ppl and want to help them (yet again), when I'd love for that help to be given to a couple who simply cant afford to do IVF or pay for an adoption. I hope this doesn't come to fruition as I think. *partial rant* It just makes me sad thinking of those who want a child and never get the opportunity due to money being the deciding factor, versus those who can conceive naturally and be dead broke yet have resources they automatically can apply for with government assistance, no questions asked.

How did people find out who one of the birth mothers were?

I have no idea how someone found out who one of the birth moms were or if they were just saying mean things about them, which I would not condone.

I could write a book about those who have kids who cannot properly care for them financially, physically, mentally or even socially. It's a slap in the face all the time.

I'm glad Phil and Alex have the girls don't get me wrong. I even heard of them talking about how people told them they should have entered into the IVF contest thing Ellie and Jared were running. Um seriously again you have two kids already. I think though they even admitted they were more blessed than the people who did enter so I think they knew that would make them look bad if they did.

IDK about the video about IVF. I know they're talking about doing a natural cycle IVF which means no drugs and they'll implant it at the right time in her cycle so I think perhaps they did IVF to make embryos previously otherwise this wouldn't be an option for them.

I think it was the "what not to say" adoption video that turned me off from them though. I cannot stand overly dramatic people. And Alex was being off the charts in that video. If I were in their shoes I'd be so happy after 11 years of IF issues and two stillbirths I wouldn't waste my time on the negative and I'd be so thrilled my suffering had ended.

Unread post by **pirateayy07** » Wed Apr 12, 2017 2:51 pm

Eab424

Oh, so they did do IVF previously then and now they're planning to do a FET with a natural cycle? I knew I wasn't in a twilight zone when I saw a vid of them sitting in the car discussing having blasts to freeze...

I need to catch up at some point on vids. I dont recall if I saw their vid about what not to say to IF ppl.

Yeah I agree, if he was being OTT, it will rub ppl the wrong way. I think I saw someone under a recent vid even encouraging other viewers to start a gfm to help in their current journey...

Unread post by **eab424** » Sat Apr 15, 2017 12:54 am

pirateayy07 wrote:Eab424

Oh, so they did do IVF previously then and now they're planning to do a FET with a natural cycle? I knew I wasn't in a twilight zone when I saw a vid of them sitting in the car discussing having blasts to freeze...

I need to catch up at some point on vids. I dont recall if I saw their vid about what not to say to IF ppl.

Yeah I agree, if he was being OTT, it will rub ppl the wrong way. I think I saw someone under a recent vid even encouraging other viewers to start a gfm to help in their current journey...

I can see this going somewhere eventually. I know they want a large family... But honestly their more blessed than others. I don't know the exact time they spent suffering with IF but I don't think it really has been that long. I was 24 when I started ttc. I'll be 36 in 9 days. I did get pregnant but I lost both my son and daughter. I hear the "at least you got pregnant" lines and I just say and I ended up at the funeral home at the end there's no "at least" for me. It just hurts so bad. Insurance should cover IF costs. In most states it doesn't. In the time I've been ttc I've watched so many family and friends start and complete their families.

Just don't watch the video "what not to say to an adoptive family" Alex is over the top dramatic making absurd facial expressions throughout. It would be one thing if she had made it a few times. But it was too much. My brother who was adopted thought it was silly the questions they were offended by. Each time Phil was like "we know you guys didn't mean it like this but" ok you know they don't mean it that way so why take offense?

Unread post by **pirateayy07** » Sat Apr 15, 2017 4:38 am

Yeah that's true. And I agree wholeheartedly it should be covered by insurance. We've been ttc since 08'.

I'll be eager to see how this all pans out for them.

Unread post by **blackroses** » Sat Apr 15, 2017 7:45 am

I've been lucky enough not to have any fertility issues but I do know what it's like to lose a baby and I'm really sorry I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you.

Unread post by **smom12** » Sat Apr 15, 2017 8:04 am

This popped up on my feed and I don't know who this couple is but I just want to give hugs to you all who have suffered a loss/ttc for awhile. I can't imagine.

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Unread post by **dfjhazy** » Wed Apr 19, 2017 5:49 pm

So glad to see a thread on these two. I can't quite figure them out. Are they truly genuine or just too overboard on everything as a few of you mention above. I think they are incredibly lucky and not sure they realize it either. Also, hope this doesn't come off the wrong way but if I didn't know he was married to Alex and just met him I would 100% think Phil was gay. Any thoughts on what this big project/class is they are taking? I didn't really get the purpose of this when they were talking about it. Also have to throw in that if Alex does get pregnant she might as well ask her poor Mom to move closer as she seems incapable of watching both kids alone for extended periods of time without her Mom around.

Unread post by **blackroses** » Thu Apr 20, 2017 3:34 am

I think they're naturally insanely over the top and try to be all live and positivity, I think they're taking business courses? And maybe they want another because there's a chance they could have a boy?

