I feel you dude. I'm sorry. I went through a similar situation. My mum absolutely lights up when she talks about how people used to stop her in the supermarket to tell her what a gorgeous baby I was. But the way she always tells the story is very much all about her. Pretty much as soon as I was old enough to talk back (oh and I did) the house became a pretty abusive and unsafe place. I'm really grateful to be in therapy now, and in much less contact with my mother. I'm glad that you're in therapy too! This might not suit you, but there's this subreddit for children of narcissistic parents. It's reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists. I've found it very very helpful.sondraK wrote: ↑Mon Mar 08, 2021 6:39 pmThx,I've been to therapy,and am in group therapy now.IVFwarrior wrote: ↑Fri Mar 05, 2021 9:54 pmI'm really sorry you went through this. It must be horrible. And it's why Alex makes me SO angry.sondraK wrote: ↑Fri Mar 05, 2021 9:24 pm
That's exactly it.My mom was a narc,and life was all about what we could do for HER,and how we could make HER look good. It was never about what she could do for us,as a parent.You described that perfectly.
My mom also used to triangulate,as we got older,so I hope Alex somehow avoids that behavior,but I'm not counting on it.My parents also did the golden child/scapegoat syndrome with us,which really stinks.I was the scapegoat.Again,I hope this isn't something that is done to the kids at all
Sadly, I do think she'll discard the objects/children when they no longer benefit her. It's the same in the car analogy I gave - the guy will sell the car and stop loving it as soon as it gets dirty and scratched up and no longer makes him feel important, rich and special. Alex will treat her kids the same way. In fact, she already is. As soon as they grow a little, or stop breastfeeding, they no longer fulfil her needs. She needs to move on to the next baby. Callie has looked miserable for years already. I'm sure she's already been catergorised as the difficult child, and is being treated as such by her parents.
Youtube is a dangerous place for narcs. The world of family vlogging is literally designed for them and it feeds their "habit". Alex has thousands of fans at her fingertips that gush about how great she is, fuelling her sense of self-importance. They then reward her financially for all the things she races after at the expense of others - pregnancy, breastfeeding, childbirth.
She makes me angry,too.
My mom only had use for me when I was a cute little baby and toddler.Once I got older she ignored me,and by the time I was a teen,she'd completely discarded me.And I hope I'm wrong,and I don't think I'm projecting,but it won't surprise me if this is the direction Alex is headed in.Phil just enables her as well.
Again,I hope I'm wrong
Something that really stands out to me with Alex is her moods. Clearly she has some pretty intense bad moods, and I get the impression that everybody is very much walking on eggshells around her. That's tough for the kids, they are probably well into the process of learning how to prevent mommy from losing her fucking mind. That breaks my heart to think about. That's an incredibly stressful state to live in.
The thing with narc parents that people might not understand if they haven't gotten familiar with this family dynamic, is that they're very good at hiding their true nature from the outside world. Only their direct family are really subjected to the true extent of it. The family is also brainwashed to keep it secret.
"Mommy is just having a bad day sweetheart." "Mommy is just tired/hungry/sad." Followed by making you believe your abuse is justified punishment due to your bad behaviour, and you don't want to tell anybody because then they will know how bad you are. They might appeal to your loving sensitive side. They might drive fear into you, making you think you'll be abandoned if you rock the boat too much. They'll make you think that if you're good, it'll all just go back to normal and it won't happen again.
But as far as the outside world is concerned, often people will have no idea how badly people are treated in private. It's all kept wrapped up with mind games and manipulation, and this carefully curated image. I get big time vibes of this from Alex. She is definitely very controlling in that department. However the mask slips a bit every now and then, and you can see it. That's either because she sucks at effective manipulation, or things are actually much worse than we realise. I hope for the kids sake, it's not that.