Unread post by **Lennmama** » Thu Apr 20, 2017 1:35 pm

dfjhazy wrote:So glad to see a thread on these two. I can't quite figure them out. Are they truly genuine or just too overboard on everything as a few of you mention above. I think they are incredibly lucky and not sure they realize it either. Also, hope this doesn't come off the wrong way but if I didn't know he was married to Alex and just met him I would 100% think Phil was gay. Any thoughts on what this big project/class is they are taking? I didn't really get the purpose of this when they were talking about it. Also have to throw in that if Alex does get pregnant she might as well ask her poor Mom to move closer as she seems incapable of watching both kids alone for extended periods of time without her Mom around.

I think the class has something to do with the business/non-profit they're starting? I don't know...I don't watch every vlog.

I don't usually comment on these forums (long-time lurker), but I agree. Can't figure this couple out. Phil's exuberance is sometimes hard to take. I think they're sweet and well-meaning, but the more I watch, the more I question their genuineness.

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Unread post by **eab424** » Fri Apr 21, 2017 11:25 pm

blackroses wrote:I've been lucky enough not to have any fertility issues but I do know what it's like to lose a baby and I'm really sorry I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you.

Thank you that's so sweet of you. My daughter was the second baby I lost she would've turned 6 next month. My son would be 8 in October.

Unread post by **eab424** » Sat Apr 22, 2017 12:34 am

dfjhazy wrote:So glad to see a thread on these two. I can't quite figure them out. Are they truly genuine or just too overboard on everything as a few of you mention above. I think they are incredibly lucky and not sure they realize it either. Also, hope this doesn't come off the wrong way but if I didn't know he was married to Alex and just met him I would 100% think Phil was gay. Any thoughts on what this big project/class is they are taking? I didn't really get the purpose of this when they were talking about it. Also have to throw in that if Alex does get pregnant she might as well ask her poor Mom to move closer as she seems incapable of watching both kids alone for extended periods of time without her Mom around.

I have watched several videos. Some Alex seemed likeable but in the video they made about what not to say to adoptive parents just struck me. They repeatedly kept saying "we know you guys are well meaning" or something to that effect but Alex seemed overly dramatic in a bad way. It's like honestly all of those things are really not a big deal.

And like many adoptive/IVF families they have their hands out via go fund me.

They remind me of another adoptive IVF family that seems to be in every magazine online article I've looked at. She's only 28 and already is the mother of 6 kids. 4 are adopted and the youngest two are via IVF. A friend contacted her about adopting the youngest set. A short time later she contacted her about the oldest set. Sometime in all this they did IVF. All the twins have the same birthday.

It's what they said about the go fund me that really annoyed me. They are requesting $15,000 of the 18,000 they need. They said they wanted to pay for part of it. Like seriously a very small part. And if you knew you'd have adoption fees but you go and do IVF during that time, already having 4 kids under 4. That's just insane.

To top it off they do not have the fathers consent for the adoption which if anyone plans on adopting in the future this is a red flag because he can come back at any time and say I want to excersise my parental rights if they have not been terminated by the court.

He's a CPA and they make good money. My husband is a business consultant and accounting is one of the business services he offers. If we wanted to do that we would not have a go fund me for it.

I'm not sure what Alex and Phil have paid for but I'm put off that they have a go fund me for either the adoptions or the IVF.

Unread post by **pirateayy07** » Sat Apr 22, 2017 2:25 pm

Eab424, yeah I can completely relate to that point of view. I'm still just weirded out because with embryos on freeze, FET's are no way near as expensive as IVF. Everyone's protocols are a little different with regard to the meds, but seriously a couple grand for the procedure, (thawing, prep, u/s transfer, labs) and you're good to go.

I hate to sound judgemental about it, but I feel like this couple is much better off financially than we are, and even my husband and I weren't comfortable with letting anyone start a GFM for us, for either round of IVF we did, or other medicated cycles. We were determined to find a way.

In a way I do feel like I could be missing something with these two. And that Father's rights issue is sort of scary when I think about it. I'm sure there may be certain legal safeguards in adoptions for the new parents, but it definitely could be something that turns into a shit storm!

Unread post by **eab424** » Sat Apr 22, 2017 10:17 pm

pirateayy07 wrote:Eab424, yeah I can completely relate to that point of view. I'm still just weirded out because with embryos on freeze, FET's are no way near as expensive as IVF. Everyone's protocols are a little different with regard to the meds, but seriously a couple grand for the procedure, (thawing, prep, u/s transfer, labs) and you're good to go.

I hate to sound judgemental about it, but I feel like this couple is much better off financially than we are, and even my husband and I weren't comfortable with letting anyone start a GFM for us, for either round of IVF we did, or other medicated cycles. We were determined to find a way.

In a way I do feel like I could be missing something with these two. And that Father's rights issue is sort of scary when I think about it. I'm sure there may be certain legal safeguards in adoptions for the new parents, but it definitely could be something that turns into a shit storm!

Yeah and it's the kids who suffer the most. Granted laws need to change perhaps. To me it should be the children's best interest should be paramount to the bio and adoptive parents.

The couple actually started the go fund me themselves and also have an account with a site for adoptive parents that's sort of like go fund me. I can't remember the name but it focuses on families who are adopting. When I checked both sites, the day the article was posted on people, and they were so close to their goal within a thousand dollars. I'm just always put off by families like this.

Phil and Alex | Part 1

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